Deployment and having our first child. So emotional and need words of wisdom and strength!

Tabby - posted on 11/13/2010

I was 10 days away from my due date when my husband left for a 7 month deployment. I wouldn't leave the house because I dreaded having to go back home and realizing all over again that he was really gone. I thank god I had a friend who had been through that and would come knocking on my door and MAKE me go places with her. I started taking our dog on 30 or more minute walks and making up chores that had to get done (our apartment was spotless!). The only thing I didn't touch for MONTHS was the boots he had dropped on the floor right before he left. I was scared someone would come knocking on my door saying he fell off the flight deck or got hurt by a helicopter blade. Everytime he didn't write me I was convinced something happened to him and he would never meet his daughter.

Something I found out was you never know what you can do until you do it. I was living 2 hours away from my family and I was scared they wouldn't get there in time. That same friend came to the hospital with me when I went into labor 11 days past my due date. I was so scared of labor. Looking back though I think my own fear made it hurt that much worse. My biggest advice about labor as nuts as it will sound is just to relax. I was in labor for 23 hours and eventually ended up with a c-section. Besides my daughter's first cry the ONLY thing I remember is turning my head to my mom in the OR and saying "I did it". I really thought I wouldn't be able to. I know that if I can make it through all that SO CAN YOU!
We woman are a lot stronger than we even give ourselves credit for. You can do a lot more and be a lot stronger than you ever thought was possible. You'll manage to live off no sleep, you'll somehow manage to take care of your dogs, baby, and house, you'll manage to keep your husband up to date with everything your little one does (I remember telling my husband about everything including her first poopy diaper at home and when she switched to formula and even what kinda bottles she liked best lol). It all seems impossible right now because it's so new and fresh. Once you settle into the fact that he's gone you start looking forward to when he gets home. One thing that helped time go faster was we measured by pay periods rather than weeks or months or days. It's so much easier to say there's only 4 paychecks left than there's 2 months left. You'll make it through all of this I promise!

One last thing... no matter how strong the other military wives seem or act... we all cry when no one else is watching...

Bree - posted on 11/12/2010

I am not sure I have words of wisdom, tips, or advice but I do have this:

You're normal.

You are going through not 1, but TWO of the hardest things anyone will ever have to go through. Two things that are very personal. No two people handle either of those things the same. But I can tell you that the emotional roller coaster is completely normal for both situations.

As for having a baby by yourself, I can't even imagine. My Mom was 17 when she had me and had only her ex boyfriends Grandma with her. Pretty awkward, I'd think. But she made it through that...and through all of my shenanigans by herself too. That's not reassuring in any way, I'm only saying that it has been done thousands of times before. You will find out just how strong you are...I have a feeling you're a lot stronger than you're giving yourself credit for!

If possible, don't ever compare yourself to other Military wives. We all have different ways to cope, we all have different support systems and we're all at various levels of Military-wife-dom. I'm 9 years in, 4 1/2 of those he was deployed overseas. And I still have my moments of complete breakdown. I don't show that in public. All of us have moments or days or weeks where all we do is cry...if someone says they don't they're either very happily medicated or have some sort of magic coping capabilities.

In order to feel like you and your husband are doing this together try to include him in every single step from here out. Do you still need to buy a crib? Send him links to ones you like and discuss which ones you like best. Bedding themes? Does he like the baseball ones or the bears in bluejeans (I'm not good with boy examples lol). He will feel more involved and you might feel a little better not having to do it all yourself.

As for the big one...I haven't found a way to get past that. I had some MP's come to my door once during a deployment to tell me that some bikes had been stolen in the neighborhood so to put my daughters up and I had an extreme moment of panic when seeing them there. Is it logical? Not at all. MP's will not tell me if something happens. A Chaplain and a member of Rear D would tell me if they're available and they'd be in dress blues or class A's, not ACU's. And that was the 4th deployment I had gone through. There is no way to think rationally about certain things. Throw pregnancy emotions on top of that...it's just a lot. But the fact that you're getting out of bed and functioning proves that you're strong!! That you're looking here and venting here and trying to get some help here...that means you're strong!! You can do this!! It's hard but all of the best things are.

If you need more help, ask for it. Friends, family, here...your doctors...anyone. Most people will help in any way they can, and it sounds like you're close to a lot of people that care about you. It's not the same, but lean on them a little bit. They'll be willing to hold you up, I'm sure of it.