angry husband after deployment

Lyssa - posted on 02/02/2009 ( 15 moms have responded )

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my husband just got back after being in iraq for only 4 months. he was injured and sent back home. ever since he got home, hes had some anger issues. he gets mad at the smallest things and we have two little girls. a 15 month and a 3 month old. he even gets mad at them. it scares me that one of these days hes going to go over board and do something stupid. does anyone have any suggestions on what i should do? he active duty army at fort hood, texas.

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Don't fuss at him. My husband is SF and he has frequent high stress deployments so every time he comes home we have a tough adjustment. Try to talk to him when you guys are able to be alone and relaxed. My dad is a chaplain and deals with this all the time. A lot of the guys think they're weak if they have trouble adjusting, but won't listen to anyone who is supportive. I have found a lot of help by networking with other moms around that have husbands in the same MOS. They can understand best what you're going through. Be careful if you go "over his head" to his command. It could backfire.

Michelle - posted on 02/14/2009

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I hope things are looking up.  I am in the Canadian Forces as is my Husband.  I see a lot of guys that come back in rough shape.  Definately, I would like to think there is assistance available to your Husband and I do believe the Padre is a good place to start ... the Padre can make recommendations for your Husband better than his Chain of Command.  I know your Forces differs from ours ... but I would hope that they are taking care of their Veterans.



 



Best wishes,



Michelle

Dee - posted on 02/13/2009

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I am a vet (spouse) he did 18 mos-Iraq and a 6 month tour plus homeland...and he was very angry and short tempered, i say get some professional, use all the resources from organizations, there is alot out there.



Good luck, I know its heartbreaking, I had been with my husbnad 18 yrs and hes like a different person.



thankfully now, he nondeploybale position.

Jennifer - posted on 02/13/2009

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I know on our base there is a counsellor that is available I think its through the Family support center, I can't remember exactly.  But those are confidential counselors, they are psychologists who are held to the doc/patient confidentiality and they rotate people every month or 8 weeks so that they cannot betray their patients.  They are also contracters not actually military personnel. If your base has one of these, have him go see them, and you can see them too if you want.

Amanda - posted on 02/12/2009

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Quoting Heather:

Just to let you know, the Chaplain is not required to keep anything your husband says to him confidential. Three of the people I work with at my command talked to a Chaplain, and two to a "counselor" from fleet and family, and all five of them got reported to the command and had to go see doctors and headshrinkers. One of them got kicked out of the navy and two of them get booted out of the program. So make sure he knows not to say anything that will get him kicked out.


though i kind of agree with you, he should NOT keep anything inside he should let it all out, wheather he gets kicked out or not, this man needs help! not telling them ALL of his feeling could result in him going crazy and hurting his family

Amanda - posted on 02/12/2009

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though the chaplin may seem like the best idea, when my husband came home he was angry with god and the chaplin was the worse idea for him, he got helpand everything is wonderful with us not, its like he is a new man

Amanda - posted on 02/12/2009

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you go to his commander and explain your feelings and how he is acting, they take that stuff seriously, my husband was like that after being in korea for a year, but then again he came home to a pregnant wife that was his new wife and only three weeks pregnant when he left, so he had alot of adjusting to do, not to mention the baby was born a month after he got home, but seriously makie him talk to someone, and if he refuses then you go talk to someone and they will make him talk, i know you dont want to hear this but when they talk to them depending on the amount of anger they are producing they might make him stay somewhere else while they councel him and its just for safety reasons, your husband was hurt so he might be reliving his injury and that is not safe to be around children or youfor that matter, he could go out of it and you or one of your little girls may look like the enemy to him, and we all do not want that to happen, so my advice is get him help now

Heather - posted on 02/12/2009

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Just to let you know, the Chaplain is not required to keep anything your husband says to him confidential. Three of the people I work with at my command talked to a Chaplain, and two to a "counselor" from fleet and family, and all five of them got reported to the command and had to go see doctors and headshrinkers. One of them got kicked out of the navy and two of them get booted out of the program. So make sure he knows not to say anything that will get him kicked out.

Jennifer - posted on 02/03/2009

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Good I hope It works out. I know my husband's gunny his the one that took him to the chaplin in Iraq when I got him involved thats the only reason why I suggusted the command. Not every command is that bad. Guess I have been lucky with that. That if I go talk to his gunny it stays between us not us and his unit. Good Luck and hang in there

Lyssa - posted on 02/03/2009

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thank you all for the advice. its been very helpful. i got him to agree to talk to the chaplin.

[deleted account]

go directly to the chaplain...do not hesitate...those sweet babies deserve the Daddy who loves them, not the Daddy that's mad at the world...  I will be praying for you.

Traci - posted on 02/02/2009

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Everyone already gave great advice and I would also suggest going to the Chaplain over the command. Just my personal opinion.

Jennifer - posted on 02/02/2009

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Sorry, I was in the Marine Corps for 5 years and am a Marine spouse now. I know how guys (especially) treat their buddies w/ problems. They are usually nice but can still dish out a hard time just enough that it will make anyone POed. If you are the one to "tell" on him it will just make him angyr at you aswell and that is not what you need right now.  The chaplain, on the other hand, has received training for these kinds of things.

Jennifer - posted on 02/02/2009

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Talk to  him just like just like it says in the previous post. If that doesn't help go to the chaplain INSTEAD of his command.  The chaplain will be more likely to take you seriously and anything you say will be kept in confidence. He/she can be like a counselor for you as well. Also, the chaplain will not give him a "hard time" like his buddies or other soldiers in the command will. Remember, Chaplain not command!!!

Jennifer - posted on 02/02/2009

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GET Him talking to someone about it. My husband did 6 months in Iraq and got injured... not enough to come home though. I got him to talk to someone when he got injured and 2 men in his unit were killed. They need to get what ever is on their mind out and alot of times it comes out as anger. This is something serious that needs to be handled now. Try talking to him yourself and if that doesnt work I would suggust proffesional. And if he is not willing to do that I would talk to his comand. I have seen this thru my husband and a lot of friends that came back. One even killed himself. Talking does help...

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