Deployment and moving home

Kimberly - posted on 01/06/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I am moving back home about 3 months before my husband deploys. Reason being, I am pregnant and he doesn't want me to have to move myself in case they deploy early (which could actually be possible). We have a 2 1/2 year old. And I have to move before I am 28 weeks because it's difficult to find another OB/GYN after reaching that point. So I will be moving in with my mother-in-law and I'm not sure I'm going to be ok. To be honest, my husbands family does not support him in his decision to be in the military. They never have and their views are way off base with what the military does. I would move in with my dad but he is newly married and I don't know his wife at all as of yet. I'm just nervous because I know I will not be receiving ay support from anyone back home. I am so afraid of becoming depressed while there because of the lack of support for my husband and myself. I would move somewhere else, but we are trying to save money and get our credit scores up to buy a house, when he returns. Any advice on how to handle the non-supportive families?
My husband thought I was joking when I told him about the lack of support from his family the last time he was deployed, we went home for Christmas and he heard it first hand. I think maybe he's a little nervous now as well. But he really wants to buy a house. So this is the only way we can think to help make that happen. I just don't want to deal with all the negativity that stems mostly from his family. It happens in my family as well but only by my 2 siblings. I tell them off most of the time. But my husband has 4 siblings, his mom and Grandma who all disapprove of him being in the military. I just don't want to go crazy or bother my husband with any of the negativity while he is deployed. He doesn't need that, but neither do I. So any advice on getting his family to shut up about it?

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Yvonne - posted on 01/13/2011

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It sounds like you would be better off staying right where you are. You will have the help and support you need from the other wives and family members in his unit. Also, if you get a VA loan you don't need a huge down payment for a house. I too moved home while my husband deployed so my children could have time with their extended family and it turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes of my life! I have not gotten the help or support that I had assumed I would be getting since most of my family and my husband's family lives in the same town. The best way to handle a non-supportive family member is to stay as far away from them as possible! Things are going to be hard enough for you being pregnant and him being gone. You don't need to add the stress of people who don't support you and your family.

Lucille - posted on 01/13/2011

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I went through the same thing with my husband's father and I was also pregnant. He didn't want to know anything about what his son was doing or how he was, but he wanted to know everything else. And had opinions for everything. Honestly, if you plan to stay there and want a non-stress enviornment, tell them. Do it in a way that's respectful though. Tell them that you need them to keep opinions to themselves when it comes to his career for the simple fact that it has nothing to do with them and you need their support this deployment and that's the reason you've come to stay with them.

Usually if you go to them and be honest about your feelings and can come to a compromise with everything, it works out for the best. Just try to talk to them and be as honest as possible. if they can't see that you need them right now and not the opinions you'll never get them to stop.

Amanda - posted on 01/09/2011

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I am sort of in your boat...LoL. My son and I are moving in with my father when my husband deploys here in a couple of months because we too are buying a house and we want to gather a big down payment. I am also incredibly picky when it comes to houses so I know we will need money to at the very least buy new appliances and paint the place ;) I honestly HATE the fact I have to do this, but we know it is for the best. Anyways, as far as the family not supporting you guys, I would very calmly tell them that it is not their life to live. You guys chose this life and are happy with it and would very much appreciate them keeping comments to themselves if they can't support you in a loving manner. If that doesn't work you can always do what I do and tell them at least my husband has the balls to stand up for his country when they don't ....LoL. Ok, seriously don't say that to them, but you get my drift. You guys don't need their approval. If you're happy, then don't let them bring you down. I really wish you luck because I know how difficult it can be not to have the support you need. Keep your head up and try to make a friend or two.

Marcia - posted on 01/06/2011

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Yes, isn't it so interesting that people pay taxes and expect someone to protect their country with their tax dollars, but they get mad at you when you decide to be one of those people that makes that sacrifice? My family and my in-laws have not been very supportive of my husband's decision to join the military either. We made the decision that I am going to try very hard to make friends right where we are, and I am not going back home when he gets deployed or when a new baby comes, I will have my family come out to visit us.
Just make sure to surround yourself with other army wives that you can call or email when you are feeling down about these things. Talk to a chaplain or someone at your church who is in a military family.

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