dealing with your husband being gone alot
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Nicole - posted on 03/04/2011
my husband ended up missing most of the first three years of our daughters life... he did two combat deployments and spent countless months away training. It was hard. He left when she was about a week old and then the constant deploying and training routine started.
Good friends... no, GREAT friends, is how I got through. I found other moms to hang out with and even when my daughter was a newborn, we did the whole playdate thing (like that chips commercial! haha) where us moms would just relax together and the babies could all just chill. Since then, I've made many more mom friends and as my daughter grew. But as a newborn, I took lots and lots of pictures for her so her daddy could at least see her grow.... she was almost 1 the next time he saw her, so the whole deployment I made a "daddy book" for her... a little teething picture book with all pictures of daddy, and I constantly told her that this is daddy and that we love him and we miss him and when we see him again we give him big hugs and kisses!! And I kept him as updated as I could with the limited communication on what she was doing, when she ate solids, when she ate table food, when she got her first tooth, when she used sippy cups, when she rolled over, when she first smiled, all those "firsts" I made sure to keep him connected. And he missed her first Christmas and her baptism and all that so I made sure he had lots of pictures. At homecoming, he came home and picked her up and I know she was partly excited because of all the excitement going on around her, but she looks at him and grabs his face and goes "dadada!!!" and my friend that was there to take pictures just burst into tears that she remembered her daddy lol. It was wonderful.
But stay busy, make friends, make projects... oh! And dont feel bad for needing "time off" from being a mom! Its hard when you're the only one to do everything so there is nothing wrong with getting a couple hours to yourself!! And one thing I learned, with raising our daughter by myself, is she is going to cry!!!! It doesnt hurt her to cry. When my husband was gone, I remember one night in particular, she was crying and I had had no sleep since she was born and she didnt want a bottle or her diaper changed or gas and so I left her in her bassinet and stepped outside and cried lol. It definitely doesnt hurt them to have to cry for a little bit when you feel like its getting to be too much! After I cried, I went back in, swaddled her, and had the patience to hold her like she wanted. Take it slow. good luck! And I agree... I thought it was tough raising a newborn alone... it was much easier when she was that little and her dad was gone rather than when she became a toddler and she knew dad was gone! good luck.
Chelle - posted on 10/13/2009
Yeah I have to agree with everyone else!
My hubby went out to the outer isles when my son was first born. As soon as I was better and my stitches had healed I got a job working in the hive part-time which was great because he was with me in the travel cot.
Also to earn some money from being at home I ironed for a while, which was great because it kept me busy, and i got to be with Samuel as well. But, don't over do it!
Remember you can be extremely tired on your own with a new baby, and having a new born, the house work, and other things can burn you out. So take it easy.
Sean still goes away a lot out to Afghan etc, and my kids are a lot older now, but, i'm now kept busy by being a full time mum of three now, and a full time childminder.
Also, I agree with the other mums, about keeping him notified about your baby's progress, the kids and I make boxes for him with their pictures, letter, etc. to keep him updated on their progress.
If you're feeling down or depressed and think you can't cope there's always SSAFA too, they are fab!
I know because I'm speaking from experience, they were amazing when we were posted out to Cyprus!
I hope all that helps at least a little, if you need a friend, then don't hesitate to add me! x :0)
Kwala - posted on 10/12/2009
It is definitely hard being by yourself with a new baby! Like everyone else said, stay busy. Join a playgroup or volunteer. Both are a great way to get out of the house and meet people. I don't know what I would have done without my playgroup. If your hubby has access to email, make sure to tell him all the cute and fun things the baby is doing, that way he'll still feel connected to your family and send him lots of pics of you and the baby. Good luck and I hope he gets home soon!
Jennifer - posted on 10/10/2009
My husband has been gone a lot since we married. We were married in 05 and 4 days after our marriage he left for 3 months. Then I got to Va with him and the 1st year he was gone 256 days then when my daughter was born he was home for a little and then when she was 8 months he left for a deployment plus varies others in that year so he was gone 305 days lol Then 3rd year 175 days then 4th was in dry doc YAY lol Its tough but a support system is your best bet. Whether its other wives or family. I visited my family often and did lots of fun things with my daughter which helped me a lot. Good luck!
When my hubby was gone i lamenated a 10 by 1 pic and my daughter carried it around ALL day long fed him kissed him and huged him it was so cute and she knew where daddy was and who he was.
Melindia - posted on 10/06/2009
I have children from a previous marriage, although my husband will say they're his, he missed the baby stuff. However, I had a friend that her husband was Army and we she had her 3rd, she had huge pictures of her honey up all over the house, when the baby was a year old if you asked her where's daddy she would point to the pictures and she knew exactly what her daddy looked like! I thought that was really cool and inventive!
Nayaeli - posted on 10/06/2009
Hey, I know exactly how you must feel, my hubby deployed when my baby was only 3 months, it was sooo hard. Just send lots of pictures of you and your kid (s). Video Record every little thing your new baby does, so he can see when he gets back.
Tamika - posted on 10/06/2009
I would have to say stay busy because it makes the time go by quicker. My husband was Army and when he got out he went overseas as a contractor when our son was 2 months old, he was able to come home every 4 months for 10 days which wasn't much time at all. Now he is still workin overseas which is still rough and he just left on Sunday for another 4 months, so I stay busy I was working fulltime but I just went to part time our son is now in kindergarten so I'm going to go and help out at his school plus I take online classes so again stay busy.
Katy - posted on 10/06/2009
Get involved wherever you can. Volunteer on the base or at the library or at an Elementary School. Some volunteer positions will let you bring baby with you. Some on base may reimburse you for childcare. Constantly show your baby pics of Daddy & let baby hear his voice either a recording or speakerphone. Daddy Dolls are great too! Do a google search & you'll find them. Do things for yourself too, don't forget about you! Join a local Moms group, you can find one on meetup.com - stay connected with Moms who are going through the same thing as you are. There are more of us out there than you know! Good luck!
Karen - posted on 10/04/2009
I'm so sorry you have to go through this with a new baby. My hubby was away when our son was a baby too. I had a really hard time but the bonding time with him was priceless. He is now 11, going through our second deployment, we are still very close but when they are older they are aware of Daddy being gone and you have to deal with his emotions along with yours. It's much easier when they are young and don't realize Daddy's gone. Stay strong, your little one is depending on you. :-)
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