Argh....constructive advice please.

Amanda - posted on 08/10/2010

Honesty is the best policy! People wont always say the right things. Especially when your hubby is deployed! You should tell her how you feel but in a way that shows compassion. Right now is the best time to have friends and support. Becides everyone deserves a second chance.

Dawn - posted on 08/09/2010

My hubby is Marine Corps and we are currently stationed on an Army base. I get comments all the time about how he's a "jarhead"or whatever. From Army wives, neighbors, everyone really. When I became pregnant and tried to get an appointment, the hospital TRICARE REPRESENTATIVE told me "army babies wil take priority over devil pups!" I was 4 1/2 months along before I got an appoinment. Some people are just ignorant and you have to just let it go. Otherwise you're losing sleep at night while they are snoring in ignorant bliss. Thank you to you and husband for the sacrifices your BOTH making!!

Serena - posted on 08/08/2010

As a fellow Coastie wife I do understand all the comments made about the Coast Guard. Homeland Security is often taken for granted. But I have learned to just brush it off, there are many people who are just ignorant, and remember the saying "ignorance is bliss".
The whole underway thing though, if she wants to help take it. I know other military wives across the board can agree with me about needing a break every now and then. Plus who knows maybe as you get to know her better, she'll start learning to think before she speaks...

Candi - posted on 08/08/2010

My husband is in the Army and we catch a lot og Junk, but we just laugh it off and forget about it. Before my husband joined the Army, he was in the Coast Guard and we had [people actually asking us what it was and if its the "real military" and stuff. Some people are just stupid. I would just let it go. I know sometimes its hard, but some people are too stupid to understand witty comebacks. Stop wasting your energy on her!!

Donna - posted on 08/08/2010

well of course all branches of the military are just as important as the others, all have jobs to do and do it well and we should be thankfull of all of them, and should never diss any of them..the job they do, protect our freedom is comendable no matter if on land,sea or in the air..be proud of our military and thank those that have given up so much for their country, with that said...perhaps her way of saying sorry is the offer to help you with the kids, some people have a hard time saying they are sorry..I would brush it off and just remain postive and supportive of your spouse..and if this comes up again simply respond with " all of our military branches are important and have diffferent roles and jobs and do them well, and we need to support them all"sometimes less said makes more of a point..she I am sure knows she said something wrong and perhapps wants to fix it..life is too short to stress and dwell on some small things..you never want to pass the chance to create a good friend ship..we all have said things we regret and wish we could take back..military life is hard and being a military spouse is sometimes harder, and we need all the support we can get..I say give her a chance...goodluck ..my husband recently retired after 30 years active duty..and have been through a lot..hangin there and be proud of and thankful to your husband for the job he choose, protecting his country,I am thankful for him and all of the others that have served and continue to serve...be blessed...

Wendy - posted on 04/02/2010

I agree with Jennifer. I think a straightforward approach is best.

Belinda - posted on 03/14/2010

Well since this incident, she has stuck her foot in her mouth again...yesterday. With someone else, about age. So apparently she just has issues fitting in, and is trying way too hard.

Tah - posted on 03/14/2010

i think she is trying to apologize by offereing so much help..just talk to her, some people feel awkward and don't know how to brng it back up, and you don't want her to be fake, she probably meant what she said, so i would address it with her in a non confrontational manner....

Suzette - posted on 03/14/2010

While people have a right to feel how they want to feel, unless they've walked in that person's shoes (the CG) they have no idea what they're talking about. I'm an Army wife, not a CG wife, I don't know what a CG's wife goes through daily. I couldn't tell you from a hole in the ground what they do on a daily basis. All I know is that there's search and rescue and they patrol the water... other than that I have NO clue what they do. So for me to make some off the hand remark about them would be rude and uncalled for. I know that they belong to DOT, except in times of war when they transfer over to DOD, so I know that during these times they have transferred over to DOD and they ARE military - even if I don't know exactly what they're doing they are helping out so that's enough for me.

So if someone has made some stupid, off the wall comment... they do owe an apology. Number 1, they didn't know what they were talking about, at least that seems to be the situation here. Number 2, If they're a real friend they will apologize based on the fact that they were wrong (hey pull on your big boy/girl shorts and just admit it) and apologize for the fact that they were talking about your husband - even though they didn't know it.

You can think it's over sensitive if they didn't know about your hubby being in the CG. They'd still feel that way but they probably wouldn't have said it and let you know. I know if someone said something about my husband's branch and then wanted to take care of my child, house, whatever... I'd be leery. I'd want to know why they wanted to do anything for me if they don't respect my way of life. Because, to me, it is a way of life.

It sounds like your friend doesn't know the politics, or at least understand them, behind everything and she made some stupid remark. Like Jennifer said, everyone makes some stupid remark at some point, they wind up inserting their foot (or their whole leg) in their mouth. Hers was likely an accidental blurt out. I'd talk to her about it like Jennifer suggested. If it clears the air for you and you feel comfortable, then leave your babies with her... otherwise, don't. :)

Tammy - posted on 03/14/2010

I like what Jennifer said, but you may also say that if she really wants to help, it would be HELPFUL if she was more supportive. Here's where you explain the offensive remark.

Corinne - posted on 03/14/2010

personally i think an apology might be a little to much to ask just bc ppl have a right to feel how they do.. HOWEVERRRR i do feel they owe you a "oh i might be wrong and ill be sure to keep my comments to myself next time!" kind of thing! its good they still would like to be there for you but if it was me id keep a little distance! not saying ditch them all together bc i have no clue what kind of friend they are or have been in the past! make a judgement on everything, not just this incident!! gl!

Jennifer - posted on 03/13/2010

I'd just try and bring it up one day over coffee or something. People say stupid things when they don't know the whole of the story... I'm pretty sure we've all done it at least ONCE in our lives. Accidental blurt out, or intentionally placed is another story. I'd just flat tell her, "Look, that comment about the CG the other day... my husband is in the CG. I love him, support him and ALL branches of our military, and believe he is right where he needs to be."

Then again, I don't believe in bashing ANY branch of our military no matter the situation. If she is a big girl about it she'll apologize and it won't happen again. If she can't be a big girl about it, then do you REALLY need her in your life?

Belinda - posted on 03/13/2010

She made a nasty comment about the Coast Guard. She didn't know that we are CG. And she is acting like it never happened. I kind of feel like an acknowledgment of her stupidity is in order....

She keeps wanting to "help me with the kids" and such. But I'm not so sure I can just ignore the nasty comment. I am just wondering if I'm being over sensitive?

Medic - posted on 03/13/2010

umm I'm very lost...I need more details to give any kind of advice.