deployment... go home or stay put?

Glenna Elaine - posted on 10/15/2012

Hi, i'm new to this site, i need support and advice from people who have bee through deployment before. My husband deployed almost two weeks ago, i'm so torn on whether to stay here and go to scholl or go back home and go to work and get a cheap place to rent. That seems so far fetched being that we have a mortgage here. I'm new to this military life, this is my first experience with deployment. I'm not handling it so well. I have no friends or family here, its me and my stepson. However, we are involved with the church here. But i am still so lonely. I considered myself to have a good life before i left to be with my husband. I now am struggling with the fact that military comes first and family is second, I can;t get my head wrapped around that. I don't make friends easily at all. I feel myself slipping into depression and considering leaving my husband. I love hime and we have been through alot to be together. I really don't know what to do, we don't livwe on base, we acually live pretty far away from it, so I don't get involved with the FRG much. However, I do kep up wit whats going on with the FRG. I'm so used to being surrounded by family and friends and happy people, so if you can imagine where the depression is coming in. If I were to go back home, this could mean the end of my marriage. Only because I know I wouldn't want to come back here. Any advice would be great.

Amanda - posted on 04/05/2010

I went home. I have been here for almost 3 months and CANNOT wait to get back. I'm glad I've had the support and family while he has been gone, but it is so hard to live in somebody else's house for this long. I say go home for a little bit, and look for places online in Ft. Stewart. You don't have to stay gone the whole time he is deployed. Plus, once you get settled in by base, you will meet alot of people. We're Air Force and they have a bazillion activities for dependents while your loved one is deployed. Good luck!

Sunshine - posted on 04/02/2010

Me personally would stay put. Cause once you move back home or where your going your gonna have a hard time finding another place to be. Im sure you can find some people there I know my friend Brandy is there.. I think she is there already.. She is an awesome girl.. When my husband deployed I went home BIG MISTAKE I didn't know anyone when he deployed but it would of been best to stay where I was but I didn't listen to no one.. I had a HARD time finding another house.. Basically had to start over. But you need to do what you feel comfy with. Id say compromise with hubby if he wants you to stay thats what I would do NOT b/c he is telling you what to do but so he doesn't worry as much:) Good Luck girl

Veronica - posted on 04/02/2010

It really depends on you. I always said I would never move home when my husband deploys, but we have an upcoming deployment and I may go home for it. You have to look at your circumstances. For me, I have 2 chocolate labs, an 11 month old son, and am due in November. If my husband deploys at the end of summer/ early fall, then it will be easier for me to move home to have the support through the end of my pregnancy and the birth! If I alrady had the baby and found some good friends/ support, I would probably stay.
You really have to look at each factor and weigh it. Nobody can tell you what is right for you! Just remember to take your relationship with your family into account! I have had a few friends go home and only a few months in go nuts and want to kill their entire family!! :P Would you be living with family or getting a place of your own? That makes a big difference also! Then there is always the old fall back- going home and living with family means you pocket BAH!! Good luck in your decision!! I hope I have helped some, my mind is a little scattered today!! :P

Sarah - posted on 04/02/2010

No one has brought this up yet, but are you SURE he is going to deploy? It would be even messier if you stayed at Reilly, he moves to Stewart and then it's "guess what, honey? I'm not deploying." Then he would probably have to take leave to move you guys down to Stewart.

Tiffany - posted on 03/27/2010

My husband is stationed at Ft. Hood, when he left in November i was 7 months Pregnant, and though he wanted me to stay put , Gage being my first child I wanted to be home with family in Colorado. So I packed all of our stuff and put it in storage, after we argued alot about it. Now I have to go back to Ft. Hood and find a place and unpack and get a house togfether before he comes home, and getting everything ive acquired here back there is going to cost money, and doing so with a 4 month old, is going to be hard, So I almost wish i would have just stayed. Its going to kill my family to watch me leave. So really think about what you want to do. And believe me your husband will want to come home to his home, with his stuff. So it may be better to just go to Ft, Stewart and make friends get adjusted, get your son in school, etc etc.

Amanda - posted on 03/27/2010

My husbands first duty station was fort richardson,Alaska and I of course packed up the kids and followed and because it cost so much to travel we stayed for his deployment and it was so lonely but I am happy we went because the kids got more time with him and thats all that mattered to me.Honestly I would go and get a place and if it gets to lonely just take a break and go home for a month and then go back.

Jennifer - posted on 03/27/2010

I say it really depends on: what your relationship is with your parents/in-laws, how you feel about not having your own home for that long, and how easily you make friends. As spouses, we have to get used to making and losing friends. If you have a good relationship with whomever you'll be moving in with and you won't have the possibility of being vetoed when it comes to raising your own child, I say go. I've done my husband's two deployments by myself but my oldest is school age and we live overseas so if we leave this location for more than so many days at a time, our command sponsored status would be nulled and trying to get it back is a pain in the butt. Even when your husband gets back, you'll have to move to the new location so what would it hurt to just try it out for the few months before he leaves? You can try to make new friends while he's home and if that doesn't work out, you can always go home afterwards. If you go straight "home", you'll be losing a lot of quality time with your husband before he does leave and that can be hard on you both.

Chessa - posted on 03/27/2010

I'm the odd one out I guess, I stayed at Bragg and I'm sooo happy I did. He left about six months after we got here, and our son was four months old. I made friends. I went home and stayed with my parents twice for a month at a time each. And I'm telling you, when I went home, by the third week of the visit I was sooo ready to be back in my own house by myself. I mean, I love them and everything, but since being on my own (I had moved out of their house about a year before he deployed, I moved to where he was at AIT), it was a whole different thing staying at their house, and add on top of it having a baby. For future deployments I would definitely stay put again.

Maryanne - posted on 03/27/2010

After 27 years in the miltary I have done both, gone home and stayed. I found out that by going home I was just on vacation. My mom wanted to rule the roost and give me advice on what to do with my baby. That deployement was harder on me than staying at the new duty station. When we PCS I went down to see the local church, got involved in the moms group. Making friends is always hard when you transfer. But you will be more settled and will be able to help your husband get settled when he gets home. My husband served in the Navy there were many times that we could not go along when the ship was TAD to another home port for a few months. My family could not understand the miltary life, the way my friends did

LeAnne - posted on 03/26/2010

To be honest going home was a life saver for me. All of the support at home and all the family made the deployment go by a lot faster. Its hard to be all by yourself, I cant imagine staying put when he was gone. However staying with parents isn't always easy. But I don't regret it. I think I would have lost my mind if I had to spend all that time alone.

Asti Renee - posted on 03/26/2010

I think going home and having a helping family around will help. Both you as a mom and you as a wife. Its military so get a house near base or something and just keep it while you are away :)

Corinne - posted on 03/25/2010

in my case i stayed only bc we owned our home! the friends i had in the same unit ALL moved home! i hate it! ive lost touch with them..except online and i dont know how its going to be when they return! i did manage to meet some really great friends on this site though and theyve been very supportive in keeping my mind busy! we go on playdates with our babies once a week and try to get together when we can! ive met others that live here since then! im just now starting to feel like im at home! id say if you have a really great support system at home then by all means do it! youll need the sanity breaks!

Amanda - posted on 03/25/2010

when my husband goes out me and my son go home all of my husband and my family live about 3000 miles from where we are and it a time for them to get to know him and that way i get help with him and the time goes by faster

Danielle - posted on 03/25/2010

i would definitely suggest going home. i wish i did hen my husband deployed. i was soo lonely! i had no friends or family in the area and it was really hard. it felt like the 7 months dragged on for a lifetime. if i could do it over again i would for sure go home.

Amber - posted on 03/25/2010

Okay I live at Stewart and my hubby is in 4th brigade and is deploying in July... I would say dont PCS with him because single soldiers or geographical bachelors get the really nice homes and wives and children come to visit.... that way when he deploys you wont have to get out of housing and etc and itll be an easier move... the housing on stewart sucks and most of the homes/apartments off are either wayyyy overpriced or dumps.... that way you can get dare i say "the best of both worlds" which would fit yall situation perfectly... on base there are alot of activities and support if you choose to stay most FRGs are okay but not great and you can find friends by going to playgroups and etc on base... but housing on base for families unless you have 3 or more kids or your husby is an Officer sucks badly... go to the group on facebook called our military troops deserve better!!! MPHI my dad started this after he saw what my family had to live in...

Laurice - posted on 03/25/2010

My husband has yet to deploy, and we are in the reserves so I have never had to move yet, but when I was younger and my father was in the Army, he was going to be stationed somewhere in Turkey for like a year or so and we knew many of the people where we were but my mother always said that if he went we would all be moving back home, to be closer to a better support system. Thankfully he didnt have to go and he was out soon and we moved back home anyway. But I think that if you feel better being home with your family while he is gone, then he should respect that. You can always go back to Ft. Stewart a few months before he comes home and find a house then. But you will need to feel comfortable wiht where you are and what if you get sick and need help with your son? Who will be there to help you? My vote is to go back home, if you are more comfortable there, but first sit down and realy talk to him about it. Tell him your fears of staying there and why you think it would be better for you to go home. And then have him to the same for why he thinks you should stay there. Hope this helps and good luck!!

Sarah - posted on 03/25/2010

I think either way you're going to be happy and stressed and sad and overwhelmed. I stayed home for my husbands work ups which would be anywhere from a few weeks to a few months and those were rough not really having anyone to hang out with.. but when my husband went on his 8 month deployment I went home to live with my parents and that was also rough. There were obviously different boundaries with my parents than when I was a teen and living in their house but they didn't really know where to draw the line of it being "their" house and me being in their house.. I often times felt like I was just a guest in their home rather than feeling like it was my home as well. But having the support of my family helped me get through the deployment..so it's really a give and take. But if you were to stay and get a house then you could start to establish friendships. It's a give and take =/ Hopefully you can agree on something though! My husband really supported me going home because he knew how lonely and homesick I was.