Staying Positive, Taking Care of our selves is the hardest thing to do

Jennifer - posted on 11/06/2009 ( 15 moms have responded )

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Hi All,
I am going through a lot personally right now. Not to go into it all, but I ll give you a quick summary, both my children have ended up in Early Intervention, and my dad is back having chemo for bone cancer.
Im bipolar and have been through med changes as well. My plate is full.
But I am choosing not to let my emotions get the best of me. Hard at times Yes, but not impossible.
I choose to be happy and in the moment.
I choose to keep my self busy with my kids so that I can block out my worry.
I choose to get to bed early so that I get good rest.
Life can be so cruel, and I don't post this to mock at all.
I am just simply saying that being in the moment and living each day to its fullest helps.
I have days where I sleep a lot when the husband is home, my home is a mess most days, I take my dad to and from treatment where I see him decrease in energy and strength each time, I battle Bi polar, and I have therapists tell me each week how my children dont measure up to other children their age.
But for now at least I am staying positive, it is my choice. Im not looking into the future. Im taking each day as it comes.
I look into the mirror every morning and tell myself that I love me.
And I simply do the best I can and dont beat myself up for the rest
Thinking of all of you.
I like to share my positive as well as my dark.
May smiles sunshine and rainbows touch all of you even if it is just a fluttering moment today.
Be well

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Dawn - posted on 12/16/2009

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Good morning Jennifer:
I do understand what you are going through as I have depression ptsd etc. I have also overcome a five year bout of loving beer lol. I just lost my mother 3 years ago and I know things are hard sweetie. You have the right idea wen you are talking about sou rounding yourself with your children and seeking positive input because aswe know our input becomes our output. Just wanted to share something with you... I was depressed Sunday and I had a complete epiphany and moment of clarity. What crossed my mind was how people like me seem to be addicted to the pain of depression. I feel this of course causes other physical addictions including lying i bed and suffering. Please consider writing to me on yahoo. I would love to be there for you as you can for me. I live in a very small town and I am from Los Angeles so I have learned the nifty little trick of isolation. Please consider reaching one more inch and take my hand as I ask this not only for you but me too.
Thanks
Dawn

Barbara - posted on 11/13/2009

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What everyone else said......Now, I want to applaud you for how hard you are working! When I read 'I have therapists tell me each week how my children dont measure up to other children their age." I felt angry and frustrated..mostly for you but a bit for me also. Therapists I *thought* should know better than to measure individual kids against a group shame on them! You have your head on straight go look,it is!

I am 56, bipolar,PTSD,panic,anger etc currently starting that wonderful SSI and SSD maze, if I wasn't nuts before, sure am now .

I take my meds as best as I can remember, yes I use a med box too. Sleep is better now most nights. I remember to eat fruit and walk out of situations I can't deal with. These are mostly fights with the 2 teenage nephews living here 17 and 16 their mom, my sister died 4 years ago, their dad is in Ohio ill...so we struggle with anger and resentment daily. California, sure is the land of nuts, at least in my lil corner.

Everyone....nice to meet you :) hang in there and hope to chat soon!

Tammy - posted on 11/11/2009

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Thank you for sharing. You're doing a great job with such a positve attitude!!

Blessings to you. ~Tammy

Sara - posted on 11/09/2009

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Thank you for sharing that Jennifer. I am sorry for what you are going thru... there is no easy way to make it all magically better, and I am proud of what you say you are doing. It is much better than i could do. May peace be with you every day, and my God hold you and your family close to him.

Susan - posted on 11/07/2009

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thank you for the fluttering moment of smiles, sunshine and rainbows your post brought today . . . at this point, "positive" means striving to move forward and trusting that things will eventually get somewhat better as I continue to make the effort to heal. sometimes that's all i have the emotional strength for. I pray my children will come through all of this with as little baggage as possible (relatively speaking!). I hope this sounds positive, it is positive considering the stuff I'm dealing with, LOL. :)

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Jaimee - posted on 08/10/2010

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I am so sorry that I did not read this sooner. I don't get on here much. I have been going to school online and have to say other things have been going on in my life lately. I am not with my children and the ex anymore. I have moved away from my children. I do see them and communicate with them... I wait daily for the time to be able to have them live with me. I miss them terribly. I have had two deaths in my family the past few months. I am still working and making more money since I moved. I have a new man in my life as well.
How is your dad?

Jennifer - posted on 04/21/2010

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Kristie,
Strange that you should ask today. My brother was having suicidal ideations and I had to decide to have him committed involuntarily or what. We decided to go to his psychiatrist together. It was the best that I could do, because having him taken out of his home involuntarily by the police and knowing he wouldn't go down with out a fight would have hurt my delicate psyche to the point to where I may have had to been hopsitalized.
So I am staying positive daily. I turn negatives into positive even when their aren't ones that you can think of readily. I ask myself why going through this situation could lead to positive growth in my life and it is working.
I still beat myself up, but I am learning to accept myself more and more every day and let things be what they will be.
I have also gotten a psycologist which I have had from time to time in the past , but it never worked out before. But I went into my therapy full throttle so that I can remain stable.
I am not on a mood stabilizer now and have to pat myself on the back for coming back to balance on my own and not letting my emotions control my every move. I now think before I react.
This is because I have two children now that depend on me, and also because I have spent the last 10 years in depth studying my disease and how it affects me.
I don't want to if I can help it affect my loved ones unneceraily bc Im havig a bad day.
Most days I suceed.
My dad is still battling Caner. It sucks but I have acceptance. (most days). My brother is battling both mental illness med changes and a wicked ass divorce that has tested me in ways that I am sure that I have never been challenged before. I have had temper outburst that I havent had since I was first diagnosed when I was 19.
But being older and wiser I know that I need to find positive healthy outlets for this and I am finding them little by little and one by one.
I have found reading spirituality books, self help books, joining artisic clubs, taking time for myself and not feeling quilty at all about it helps.
Also the spring and nice weather fuels me to do better each and every day. I take this disease as seriously as a diabetic takes their insulin.
So while I am challenged, I am ok. And I know that with all of this their is room for growth, new chapters to be held and a light at the end of all tunnels.
I still require extra sleep sometimes and with open communication with my husband he is being very supportive.
My home still looks as it has been burglarized most days but Im getting ok with that. I have a one and two year old and Im going to have to be ok with that for a while...Also when support is offered I take it.
and i am establishing healthy boundaries with the takers in my life...No I cant make a cake for Saturday for the party, but I can buy xyz...No Im sorry I would love to come to your baby shower but I will send a gift, I have to take some time for myself and I cannot wait to see the pictures.
Society will not define my world anymore. I define it along with my husband and family. I have taken my power back and am doing well for today.
I feel like if I can make it just for Today or just for this moment, then I am good.

So sending you smiles, sunshine and Rainbows to you and yours. I hope that this not finds you well and Keep on Keeping on Sister...there are no limits to what we can achieve if we just believe.
Sincerely,
Jenn
B well.

Kirstie - posted on 04/21/2010

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Hi Jennifer
I just read your post, its few months old now and i'm not sure what lead me to it. Your closing phrase about sunshine and rainbows made me send a hello, this is something i often wish to others and haven't heard someone else use in the same way. How are things in your life? It sounds like you have so much going on.

Jennifer - posted on 03/22/2010

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You know employers aren't allowed to throw disabilities in the face of their workers. Give me a for instance and I will get you some help, and to all of the other responders, I may be slow but I am thankful for all you your posts and soon will reply.
Getting and staying positive is hard, but doable.
Good luck all and Ill chat when I have more time
B well.

Nicole - posted on 03/22/2010

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Thank you for sharing at least I know that I am not alone in the mental health struggle. Facing similar challenges in life. What do you do when your employer uses your illness as a weapon against you in the workplace? How do you cope. I am heartbroken, torn, insecure and feeling betrayed.

Tracey - posted on 11/24/2009

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Hello to everyone again,



I've never been diagnosed with any of the labels that some of you have. But with or without a diagnosis I've been to h__ and back and I can relate to many of the things you speak of. Like looking after a fatally ill family member while trying to work and raise kids or battling with extremely defiant children that don't want to co-operate and follow household rules. All of this while constantly coping with your own health issues. For me, I have an uncontrolled convulsive seizure disorder. And my kids, when they were younger, of course never considered the fact that all of their troubles (including drugs, police, court, jail) all added a devastating amount of stress on mom and dad, especially with my epilepsy. My seizures were a lot worse through those years due to increased worry, depression, and complete upset. I had already lost my job because I was too ill to stay working. And since I contributed a decent amount to our household it was a huge adjustment; my husband started working all the time to try and compensate. And it felt like no matter what we tried, nothing was making anything better. At one point it even started taking it's toll on my husband and I as well; we were both getting tired. But we survived it. All 3 of our kids live on their own now, they work, one's married and we have 2 grandchildren. My husband and I have our lives back. I stay at home due to my epilepsy and I've been a homemaker for 11 years now, so we've adjusted pretty good. Also I've spent a lot of those years doing volunteer work, helping those dealing with epilepsy, like myself. Overall things are going in a lot more positive direction. Sometimes it takes a lot of perserverance. Believe me I know what it's like to feel overwhelmed and feel really down sometimes...but all of you can get through anything and you will!



The sun will always shine again!

Best to you all, take care,



Sincerely,

Tracey Alderson, Administrator, Epilepsy Awareness 2009

Barbara - posted on 11/24/2009

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Hi again :)

You mentioned you have a growing preemie who is a bit late on milestones. Hmmm..I am lucky i live in California and we have many free services. Have you tried Easter Seals in your area? Just a thought, some preemies are just a bit late and some need extra help. Places like Easter Seals, etc are experienced in this .
So, how is your week? Are you out of your mind yet with holiday preparations or having a low key day? We are doing very low key here, I could make the meal I want,*singing memories..la la la* but no one would appreciate it here. It's tough to let go of old family traditions even when those days were full of so much bad stuff. Seems to me the celebrations and rituals were the only happy things I carry with me from my childhood, how bout any of you reading this?
I am sitting here with my stomach in knots, shaking all clonipined up stressing bout getting the tree up, baking cookies etc while fighting the family bout daily garbage. It's tough to live at my sister's with a bed in the dining room and basically be the maid/mom if I want anything cleaned at all. Sister has bad fibro and back injury, other one works and won't do spit, and the two teens are useless, one of them is defiant screaming curse words several times a week at me.
I am in the process of SSI etc and it is daunting, but it beats living in my car, yes?
OK, enough whining.....the stars are lovely tonight, there will be a blue moon this month (that's 2 full moons in a month) and my puter works, life isn't that bad
Someone take the shingle pain from my right eye and I'll be right as rain!
So, take care to all, gobble gobble..eat too much and have some pie for me!
Hugs,
Barb

Jennifer - posted on 11/16/2009

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Hi Barbara,
LOL, i like the humor u put into your statements. After all if we don't laugh about it, although i know it is not funny AT all, then what do we have.
I know I am learning more and more that Preemies and Therapist and Dr's dont know a whole lot. Oh they can treat the common cold, but when it comes to why Molly isnt walking, I could take her to therapist after therapist, get some work done and they will all tell me something different about the development of MY children.
So hard as it is I hold my tongue and AM learning to take what i need from their convo and Leave the rest.

Tracey - posted on 11/06/2009

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Dear Jennifer,



My heart goes out to you. I don't know what it's like to battle a bipolar disorder but I do know what it's like to battle an uncontrolled seizure disorder. So I hear you loud and clear. Life is a constant challenge and can sometimes be a vicious chore. I have found, for me, that it took reaching a place of true personal acceptance to be able to spend more days freely feeling positve and happy rather than negative (or down). And although feeling more positive about things doesn't solve my problems I now have a lot more strength to deal with any of the negative issues that come along. So stay positive. You have an awesome attitude and outlook towards your situation. I hope you have a strong emotional support (husband, friends). I have great friends and my husband is my best friend of over 21 years. And with all we have been through raising kids and dealing with health and life issues, I don't believe we could have made it if it wasn't for how strong we started out. Now we have two grandchildren - so trust me, there is much to look forward to.



Take care and smile,



Yours Truly,

Tracey Alderson, Administrator, Epilepsy Awareness 2009

[deleted account]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts Jennifer.

You're right, life can be really hard. Med changes definitely do a number on a person. I know from my own experiences. I have depression, social anxiety disorder, P.T.S.D., etc. It's hard to have a mental illness.

However, to live each day in the "now" is the best and only thing there is.

Sometimes we have our dark moments, but they pass. Our children bring the light back to us and ground us. Thank goodness for them. And they have so much to teach us about collecting that light and love.

I'm working on trying not to beat myself up so much and I'm getting a little better as I go. This has a large effect on my daughter and her self-esteem too at the age of 6. She picks up on emotions so easily. Things are getting better.

Positive energy is in all of us. It's up to us to find it and capture it and to hold onto it. We have feelings and we can hold onto them or let them go.

You have a great attitude and living in the now is certainly the best thing to do. My daughter has even caught onto that one. We fret a lot less than we did even a month ago. We do our best too. That's all we can do.

Thank you so much for your affirmations. Your honesty about your life and how you live it inspired me today. You are a very good person. Keep doing what you're doing!

Smiles and love and happiness to you, Jennifer, and all of you parents out there!

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