Military wives with kids prior to marriage?

Jami - posted on 10/29/2009 ( 45 moms have responded )

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I have a two year old daughter & the man I am about to marry is in the Navy and not my daughters biological daughter. He is stationed in Mississippi and after we get married I wanna with my daughter move to Mississippi with him. Can I take my daughter? Is the court going to say no? Has anybody else had to deal with this? Please help me!!

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Harley - posted on 05/09/2013

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I have a two year old daughter and i am pregnant with my fiancees baby. He is going into the military and will be moving to Virgina and i want me and the kids to go with my fiancee. My daughters father and i have 50/50 custody and i want to know what i can do to get her to come with me. But im not sure if the courts will allow her to leave with me if the father says know. The father will be moving to Colorado for aviation mechanics where he is on call. i really need help please!

Amy - posted on 08/16/2015

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I jus married a man in the military and he will be stationed in the east coast. I have a daughter by another man that now starting to see her it 2 sundays a month. She is 5 and doesn't want to see him. He has never made the effort for her until he got married. He knows I am moving but can he stop me

Kylie - posted on 04/29/2016

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Hi everyone. I'm freshly married and have a 9 month year old with another man. He hasn't been involved until recently and my husband is a marine. He's currently deployed and when he comes home, I am supposed to move with him to where he is stationed in California. I currently live in Maryland. I am also 2 months pregnant with my husbands child. I was never married to the biological dad, but I feel like he will take me to court to allow me not to move. Does anyone know if he could do that considering my husband is a marine and cannot physically move to where we are to accommodate him and I am also pregnant with his child?

Lauren - posted on 10/30/2009

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I have a two year old myself that is with an ex. My husband now is a marine. I went and got a lawyer to cover me in the case that her father would not "let" me take her because i was told if he said no i had no options, but the attorney told me that no judge if you are honest and open and have nothing to hide will deny you to move with your daughter. They are not going to separate husband and wife or mother and child. He also said that with the line of work they will not tell you you cannot go. I just had to agree to let her come to visit him and that was worked out between the two of us but some states will tell you when she has to be with him and who will be financially responsible for the trasportation

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Chelseylambo - posted on 06/19/2017

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Hey everyone,

This seems to happen to military spouses a lot and I have already went through this and I currently am going through this and still looking for all the help I can get. I'll start off with my story. Back in 2011 I had a little girl, her dad and I didn't get along and we ended up breaking up because he cheated. A few years later in 2013 I met my now husband who was military. After we got married we discovered that he would have to pcs to Germany. Her dad and I went to court for custody and since she was only 3 the judge awarded us 6 months and 6 months. At the time I was pregnant with my husbands daughter. That was in 2014. In 2016 her dad filed for full custody of her because of school. We went to court just a few months ago and the judge granted my daughters father primary custody of our daughter because my husband is in the military life and it isn't stable. This is how sad things are, from 2014- now my daughter has been told horrible things about me by her father. I couldn't understand her much until she turned 5 which was just this last year. This last year she voiced several things to me that led me to take her to the doctors. FAP got involved and there was supervision issues and reported child sexual abuse and all of this information was brought up in front of the judge. However because of it being a military system that reported it, even though the evidence was fully certified the states way, that meant nothing. All because the civilian life was more stable regurdless of what was happening in the home, and even though I am a stay at home mom, and her father works night shift because my family and his family was there that's all that mattered. My time with my daughter meant nothing to the judge.
It's really upsetting taking I see this happen to so many military spouses. We get punished for moving on to have a family we all dream about at some point in our life. Yeah all of our families and both parents deserve to see their child, but all because of marrying into the military so many moms are put on back burners and we miss that time we will never get back. It's not as easy as staying behind when you have another child that's your husbands. I wasn't sure how many people go through or have gone through the same thing I'm going through.

Rachelia - posted on 05/25/2016

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Hi jami, I'm now in the shoes you were long ago. I'm interested to hear what happened with you and your family... I know this is a tough one. :) rachel

Idiegotrujlova - posted on 08/24/2015

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Hi
I am in a similar situation
My boyfriend is in Victoria for the next three years. I have a 5 year old girl with my previous boyfriend and our relationship is not very good, i'd say.
I am in quebec city with my daughter (one week with me, one with her dad) and it is really hard to deal with this situation...
i don't know what is best, shall we get married even when we have two different adresses because he is there and i can not move from here, would it change anything? can they move him closer to us before the three year period ends if we were married?
How do you do to deal with the distance, the absence, do you use often the web to talk to them, what subjects do you talk about so you don't end up telling each other how difficult the situation is?

Kassandra - posted on 04/21/2015

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why cant i see anyones replies? it wont let me click on the comments?

Chermainetucker - posted on 02/04/2015

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I have a 8/9 year old daughters and my husband just got stationed to Germany. I left the girls with they dad to finish school in the states then plan on getting them once they out. Will the military give us problems adding them to the orders since he is not the biological father and will it take forever to do

Dee - posted on 11/16/2014

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I will be dealing with the same situation. My ex husband and I have a current agreement in place that I'm the sole decision maker but he can see our child every other weekend. There are not stations in AZ so I know we'll likely have to move and scared that the courts will say no. This gives me hope.

Nancy - posted on 08/09/2014

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Can you please help me out. My future husband is in the army and stationed in new York. However, I have a daughter with my ex. He already has another child and has moved on forward with his life. We have a good relationship still and he's there for her. I told him about my plans because that's how good of a relationship we have but he's making it very difficult on me. I did advice him that I'm willing to work anything out with him. Yet, he still doesn't comply. I'm 21 years old and in need of someones advice who has already been through this.
I hope you can help me, please.

Ambertreid - posted on 06/05/2014

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Yess they can they will be considered step kids just go to the I'd place with all there info

Amber - posted on 03/17/2014

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Im new to military life and I have kids but they are not my fiancees, does anyone know if after we're married if they can live on post with us or should we find something off post?

I'm An - posted on 11/08/2013

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I am not a military spouse or child but I just want to say that if he allows you to take the child and you make an agreement STICK WITH THAT AGREEMENT. My neices step father was station in Germany for 2 years not and the mother of my neice and my brother both set up an agreement that she would be sent home over the summer so my brother let her leave. The first summer came and it was time to start looking at flights to send my neice home. Her mother decided that they did not have them money to pay for half of my neices ticket and her own so she didn't send her. This past summer came and it was all the same situation. The agreement was signed though both parties and processed through the courts but the mother still decided that she was not sending her home. The child needs to have both parents assuming both parents want to be in that childs life.

C - posted on 08/26/2013

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I've been married to my husband who is in the Navy, for almost a year now. I have a daughter who will be 5 soon, who my ex has custody of because at the time of our divorce I had been a housewife for 5 year. They live on the east coast, and I moved in with my husband (who I was dating at the time) in CA last year. I didn't have anything or anyone to go to on the east coast. Now, I'm trying to get custody of my daughter back and I just don't know where to start.

Ashley - posted on 04/24/2013

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I have been married to my Navy husband for one year now. I have a child with another man due to a teenage pregnancy. His father does have visitation rights but, I feel that his fathers lifestyle is not an influence I want my child around. My husband and I are expecting a baby and I want to be with him but I would never leave without my son. I am seeing an attorney to petition the courts. I live in IL but my husband lives in CT. I am not sure what the laws are on this but, we need to be together as a family. It would be best for all of us. Anyone familiar w/ the law on this?

Amanda - posted on 11/08/2009

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I was in the same situation as you are. My son is almost 3 now, but he was 2 when my husband and I got married. My son's "sperm donor" father was never in his life (only saw him once in 2 years) and is currently in prison. It was easy for me to be able to take him to Cali, but now he is requesting visitations and stuff. Now I have to go back to court but am looking to hire a lawyer b/c I hope to get his right taken away so my husband can adopt him. My advice would be to talk to a lawyer. Here at the Navy base they have a legal dept that we can talk to for free and get advice. They wont represent you in court or anything but maybe they can lead you in the right direction of what to do.

Melissa - posted on 11/02/2009

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My divorce decree said i had the right to move with my child wherever i wanted. If it is more than 50 miles then i was to notify my ex and the court in writting. Check on your decree or if you weren't married before then some lawyers have a free consultation and you could ask about it.

Dorothy Bennett - posted on 11/02/2009

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remember that in the states you can do things as long as the other person is willing to go along with it, but in my case, my new husband, AF, was stationed at Aviano Italy, and I had to get my childrens father to sign for their passports, both civilian and no fee in order for us to be here with him. It did help I'm sure that he had already moved out of the state we had been married in. Good Luck--

Jami - posted on 10/31/2009

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He wouldn't? He said you couldn't go? So did you go to court? Did the courts say you could go? Are you still in the same state? Fighting it? Is the new hubby in the military? Please tell me everything?!?!

Danielle - posted on 10/31/2009

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I know how u feel im going thou it myself. My Ex would let me move to North Carolina with my New hubby.

Jami - posted on 10/31/2009

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Okay. Thanks, I am just scared hes gonna give me a bunch of shit about it. Its not fair to either me or my daughter. She loves my fiance

Julia - posted on 10/31/2009

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all you have to do is discuss it with him. Figure out a visitation schedule that you can agree on. My ex is active duty stationed in Hawaii and I am in SC with new hubby. Sit and talk it out with him and try to make him understand that #1 she is better off with you #2 is in a stable environment #3 will have all the benefits of being a dependent of a military member #4 you will never keep her out of his life. I had to agree that my ex could come pick her up on 4 day weekends if he wanted when he get stationed stateside. As long as he gave me plenty of notice and didn't just show up on my doorstep

Jami - posted on 10/30/2009

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Her dad pays child support & does see her every other weekend so I couldn't just leave. We do have some agreement

Jami - posted on 10/30/2009

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Thank You soooo much. I feel a lil better. I will be REALLY happy when the day comes. Thanks again

[deleted account]

my son gets the same benefits that the children i have with my husband..all he has to do is add your child to DEERS

Jami - posted on 10/30/2009

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Oh okay because my fiance thinks that if he dosent have actual rights to my daughter she doesn't get the same benefits as if he did or she was his.

[deleted account]

as long as you have custody of your child you can take him with you without going to the courts..my son is from my first marriage and i didn't even tell his dad until after we moved...now that my son is 17 he wants nothing to do with his dad so his dad doesn't even know where we are stationed now..(he doesn't pay child support)

Jami - posted on 10/30/2009

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So the military gives your kids the benefits a kid who was biologically his? & did the dad try & stop you? Like put up a fight at all?

Ashley - posted on 10/30/2009

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I too was in this situation, although mine may have been a little easier. My daughter was almost 4 when my husband and I got married, the biological father whom I consider more of a "sperm donor" wasn't in my daughters life for over 2 years at the time. So when it came time for me to get married I did it and I took my daughter and moved to California with my new husband. I haven't had any problems but yet again the "donor" wasn't highly involved in the first place. I am 21 and my husband is 20, when it came time to get our insurance started threw the military they just labeled her has a step-child. Hope this helps a little bit.

Jami - posted on 10/29/2009

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Okay thats how I figured it. Not that I am going to just go or take her from him. I am going where my husband is told to go. Me & him have already been seperated for 2 years come March : (

Tiffany - posted on 10/29/2009

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No, he did not tell the court he didn't want them to go, just me. He went so far to put an email stating that if I lived in my house (that was in both our names) 100% of the time with my children that he'd be fine, but if I moved that he'd sell the house and we'd split the cost. But I did what I wanted and went ahead and moved bc the way I seen it, I married a man that is military and I just couldn't see any judge telling me that I couldn't move where my husband was bc of my ex husband expressions. I did move out of state, I moved from KY to VA.

Jami - posted on 10/29/2009

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He does like making my life difficult. & I have primary physical custody of her. Thanks for talking to me. I don't know anyone else is my shoes. I am only 20 so..Thanks so much. & did your husband tell the court he didn't want the kids going? You moved to anothe state with the kids?

Tiffany - posted on 10/29/2009

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I can understand why you'd be worried bc I was as well, but if he isn't that close to her, I highly doubt he'll have too much to say, unless he just want to cause trouble for you to be happy. Like I said, I'd speak with a lawyer and see what their suggestion is. I was told to get primary custody so there wasn't any problems with my move, but I didn't and never had issues bc he really didn't care anyway.

Jami - posted on 10/29/2009

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Thanks. We are okay we have our diffrences. & Hes not that close to her. & I am willing to work with him any way I can. Me & him are both young & I heard he has another baby on the way & I just don't know how hes going to react. Like I said I am willing to work with him! I just need to know somebody else has been through it & that maybe there is some hope. I am just worried.

Tiffany - posted on 10/29/2009

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I have 3 children my ex husband and I adopted together out of foster care. When we divorced and I remarried my current husband that is in the Army, my ex husband tried to play the guilt trip with me saying I couldn't move out of state with "his" kids. But after we did move, he was fine and didn't say much more about it. IDK how the court system where you live will react to your specific case, but I'm sure it will all come down to how your daughters biological father reacts to you moving. Is he close with your daughter? Will he get to see her often? You can always explain to him that (if he is close to her) you will always allow him contact with her via mail, web cam, emails you can read to her and save for when she is older to know her dad always cared, and in person visits which you guys can set up. I hope you and him have a good relationship so that this all may be a positive thing for your daughter. He may be feeling like you are running away with her, but if he understands a lil better and you and he are on good terms, I'm sure things will go smoothly. You may want to check with a lawyer on your end though, just in case things don't go so well with him. Just make sure you are covered legally. Hope this helps you in some way.

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