Command Help

Christina - posted on 05/24/2011 ( 18 moms have responded )

10

0

0

Hi- I am a marine wife going on 7 yrs. My husband and I are separated and his command is condoning him living with another female whom he is carrying a relationship with, this is the woman whose raising my children.
Hes told his command shes a roommate, but what roommate does family photos and places them on facebook to taunt me?? I ended up talking to the base generals office which directed me to family law. The Capt. i talked to informed me no married marine can reside with the opposite sex other than family or spouse. But his command dont care, that clearly shows adultry. he's made me out to be this monster. More to my story is the other conversation i did in the my children community.
Im lost and in need of serious friends

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

18 Comments

View replies by

Christina - posted on 03/26/2012

10

0

0

Hang in there Hunny!! You are right he is an a** hole, he don't deserve you thats for sure. And you are a grown woman and can do whatever you deem fit. You are not stuck there unless a court order is in place you do not have to stay there you can go back to your home town!

Armandina - posted on 03/26/2012

1

0

0

I feel you, my stbx basicly just married me to keep from moving in the barracks. In the first week of marriage he totally started ignoring me and giving me a cold shoulder then one day said I could not keep him from his friends. Turns out he met a local on myyearbook and since she is living / was living alone with no rent to pay since its her parents home i guess this was the perfect woman for hims to start a relationship with as he posted he never met a girl he like for the first time meeting. Mind you when he met her and was so happy i was just two months pregnant. at 3 months pregnant he left his friends home where he was staying to move in with her. Of course I confront him, but he is a pathological liar and denies it, denies denies denies. I went to IG and his command did what ever of an investigation and asked his friend co workers if he was seeing another woman, COME ON PLEASE MAN CODE bitches they would not tell the truth. Anyway so he plans to marry this B itch and will expect me to stay in town and will not let me leave back to texas where I am from. WTF right. Asshole lives there and BItch denies there is anything going on. N his command, FORGET ABOUT IT!, if they have done something I certainly do not know anything about it as I am left in the dark as this ass hole keeps screwwing this girl for me to stay stuck here. I do not wish anything good upon this bastered at all. His premeditation did not exactly work out as plan but still in his favor cause he has never been with me since we have been marrired. Now he is with a homewrecker, but Im sure he has fed her a line of shit and D_ck Whipped her, as well as paying a few bill of her's that what girl would not be totally stoked espectially being a Yuma Yummy married a Marine please .

Tah - posted on 06/19/2011

7,412

22

357

Lol, okay honey, lol. this is good info for anyone on a mission to do this. Here is some more info. if he isn't paying child support, which does suck and your children are with you, go to court and file. The command will have no choice but to support a court order. If you haven't been working, you can try to get spousal support which will pebbly be determined by the length of time married and how much you made outside the home, if any. You may get it for 6 months or a couple of years, plenty of time to get on your feet. these are things you can do that may save the headache of trying to use military channels.

Christina - posted on 06/19/2011

10

0

0

FOR THE WIVES IN MY POSITION IVE FOUND SOME INTERESTING INFORMATION TO HELP AID IN YOUR SITUATION WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR HUSBANDS COMMAND

Article 134 — (Cohabitation, wrongful)

Elements.

(1) That, during a certain period of time, the accused and another person openly and publicly lived together as husband and wife, holding themselves out as such;

(2) That the other person was not the spouse of the accused;

(3) That, under the circumstances, the conduct of the accused was to the prejudice of good order and discipline in the armed forces or was of a nature to bring discredit upon the armed forces.

Explanation.

This offense differs from adultery (see paragraph 62) in that it is not necessary to prove that one of the partners was married or that sexual intercourse took place. Public knowledge of the wrongfulness of the relationship is not required, but the partners must behave in a manner, as exhibited by conduct or language, that leads others to believe that a martial relationship exists.


Article 134— Adultery

Elements.

(1) That the accused wrongfully had sexual intercourse with a certain person;

(2) That, at the time, the accused or the other person was married to someone else; and

(3) That, under the circumstances, the conduct of the accused was to the prejudice of good order and discipline in the armed forces or was of a nature to bring discredit upon the armed forces.

Explanation.

(1) Nature of offense. Adultery is clearly unacceptable conduct, and it reflects adversely on the service record of the military member.

(2) Conduct prejudicial to good order and discipline or of a nature to bring discredit upon the armed forces. To constitute an offense under the UCMJ, the adulterous conduct must either be directly prejudicial to good order and discipline or service discrediting. Adulterous conduct that is directly prejudicial includes conduct that has an obvious, and measurably divisive effect on unit or organization discipline, morale, or cohesion, or is clearly detrimental to the authority or stature of or respect toward a servicemember. Adultery may also be service discrediting, even though the conduct is only indirectly or remotely prejudicial to good order and discipline. Discredit means to injure the reputation of the armed forces and includes adulterous conduct that has a tendency, because of its open or notorious nature, to bring the service into disrepute, make it subject to public ridicule, or lower it in public esteem. While adulterous conduct that is private and discreet in nature may not be service discrediting by this standard, under the circumstances, it may be determined to be conduct prejudicial to good order and discipline. Commanders should consider all relevant circumstances, including but not limited to the following factors, when determining whether adulterous acts are prejudicial to good order and discipline or are of a nature to bring discredit upon the armed forces:

(a) The accused's marital status, military rank, grade, or position;

(b) The co-actor's marital status, military rank, grade, and position, or relationship to the armed forces;

(c) The military status of the accused's spouse or the spouse of co-actor, or their relationship to the armed forces;

(d) The impact, if any, of the adulterous relationship on the ability of the accused, the co-actor, or the spouse of either to perform their duties in support of the armed forces;

(e) The misuse, if any, of government time and resources to facilitate the commission of the conduct;

(f) Whether the conduct persisted despite counseling or orders to desist; the flagrancy of the conduct, such as whether any notoriety ensued; and whether the adulterous act was accompanied by other violations of the UCMJ;

(g) The negative impact of the conduct on the units or organizations of the accused, the co-actor or the spouse of either of them, such as a detrimental effect on unit or organization morale, teamwork, and efficiency;

(h) Whether the accused or co-actor was legally separated; and

(i) Whether the adulterous misconduct involves an ongoing or recent relationship or is remote in time.

(3) Marriage. A marriage exists until it is dissolved in accordance with the laws of a competent state or foreign jurisdiction.

(4) Mistake of fact. A defense of mistake of fact exists if the accused had an honest and reasonable belief either that the accused and the co-actor were both unmarried, or that they were lawfully married to each other. If this defense is raised by the evidence, then the burden of proof is upon the United States to establish that the accused's belief was unreasonable or not honest.".

AND FOR THOSE HUSBANDS WHO LIKE TO "EXPOSE THEM SELVES ONLINE"
Punitive Articles of the UCMJ
Article 134 - (Indecent exposure)

More of this Feature
• Punitive Articles Menu
• Complete UCMJ
Join the Discussion
Military Law
Related Resources
• Court Martials
• Nonjudicial Punishment (Art 15)
• Administrative Discharges
• Military Lawyers
• Manual for Courts Martial (MCM)

From Other Guides
• Crime & Punishment
• Current Events: Law
• Government
• US Government Info

Note: Offenses under this article committed on or after October 1, 2007 will be charged under the new Article 120.

Text:

See Paragraph 60.

Elements.

(1) That the accused exposed a certain part of the accused's body to public view in an indecent manner;

(2) That the exposure was willful and wrongful; and

(3) That, under the circumstances, the accused's conduct was to the prejudice of good order and discipline in the armed forces or was of a nature to bring discredit upon the armed forces.

Explanation."Willful" means an intentional exposure to public view. Negligent indecent exposure is not punishable as a violation of the code. See paragraph 90c concerning "indecent."

Lesser included offenses. Article 80-attempts

Maximum punishment. Bad-conduct discharge, forfeiture of all pay and allowances, and confinement for 6 months.

AND FOR THOSE WHO LOOK FOR SEXUAL FAVORS VIA ONLINE

(3) Pandering by compelling, inducing, enticing, or procuring act of prostitution. Note: Offenses under this paragraph committed on or after October 1, 2007 will be charged under the new Article 120.

(a) That the accused compelled, induced, enticed, or procured a certain person to engage in an act of sexual intercourse for hire and reward with a person to be directed to said person by the accused;

(b) That this compelling, inducing, enticing, or procuring was wrongful; and (c) That, under the circumstances, the conduct of the accused was to the prejudice of good order and discipline in the armed forces or was of a nature to bring discredit upon the armed forces.

(4) Pandering by arranging or receiving consideration for arranging for sexual intercourse or sodomy.

(a) That the accused arranged for, or received valuable consideration for arranging for, a certain person to engage in sexual intercourse or sodomy with another person;

(b) That the arranging (and receipt of consideration) was wrongful; and (c) That, under the circumstances, the conduct of the accused was to the prejudice of good order and discipline in the armed forces or was of a nature to bring discredit upon the armed forces.

Tah - posted on 06/19/2011

7,412

22

357

also..kudos to taking steps to not depend on him. I think that is a really good thing. Maybe the more independence you gain, the less you will have to focus on this and can turn it towards getting the babies home with you and caring for them and showing them that hey, mommy and daddy CAN co-parent and love us even if they aren't together. The best revenge is to show him you could care less, and to live well. Sometimes people get what they have coming and it's not by our hands..I understand all that you are doing come from your hurt and feelings of betrayal and not wanting him to be happy because you aren't right now and i am sorry for that..i do sincerly want to say.best wishes..also don't forget that if you haven't already applied for MYCAA you may qualify since you guys are still married, so if i was you..that is how i would have fun..use him to help me get on my feet that way..paying for me to go to school..

Tah - posted on 06/19/2011

7,412

22

357

I know there will be moms on here that say "right on girl" to you. The thing is that your healing shouldn't come from his misery. Your best revenge(which is what this is, lets call a spade a spade) is to live well. What can YOUR CHILDREN gain from seeing their father like that and their mother holding so much hate and being spiteful and resentful toward him..nothing, they wind up screwed in the end because everybody is worried about their own feelings and needs and how they can best screw the other. I know abuse honey, all of that you listed add the broken nose, sprained arm from when the ex tried to break it etc...been there sang that song. SO i am not insensitve to what you have been through. What it sounds like to me...and im not the command, so i know what it sounds like to them, is that you are a woman scorned and that you feel like if you can't have it, then you will be darned if she does, it doens't come off as let me help her not be abused and mistreated at all. It comes off as a vendetta and almost an obsession. Now if you want to continue and you feel its important than fine..but i am sure that the counselor isn't encouraging you to get your revenge on him so that you can heal. I hope it ends well for the children at least. they are the real victims in all this. Their concern is that he is caring for the children, and since he is becauce they are with him, they aren't really going to bend over backwards to help you. What alot of wives don't realize is that the higher ups are doing the same thing in alot of cases. Noone cares that the marines have a bad reputation..they care that when it's time to fight, they are there and the families care that in a recession with jobs hard to come by..they have insurance and get pain on the 1st and 15th.

Christina - posted on 06/19/2011

10

0

0

The object of my reason's is I don't want to depend on him. I am going to school, and actually have a few job interviews lined up. Im pretty excited about that. Spite? Nah its not spite.. but he always used to tell me that he's a UNITED STATES MARINE, he can do whatever he wants and he will never face repercussions from them. This other woman can have him, personally. But if the moto of the marine corps is "Always Faithful" then why are they allowing their marines to cheat on their spouses and turn their heads as if they aren't doing wrong? Im trying to make a statement is my point because there have been other wives in my exact position and they were mislead, so I am going to fight this battle until the marine corps ( my husbands command ) see's what he is doing is wrong. Makes the marine corps look horrible, not that they have the best track record for being faithful but its because of their commands not wanting to get in involved. Im sick of the higher ups just acting like nothing is going on. My husband is my demon, and im fighting my demon and regaining my strength. He has drove me to this point 7 yrs of being told he can do whatever he wants I finally want to prove to him that he can't always do what he wants and face no punishment. I am seeking help from the abuse I sustained. I have a great women support group I go to and it helps me understand that rape, mental abuse and emotional abuse is NOT MY FAULT. He is the abuser and I didn't deserve it.


As far as the internet, I have screen shots that have her information. On their wedding invitations. There is no way I would have had access to the pictures that were being displayed on the e-invites. And in that case why was the URL closed if it had been me just trying to gain some sort of upper hand?
And if they bust him down, less pay.. if they send him to the brig I honestly don't care because at the end.. having him face what he does and actually get punished for doing the things he does to me thats priceless. That just send one more evil person behind bars, and prevents him from doing this very same thing to this new girl that he had done to me.
You can disagree all you want personally, I feel in my heart that im doing what I have to do to heal.

Tah - posted on 06/19/2011

7,412

22

357

UMMM..im confused...ARe you trying to get your kids back or ruin his career out of spite? If you are trying to get your children back that is one thingm trying to get him for child support and spousal, fine, use the courts so you don't have to worry about an allotment, the court will do a wage attachment and he will have no choice, but the rest sounds like being petty and vindictive. If you say you don't want him back, why are you going to so hard on this?...i don't know i just never got running to the command to tell on your spouse about issues in your marriage unless theres some abuse going on(which i would either call the cops or my brother..lol..probably both) or an PTSD issue. I wonder what recourse women have whose husbands are not military. I don't know, i don't like people in my personal business at work and to me all the time its taking to find evidence on him screwing someone else could be used to either get your children back or do something that will count..like having him use the money from his career to help care for the children. Say they did put him out or take his rank for this..then the complaint would be that a) he doesn't have a job so won't pay support or b) he doesn't pay enough for his kids. I just feel sorry for the children involved in this mess with parents hell-bent on ruining each others lives woth no regard for their well-being.



I am sorry that he mentall and emotionally abused you. The truth is that yu are better off without him and should probably take this time to better yourself, maybe get some counseling so you can begin to let go of your spite and ill-will toward him, continue to work or go to school, whichever one you do so that you can care for yourself and your children better in the financial future since apparently he isn't going to do it anymore and move on. I don't mean to be harsh but i always give it how i see it and give the truth.The command is probably saying ot him.."dude you are right about her"..instead of "get your tail in gear marine"..

Cassie - posted on 06/18/2011

32

8

1

I hope thats enough. When I tried to use evidence I found online I was told that wasn't good enough because anything online could be done by anyone, just because it has his name on it doesn't necessarily mean it's him or he did it. I was livid. I was basically told i had to find a tape of them actually in the act with a time-stamp to even begin to prove anything!

Christina - posted on 06/18/2011

10

0

0

Recent news, I have by the grace of god discovered my husband and his fiance's wedding invites via online, clearly proving there is more then a room mate status between them both. We all know this is the 20th century sex before marriage is very much happening. I screen shotted all images in case his command adivised him to delete the sites.. thank god. This is impossible for him to get out off.. Prey for me!! Justice needs to served....

Suki - posted on 06/02/2011

25

5

2

you can legally go to the state and show up at the house with the police and get your kids out of her custody. Since you are still a legal parent. What is going on here that the kids are in this situation??? I havent fully read the comments so maybe the answer is there...but I see a clear case of getting your kids back when you want to. They are legally your kids too. This is crazy.

Suki - posted on 06/02/2011

25

5

2

write a letter to the garrison commander and make sure it sounds professional and let them know everything. Contact JAG. it is clearly against regs...they are crazy to let this go and JAG will let them know that even if they don't see it as a problem, it is a problem and falls under neath the uniform code of military justice. Also screenshots on facebook...take those or save the photos...You have all the evidence you need.

Christina - posted on 05/26/2011

10

0

0

It's frustrating I know! But I do know from all of this his command may "pretend to not know" but when I talked to the law chief he told me isn't against the usmjc. Which gave me alittle ammo. but it seems like always you get one step forward to get 3 steps back... im here for ya maybe we together can come up with something.

Cassie - posted on 05/26/2011

32

8

1

I wish I could help you but since I am in a pretty similar boat I have a lot of the same questions. My husband also abandoned me and my children and I had to go through the runaround having his command make him set up an allotment. I am also wondering how these people can look at a married man living with a woman who is not his wife and pretend they don't know its adultery. My husband was in Cali while his children and i were in NY waiting for his next command and he met another woman, came home on Christmas day and told me he was leaving me for her, a week later he was moving to Maryland with her. They too have pictures of themselves all over facebook which proves they are more then "roommates" not to mention the fact she moved across the country to be a "roommate" with him with no friends, family or job waiting for her in MD. It is soo frustrating dealing with these people trying to cover up these guys adulteries.

Christina - posted on 05/26/2011

10

0

0

Thanks girl, yea as far as wanting him back, heck no. That other girl can have him. He was so abusive it's not even funny. And so unfaithful from the get-co. I stayed because he would tell me I wasn't worth being loved, that no one would love me because I was disgusting. So I stayed because then atleast I would get some sort of affection negative or not it was still attention. My concern is that he has my kids and has convinced his command im this huge mental case when I have been determined "sane" by 5 different doctors. But All of last year after he got his orders and the kids and I stayed behind in Ca, ( i was relieved, that he was gone ) but anyhow he stopped payin the utilities, I had no power for 3 months, and no water for several as well.. I had to turn it back on illegally at one point just to be able to do laundry, and dishwash load. I went to his command and they refused to help at first then he created an allotment with most of his pay to his own account claiming it to be a bill and was giving me $90 each pay day then crying sayin he had no money and I needed to send him some.. when I was like wtf, I have the kids and you are in the barracks. It was frustrating needless to say, but with all the stresses of having to fill up 5 gal water jugs in the morning and alllowing them to warm up all day in the sun so my kids could take a warm bath ( I got water from my neighbors hose ) also my neighbor allowed me to run an extension cord from her back yard through my door so my kids could have some sort of normalcy. During all this I was still nagging his command ( Ive talked to his LtCo, Maj, SgtMaj.. ive even went to IG needless to say I was feeling very low on myself and being told im a pos mom and I can't take care of them and him callin cps on me all the time plus my 1st husband took me to court for my oldest because the utilities constantly being shut off, it was ALOT to deal with so I brought my kids next door and went home and took a knife to my wrist, and as soon as I cut the goofy moments I had with my kids flashed in front of me, I then realized I have so much to live for but because I did that cps took my kids had me chapter'd. In which I was let go 6 hrs later told by 3 docs that I was capable of having my kids in my care. And that I was just under alot of stress. But it was enough time for him to get on the next flight out and get the kids before I was even awake the next morning. Because I couldn't have anything to do with my kids till the mental hospital told cps I was ok. I haven't seen my kids since. He refuses to let me talk to them on the phone. Ive been mostly a single mom for 10 yrs and I could only imagine how confused they are. He wont even allow my children to talk to my older daughter because they asked her if didnt want them or love them and she said no thats silly mommy loves you and wants you." He wont let anyone in my family talk to them, he has completely wiped me out of their life. And this new woman is raising my kids as her own. I am so sickened on what kind of woman would be with someone like this being a mother herself. Ive emailed his chain of command everyday just so he can't get me for abandonment. His IG concluded that him and her were roommates and it was ok. Im sorry you don't do family pics with a roommate. But I did talk to the Joint Law Chief and he informed me that its illegal for a married marine to live with the opposite sex other than his spouse. So I brought that to his command and told them I found it funny that as they were sifting through the usmjc to find out what my entitlements were they failed to see that law and abide by it.
I could care less about him personally but what he's doing to my babies is wrong. and yea I do want him in trouble because he's caused so much emotional stress on my kids as it is and god only knows whats going on there. yesterday I called cps in both ca and in nc, and there is no cases against me. I also contacted both courts and there is no petition for custody. All he has is a piece of paper from cps stating I was emotionally unstable and couldnt have the kids for the dates dated which was only ( 12-08-10) and its in bold. But he just sent me an email because I finally just emailed my whole story and sent it to all 7 of his email accts, all of his familys and mine too plus his command.... he responded for the 1st time telling me to not contact him or his family or they will seek legal assistance. which tells me he's told them an entirely different story. But ive got all the emails proving mine. And in this email he clearly says he wont allow me to talk to the kids till i have a court document stating I could.... lol he has no idea hes only makin matters worse for himself. It clearly shows hes using them as a weapon to hurt me. Anyway thats my story in a nut shell... its crazy and sad and every day is a struggle... I keep on for them little ppl because they are my world. And any "good" mom would fight till the end no matter what for her children. I just had my 1st mothers day in 10 yrs where I didn't get to wake up to their little faces and it was rough... I was depressed for 3 days couldn't get out of bed... ( but im such a bad mom, right?) I don't have the money for a lawyer, and in WI there is no military base near me I mean there is 2 hrs away but being limited on cash its hard. He knows this and uses it to his advantage....... grrrrrrrrr ok im gonna stop talkin now.. :) If anyone could help please do I need it soooooooooo bad!

Tah - posted on 05/26/2011

7,412

22

357

Okay, talked to him, he said the commands aren't getting as involved in family matters anymore,so he said try the fro or fra....

Tah - posted on 05/25/2011

7,412

22

357

Okay, We probably don't know which is your childrens community, so maybe post a link or post the rest of the story here. Now it's true..commands don't really care sometimes. So is she harming your children? Are you trying to get him in trouble because you are hurt?...I'm trying to figure out what's going on. If you are intent on this course of action you would probably have to go to the law center if his command isn't helping. Who exactly are you talking to at his command? What are they telling you?....my neighbor is a gunny sgt. I'll ask him if he hasn't left yet. He's got orders to le jeune but his wife is staying behind with the kids. I'm sure one of the ladies on here can help you get him in trouble as some of dealt with this before. I would personally just get myself together, delete her and him from my fb and live well, it's the best revenge. ..praying for you, if you need to talk you can always pm me, I'm the admin true..but really just one of the girls..lol

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms