after having your baby, did you and your husband fight more??

Alicia - posted on 01/09/2010 ( 14 moms have responded )

468

13

89

my husband was deployed when my daughter was born, but now that hes home we tend to fight about stupid stuff constantly. it like never ends...and before my daughter Gracie was born we NEVER fought, so i was just wondering if this happens often, if its just an adjustment period, or if it never stops..and if it does..how much longer do i have to wait before it does??

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Megan - posted on 01/10/2010

86

5

17

Oh yea, my husband and I are slowly getting back into the swing of life after having our little one. For such a small being, she sure can cause a lot of emotion! But we had the double whammy: Married less than a year and pregnant...married a year and with a 1 mth old...can you say STRESSED?! But it really just takes time for everyone to become adjusted to the change of lifestyles...and I agree with Serena...don't take things said when you/he are tired to heart...exhaustion can play some mean tricks on the mind.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

14 Comments

View replies by

Alicia - posted on 09/05/2013

468

13

89

I forgot all about this post, but just got a like on it and thought id update you all. We fought for a total of 8 months and it took for my husband to pack a bag and leave (he called me with in the hour asking to come come back home) we havent fought since. Our daughter is now 4 and I am 13 weeks pregnant with number 2. My husband now constantly tells me hes sorry about before and how much he loves me. just wanted to let you all know everything in this household are now inccredible. thanks for all your help!

Marie - posted on 01/12/2010

3

24

0

hi yeah me and my husband had fights alot when my daughter arrived,he also lifted his hands to me alot after my daughter was born but we ended it and life is alot better i wouldnt say it happens to everyone but men are still like little boys inside i think they get jealous because the little one is getting more love then the guy is and they dont like it which makes them fight with you so that makes you pay attention to them but it will work its self out

Elizabeth - posted on 01/11/2010

4

16

0

My husband delpoyed when my son was 4 months old and was gone until he was 15 months old. I was basically a single parent and I raised Nathan all on my own. When my husband returned, I felt he didn't know how to do anything right. I wasn't used to another person having a say in how I raised my son. Not only was I adjusting to beiong a wife again, now I was also trying to be partner in raising a child. We were kind of robbed of the experience of bonding together as we learned how to raise a baby-- as many military couples are!
Fighting is natural after the birth of a first child, but it gets even harder when one spouse deploys during this period. Stick with it. My husband and I have been seeing a couples counselor who is helping us reconnect as a couple and grow as a family. Its not perfect. My son is 24 months now. It takes time. But know that it is normal and you need all the help and support from other you can get!

Good luck!

Robyn - posted on 01/10/2010

135

6

18

I think you do fight more after kids because your relationship dynamic changes. I can't say my husband and I never fought before our oldest was born , but we fought about DUMB things after.I threw a fit about a sock next to the hamper one time and cried afterward for like an hour. It got better for us though, especially when we actually got some sleep finally. Now our oldest is 8 and we laugh about some of the things we did when he was a baby. We have a 15 month old now too, and we didn't have the same kind of upheval after he was born (we are a lot older too ..lol). Try and be patient, expecially if he was deployed when she was born. Not only do you guys have to get to know each other again, but there is this new ittle person that changes things too.

Jessica - posted on 01/10/2010

21

70

3

Hey Kari im stationed here too! Im a mother of 4 beautiful little girls and looking to do playdates if your interested! Just need to talk to someone who "UNDERSTANDS" the military.
And for the topic my husband and i met in aug of 2000 and married dec 30 of 2000 and we were 3 months pregnant too!! We almost lost our marriage that first year. A few months after 9/11 he joined the military to support our country and to save our marriage and to be honest it really did. We separeted from our families and enjoyed each other for once. But right after we got to germany i got pregnant and he left for iraq when i was almost 6 months pregnant and he came home when she was 9 months old. And raising a 2 yr old and newborn by myself in a country ive barely lived in for a year was pretty scary. And then having him come home, on top of finally getting a routine down, and not having her know him was extremely hard to just go to the store. But it has been 9 yrs this past dec. and 4 daughters later! You will ALWAYS have your ups and downs and if someone says they dont then they dont fight for love in their marriage!!

Just set aside daddy and u time for talking and not interupting. when something you disagree with and then when the other replies tell them your interpertation of what you think they said. and then they reply with a reiteration of it.
Another thing we do so we dont fight in front of the kids and we actually think about what we say before we do it is we txt or use msn messenger or yahoo messenger to talk things out before we talk in person and after we've talked so much out and are able to do it in person regardless if we are in the same room on laptops. we put them down sit next to each other and talk them out the rest of the way. Everything takes time in a marriage and in life especially with kids!! Hope this helps! And kari contact me if your interested in getting together! I live 5 min from gate 20!

Megan - posted on 01/10/2010

86

5

17

We married in August, found out in December I was already 2 months prego...anyone who can handle the feat of married and child in 1 year, and your STILL married, deserves a medal or something...the fights are insane at times over the silliest things...like "Why must you put your clothes there? There's a hamper a foot over from it!" ROFL

Alicia - posted on 01/10/2010

468

13

89

yeah we were married a year with a 4 month old!! i hear ya :) i found out 9 days after we got married that i was already 6 weeks pregnant.

[deleted account]

both of u just might have "shorter" fuses because of lack of sleep and stuff...i know that's when im the grouchiest is when i didnt get enough sleep lol

Rebecca - posted on 01/10/2010

1,988

118

311

We were told by lots of people the first year was the hardest and it sure was. We now have a 6 month old and a 2yr old and we get along better and we take time fro ourselves more then before.

Serena - posted on 01/10/2010

453

10

55

My husband wasn't deloyed when wither of our children were born but we still fought. For such small creatures children require a lot of constant care which alone can cause alot of stress not to mention lack of sleep. i learned don't take anything said at 3 am to heart :) Good luck things will get better as each of you find your way as parents.

Kari - posted on 01/10/2010

140

11

24

My husband came home from Iraq when my daughter was 8 months old and we fought a lot when he came home, but he didnt understand we just couldnt pick up and do whatever, we had to get the diaper bag ready and change diapers before we left. It didnt help that my daughter really didnt want anything to do with him caues she still hates strangers and thats what he was to her. And he hung out a lot with his friends not long after he got home and it really annoyed me but when he went back to work they said that its usual for that to happen cause hes been with those guys for a year and hasnt been with us for so long. But from the time he got home in March '09 till we PCS'd to Ft.Carson in July of '09 we fought. But once we got to Ft'Carson and got settled in my daughter became really attached to him and he understood what it took to take care of a baby it just totally turned around we got to Carson. Babies just bring a lot of stress to a marriage but it will get better, it should take long. Just make sure y'all are making time for yourselves to spend time just you and him that helps a lot.

Jessica - posted on 01/09/2010

45

29

8

After our first daughter my husband became kinda distant with me, im not sure y but i think its a coping thing...some husbands adjust faster than others...but it will end.

Jessica - posted on 01/09/2010

18

66

1

I think especially if its your first baby, I think men freak out and adjusting takes more time for them.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms