Ashley - posted on 05/06/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )
Hubby is AF. Together almost 5 years, married for 2. He is on remote tour until Jan 2013. We were planning my 6 week trip to visit him and 13 days prior to my trip he called telling me he wants a divorce. 100% of out the blue. We had some struggles late 2011 but we agreed Divorce was not an option and to start fresh in 2013 when he came home.
I still flew out to him (the tix was already paid for) against his wishes. He sent me home 3 days later saying he needed time and space. He loves me but isn't "in love" anymore.
He had PTSD and depression, both diagnosed in 2011 but after 3 visits MH cleared him. He just informed me that he volunteered for this tour to "get away from everything" He says he realizes that all he does is run, so he isn't going to do it anymore (which I find wierd because divorce is running isn't it).
He showed up at our home 2 weeks ago unannounced with a moving truck and put all of his stuff in storage and hired an attorney. He said the attorney was for "standby only" whatever that means.
When he came to move his stuff he stayed and talked for 8 hours and just couldn't do it, but refused to take divorce off the table. He said he was afraid of falling into the same old routine and that he had no faith in himself to prevent it.
Since this all happened, I have discovered there have been numerous lies including now. He is telling everyone I am verbally abusive, manipulating, controlling, and not a good person...My only comfort is I know I am not.
This is his 1st remote but he has 8 deployments and countless TDYs prior. This was #5 as a couple.
He swears he isn't depressed anymore and he is thinking clearly...he blames me for the depression and ptsd stating if I ever since I brought it up he has blamed himself for 100% of our problems. Now he doesn't believe he even had it (i have emails from him documenting the behavior change) eventhough 2 different drs diagnosed it.
I can't tell he is really out of the depression or just sunk that much further into it. His family has stopped all communication with me and I have not spoken to him since the day he moved out. I believe he is back in the other country.
I want to fight for our marriage. I realize I could find someone else who deserves me but that was not the vow I took. I said for better or for worse, so please don't tell me to leave him.
If you have any ideas or similiar solutions, please let me know.
PS- We don't have children, I used my dog so I could join this group, so there is nothing tying him to me.
PPS- His follow on orders are back here to home, but he told me he is going to try to PCS elsewhere. Does anyone know how difficult that will be to change seeing the orders to return here have already dropped?