contacting his command....

Tah - posted on 04/12/2010 ( 52 moms have responded )

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I have seen alot of people on here suggesting that wives contact the husbands command for certain situations. Some big, some small and petty. I personally know that for me It would take something very serious such as abuse or some sort of danger before i would put his career in jeopardy since sometimes these little phone calls can cause them to delay advancement or be treated differently by certain members of their command. Esp if you are just going to kiss and make-up anyway, doesn't it then affect you also.



I have friends who call all the time for him cheating, okay sweetie, just leave him, why continue to call, like they can make him stop. So i was wondering what are some reasons that you would call or have called his command?. Do you think it was a good idea? Did it get you what you wanted? even revenge because you know how we love that. and would you do it again?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

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I'm missy and I commented on my husband and his nco, I was the one talking about the massive amount of text messages!! I got replies like I'm jealous and negative responses!! I'd like to tell you all he confessed to me, he has been having a affair with his nco, he admitted everything!! Now he will be back in 3 weeks!! I am already preparing for a seperation!!
But I rely wanted to know is what do I do when my husband is and has been Cheating on me with his nco??

Erin - posted on 03/16/2012

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Knowing that it was more than just during "business" hours (after all the military really doesn't have defined business hours) changes things. If he lied to you about her being a woman, do you think he's been completely honest with her? Maybe he's told her that while he's still married, you are separated or something else that would lead her to believe he's "available." I didn't have the full story about what else they were doing. Sorry. While he's deployed you need to make some decisions. I'm with Tah about setting up boundaries and putting your foot down. Have a contigency plan for if he calls you on it. You need to be able to leave him if he thinks that you won't follow through.

Tah - posted on 03/16/2012

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the texting>>>NO MA'AM....my husband was his LPO and work center supervisor all rolled into one and any text/calls from his sailors were business related, They would sometimes be after hours because his division didn't close. He is a navy IT and there is always some system down, something needing to be loaded etc. I know they would text each other if someone was out of the area to tell them to get their tails back there but 3,000 in a month, EXCESSIVE....Now you need to deal with him. Set boundaries. Why is he lying about working with a woman anyway???..When they lie about little things it makes you suspicious and then when you start finding things to back up the suspicions it makes it worse..Put your foot down...

Erin - posted on 03/16/2012

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Missy,

How do you know that they are crossing the line? Text messaging each other? Have you seen the dialogue of those text messages? If not, cheating may not be the problem here. I'm leaning more toward jealousy and lack of trust. Your husband is a welder. Last time I checked, welding was not an infantry job so it seems very plausible that your husband would be working with women. If you don't have a copy of the dialogue of their text messages, I would suggest taking a step back and figuring out why you think your husband and his NCO are crossing the line.

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Brittany - posted on 07/25/2014

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I'm trying to locate my sons father for child support reasons, he was just recently deployed and i'm needing to know his command and everything, how would i find out this information?

Grace German - posted on 01/08/2014

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Lord let me tell you. My son went in the military at the top of his class at the age of 17. He met a older soilder who has sexual issues. This chick sleeps with whom ever she wants to. Tells him she hates him and their son.She's told me she doesn't love him. But he cries and hurts over this and continues to stay. He has 2 other children she wont allow him to see or talk to. Now the final straw he has cut off all contact with his family because this is what she wants. Please pray for the Mc family.

Belinda - posted on 08/07/2012

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I need some assistance with my situation. My son fell in love with a "Col" daughter. They are both adults. They recently broke up after over a year. I loved this young woman as my own. Both said things they shouldn't have to one another. Both did wrong as with any relationship. Instead the "Col" mother got involved and is saying mean hateful things to my son. He may be leaving for Afghanastan this year and she is saying she cant wait for him to go and learn a lesson. She called him a "bas" and many other in writing now she is calling me every name in the book because I was married more than once. What should I do?

Debbie - posted on 07/18/2012

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I have a totally different question lol we are marine corp and i am trying to find out what the person is called who contacts you when you transfer to a new unit or base (its not an FRO but it is usually a wife of a higher ranking marine)

Elisha - posted on 07/02/2012

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yeah, contact his command back here and get to base legal as soon as possible!

Elisha - posted on 07/02/2012

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There is someone higher up in their chain of command, and I would definitely contact them over cheating. She needs to be held accountable too, and his command will force him to pay you support. they should make him move back into the barracks and give you the required percentage of his BAH. I'm sorry that he did that to you, but good for you for standing up for yourself. Did you get to base legal before he did??? Good luck.

Missy - posted on 03/16/2012

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My husband does not work at night, there is breakdowns or call ins, it's pr and hone at 5, no other text from guys he works with, just her, he's a e4 and she's a e5....

Missy - posted on 03/16/2012

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And I have not called anyone on them or went to the chain of command , not going too , I just wanted advice here, not being told I'm jealous and have no merits to what I know and believe is crossing the lines! I stick to that! Drinking , texting , getting tattooed , while at the same hotel and all this while being in training ?? No

Missy - posted on 03/16/2012

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Ps the reason why I thought he didn't work with females is because there normally not in his motor pool, and he told me in his little unit there were no females , not in the whine brigade just his little motor pool area! I know woman are there, office ext, but she is the only female for a fact! It's actually recovery the jib bit just welding , picking up damaged trucks !

I know my husband is to blame for lying, but as a woman and his boss, she Could if kept it down to a minimum

Missy - posted on 03/16/2012

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Well because the text messages are not a few there are hundreds, not in the daytime between 10 pm and later on weekends! They went away for 2 weeks of training, they were going out drinking getting tattooed ! I never had a problem with jealously , he told me she was a him, and after the deployment I found out she was a female

I respect your insight but she told me they were all worked related but why are there so many a total of 3000 in 6 months , as his nco knowing he is married I think the line was crossed !!

I only seen a few of the text on his old phone where she was calling him sweetie and butt nugget asking him to go bowling, a few like that I've seen. I do not think they are having or are having a sexual relationship, but there should not be that much messaging at night and on the weekends, and phone calls that lasted over 30 min. Yeah the thing is he lied telling me she was a him , and right after the month long school they were at together he started acting funny and telling me he was not happy at home anymore! Just seems to me the things added up to crossing the lines! If even they are good friends/nco or whatever they crossed the lines in my opinion !!

I understand the army bond but I asked her and she said they are good friends and all the text are work related, that is crazy! That's my opinion :)

Missy - posted on 03/16/2012

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Hi I am new here! This is my situation, my husband is deployed in afghanastan . Well I found out that his buddy sgt Nem is a female, he said he worked with no women, he's a welder!!

So I checked my AT&T bills and fou d out that they have been texting each other hundreds if texting in a day. So it ends up being thousands !

No biggie right ladies??

But here is my dilemma , she is his NCO, she is his boss? Now there together over there everyday!

What do u do if you know that he and his NCO are crossing the line?

Erin - posted on 01/06/2012

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I would not contact his command except in an emergency. The Marine Corps has stopped the Key Wives program and instead started a Family Advocacy Program. Each command has a Family Advocacy Officer (FRO) that is hired and while she might be a Marine wife, she is not connected to that command (hopefully this is the solution to the "cattiness" that I saw with the Key Wives). We got back to the fleet in September 2011 and 3-4 weeks later there was a family fun day. Well, my husband was assigned duty on that day and his immediate command kept telling him to just send his wife and kids, he had to have duty. Since I didn't know anyone there, I didn't feel comfortable going. The FRO was hoping all the wives would attend so that she could meet all of us at least once before the guys deployed in December. I ended up emailing the FRO to tell her that since I didn't know anyone that I would not be attending the family fun day as my husband had been assigned duty that day and couldn't come. I also added that I hoped to meet her soon. When my husband got home he told me that he no longer had duty that day (a single Marine did) and that the CO had come down hard on whoever assigned duty. That Marine got told that you do not assigned duty to a Marine on a mandatory family fun day! As far as contacting his command for "revenge" reasons, nope. I would contact his mom. She could come up with a more severe punishment for hurting me than anyone in the military could. And she would too, because we are very close. In fact, she's told my husband to his face that he better be nice to me because I'm her girl!

Tah - posted on 01/05/2012

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well he can send his bah to where you are from my understanding, he is stationed in japan, you don't have to stay there..its my understanding from my husband that he can arrange for his BAH to go back to the states for you and the children and he would just have to live on base/ship...in geographical bachelor housing etc etc..so it sounds like he is handing you crap...

Ashly - posted on 01/04/2012

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i think you share alot of good opions so here's my question: if the dependants are in the states from japan (his command) he says he cant get houesing for us here cause they wont approve an early seperation of dependants orders... im here because he asked me to stay do to us not getting along all the time. i feel its because he wants to keep all his nice toys and still enjoy the single batchlor responsibily of not being a dad. he hase housing there in japan. so i know they would just have hime move to the ship or barracks. i just feel like im not being told accurret things from him. if we are here due to him wanting a seperation, doesnt he still have to provide for us till a devorice is final. we are not at that step YET... i worry that it has came to it after he realized i had already gone and do all my research first. i went to leagal, psd, family advacocy, ect... so i know all the entilted ment for at leased his child. he says his command is screwed up and thats why they dont HAVE to approve the early return.

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they dont really care unless you are disabled or have a newborn about money, thats when the wives need to not sit home and get a job. alot of woman complain about no money but if theyd get a job then they'd have money. they cant rely on the husbnad whose deployed to leave them money in the account. they need to be able to care for themselves.



if the guys are transferring money out it means the wife is not trusted, alot of men dont leave money bc the woman blow it. i know lots of wives who take the money and leave them none. the men need it more than the wives back home for their needs while deployed. its not wrong for them to not leave money.



with petty issues im sure they just laugh lol. if the guys cheating common sense sais leave or do what you need to do. too many wives use it as a way to screw the soldier and take his money when they leave. you see it alot on bases. the soldier makes the spouse mad and then they try to get even. its sad really.

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I had to call just recently because he was back stateside for a 2 week training and got stuck an extra 3 weeks because of the volcano. Well it came time for the rent to be due and he hadn't gotten around to signing the form for me to cash checks at the finiance office (the only place to get 1100 euro in one day). I had to call to see what could be done. But my husband told me to talk to his 1st Sgt, so I guess that is alittle different.



I have been tempted though to call on other wives husbands who didn't leave them enough money in the bank while they were deployed for basic food and such. But I didn't I did suggust that they called if they were truely strapped for cash and couldn't buy groceriers or even gas. I had to go and help a friend by buying the gas that she had already pumped and her deebit card was declined because her husband tranfered all the money out.

Tah - posted on 05/12/2010

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yeah like the calling because he's cheating, no they don't care, my friend must have caled a million times on that one, now i will say that in the navy, he was a half of point from advancement and they would not help him to the point where he had to go army and one of his higher-ups told in in confidence that it had something to do with his homelife.



thing like that i feel are better handled without calling and giving your business to the whole command, i know things about wives that i wouldn't know if i passed in the toilet paper aisle, but i know that they called and said this and that and what the husband did and what the command did, and unless he beat the tar outta her...it was really nothing..shoot some of the people that the wives are calling over the petty stuff are doing it themselves and the whole command knows that...



I will call for an emergency. yes, to tell my business no..private matters are that, if counseling is needed okay, set it up..if you need to leave for moms for a couple weeks and teach him a lesson, pack a bag..i think that may get a better result than calling his command. The command will be nicewhile your talking(some not all), but they rarely do anything about petty issues. like coming home late and having duty, or getting them out of deploying cause your gonna miss them...come on already...



There was a ship where the capt. and some other officers and chiefs lost their jobs for messing with enlisted personell..so it goes pretty high up with that. can u imagine if you had called that chain of comand on your husband..lol...i mean the whole chain was crooked..lol..

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i have called command over serious stuff like the way he got treated and the way they did stupid stuff that jeapordized not only my husbands life but the lives of others and the stuff they did knowing it was not allowed per his counselors orders and living on a base that treats people like crap anyways no one had the guts to do it but me. yes they treated him like crap after that but the commander and his 1st ssgt lost their jobs over what they did. they knew they were wrong, but we got a whole bunch of people behind us and pushed the issues thru. needless to say commanders wife lost her job to. plus the way she treated me was a HUGE no idc who she is or what her role is. commander or not you dont treat people with disrespect.

if its something minor then no its stupid to call. with cheating, they dont really even care. the spouses are basically not important to the military and they can care less what the problem is if its petty. in fact it goes military then family. not family military. calling wont put the career in jeapordy, they make up stuff so you dont step out of line. like they say if you disrespect a commander or his wife you go to jail, thats a lie. the most taht will happen is they give the person whose spouse called a hard time.

they will deal with child support tho. that is a major issue to them. cheating no. working late? they will laugh at you for calling. ya i would get mad, but really he had to do what he had to do.

unless its a major issue its dumb to call.

Monica - posted on 05/11/2010

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i do hear how wives call the command over petty stuff.. example: he's working late. lmao at that one. their job is a 24/7 on call duty yet she thinks he suppose to be home with her like he works a regular 9-5. my hubby knows i will not call his command unless its a life threatening situation or i feel like its a issue my husband or fellow frg can't handle

Kelly - posted on 05/11/2010

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I'm bummed that this is the reality of things. My husband is an officer in the Navy and I have always felt that I could talk to my husband's superior officers if I needed to (not that I have). But my first choice for talking to someone about a Navy related issue, question, or concern would always be the other wives. Our previous wardrooms have been totally supportive and I have always been able to talk to the CO's wife. They have training in handling issues that we all encounter and they know when it is appropriate (or not) to contact the command. I'm so sorry that so many wives feel they can't contact their husband's chain of command for fear of retribution. They should be there as a resource, not a threat. I hope that any of the wives of the guys who work with/ for my husband would come to me if they ever had an issue. I would always talk with them and help them figure out the right steps to take.

Sara - posted on 05/10/2010

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I'd never call. I didn't even call when I thought my water had broke. I called my husband's cell and when he didn't answer I just waited for him to call me back.
But I did have the SGM call me one day. My husband's NCO had made a comment that I needed to have a leash put on, which I have no idea why since up to that point I had never spoken with anyone my husband worked with and only 1 other spouse. (And since than, I won't talk to anyone that has any connection to his unit) But eventually what he had said got up to the SGM and he called me to apologize for it. I told him it wasn't his fault and it didn't really bother me since I didn't even know the guy. And that it hadn't even been said directly to me so who knows exactly what went down. He was really nice about it and said that if anything ever came up to call. But I never did and never will.
I think it's stupid when wives call and air their laundry. My husband had 1 solider that him and his wife had major issues. I'm pretty sure there was abuse going on from both sides, but she not only called his higher ups but tired to get my husband and I involved. We were like hell no. You called and started this you finish it. Don't get me wrong. We tried to calm things between them many times before she decided to make that call, but once she tried to start messing with my husband's career I told her to never talk to us again.

Tah - posted on 05/10/2010

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of course if your bleeding or if his their is an emergency with the kids, i would call his captain at home if i could..but i mean the other things...like you said, he's late getting home...come on now..really?...

Kathleen - posted on 05/10/2010

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I have called my husbands (and even my brothers) command a couple times. 1- my brother had just come home from a deployment and he brought his daughter to me so that he could go do some in processing. his daughter started to have a seizure and we didnt really know what to do. My husband called 911 and I called my brother. since he didnt answer his cell, i called the command, they did everything they could to find him. sent a whole bunch of guys all around base to see if they could locate him, and they called every number they had for him so that i wouldnt have to keep tracking him. I was very thakful for that because they found him and got him to meet the EMS at the hospital. 2- i called because I was 34 weeks pregnant and started bleeding, thought i was going into labor and needed him home to get me to the hospital (and to get our 2 year old to a friends house). If I called for anything else, i would have to be stupid. My husband is doing everything he can to provide for us, and i dont think that anything (other than health issues) is worth calling them for. I guess Im going to have to agree with the comment above- i put on my big girl panties every day, i can deal with anything life throws at me. But, it is nice to have a way to contact them in case of an emergency. (i have seen people call for stupid reasons also... one chick called because her husband was late getting home and she had to confirm where he was... get over it.. its life. another couple out here has one car, so most days she takes him to work and sits in the parkingg lot waiting for him to get out of work... im talking 8-12 hours A DAY!!! thats a bit much for me. we only have 1 car, but if i need the car for the day, ill bring him to work and either be there to pick him up, or he can catch a ride with someone else that he works with!!! im not just gona sit and wait!

Tah - posted on 04/21/2010

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@Michelle..i am sorry you are going through this....i dont know if it was right for you or not, im just wondering what the command is going to do..what did they say...it wouldn't have been what i would have done unless it was danger for one of us or the other..so i am curious..did they help...

Jessica - posted on 04/21/2010

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I have done it once and that was recently. But it was more one of his SGTs that he really looks up to and is a mentor to him and i just asked him to give hime some advice. My husband is a survivor of the Fort Hood massacre and has extreme PTSD and is now on his first tour overseas. We had our first child a month before he left and he hasn't seen her much. The only reason i emailed his SGT is because he was seriously talking about extending his tour and told me some seriously scary things going on with him and I knew he would never seek help so I just ask for someone to talk to him. And that happened and it hasn't effected his promotion or anything. It was more a friend to friend conversation.

Michelle - posted on 04/20/2010

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My husband is in the Coast Guard and is deployed for a year in Bahrain. He has been there for almost six months. I just contacted his command because two days before Easter he sent me an email saying he wanted a divorce. He has always been obsessed with his family especially his kids and now he avoids us. I am afraid that he may be depressed. He went over there with intentions of bettering his career and finishing school. Up until the day I received that awful email he told me all the time how much he loved and missed me. That he would never deploy to Bahrain again because it is nothing like he expected it to be. He is now failing the two classes he is taking and if he divorces me he says he will try to stay in Cleveland….how will that help your career? He has never behaved like this before. He is starting to get mean with me and tells me he doesn’t want to talk to me. He also swears it has nothing to do with another girl/girls. I didn’t know what else to do. Was this a bad move?

C. - posted on 04/20/2010

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With all the crap my husband and I have gone through, there was only one time that his Command was notified and that was b/c the MPs called, not us.. It's a long story, so I'm not going into detail.

Unless there was something serious going on with my husband, I wouldn't call (unless there was some other kind of emergency). I just don't think it's worth it for all the little things. Look at all the little things that go on with us! Do our husbands go calling our mothers for something petty? Nope.

Heather - posted on 04/20/2010

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i had called my ex-husbands command twice. once when we were married because he sold a motorcycle to a guy that wouldnt pay and signed the loan. the second time was because he did not tell them we were going through a divorce and was avoiding the mandatory parenting class in the state that we live in now. so what should have been done in a year is still going on and hopefully the divorce will be done in june.

Leslie - posted on 04/20/2010

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As an Army wife of 13 years, There is NO REASON to contact his chain of command unless you are unable to contact your spouse, or your spouse is the problem. Cheating is a punishable offense under the UCMJ. Is it a good idea? Will they deal with the problem? Well that depends. They can take money, make him do extra duty, even put him in jail. However, I don't know that a marriage can withstand that. I don't know if they would take it seriously, but they have to address it in some way. Everything else..... any reason.... needs to go through the enlisted soldier. Unless you cannot reach them. My husband was in Iraq. I was pregnant and they were having major problems with my pregnancy. I couldn't reach my husband. As a spouse, I had two options. Contact his immediate NCOIC, or the Red Cross. I had messages going both ways. He was home within 48 hours of receiving the messages. Look as mad as you may get at the Army and the "Army way" ultimately it is the soldier's responsibility to maintain and control his/her family. As a spouse you need to think about it as if you had a job, and your husband contacted your boss to deal with a problem. FRG's are good for advice. They will keep you in step with your husband and allow you to know when to take the step towards contacting the chain of command. Listen to the wives who's husband's have made the Army a career. They lasted that long for a reason. and I'm sure they all have horror stories about when they did the wrong thing and contacted someone they shouldn't have. Trust me, if you do, You WILL know that you did. Keep your head high and know your not in this alone.

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Ive called the COC bc the hubby and I got into a fight(his ptsd kicked in) but it didnt hurt his career at all and i guess ill have to call again when i go into labor but me and all of the wives are friends so they pretty much know what is happening if something should... i really dont talk to his COC unless nec. bc I dont wanna involve myself in his job... i wouldnt want him calling my boss (if i had one) over something stupid... usually if something is seriously wrong i just call my dad and itll be solved lol

Iris - posted on 04/19/2010

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I HAVE called my husband and it wasn't life or limb. It was important enough to me though for me to call. I needed to get on his AKO and print out some paperwork showing his income for us to get a car. He's been at his AIT for 4 months and that is how long we've been without a car. I've got a 1-year-old and no one that I can really depend on to help me out. I've made it so far but we needed a car ASAP and that day I had FINALLY gotten a ride to Kia so I wasn't going to leave without a car dangit! He gave me a number to call him if it was important. He said this number is passed around from Sgt to Sgt at his AIT. I actually spoke to HIS Sgt and he was very cordial and nice. He even asked me if I needed for him to pull him out of class to talk to me. I said "No" and what his Sgt did was got my hubby to write down his login and password and then he called me back. That simple. They (as in those in command) are human too so it's not like my hubby's Sgt was going to turn around and make my husband push for the rest of the day just because I called.



I agree that it's not something you should do when you want him to stop by the store on his way home and you can't get a hold to him on his phone because he's not allowed to have it. I don't see anything wrong with calling WITHIN REASON. I'm a strong-willed Puerto Rican so I tend to keep my big girl panties on too.



I don't understand these women who stick by their man and basically have lived like widows/single moms and when they finally have their man back he goes off and cheats. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING WOMEN!? I understand each situation is different but if you've been cheated on and you feel the need to contact his command just to confirm he's really at that formation he said he had to report to then you've got a problem. If you decided to stay you've accepted what happened and have agreed to forgive (not forget though). Giving him your trust even if he doesn't deserve it is part of that forgiveness and if you can't trust him DON'T FORGIVE HIM! How can you stay married to someone you can't trust? My husband knows he's got one screw-up and one ONLY. I'm not putting myself through the drama and especially not my daughter. I've got more important things to worry about.

Shelly - posted on 04/18/2010

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My husband has been in 23 years and I would never ever think of calling his chain of command unless it was a family emergency and I couldnt get in touch with him. He is a SGM right now so I would be calling pretty high up and I would never think of doing that, even if he was back in the early ranks. Mission first, family second...that is just the way it is! My husband has many wives call him about why their husbands have to work late, or on the weekend ect. It's much better for all involved to keep your personal life away from the military all together!!!

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I would NEVER call my husbands chain of command. Its not going to solve anything. Most the time they dont care. all they do is tell their soldiers to tell there wives to stop calling.

Rebecca - posted on 04/14/2010

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chain of command, is that like his sgt or his cpt? been married to mine for almost 8 yrs, u would think i would know that! i never called to complain or ask about what he was doing but once my husband made me to talk to his ssgt to beg them not to take his rank. it was the most humiliating thing i ever had to do. i was so embarrassed as i was doing it that i cried! yes, i know, im a sissy, but my husband was all happy cuz his ssgt felt so bad that he helped him keep his rank. i told him i would never do anything like that for him again!

Tah - posted on 04/13/2010

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they need a filter system so somebody can decide what gets through...lol..o you want him home for dinner..delete....lol

Amanda - posted on 04/13/2010

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yeah my husbands gramma had gotten her husband busted in rank like twice from calling and making issues or whatever... he was telling me about it, i was like in shock lol

Amanda - posted on 04/13/2010

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OMG, I have never called, I guess I would call if something horribly bad happened and I couldn't get ahold of him, like if one of my kids was hit by a car. Or if I was worried about him ie. depression somthing like that.

Now on the other hand my mil called my fil's command when they were first married, it was somthing stupid, like getting him out of guard duty on a specific weekend for a card party of somthing, I could not believe it when she told me about it.

Amy - posted on 04/12/2010

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i agree. i thought i was going into labor one day when my husband had duty and i didnt even call then. he was even here on base and i just sent him a text and he said he would talk to his cheif about leaving. and 6 hours later he was here to take me to the dr lol. i did not call and ell his chief to let him come home..some of the men from his division keep friend requestng me on facebook because they say they want to have me on their list so i can add their wives so we can all stay informed on whats going on. but deny them everytime. i think it may have caused a problem with 1 man but my husband understands that my personal life is exactly that and his fiends dont need to be on my facebook. there was just an email sent out today about how a woman at another base called her husbands chain of command because her husband is on deployment and got his credit card info stolen out in town and she was trying to make him pay for it lol not sure what state it was i got it as a forward lol

Tah - posted on 04/12/2010

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i guess they ran out of those panties in that section. I see on here and where i live, wives encouraging this mess. My husband tells me to call more if i need him..umm no, i know where u are and if you arent where ur supposed to be then i will eventually find out and i wont be calling your command over that either. Like i told him, he was in for about 7 years when we met and married and he had been building his career before he met me so unless its danger, im not calling. If i was married to a cashier or engineer I wouldn't call his boss airing my laudry and the military is very small. If i hear it i know other people do as well. I have other ways to getyou back if you do something i feel warrants some revenge. Like not talking to him drives him crazy, i can send him to sleep on the ship and send my family members to exchange the kids with him, just the not seeing or hearing my voice and him knowing that i can take care of myself because i work, go to school and keep and "o this cat is really tripping bank account" would be enough to have him calling my chain of command and i'm a civilian. My husband said one wife(also AD) calls everyday just to argue with her husband and he's the LPO and they give him heck about that. Somethings can be fixed by a counselor that noone has to know your seeing, or good ole hard work. I mean please....get a grip..i hate to call it what it is..but snitching....i gotta call it what it is..in some cases,

Alicia - posted on 04/12/2010

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i have never called my husbands command. not for anything at all, even when i had our first and only daughter while he was on deployment. theres no way i could call knowing that possibly something i said could hurt his career. im a big girl, and most days i am wearing my big girl panties :)

Nichole - posted on 04/12/2010

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I agree, you should NEVER EVER call the Chain of Command unless it's life limb or eye sight. I am prior service, and also suffer from. Calling the chain just creates more issues at work for your spouse. its hard to keep your personal life, just that, when your in the military. I left my first husband because thats exactly what he did called over every detail. Had to call to make sure i was still at work if i wasn't home before him (which just happened to be everyday), had to call and verify with my chain to make sure we were really going to the field, would call ig if i had to work weekends and he didn't, (oh yes he was prior service as well). i never lied to him, nor gave him any reason not to trust me. it made m,y life at work horrable and i eventually grew to hate him for it. in one hours i had 33 missed calls from him, why i was a the rifle range all week... what did he want nothing more than to make sure i was where i said i would be. at work i would be made fun of and no one would take me seriously, i was passed over for promotions because of it. so PLEASE THINK TWICE about why your calling the chain of command esp over petty, small, and unrelated matters. unless like i said its life limb or eye sight... ARIBORNE!

Amanda - posted on 04/12/2010

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Yeah I don't think I would call my husband's command at all unless I thought he was like in danger of commiting suicide or something of that serious of a nature... which my husband and I both think suicide is assinine so I doubt I have to worry about ever making that call, lol. Other than that, I'd call if I were in labor or if I were raped or our son was really sick/hurt somehow. I don't even like calling his boat for him unless it's something important, I'm not one of the women that just call to say hey what do you want for dinner or when are you gonna be home? lol I call his cell, if it's not on, then I wait till later to talk to him unless it's super important.

Julia - posted on 04/12/2010

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Both my husband and I have PTSD....while I have it a LOT less than he does we both have anger issues. When I get angry stuff starts flying....then he gets angry and EXPENSIVE stuff starts flying. There have been times when he has pinned me down so I don't hit him. I know I need help with my PTSD...he on the otherhand adamantly denys that he has it at all. With all of that being said, I have THREATENED to call his chain of command. Only had to do this once...we haven't fought since. Thing is I won't do it unless it was ABSOLUTELY necessary since you are absolutely right Tah it can screw with his career. If he was cheating on me...you had best believe that I would call his chain...I am not just going to leave him I'm going to do the whole revenge thing and get his ass in trouble and whoever he is sleeping with!

Now with that being said...I have also seen the stupidity of some wives (please no one take offense to this...) Piece of advice to the wives who have never been in...you can't call IG just because your husband doesn't have a day off and his NCO does. Yeah this seriously happened...now I will say this...the wife I am SPECIFICALLY talking about is white from Alabama as is her husband...my husband and I are BOTH Puerto Rican, her hubby and my hubby work together and get along at work. She is racist...literally came to my house not knowing that I am Puerto Rican and says the word SPIC....yeah I almost jumped up and kicked her ass for that one. However she called IG because her husband's NCO (black man) took a day off to take care of his wife (who is very sick) and her husband had to work. Yeah that really did happen. Stupid...hell my husband does PT every day at 1700 (5pm) and can't take his phone with him. He told me to call his NCO and then 1SG if I go into labor while he is at PT...I am glad so far that it hasn't happened as I don't even want to do this!

Tah - posted on 04/12/2010

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well of course you call when your water breaks, lol..i mean the wives who call when they are mad at their husbands or he does something he shouldnt and they call to get him trouble or get him some help...help i understand, but the rest im trying to understand

Sarah - posted on 04/12/2010

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I had to contact my husbands command before, because he was away for training and I had gone into labor 7 weeks early. They tried to get him home as quickly as possible, but he didn't make it until like 12 hours later. Now, he's getting ready to deploy to Afghanistan and I'm almost half way tempted to call his command to get his packing list since I'm about to go to the nearest base. But, I'm not sure if he'll get in trouble, so I'm not going to.

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