Deployment and Young Children

Ashley - posted on 06/14/2012

This is my first deployment and it is hard on all of us, me and the children. My son is 16 months and my daughter is 2 months. My husband got involved in a program with the Uso where he recorded a video before he left of him reading a storybook. Watching the video has now become part of our bedtime routine. My son gets to see his daddy every night before he goes to bed and since my daughter is so young, I find reassurance that at least she will recognize his voice when he comes home by playing the Dvd. He is stationed in a desolate area with limited Internet and phone access so its nice to know this way we can see and hear him as much as we want. My sister is also married to a soldier so I voiced my concerns to her and she suggested cologne and a tshirt. She said with her kids she sprayed a tshirt with her husbands favorite cologne and placed it next to the crib, that way her kids would know their daddy's scent. So I went out and bought his favorite axe and spray it everyday lol. And even though my kids aren't old enough to respond, I talk to them everyday about daddy and how he's gone at work but will be home soon and that he misses and loves us very much.

Luly - posted on 05/12/2012

I know this post is so old..........I wanted to ask your advice on gifts for a deployed spouse....And what kind of gifts did your spouse send you and your gifts? Just trying to get ideas

Elizabeth - posted on 03/05/2010

What we are doing is taping him reading her books. That way she see's&hears him. Also web caming as much as possible. Pictures pictures and pictures.
Maybe look into getting a daddy doll or a pillow with his picture on it

Belinda - posted on 03/05/2010

My husband left for just over a month when our daughter was 2. She cried and hid behind my legs when he came home. Unfortunately he was in/out in/out for her first 2 years. I think I didn't prepare her enough. I can't imagine what it would be like for a year or more. I like the calendar suggestion if you think she is old enough. Maybe a picture of her and Daddy beside her bed? It's a rough situation.....

Audrey - posted on 03/05/2010

How proud all your children will be. Their fathers and mothers are gone for the noblest of reasons. As a mother of children who have been through separation issues I am not kidding, these huggable picture frame dolls REALLY WORKED. They also have recordable ones too. Pricing is $10.95 to $14.95 for recordable so that is great. Any FRG leaders or assitants or base leaders contact this charity to get them donated for FREE. OPERATION GIVE A HUG-1-253-691-9391-Susan Augustin or email her at SLA767@msn,com. They too are taking care of all of the deployed families in the best way possible. Take advantage and contact her now. I want to thank ALL of you from the bottom of my heart for what you are all doing for our country. I could not be more proud of all of you or be more honored to blog with you.

JESSINA - posted on 03/05/2010

STAY STRONG AND DO EVERYTHING THE SAME AS IF HE WAS THERE. MY DAUGHTER IS TWO AND SHE REMEMBERS HER PAPA I HANG PIC OF HIM AND SHOW VIDEOS OF HIM AND WHEN HE CALLS SHE TALKS TO HIM. KIDS MAY NOT GET THE CONCEPT WHERE THERE DADS ARE AND WHAT THERE DADDYS ARE DOING FOR THIS COUNTRY BUT THEY SURE WONT FORGET THEM.

Audrey - posted on 03/05/2010

There is a great product for deployment called HUGGEE MISS YOU. It is a soft plush huggable picture frame. check it out at www.huggeemissyou.com. Has been on the Biggest Loser with another military mom. Has helped now over 250,000 children!! You will love it trust me.

Sarah - posted on 10/06/2009

My son was only a year old when daddy went away just for training...of course he didnt understand then at all...just talked to him on the phone and would ask where he was and I would say working! My son is now 2 1/2 and my husband is getting ready to leave for the first time to go over seas...Im nervous let alone trying to tell my son what is going to happen.....I think I might explain it the way I did before...that Daddy is at work and we will get to talk on the phone and look at pictures and still talk about him openly and stuff! I dont think at 2 or even 3 they really are going to understand so I dont think any harm is really done!

Erin - posted on 10/01/2009

Before my husband deployed last year we mad videos of him reading our son stories. He would read them the same way we read them as a family before bed. He acted silly and made the voices. He was sure to tell how proud he was of our son or some special message at the end of each book. This really helped and our son loved to see him before bed or even when he was just missing him during the day.

Heidi - posted on 09/30/2009

I have a 5 week old son and am newly wed too my highschool sweetheart :) my husband will be leaving for his first deployment anytime time now(op-reserve for T-309). Im having a lack in faith of my abilities all of a sudden. Kinda caving in on myself. Im normally a very strong person but im even finding myself angry with him for going, stupid but its just true. just a vent here i think, sorry

Angela - posted on 09/30/2009

We use a calendar to mark days and draw pictures and send. That gives her a feeling of a little control. I think it also gives her something to look forward to.

Dawna - posted on 09/29/2009

There is a new program where the deployed soldier reads a childrens book while being video taped. They send it home for your child with the book that daddy had. Then ur child can watch daddy reading to them over and over from the t.v., while reading or looking at the pictures of the book daddy is reading. I don't have small children, but this program looked awesome. Ask ur FRG. or I can try to find it for u. We've been in the Army for 14 yrs now... its hard but does get smoother if not easier. Dawna

Gena - posted on 09/28/2009

My son was only 6mos when my husband last went on deployment, but we made a video tape of Daddy reading some of his favorite books to him and then we played one each night before bed. At the end of the book, Daddy told him goodnight and he loved him. It will help her feel close to him and not "forget him". We also made one of him just asking my son about his day and telling him that he missed him! Allowing them to see him and hear him seems to help. Good luck!

Tiffany - posted on 09/26/2009

My hubby is on deployment right now, and we say that daddy is on his long trip, that is how daddy explained it to our 2 yr old. We went with him when he had to go to the airport and we talk on the phone as much a possible (he just left country) and now we will see how he acts since we don't get to talk to daddy all the time now. We also just got the hugahero dolls and i haven't yet gotten a picture of him to put in the pouch. We color pictures and we are getting ready send our first care packages to him.

Ashley - posted on 09/26/2009

it's hard I have been through it with small children, and the only thing i can say is if possible have daddy and her go to a store alone and pick out a "special stuffed animal" that she can hug and cuddle with all the days that daddy is gone. and that when she misses or thinks of daddy to get that animal. Also even at two we made a calander counting down the days til daddy came home, we made a routine of after bath and brushing teeth, we crossed off another day. I don't know if you'll be able to but if you can email help her "write" daddy a letter, (I use to let her type away like she knew what she was doing then in another paragraph i would ask her what she was telling daddy and relay it back to him) I hope some of these things will help you.

Brittany - posted on 09/26/2009

I have several friends deployed right now and no matter where they seem to be they all seem to have internet access. Just use a webcam. It worked wonders with my son when he was little and my husband was in Korea and we weren't there yet. My friend Ryan uses a webcam from Afghanistan to see his daughter and it helps that she gets to see and talk to daddy once a week or so.

It's hard! Good luck to you.

Kellilynn - posted on 09/25/2009

I've been through it before and so has my husband, I am also military. Before he would go away I'd spray 3 shirts with his cologne or put his deodorant on it. 2 would go in air tight zip lock bags, one would go under my daughters sheets in her crib. When you couldn't smell it anymore, then another would go in its place. I kept a picture of him at all times displayed and we would have "Daddy time" where we would look at the picture and listen to his voice (I had him record her a story before he left). If you need to, make a video of him saying good morning just to her and asking how she slept. He might not be able to answer her, but at least that will comfort her a little. Even have him read a book on a tape recorder so that she can "read" a long with Daddy while hes reading to her. Hope this helps!

Shelley - posted on 09/24/2009

I have three girls and when my husband went out to sea for six months my 6yr was upset alot. She would just cry in her room for her dad. So what we did we had pictures of him and when he call he got to talk to the girls over the phone. Also i would suggest is a video of him maybe he can read a book and record. When it's time for bed you can play for her every night for her till he comes home.

Angela - posted on 09/22/2009

I have the same problem, but I am going through with my second deployment. My son was two when his dad first left for his deployment to Iraq. My daughter is 2 and i'm due in 4 weeks, so when my new baby gets here he won't know his dad until he comes home for his two week r&r. What i did with my son was always keep busy. Talk about daddy as much as possible and keep a pic so the child can kiss daddy good night just before bed. It worked for my son and it is working so far with my daughter. Good luck!

Heather - posted on 09/22/2009

My husband just got back from deployment in Iraq. I have a 9, 7, 5, 3, and 2 year old. He was gone for a year. I would let them color pictures for daddy, they would talk on the phone when possible, and definately use the webcam where it is available. A lot of times if you do not have computer acces, you can go to ACS and use their computers and webcams, you just have to schedule the time. They would ask me all the time, "When is daddy coming home, its a really long time". I would just tell them that daddy has to work far away right now. I had laminated some print out pictures of daddy and let them do what they want with them...with the lamination it helps the younger kids not tear them up. They also have daddy dolls that you can get or even make. Do an internet search for daddy dolls...there are several places that make them. If you have time and the equipment, make a few videos before he leaves. Borrow a camcorder before he goes if you have to. Have him read some bed time stories or have him make a special video for her. This helps lots! Just keep your head up...you can do this, and, even though your child is young just keep at it. She may be sad or difficult in the beginning, but towards the end she will get into a routine. When he gets back it may take a few days for her to get back into the swing of things...My best of luck to you and may you and yours be truely blessed. Thank your husband for his service...I know I thank mine everyday for the many years he has put in.

Tearee - posted on 09/22/2009

My son is going to be 8 months old when I start training for deployment, and we're going to be on deployment before his 1st birthday. It's really hard for me to think about all the things I am going to miss while I'm gone, and how much he is going to change by the time I come home. The only thing I can tell you is maybe you can say "daddy's at work" because technically he is... just for a long period of time. However, they do have things such as 'skype'. So you can set up video conference calls and that way your daughter can still see her father. That's what I'm going to do with my son and husband. I'm not sure how your husband feels about deployment and being away from you guys, but I can tell you that I'm deploying because of my family... because I want to be able to take care of them since the economy is so bad, and also because it's my job. She'll adjust to it eventually. It'll just take some patience and extra attention.

Rebecca - posted on 09/22/2009

i had 3 when my husband deployed 4 months 1 1/2 and 3 1/2 we made paper chain link and hung on the wall it had a link for every day he would be gone and we took one off every morning so she could see time and how it would shrink...plus at bed time we would tell the sun good night and say sun give daddy a message for me i love you because we would say you gotta got to sleep be cause daddy need to sun so he could wake up. it really helped her go to sleep at night. i hope these help you like they helped us last year.my husband has now been home for 6 months

Angela - posted on 09/11/2009

Quoting Laura:

http://www.hugahero.com/

Totally agree!  This is the BEST!  My daughter was 5mo old when Daddy left for a year long deployment.  Not only did this help but it made transition for when Daddy returned a lot easier as well! 

Have your daughter help put care packages together for Daddy.  But I think something tangible to hold on to and give lovies to really helped mine.  Good luck!

Andi - posted on 09/11/2009

My children were 2 and 7months the last time he deployed. Our daughter was just 2 the month before deployment, and through the entire deployment she would ask where daddy was, I brought out a world map and we marked the spots where we lived and where daddy was. I also took advantage of the free YMCA membership and enrolled her into the preschool program to get her involved with other kids and give her a "big girl" experience. Our son who was 7 months when daddy left was much more of a challenge since he had no memory of him. We kept pictures of daddy everywhere in our house, and before my husband had left we also made videos of him interacting and reading to them, they would always ask for a "daddy video" when they were needing that interaction. Kids are much more adaptable at this age. This deployment they are missing daddy at 6 and 4 years old, they are able to miss and verbalize more. The build a bears are a great thing! They hear his voice and send him a kiss and a hug everynight before bed through their animal with daddy's voice in it.

Crystal - posted on 09/10/2009

My daughter is 2 and my husband has been on deployment for the last 3 months. To keep him kind of in the loop about things we talk about him. It also helps that I have a huge poster size photo of him hanging on the wall where she can see it every day. We also go through the family photo album occasionally to try to keep her familiar with his face. As for what I have told her, he is at work. I didn't go into detail about it with her because she's two and wouldn't be able to understand a lot of it. So whenever she asks for him, I tell her he is at work.

Laura - posted on 09/10/2009

http://www.hugahero.com/

Trina - posted on 09/10/2009

Keeping a routine is the best idea. It is good to show the kids maps and talk about where Daddy is going. She isn't going to understand how long a year is. I tell the kids what benchmarks in the year we need to get through before Jon comes home. Ie) halloween, thanksgiving, Christmas etc... I also have calendars for them and we read a bible story every night and then they put a sticker on that day on the calendar. They seem to like that.

Jade - posted on 09/10/2009

Ya i really think being able to see/hear him each day will help her, but even when he calls she get frustrated she cant touch him and hug him (she is such a daddy's girl) and im just hoping she will get used to it but then we will have to get her used to him being back as well. I think its especially hard when they are at this age because they are old enough to realize he is gone but they arent old enough to grasp the concept of how long he will be gone or why. His first deployment he was gone from right before she was born til she was 8 months old so she didnt even know him before he left so it was easier to introduce to the voice she had been hearing but didnt really know who it was

Heather - posted on 09/10/2009

I have been through many deployments, two of the most recent being with my son when he was 7 mos. to 13 mos. and then again when he was 2 years old. He freaked out when seeing that Daddy was going on the plane and he was not. After that he just wanted to know when he would be back. At this age they really don't understand the concept of time. They do feel our stress and agitation though and I think that is what causes come of the behavior problems and other issues. We had my husband record himself reading books with the video camera, our son loved to follow along with his book at home. My husband was able to check out books there and send videos home. Of course now they have skpe so maybe you could use that?
As far as when they wake up/go to sleep, maybe you could have a few different goodmorning/goodnight messages recorded that she could watch.
Good luck.

Nikki - posted on 09/10/2009

When my husband deployed my daughter was at that same age. We also had just moved to the other side of the country where we knew no one. To keep myself preoccupied as well we always did "daddy crafts." I also went to build a bear and we made "Daddy Bear." Whenever she needed to talk to Daddy we'd take out Daddy Bear and I told her that Daddy could hear through the bear. If she asked a question I told her Daddy would email us the answer & I would answer her question the next morning. After he came home on leave we put a recorded thing in the bear with daddy saying "I love you, Miss you, Goodnight." We made lots of pictures for Daddy. We made a scrap book of everything Daddy missed. I also made a video for her with pictures of her and her dad that she could watch when she wanted. I kept pictures low where she could see them of him so she would always remember what he looked like.



The other thing I did with her alot was going to the library. The library we had at that time had like a story time for the younger kids at a certain time a few times a week. We would go do that in the mornings and usually they did some sort of arts and craft too. We would check out a few books and we would spend the day reading the new books and whatever else popped up. We went for walks daily too. Otherwise we didn't really do anything much different. If he got the chance to call I'd put it on speaker so she could "talk" too. Usually though, she would say she already talked to him, or would go grab the bear and ignore the phone lol.

Karen - posted on 09/10/2009

Hello I am a mother of two. I am currently deply in Kuwait. My kids stay home with my husband. They miss me the first month or so and they keep asking for me. Now I do skype with them they realize I am away and I will be back soon. Kids at that age are easy to adapt and as long your husband stay in touch and be able to skype or call will be good.

Carrie - posted on 09/09/2009

my favorite quote to remember when my husband was gone was " No one said that it would be easy, they just said it would be worth it" I don't know how or why but that kept me going. There is also another one that I liked and thought of from time to time- " If they can do it, you know we can". Everything will work out, and never lose faith!

Jade - posted on 09/09/2009

I love the idea with the voice box in the bear, Carrie, ill definately have to try that

Carrie - posted on 09/09/2009

The best thing to do is to not change your routine. Keep things as much the same as possible. Everyones says to keep them busy and try not to talk about it but I don't agree with that. I had pictures of daddy all over my house that way no matter where you looked daddy was always there. I also went to build a bear and made a teddy bear with a voice box in it...daddy left a message on it that way she could here him whenever she wanted to. (I also listened to it when I was feeling down) Build a bear also has the uniforms you can put on the bears and if your order it online you can get the last name embroydered on it. Just take it one day at a time and make sure to involve her in all parts of the deployment. make daddys favorite meal once a month... heartsapart has a lot of good info on deployment.

Jade - posted on 09/09/2009

I have twins due about a month after he leaves and im afraid she will feel lost in everything since ill be on my own for 9-12 months. She has never been away from him more than a few weeks when they go to the field for trainings and she always has a hard time sleeping for those weeks and looks for him when she wakes up.

Christy - posted on 09/09/2009

My husband called as much as he could and I would put him on speaker phone for my son. It helped my son realize he was still "there" for him. I also showed him on maps where daddy was. We would hang out with a friend who had kids a lot while my husband was gone so he could play and socialize. I will be facing a year deployment here soon. I have 4 month old twins now and my almost 3 year old son...it will be hard.