deploying Daddy

Victoria - posted on 10/20/2012

Hi,my husband has just left for 7months a week ago.my daughters are 5 & 2 yrs.my older daughter is a daddy's girl and really struggling she even wet herself at school the third day in which she hasn't done for over a year now.shes very withdrawn and getting bad belly cramps very teary all the time.i really don't know what to do they both have a daddy doll each which they take everywhere and we have our countdown board which we stick a star on every night,I've also made them both a jar of Hershey kisses chocolates and they get to have a goodnight kiss from daddy every night before bed.i don't know what else to do to make it better for them......

Charmille - posted on 11/26/2008

We have a 5,3, and 1 year old kids. Our baby girl doesn't seem to mind too much, but the boys are missing daddy a lot. I have pictures up of him everywhere. She is too young to understand why he's going over there, but she does realize that daddy isn't here. Our oldest was ten-months the second time my husband went over there, but he was so sad for at least a week. Sticking with the normal routine helped us get through. Presently, for my husband's third time over there, we moved back to our hometown to buffer his absence. It's still not the same as him being here, but it helps.

Nancy - posted on 11/26/2008

My son was that age when my husband deployed the first time. We just told him that daddy had to go and do his job, they dont understand no matter what you tell them. my husband made a video for my son of him reading a bed time story, we would watch it every night. Then i had a picture of my husband in my sons room that he would kiss every night and tell daddy good night but i like the daddy doll idea better. When my husband came home from deployment he knew daddy and wasnt scared of him at all. It was almost like daddy never left, my son is a big daddys boy and still is.

B - posted on 11/26/2008

My daughter was 4 mos. the first time daddy deployed for a year, so she really wasn't too aware of who he was, but we had his pictures up all over and in a flip book for her, with her and him together that she looked at through the year. Now, she's 2 and is SO attached to him. We haven't started talking about the upcoming deployment yet with her, but when we do, I'm not sure what else we'll tell her other than he'll be away working hard and helping people and that it will be ok to miss him. We're going to see about getting internet service there if it's possible, and do web-cam. She's good at talking on the phone now too, so whenever he can call, I'll be sure to let her talk to him. Our youngest is now 4 mos too, and she'll have a bit more time with him than our older daughter was when he left before, but I don't think she'll have much trouble adjusting when he leaves.

Krissi - posted on 11/26/2008

I had to deal with the sitiation for the first time in August with a 7 year old, 5 year old, 23 month old, and a 4 month old. I think the best way to go about it is to just let them know whats going on. My two older ones could understand, but even at 2 Tanner had no clue! I just keep telling him that daddy had to go to work and wont me home for a few months. I also keep a picture of their dad around the house in most of the rooms that the kids hangout in. Just like someone else said, the count down can lead to sadness for the kiddos (and the fact that at that age they dont know how long 4, 5, 6 weeks are) when daddy doesnt make it home by that day. We do a count up and say stuff like look how long we have made it we can do a few more right!!! You just have to stay positive that you will make it and you will. But like i say its ok if you have to have a melt-down and cry cause you are stressed or lonely!!!

Jennifer - posted on 11/23/2008

When my husband went we told my son that Daddy had to go work far away for a long time. We took apart a calendar and spread it out across a wall. Every day we put a sticker to mark the day so we could see how much closer we were to daddy being home. We put a map up with a sticker where we were and one where daddy was. Looking back I would use a picture instead of sticker to mark that. It got a little confusing for him sometimes.
I also recommend him making a video of himself reading a book to her or something else. I know that the libraries on post will sometimes do that for you for free. That way she can have something to watch when she is wanting to see him. Definitely remind her that daddy loves her very much but don't be devastated if she doesn't ask about him as much as you think she should or if she seems to not want to talk about him. This happened with my son. HI just made sure he knew his daddy loved him and then let it go. Good luck with everything.

Susan - posted on 11/21/2008

there is also a website where you can get a gi type stuffed daddy/mommy. The doll/teddy, has the face and colorings of the parent with the appropriate uniform US or CAN. I will post the website as soon as I see my hubby tomorrow and get it from him

Autumn - posted on 11/21/2008

Oh, and the marking the days off the calendar till Daddy comes home, can be very disappointing when Daddy get extended. I found this out this deployment. They understand more than we give them credit for.

Autumn - posted on 11/21/2008

I know that Sesame Street makes a video to help kids understand the deployments. I think it is call "Talk, Listen, Connect" You can get them from the Family Support Center on the base. They are free and really helped my son understand. Elmo's Daddy goes away for "lots and lots of day" and it talk about things to do while he is gone. I think there is a new one out now.

Kelli - posted on 11/20/2008

Hey So far I have not had to deal with this problem yet since my son is only 10 months and the most my husband has been gone is just a few days, but I am already dreading explaining and helping my son understand why his Daddy is gone. There is a website I have found though http://www.zerotothree.org/site/PageServ... and it has some great information about deployments including a book that you can download and make with your daughter. The book talks about how it is ok for her to be sad or upset that her daddy is gone and that dady miss her too. I think it is a great book and there are other resourses on the site too that may help you. Anyways I hope this helps and good luck :)

Lori - posted on 11/19/2008

I just checked the Flat Daddies and they are $49.50. Is there a different one?

I have ordered my girls something special off www.daddydolls.com

For my older daughter, she is getting the pillow and for my 5 yr old, she is getting the large Daddy doll with the voice recorder. I am also giving my husband's mom a pillow with his picture on it for Christmas.

Lisa - posted on 11/19/2008

Hey Gina!!

My husband just deployed last year for the first time and my boys were 3 and 1--so I totally know what you are getting ready to experience!! One thing that I would tell you really helped my boys is getting a flat daddy. You can go to the website: www.flatdaddy.com and all you pay is shipping and handling (which was like 9 dollars), but the boys had a big beautiful life sized picture of their dad!!! It was awesome!! They kissed him good night, talked to him, and even showed him what they did at school that day. The only thing is they take a while to come in once you order them, but it was definitely worth the wait.

Anywho, hope that this helps!!



Take care,

Lisa Bryant

Lori - posted on 11/16/2008

We will soon be in the same situation, but our girls are older... 5 and will be 12. He deploys in April for 1 year. I think if mine were two years old, I would make her aware of it as soon as possible to get her used to it. Let her know that Daddy is going away with the army for a while. He will call us and write us alot. He will miss us very much and loves you very much. At two, time means nothing. You'll just have to remind whenever she asks. In the beginning, I'm sure she'll ask every day. When she does, just say, "Daddy loves you so much. Remember, he said he would call us? Well, he should be calling tomorrow. Let's mark it on the calendar. " Things like that.

Maybe have your husband have several presents wrapped and for the first month, you can give her a present each week from Daddy. She can mark it off on the calendar each week so she knows when to expect it. After that, she should be more used to him being gone. You can still do the presents every 2 wks or once a month if you like. I am not speaking from experience, but thinking what my girls would look forward to.