Babies

Ashley - posted on 10/30/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )

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This is a touchy subject for me but here it goes. My husband is in the Marines, I am 21 and he is 20. I have a daughter from a previous relationship that my husband loves as his own and she doesn't know anyone other than him as daddy. We have talked about having more kids and every time the subject turns sour or I end up crying about it. I realize that I was young when I had my daughter and that my husband and I are still young but I want to have another baby. He tells me that we are too young, not ready and that we can have one after he gets back from being deployed. Well the thing is his deployment date changes frequently. I have been here in CA for almost a year and it has changed at least 4 times. I supposed it's part of being a military wife but I hate the feeling of putting that part of my life on hold for the Military. I don't know when he will deploy, and sadly I don't know if he will return from deployment, and I would hate to have missed that opportunity to expand our family because were waiting on the Military to figure out our lives.

Am I wrong in thinking this way? Is there a way I can show him what this means to me? Perhaps make him understand where I'm coming from? I don;t want to push him away or force a child into our family, our daughter is almost 5 and if he deploys when they say he will she will be 6 1/2 when he returns and if we got pregnant right away she will be 7 when the new one arrives. Am I crazy for wanting this so bad? If anyone can help me that would be great! Thanks

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Jennifer - posted on 10/31/2009

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I completely agree with Mrs. Redvay. My husband and I were dual military until I separated in Jan 08. My son was almost a year old then. We tried for almost four years before he was conceived. So I can only imagine how you feel about the age gap. With that said, my husband missed all the best parts of the pregnancy because he was deployed. We found out I was pregnant, he deployed and returned home a couple weeks before our son was born. Are you sure you are okay with going through a pregnancy alone (if you don't have to)? If this is going to be his first biological child, would you deprive him of being there to support you through every stage of the pregnancy?



We have debated trying for another child, but for one reason or another we haven't been on the same page. My husband fears that our son will be 5 or 6 before we have another child. I have come to realize that we will have another when we have another. I can understand that you may not share that same view point, because you have not conceived a child together.



I can only recommend that your say to him exactly what you said to us:



"I hate the feeling of putting that part of my life on hold for the Military. I don't know when he will deploy, and sadly I don't know if he will return from deployment, and I would hate to have missed that opportunity to expand our family because were waiting on the Military to figure out our lives."



Military families often have to postpone their desires, and it isn't alway a deployment. A field exercise could keep you from "going home" for the holidays. Things will always come up, BUT that is everywhere in life (not just the military). So have a calm talk with your husband. If you become too emotional stop and ask to come back to the subject later. Have the conversation when you are both emotionally "neutral".



I'll be praying for you both. That you can come to an Agreement. I will pray for strength for you as a wife and as a mother during his deployment. I will pray for wisdom when you have to make decisions and strength to complete the task even when they seem impossible. --Philippians 4:13

Sondra - posted on 10/30/2009

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I am a labor and delivery nurse (and 23 year army wife.) I have seen a lot of sad women delivering babies while their husband is deployed. You are both still very young and have a lot of time.



7 years isn't too big of a gap. My sister and I are 6 years apart and are the best of friends.



I completely understand and sympathize. The military life is hard, deployment is hard, and a pregnancy during deployment can be really hard.



I hope the two of you can come to an agreement that makes both of you happy.



(((hugs)))

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