Deployment

Dianna - posted on 10/17/2009 ( 31 moms have responded )

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I know there is a lot of you who are going threw the same thing as me and it is so hard trying to stay strong for myself for him and for my kids.. Every time i turn around there is something i don't like to hear. Like someone called me today and told me a Marine passed away they seen it on the news but that don't mean it is mine so why tell me that so i can cry all day... I miss him so much I feel lost I feel empty i am lonely with out him. I am Scared i want him to be safe a safe return. I hate where he is at... My baby's miss him so much! My oldest asks me Mommy when is the bus bringing daddy home.. Then he will be like Mommy I love my daddy and I miss him. This is the hardest deployment going to afgan is so diff from going to japan all new feeling :(

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Kimberly - posted on 11/06/2009

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My husband left a week ago for Afghanistan. It is hard especially at night and having to go to bed alone. The 3 children are doing pretty well with it- we have them in a support group at school. They get pulled out once a week and get to speak with a psychologist and other children with deployed parents. As for myself I have a laundry list of house projects I want to get done before he comes home in June 2010. The kids and i have put together our first care package for dad and he has mailed his 1st set of letters. My husband and I have a set time everyday where we either talk on the phone or chat. As for the news I am not glued to it because i know that would bother me. I have met some really supportive ladies at church in the same situation and have friends and family. I concentrate on the kids, house and church alot. my husband and i are also doing something cool- i like to read alot so i am picking books that i really like, reading them, writing comments in them and then sending them to him to read. it gives us something to talk about with each other. we are also very open with our feelings. Like another woman said he has learned that I am alot stronger than he thought and everything here at home is well in hand. that means he can concentrate 100% on his job there, taking care of himself and being safe. I am making sure the kids have fun activities to be involved in- next week there is a harry potter movie night on base we are going to. Financially I don't have worries- bills are paid through automatic bill pay and i have set amounts for expenses and groceries- that is awesome that we don't have to spend precious time talking about bills and money. i keep him updated on projects i am doing and get his opinion on big things like room colors, carpet colors etc. so we miss each other greatly but still feel emotionally connected to each other. glad to offer any suggestions. hang in there!

Nadja - posted on 11/01/2009

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my husband got back on the 1st of june from a 15 month tour in iraq. we have together 3 kids but just 2 living with us. i had my family and friends to support me. he called me every day and we talked every day online if he wasnt on mission. but i know in some places its not possible. my son asked me the same i told him that he will be back soon and that he has to help ppl that cant help thereselves. he is 5 years old and he understood it pretty good. he knows his dad is a soldier and that he is helping others. also on military base u have alot of groups that support you, you also have frg that always know whats going on and they help u alot too. i went to buy a calender and every day that passed i let the kids make a cross in it till the day he came home so they had some kind of idea of how much longer its gonna take.

Amber - posted on 10/27/2009

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My husband went to afghan a while back. He missed the birth of our 2nd child. I wouldnt watch the news or read the newspapers. It just depressed me. I would count down the days til my husband was going to be home on leave. Try not to listen to everything. I know its hard but it only makes you feel bad. Try to just take everything day by day.

Kari - posted on 10/27/2009

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It is hard but yo have to stay strong in front of your kids. Try not to cry in front of them, if you do they think something is wrong. When my husband was deployed my daughter was a newborn but even then I tried not to cry in front of her because they can pick up on stuff like that. When your kids are in bed and you lay down if you need to cry do it then. Have your kids write letters and take pictures of doing every day things, it'll help them cope with him being gone. Before my husband deployed he told me not to watch the news, they just show all the bad stuff going on and I had a friend that every time someone died she would call me and freak me out, I eventually just had to learn to ignore it because you will worry yourself to death if you think it's your husband every time. everyone who goes through a deployment is scared but you will get through it homecoming day will come. That's what you have to think about, not if he's ok.

Maggie - posted on 10/27/2009

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As a wife and a mother DEPLOYMENTS suck! We are enduring my husbands 3rd tour to Iraq and let me tell you then never get easy, fun,look forward to etc.. The one thing we have a stronghold on is GOD! I tell you without him I would have lost it a long time ago. We got married in '07 but had been dating since '04 (we met on R and R). I can truly say that while you are lonely and sad and missing your other half know that he/she is feeling the same way. For me I have the kids to hug and get after he has all his co-workers and there is nothing like home. Just know that the time will fly you think it won't but it will. The worst time for me is the day before he has to leave I get so sick and start almost grieving its the worst feeling in the world. Then once we drop him off it goes away. I say you need invest in a webcam and download SKYPE... you will be so glad that you did and the cost of a webcam is nothing when you can spen some"air" time with your loved one and see and talk to them. I pray that all of our loved ones come home safe and for all of us back home that we can all find comfort in our God who sees us through each and every day! God Bless all of you ladies and hubbies and children who make the ultimate sacrifice!

Danielle - posted on 10/26/2009

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thanks :) actually my husband just got back from iraq the end of september but is based in new york so i still don't see him.....but when he was deployed we used skype cuz with that you can use a webcam AND talk to each other thru the computer so we talked every day.....but its still hard with him not being here.....i only have 1 child to worry about so i can't imagine how your managing 4!!! good luck to you!!!

Colleen - posted on 10/26/2009

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I am going through a deployment right now too. I thought this one would be easier because I have been through it before. I was so wrong. I am by myself with 4 children under 6. They all miss daddy, except the youngest who is only 2 months old. I would recommend a webcam if you both have access to computers. Although that is both a blessing and a curse with our family. It's great to see him but it's harder for the kids to say goodbye to him when it is time to. I don't watch the news anymore because it makes me worry more than I already do. Good Luck with everything.

Danielle - posted on 10/25/2009

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well yea it does pay like crap but you'd have to grow up the way i did to understand y i say it pays good.....as for living miserable, id rather that knowing that he's done with the army in a couple months than live without him!!!

Naomi - posted on 10/25/2009

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Danielle, the army pays like shit, WTF are you talking about?!!!

As for deployments, you get used to it. You have one decision to make: to deal with it or not. You married him knowing it would be like this, so either accept your decision, or leave. Its not worth making you live miserable. I've seen my hubby 4 months of the 21 we've been married.

Danielle - posted on 10/24/2009

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my hubby n i have been married for a little over a year.....we got married last september and he deployed in october, so out of the year we've been married, ive only seen him about 2 months!!! and i got pregnant just before he left so hes only seen our son about 2 weeks n hes 4 months old :( i really HATE the army but it pays good...

Aurora - posted on 10/23/2009

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Quoting Monica:



The laptops are awesome for deployments! With their duties and missions it can be hard to meet often, but my husband and I tried to plan as many 'date nights' over the webcam as we could. It's so nerdy, eating together over the webcam and playing internet games together, but it helped us so much. Definitely invest in that if you can :)





Hi all,



My husband will be home in just a few weeks. He has been in Iraq since December.



I have become the queen of Yahoo pool. lol We also will watch movies together if the time allows. Our son is almost 4. He had a little trouble sleeping at first and was acting out. We printed out photos for him to carry around. He also talks to Daddy on the puter quite a bit. We talk and cam as often as possible. I keep home a positive place for him to think about. I will tell him if something major is going on so he still feels needed and wanted but I try to not sweat the small stuff with him.  He has enough going on. I vent to my journal and cry when no ones looking. I have not allowed people to call me with every single thing they see on CNN, MSN, etc. I will know before them. I worried enough without that help. The main thing I can say is stay busy. Keep a solid routine. It will help you both. In a weekly email I try to line out anything thats different that I will be doing so he stays in the loop and doesnt have to worry if he cannot contact me right away. I know it seems unbearable when they leave but we do survive it.



A soldiers wife is just as tough as they are. We just don't have to wear the boots.



 

Monica - posted on 10/23/2009

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Quoting Alyshia:

It is really tough. My husband is in Afghanistan right now and our daughter is about 2 months old. He was here for her birth and a week after he had to leave again which was so hard on him and on us. I know it's not really much help but just try to keep busy. Make sure you always have something going on if you let yourself have too much down time you're just going to think about what's going on overseas and drive yourself crazy with worry. My husband took our laptop over with him so we talk on Skype as often as we can if your husband has access to a computer I highly recommend that it's so nice. It's definitely not the same as having him home but it's really nice to see him and talk to him and I think it's good for our daughter so she won't forget what he looks or sounds like. Stay strong and if you need anyone just to talk to about anything send me a message!


The laptops are awesome for deployments! With their duties and missions it can be hard to meet often, but my husband and I tried to plan as many 'date nights' over the webcam as we could. It's so nerdy, eating together over the webcam and playing internet games together, but it helped us so much. Definitely invest in that if you can :)

Monica - posted on 10/23/2009

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Hi! At least you're in the right spot to get the kind of support you need for this situation. My husband just came home in March and is getting ready to go on his fifth deployment. It is SO hard. Even harder when you have kiddos to take care of, be strong for, and explain where 'daddy' or 'mommy' is on a consistant basis. I would recommend you ask people to stop notifying you of horrible news like that. The first time my husband was deployed I was GLUED to CNN and Foxnews and it nearly destroyed me. To make it through this, you've got to try not to be focusing on things like that ( I know, it can be so hard to do that). Just try to take it one day at a time, and try to be supportive of your spouse over there. You will get through this, and each moment that passes is another one down and another one closer to him being home again.
With everything you have, just try to be strong, keep yourself busy, and live one day at a time.

Alyshia - posted on 10/23/2009

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It is really tough. My husband is in Afghanistan right now and our daughter is about 2 months old. He was here for her birth and a week after he had to leave again which was so hard on him and on us. I know it's not really much help but just try to keep busy. Make sure you always have something going on if you let yourself have too much down time you're just going to think about what's going on overseas and drive yourself crazy with worry. My husband took our laptop over with him so we talk on Skype as often as we can if your husband has access to a computer I highly recommend that it's so nice. It's definitely not the same as having him home but it's really nice to see him and talk to him and I think it's good for our daughter so she won't forget what he looks or sounds like. Stay strong and if you need anyone just to talk to about anything send me a message!

Yolanda - posted on 10/22/2009

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i am new to the military my husband goes to iraq in the summer and i know with three kids living in a new state its going to be hard thank god for computers and phones hang in there god bliss you and get your self envolved in something so u can stay busy think happy thoughts dont think about what could happen tell yourself he is fine and youll see him soon sometimes we have to confuse the mind were are you at if your local i would not mind at all getting together with you to hang with our children i myself is in fortcampbell ky

[deleted account]

my husband just left, so i know what youre going through. although, my baby's only 3 months old this month so i dont have to explain why daddy's not here yet or anything. im not sure how im going to when he starts turnign 1 year or closer to 1 and a half years old and wants to know where dad is... or if he'll even remember him. im terrified about that. none the less though! this is what our men signed up for, so we have to keep our chins up and hearts strong, they may be doing the fighting, but we're fighting hard to keep everyone upbeat here. i know its so so so hard, and that it was a total lie when people told any of us it gets easier because girl it doesnt but you have people to talk to, so use it! theres seldom that actually understand what youre going through, so when you find them, embrace it! i moved back home while he was deployed and nobody here understands it.

Teresa - posted on 10/21/2009

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The things I used to do during deployments is tell everyone not to relay news about overseas because you will be the first one notified if something happens. No news is good news. I never watched the news or listened when people would tell me about soldiers dying. I would literally cut them off and tell them I don't want to hear it and if that's all they want to talk about please don't contact me, I have enough to deal with. I'm so sorry this deployment is rough on you. Stay strong...I know it's hard but force yourself to get out of the house and do things. You will be grateful for it later..I promise!!

Latishia - posted on 10/20/2009

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my son took it really hard with my husband being gone in iraq. he kept himself busy though..he started reading to his sister and playing with lots of kids. he just found new things all the time to pass the time to get the deployment over with. my husband was fortunate to have internet access so on his times he couldnt call he would get online so they could see him. i have a daughter also but she is strictly a mamas girl. just stay strong and remember there are people out there that know exactly how you feel. whenever you need to talk there is always a military spouse that is willing to talk no matter what time of day. at least thats how a lot of the ones i know are including me. so hold your head high..put on a smile even though your heart is breaking..tune the news out and pray every night. hang in there...once its over it wont seem like it was that long and you will have your heart back in whole...

Manda - posted on 10/20/2009

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Tell those people to quit telling you those things. Avoid the news. Stay strong.

Deb - posted on 10/20/2009

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Dear Dianna

I was a mility wife and Mom for over 20 years! Me and my kids were alone alot of the time! One great way to let the kids in on when Daddy is coming home is to draw a picture of a helmet with boots and section it off into however many days Daddy is gone. Then each day let the kids color in a space that represents a day. When the entire picture is colored, Daddy will be home! This little tool helps the kids understand the concept of time better and helps them be excited about when Daddy come home!

Another great tool is to get involved with other Moms who are gone and have dinners together where you can chat with other Moms and the kids can play togeter.

Another way is to let the kids draw pictures and send them to Daddy! This way they know that Daddy is getting presents from them and won't forget them! Also, ask Daddy to address the kids in mail and read it to them! Don't forget that you are their only contact with him and they need to know that he is coming home!

As far as the news goes.... Try not to dwell on it! Remember that your man is as safe and sound as could be and keep your head up for those babies!

Jaci - posted on 10/20/2009

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I hear ya hun. I just found out now too long ago that Im pregnant with my fiance and my first child, and not too long before that he found out he was going to Afghanistan soon this coming year. Now, we've been through one deployment together already, and although that one was hard, I really hoped he wouldnt have to go again, especially while I was pregnant.

You're always going to worry about your husband, that's just a fact of life, but try doing more with your kids FOR your husband while hes gone. You said you're oldest asks when the bus is bringing him home... have your child draw pictures of their daddy getting off the bus at home and send them to him. I found it was a lot easier just for myself going trhough this past deployment with my fiance to put my mind on crafty ideas to send him that would help him and let him know I loved him. I think that would be a great way for you and your kids to "pass the time" waiting for Daddy to get home.

[deleted account]

u have a right to not always be strong and express ur emotions in as much of a positive way definitley try to do things with ur babies that ur husband had done with them. talk with friends and family that has both experienced and not experienced this and there r many websites that can give ideas so just plug in deployment

and go to frg meetings

Christina - posted on 10/19/2009

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This is my first deployment. My husband has told me that he always knew I was a strong woman,but now he knows he I am a fortress made of steel. If he only knew some of the thoughts running thru my head, how much everything big or small makes me cry, and all the issues i have dealt with because of the kids or the house. I just always put on a happy face when I talk to him because I know it is what he needs to hear. I sleep with pillows his mom made me sprayed with his cologne. Both my kids have daddy dolls which has calmed the screaming for Daddy. I just try to Stay strong and pray that god brings my husband and all the troops home safe.

Sunshine - posted on 10/18/2009

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I was told that deployments get easy, BUT THEY DON'T.. My hubby has done 2 tours & it DONT get easier it seems like it gets harder so I know what your sayin.. As for the kid part I have no clue what that is like to have to tell your child daddy will be home soon.. I wouldn't even know what to tell my son after he is old enough to understand! Its a great thing to be able to come to a place like this to vent like you do, specially with people who understand! As for that certain someone callin you like they did I would of cussed them out.. YOU DONT call someone whoms husband is currently deployed & tell them someone passed.. You just don't do that! Im sorry!

Im pretty sure I will know what its like to be alone with a child cause we are expecting our first child, but we aren't sure when he deploys there sayin 2011.. Not sure..
Keep your head up love stay strong for you kiddos & that hero of yours.. Mine too:)

[deleted account]

You never get used to deployments. I was in the Air Force for 6 years during the first Iraq war so I thought I knew what it would be like. I was very wrong. Now it's even harder with a child. Everyone tries to sympathize but they just don't understand. Other military wives understand how you feel. I've even had people tell me "well, you knew what you were getting into!" So there's a select few people who I really open up to about my fears. Talk to other military spouses as much as you can,it helps cause we know what you're going thru. My husband is in Iraq right now, and while it's safer than Afghanistan, it's not 100% safe. So I worry just like you do.
I was talking to my mother the other day and she started to cry when she mentioned something about seeing a returning soldier in the airport. I had to tell her, look, I understand that this is hard for you too - but you getting upset is making it much harder for me to stay strong. You can tell your friends/family what you need from them in order to make it through this deployment. If you need them not to tell you about every solider mentioned on TV, do it! And don't feel bad about it.

Malissa - posted on 10/17/2009

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You will never get use to deployments. My husband is on his 4th deployment. like you I have cried each time it doesn't get easier. I have 5 kids and you have to be strong for them. Unless you are a military spouse you can not understand it. My family tries but I tell them until you experience it don't even try to say you understand just support us! My husband is coming home in about hopefully this is the last but I know it won't be. Just pray that God keeps all of them safe and that Obama keeps his word and brings them all home soon.

Tyna - posted on 10/17/2009

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Deployments are never easy. I always had a picture of my husband in the living area and we talked to him every night{the pic} When he called we all got to talk.

Being a Army wife you are the ruler of the house , your husband is your back up. If the kids start acting up you put a stop to it.To see or hear from him should be like the best thing ever.The service person has more things to worry about than whether or not the kids a being bad. The spouse at home is everything, they make or break the GI You cry alone in your room & stay strong for everyone. Always tell him everything is fine and how much you love and miss them. Being the one left behind is not easy.If you married a GI you can do it. P>S> Pray alot

Elysse - posted on 10/17/2009

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wow.. my husband is going to be deploying and I'm trying everyday not to think about life without him here its scares me and how much we will miss and if our daughter will remember him or not.

Mary - posted on 10/17/2009

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It's hard everytime. I'm the parent that leaves for deployments. My daughters use to stay glues to the tv and when ever they hear a soldier in the Army died they automatically thought it was me. But with as many deployments I had been through and actually been out of country, I hate to say this but they got use to it. I use to call them from Iraq as much as possible just so that they know I'm ok. Don't ever think about anything happening to your husband. You will worry yourself to death. Communication helps whether it's through phone calls or writing letters. Have your son draw pictures to send and have him help make care packages to send. This would probably help him cope with his dad being gone and give him a sense of happiness to send daddy some snacks and other things your husband would need. I had my girls have a count down till mom gets back calendar so that way the sooner they saw my estimated date the more excited they would become and know how much sooner "the bus" would bring me back. I know all dates aren't always correct but I try to work with them on the dates. It was even better when I came home sooner than they thought. But always let them know that their dad loves and misses them too. I'll be praying for you and your family and for the safe return of your husband. As for me, I'm already prepping my daughters for my up coming redeployment. Good luck...Mary

HOLLIE - posted on 10/17/2009

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it's hard ! people think we should be used to deployments ! but i never got used to them ! i cry before he leaves and when he leaves ! we miss all the holidays together !

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