20 year old pregnant military wife need advice please on how to cope with my husband leaving

Shelbey - posted on 01/30/2012 ( 20 moms have responded )

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my husband left today for basic training and ait ... i have been attatched to his side for a year strait and have only been away from him for a total of 3 days out of the whole year.. how do i cope with him gone and control my emotions with my baby boy on the way? its only been one day and he already called me crying that he couldnt sleep without me and i feel empty without him too.... i thought this looked like a good site so i hope theres some good advice out there.

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Brooke - posted on 06/25/2012

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stay away from the barracks.. and keep busy lol.. make friends and time will go by fast.. good luck girl..

Sara - posted on 06/22/2012

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You gotta keep busy lol. I have been exactly where u at and it sucks at first but as the days and months get shorter the easier it gets. I was not even a month prego when my husband got deployed and i was an emotional wreck we werent even married for an entire year before this happened i was used to being with him(just like you were with yours) My advice would be to take pictures during your pregnancy and make a journal of everything daily to make it seem like he right there with it, it does help and when he gets home you and him can read all the journals. Also try making a scrapbook too. Hope it helps :)

Phoebe - posted on 06/22/2012

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Different but same circumstances, hubby and I started dating our senior year in high school and after graduation he started talking about going into the military(we knew we were going to get married.) So he enlisted and after a last minute wedding at his recruiters insistence he went to basic and AIT 8 days after we got married. He couldn't sleep without me either.

The first thing you want to do is NOT close yourself off from friends or get complacent. I had a job and was taking some college classes, but after some drama and not having my best friend there to help me through it, I had an emotional breakdown and dropped out. I still kept my job and after a visit with my aunt in Vegas and two of my friends I realized I had shut myself away.

After he got back and we PCSed I had another little breakdown because it was my first move and we moved from Utah in the city out here to Missouri in nothingsville. We were together nine months before he deployed last January and I was 4 and a half months pregnant with our first son, plus I had to pack up the apartment in a storage unit and drive myself back to Utah.

It doesn't get better, I cried for three days after he deployed all while I was packing. It gets manageable though and I found that when I couldn't handle things at his parents house(where I stayed... bad idea, biggest mistake ever...) I just needed to get out with my friends and do something. Docs appointments I took my best friend Jessie and she and I would just walk around the mall most days and window shop. Or on pay day we would go see a movie. If it's a day where you don't feel like doing anything, that's especially when you need to get out. When he gets home from training you're going to need to be able to live without him being normal for a little bit, things will settle and then you can depend on him again. Focus on the baby and remember stress isn't good for any of the three of you guys. I hope this helped, I know it's a little long I'm sorry. I ramble.

Katie - posted on 03/31/2012

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if you like to read then do alot of it. My husband is at ait and reading is one of the few things that allows me to escape being lonley while i throw myself into a fictional world. Writing to them every day helps to. Write about anything that happens in your day. The letters are really important to our guys while thier gone.

Jayde - posted on 03/09/2012

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This is the life of a Military wife. Unfortunatly your going to have to learn ways to cope with him not being attatched to your side 24/7. And when he gets back from basic, he may not be exactly the same at first either. Although, everyone is different. My husband was very distant for about a month, and he still isn't quite the same. Its not a bad change, but different so be prepared. I was pregnant through his basic, and his MOS school. He only got to be around me for about 2 months of my pregnancy, then it was just me. If you are around family and friends, try to spend as much time as possible with them, or if you have a job focus on that or a project of some sort. (school, etc.) keeping your mind off of the seperation will help ease everything. You are going to get emotional, even more than a normal wife because your pregnant. But its ok to cry, and miss him, but think about it like this, He will be back before you know it, and you will have your new family all together.

Shelbey - posted on 03/05/2012

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Thank u so much i appritiate it.. Its gotten a little better i get a call every sunday and letters everyday.. This website has been a help cuz none of my friends or family can relate to my situation.. Hes working on getting a leave when the babys born so i hope that happens... Ive been keeping busy reading being with family and preparing for my sons arrival so ive been staying pretty busy. Thank u everyone for the help i appritiate the comments to my post

Colleen - posted on 03/05/2012

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Hi Shelbey.



It is a very hard thing being a military wife. My husband has been gone for 3.5 of the last 7 years. During those deployments have been pregnant for the first had a 1.5 year old for the second and the third deployment i had a 1 year old and a 4 year old. Those are just the deployments that doesnt include going away for a few weeks or a month for schooling. As of right now he is in his second week of school in Arkansas I live near boston, ma. It does get easier as you gain the mentalitly that you can do this by yourself. It wont always be easy or stress free but you will make it through.

I have never had to give birth with him gone but I did loose a baby and had to have DNC while he was gone on training before heading to Iraq his first time.



Try to keep yourself occupied. I kept a journal for myself only as well as I tried to write a little email to him everyday.

I dont know what they are allowed for contact while in basic. I met my husband about 6 months after he got back from basic.



Anytime you need to talk feel free. Im a good listen even if you just need to vent. THis is a great website and definatley helped me.

Sara - posted on 02/10/2012

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While I was in Basic training it really was an awesome feeling getting mail during mail call. It helps to keep up the morale so definitely if nothing else, send him letters, pics of your belly, pics of you, things like that. Try not to tell him about things that are stressing you out at home. Even though I know you said he was the only person you talked to about things just find positive things all the time that way it'll keep his morale up and will help him not stress. Like the old saying goes, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" just remember that every day that he's gone and you'll be alright. While I was in basic I called once a week on sundays usually and it was only a few minutes but it was something and that is something that soldiers look forward too so always make sure you're avilable to answer and that'll make him feel better too. While my ex husband was deployed to Iraq he called me in the middle of the night because of the time difference but it was always great waiting for that call.. and now this past year 2011 my boyfriend was deployed to Iraq and that was harder than anythign to deal with because I'm so much more in love with him than I was my ex husband. I know that may sonud bad but I loved my ex just wasn't in love with him at the end of our relationship because we just weren't good together and I stressed beyond belief because of that. Anyway, just hang in there and like i said feel free to email me on here or I can give u my email and we can chat and just talk about everything because Ive been there and done that and I know it's not easy without a support system.

Tiffany - posted on 02/08/2012

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My Fiance' I have been with him for going on 5 years in May. He so far has left for afganistan, and Iraq since i've been with him. There's no really good way to cope...You just find yourself something to keep you busy. Talk about him with friends. Talk with him on the phone, have video chats with him ect. Be glad you get to talk to him, cause i was only able to write letters and hope to get that Skype call when he could Skype me. Stay around friends. Girlfriends are important. They help keep your head up and help you through your pregnancy. I was pregnant with the twins when he left for iraq. He came home when they where 7 months old. Just note that he will be back, and as long as you keep a smile on that face and write him letters each day to give to him either when he gets home, or to mail to him while he's gone. Its a big help...He will be home soon...Hold your head up high, and don't stress with that baby in you. You have a wonderful bundle of joy coming and he has 2 bundles of joy to come home to :)

Shelbey - posted on 02/08/2012

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April 20th is my induction date and his name is going to be braxton. Im so exited that times going by even slower!

Ashley - posted on 02/07/2012

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Same here, my friends all went and did their own things, and left me behind. So, I am trying to make some new friends. My husband was first told that he would be gone for nine months, but then his orders got changed to him being gone for a year. He is the only one I have around right now because we just moved to Fort Eustis two months ago and I know nobody around here. My daughter keeps me busy, but she mostly keeps herself entertained, so I am just pushed to sitting on the back burner while she does her own thing. I'm excited for my boy to get here, keeps my mind off of things. When is your induction date? Do you have any names picked out ?

Shelbey - posted on 02/07/2012

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Yea my friends definattly dont understand a thing but they try.. Well some of them, ever since i got pregnant and married all of my friends kindda went there own way which is okay cuz im more conserned about my family now. How long is your husband gunna be gone? This basic thing sucks and i know could be worse but he was the only one i talked to about anything and i feel so alone and cant trust anyone to talk to like i can him. At least u have a baby to keep ya busy! My boy isnt here yet, im counting down the days till my imduction date. Things will be better and time will go by faster when hes here

Ashley - posted on 02/07/2012

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I would love to talk to someone about it. I really don't have anyone to talk to considering none of my friends know what I am going through. It's a subject no one really understands except military wives.



That's awesome ! Then we can talk about the things we are going through because it will most likely be the same between us both !

Shelbey - posted on 02/07/2012

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Ashley that would be great! All the talking helps and all the advice we can give each other!

Ashley - posted on 02/07/2012

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I'm almost in the same position as you are. I am 20 years old also, and 28 weeks pregnant with our second child ( a boy ). The only difference is that my husband is getting ready to deploy to Afghanistan days before my due date. I'm stressed beyond belief already with a one year old and this pregnancy that him going to be gone is also going to affect me. He is upset that he is leaving and going to miss the birth of his son. My husband was gone most of our daughters life and he wanted to experience watching our son grow up. So, if you want we could talk and help each other out through this rough time !

Shelbey - posted on 02/05/2012

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thank you lindsay.. comments r helpful!! he got to call today but only had 2 minutes.. the phone calls really helps him and i both.. thats his 3rd call hes had so far and by far the one where he wasnt as upset.... as soon as he gets me that address i know hell feel great! he has lots of good positive letters coming his way. as for me im still trying to keep busy! thank u so much

Lindsay - posted on 02/05/2012

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It will never be easy or fun to say goodbye to them when they leave. It does get easier though and you find ways to cope and make the time apart bearable. I remember him leaving form field training and thinking how was I ever going to last the 8 weeks he would be gone. Now we come up on month long TDY's and Deployments and I barely bat an eye at what i will do with myself. I still miss him and obviously prefer him to be home with me and DD, but we have learned how to make the time go faster and keep busy.



He was deployed when I was pregnant with our daughter, I took weekly pictures to keep him updated on the growing belly, kept a journal about how I was feeling, things that went on at doc appointments and involved him in as many decisions I could with him being away.



Being at Basic I don't remember what their availability is to email and such. You may have better luck reaching him by snail mail. I know my husband loved getting letters during mail call. This is a time when we have to take the back seat. They won't have much time to write or call, so we have to sacrifice the letters from them but send them as many as possible to help them keep moral up and get through this time. Just keeping him informed of what is going on at home can help them not feel so isolated and out of your everyday life.



Keeping yourself busy with friends or family is a great way to pass time. Don't feel bad, that he can't be there. Him knowing you are not moping around the house while he is gone will help him not feel stressed. You don't have to go into great detail of all you do, just let him know you are spending time keeping yourself busy. Take up a new hobby, take some classes, anything to get your out of the house to help pass time.



If he just left I would give him a week or so to have a chance to call then he may be able to get you an address of where to send letters and care packages. I think I only got two call from my husband while at field training the whole time he was there, one was to give the address and one was to say when he would be headed home.



Best of luck to you and I know you will find support here if you need it.

Shelbey - posted on 02/03/2012

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Thank u so much.. I diddnt think anyone would reply.. Its been okay the past few days but today was a bad day for me.. Theres so much i dont know and i feel so dumb about the army rhing cuz im new too it, and ive yet to hear from hi

Which isnt helping.. How long will it be before i hear fro

Him?

Sara - posted on 02/03/2012

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Try to find something that you're interested in and keep your mind busy. I promise it will get easier. I was 3 months pregnant and also 20 years old when my husband, at the time(not together anymore), deployed to Iraq. It was the hardest thing I had done in my whole life. At the time, I was also in the Army and was set to deploy the same time but didn't because of my pregnancy. Anywhow, I got out of the Army and moved home to where my family lived at. Moving home made things a lot easier because I didn't feel alone anymore. I still felt like a part of me was missing because obviously he was gone. I was going out a lot with my sisters and friends just to keep me busy and not think about everything. My husband and I didn't work out because he just made everything more stressful with arguing with me when he'd call from Iraq because of all the stress he had and all the stress I had at home. I can just tell you good luck and that it'll get easier and if you need someone to talk to while he's gone let me know. I'm a great listener and try to be great at giving advice and again good luck!

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