Elizabeth - posted on 03/13/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )
I found out Sunday that my husband was talking to other women online in a sexual manner. I'm 40 weeks pregnant as of yesterday and I just can't wrap my head around it.
The only reason I found out was because he left his Yahoo! Messenger open (something I suspected he had after he got rid of it about two years ago, this had a new account name from the old one). I noticed he had a bunch of female contacts and contact requests from names like sluttykaty so I couldn't not look into it. I opened one conversation history and could not believe my eyes.
I saw the following things written to her:
What's up sexy?
Do you have a cam?
I thought you were single
I still want to fuck you
I can't actually remember everything I read as I started to hyperventilate and had to confront him. Part of me wishes I would have looked into it all further, the other part had seen enough to know none of it could have been good. I'm positive there were TONS more messages to read because his yahoo inbox had a couple hundred that all appeared to be chat messages considering they were occuring every minute or so from what I could see.
I went upstairs where he was playing with our daughter and told him as clear and as calm as I could what I saw and it was not okay with me and made clear that I was very upset. I went down stairs and immediately started getting ready to leave. He came down stairs and begged me not to leave. Begged me to talk to him. Claimed he was 'just talking shit.' Told me his concern was with me and the baby and he didn't want me to go especially in the rain and so pregnant.
His eyes were big and his face was frightened. He knew he was caught. He knew it wasn't okay.
I drove off and eventually answered after ignoring many calls. I agreed to meet with him in a public place in a few hours after he pleaded with me not to leave him and begged to talk. I really just wanted to run away to the airport and buy a last minute ticket to MN (where home is). I wish I would have taken more time, much much more time, but there isn't much to do as a super pregnant lady on a Sunday in an area where I don't really have any friends (just moved here recently).
He says he was just messing around and was seeing how far they would go before they would just block him, he says it didn't mean anything. He says it started last year when we were going through periods where we fought a lot (after we already knew I was pregnant). He says he never did anything with anyone in person. He says he didn't have video sex. He says he loves me and doesn't want me to feel like I am inadequate and all that jazz. He also says the girls were local, yet he never intended on meeting them. He says a lot and I can believe a lot of it, but I just can't wrap my head around it all.
Things have been going so well lately, why the hell did he continue it after we PCS'd? Why would he need to look for local girls if he never intended on meeting them in person? He made it seem like they were just local girls in Hawai'i, but one of the new friend requests I closed out had Seattle in the name (we're at JBLM now).
Of course he deleted his entire account and now I can never go back and see if there was any further personal information exchanged or meeting times agreed on. I have to take his word for it and for some reason he seems to expect me to be moving on from this. He thinks I'm just going to be okay. I shouldn't have to keep reminding him that it's NOT OKAY.
Where do we go from here? I feel like it's cheating even if he didn't do anything with any of them, but I want to believe him so very badly. I can't just let him off the hook as he seems to think I should. I find myself feeling bad about it all, I shouldn't feel bad, I should be furious (and I am).
I'm acting as normal and civil as possible considering his mom is in town for the birth of her grandson, but she leaves tomorrow. I don't really even want to look at him, I've let him hug me a couple times, but I don't want to kiss him and he keeps acting all rejected when I turn away. I don't even want him to see me changing or anything. He's trying to get me to tell him I love him, especially in front of his mom which makes it more awkward for me so I keep saying "I love you, but I don't like you sometimes."
I feel like him trying to force me is making it worse between us because he wants it to go away and I'm even more upset that he seems to be putting a guilt trip on me for not being over it already.