Kristy - posted on 01/13/2011 ( 18 moms have responded )
So before I start I want to put that I appreciate anyone's input and advice on this situation, BUT please do not start an opinion battle. Everyone's opinions matter, point blank!!
Explanation: My husband and I have two girls, 5 and 3. We have been married for 7 years now. My husband has been in the Army for 12.5 years. We were stationed in Alaska from 2004-2010. Fairbanks, AK has nothing. And i mean nothing. We finally got a Walmart in 2006. SO let me say, my kids were stuck in the house for 8 months out of the year. And in the summers we would have wildfires and the smoke was so bad you had to stay inside. Needless to say, staying home with kids and having nowhere to go and getting bored...is not easy!! And I guess dealing with that kind of situation for 6 years really got to me. My husband deployed while I was pregnant, came home when my daughter was 10 months old. No family could come visit it was too expensive, so my good friend was there. I chose to keep my kids home with me, I was a daycare kid always there from 2 months old till 9 years. So I decided not to use caregivers. I don't like letting people watch my kids because I never know how they will discipline them. I guess that is a trust issue. My best friend in Alaska was the only person to babysit them and she had a child herself so we would help each other. BUT as of June 2010 we drove out from Alaska to our new duty station here at Ft. Bliss, TX. And I don't know anyone. And the hard part is that my husband will be deploying again in 8 months. I am not easy to trust people. It takes a couple of years of me knowing someone and seeing how they act and see their true personality in order for me to completely trust them. I don't like daycares because so many things can happen. I may be being pessimistic but like I said I was in daycare for 9 years. I know what happens. In Alaska after my husbands deployment he moved from his Stryker brigade to a mountaineering job. Well this job for three years had him home a week gone 3 weeks. home 10 days gone 20 days. every month for three years. because they trained far away. Needless to say I have been a "single mom" since my first child was born. Now that we are here in Tx, my husband comes home every night, but he doesnt get home till 7 every night and the kids go to bed at 8.
My questions are hard and complicated ones, which is why I wanted to offer a detailed description.
I am wearing thin with being at home 24/7 with my kids. They are great kids, truly. We taught them values, morals and respect starting at age 1 so they do good most of the time. Of course they have the normal tantrums, whines and squabbles.
1.SO I want my own identity besides being mom. I want hobbies but they have to be at home because my husband gets off so late and everything closes. ideas?
2. I have no friends here and as I said before it takes me a while to trust people. How do I deal with my issues with people watching my kids? How do you learn to trust people with your kids? What do you tell yourself?
3. How do you meet friends when you don't work? In AK i worked for a year before I had my daughter so that is how I met my three close friends. I have looked for friends with wives in my husbands unit but we can't be friends with wives who's husbands have a lower rank. Because it could cause issues at work.
4. I wanted to homeschool my kids until recently. Now I am thinking it may be better to put my 5 yr old into kindergarten to give me alone time with my 3 year old and a break. But i feel so strongly that 7 hrs is too long to be in school at 5 years old and I feel guilty about it.
5. What do you tell yourself to be okay with dropping your kids off at school? Do you worry they will get hit or hurt? Do you worry about what they will learn from other kids?
I spend so much time and effort on keeping my kids innocent and instilling good morals and values. I guess I worry about her picking up bad habits from other kids and bringing it home to my younger daughter. How do you discipline them when they learned it from someone else's child? I have read book after book after book and nothing makes me feel better.
So any advice you have will be helpful. No harsh criticisms are needed. I am my own worst critic. I just need help dealing with my worry and concerns for my kids and figuring out a way for me to keep sane while my husband deploys again. OH and my family lives 18 hrs away, so no help there. :(