Baby mamma/ Baby daddy

Andrea - posted on 03/15/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Has any military spouse had to deal with an ex causing trouble because of a move? My husband was up for orders and I told my sons fater about the out of state move . Now he keeps taking me back and forth to court because he doesn't want to meet halfway. He said its my trouble for moving and that I should have to drive all the way. I have been for the last 8 months because of the court order. I have been tryin to get it changed and did, but he has a lawyer and we have to go back. What do I do? This is way more stressful then taking care of 6 kids.

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Cheri - posted on 03/16/2010

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I would suggest that you and your spouse go to speak with base legal. Unfortunately, in my experience they will only provide you with information to find or hire an attorney to represent you. As far as I know, if you are able to get an attorney to assist you in your case, he or she should be adequate representation and you won't be required to return to your ex's location for any court proceedings.

The only other suggestion I would have would be for you and your spouse to sit and talk about the possibility of him adopting the child(ren) in question. Depending on where you live, you may or may not need to seek legal representation (but it would be in your favor to obtain one in this kind of matter). My husband and I are fortunately in a place where the city attorney's office assists with uncontested adoptions free of charge. My husband is in the process of doing a step-parent adoption of my eldest son. Assuming that is something your ex will go along with, it may be beneficial to all parties involved if ties are severed. Then, you don't have to travel back and forth for visitation, he doesn't get to grumble about the "hassle" that it's causing, etc.

IMHO, parenting is 50/50, if he had a hand in making the baby and is willing to accept that responsibility than he should meet you half-way in monetary support and also be willing to meet you halfway so he can get his visitation. And if not, it's his loss. Unfortunately, the burden of proof that he is unwilling to meet you halfway will lie on your shoulders when he takes you to court (he has time and again, and will continue to do so) unless his parental rights are severed. But again, that is just my opinion.

I hope you are able to find a resolution to your problem with you ex soon, for the sake of your sanity. Like you said, it's already hard enough raising 6 kids, being a military spouse, and also putting up with your ex's drama. All the best to you and your lovely family.

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My husband and his ex got divorced in TX and in their papers there is nothing saying that she can't move out of the state, but she does have to notify us 60 days prior to the move or if there isn't enough time for that then as soon as she moves. In the papers we have to pick up the children from her home residence( no matter where it is) and she has to come and pick them up from us(no matter where we are). This way everyone is spending the same amount of money and time to get the children. You should not be the one having to do all of the traveling so that he can see his children and it should be 50/50. Either he meet you half-way(have it put on paper) or he come get them from you and you go and get them from him. He has to understand that your spouse is in the military so there will be times that you will have to move and that it's not about him it's about the children and there best interest. Good luck, I hope you two can work this out.

C. - posted on 03/16/2010

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Wow.. I am so sorry that you are going through that! I can't imagine the amount of stress on you right now. I'm not really sure what to tell you to do. I've never had to go through that. I would think that b/c of your husband's orders that the court would understand. Just keep fighting.. What he's doing is not right. You shouldn't have to drive all that way. I hope someone that has more knowledge of that type of situation replies to you soon. Best of luck to you!!!

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