Sister in laws wedding....to travel to or not to travel

Erika - posted on 05/18/2017 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Okay, here it goes.

My sister in law (husbands sister) is getting married on Friday December 1st at 3pm. We are out of state and on one income. We also have a daughter that is in school. In order to go this wedding my daughter would have to miss Wednesday-Friday. My husband is an instructor in the military and would have to dip into his Christmas leave in order to go. Not to mention that time of year is an expensive time for us. Throwing in a 14 hour one way car trip, and a hotel for three nights, is not something we can afford. She is getting married two hours from where her family lives so staying at someone's house isn't an option.

Here is the backstory...

1. She didn't go to our wedding. She couldn't bring her boyfriend of one week (she's not marrying him) so she didn't come. At this time we only lived four hours away.
2. After their father passed away she asked when she got married if my husband would walk her down the aisle. Now she doesn't know if she wants him or her aunt to.
3. She asked my daughter to be a flower girl five months after she asked his second cousins daughter that she isn't particularly close to.
4. When we go to visit the family she rarely stops by.
5. When my husband flew in from his deployment and had a layover 20 minutes from her, she didn't go to the airport to see him.
6. Never get a Christmas card, birthday card, or any gifts for any holiday.
7. My daughter doesn't even know my sister in laws name.

I don't want to go. I think it's entirely inconvenient. We haven't had the greatest past so for us to go out of our way as much as we would have to doesn't make any sense to me. My husband is completely on board with it. Two years ago when his father was sick my husband had to burn through 60 days of leave to take care of him. He actually ended up changing his orders because of his father's illness, which was difficult. My sister in law lived only five minutes away. She's very selfish and doesn't ever see anything from anyone else's perspective. And yet, part of me feels bad about not being able to go. How would anyone handle this situation because I'm at a loss.

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Teresa - posted on 05/19/2017

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These are always tricky situations, and while family members may or may not understand, the military life and a distance can prove to be difficult. If it is anything you might regret later in life, I always suggest taking the 'high road' even if it is difficult. Sometimes, events such as these can mend difficult relationships. But, if it really is too much for the whole family to go, sometimes we have just sent the blood relative (ie your hubs). Ultimately, it is your husband's call, in my opinion. It is his sister, and extended family. I totally get the difficult family dynamic, but I do hope you can somehow open the lines of communication and grow closer.

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