Deployment... should we go home or stay for it???

Melissa - posted on 11/17/2009 ( 34 moms have responded )

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My husband is coming up pon his first deployment. We have 2 boys 7 and 3. We are stationed @ Cherry Point , NC. I am thinkin about what we should do when he deploys. Go HOME where all of our family and friends are or stay here on base??? We keep going back and forth on this matter. I think it would be easier on our boys if we go home cause they miss it there so much. But that means i would have to take my oldest out of school and start him at a new one again. But i already have plans to go to school ft back home while his mom watches our boys. But it would be easier to just stay here on base. So i dont have to worry bout rent and bills other than car cable phone ,etc. My mom has offered to relocate here with us. UGH... i didnt think it would be this big of a decision. lol

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When my husband deployed, it was just me and him, so I moved in with my parents while he was gone. Only thing is we were staying at an apartment, didn't have much furniture and my mom's house is 70 miles from Ft Hood, so it was easy to move and I didn't have to worry about kids, not to mention we didn't pay rent or bills but we still got BAH. If he were to deploy now, I would probably just stay where I am because I have my daughter, and a bunch of crap to move, and it would probably end up costing more to move the stuff, and then I'd have to find a place, and then in a year or whenever he got back we'd have to move again...just not worth it. I'd definitely stay on-post if I were in your situation! That would be awesome if your mom relocated though...she would probably be a big help.

Leslie - posted on 11/17/2009

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My husband is on this third deployment, currently in Afghanistan. It has been tough. He left when my daughter was only 3 months. I have traveled to visit my folks a few times but all in all I have stayed at home. It has been lonely, but I feel that my daughter needs the consistency. If you can, try to stay home so your children have a stable home whether of not daddy is home. Is your 7 year old in school? If so keeping him in school is essential. Your children are going through this deployment also and the more change that harder it will be for them to cope. I hope this helps. I can completely relate to your situation. Hang in there!

Tiffany - posted on 11/17/2009

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Wow! that is a toughy...Personally I LOVE my family sooo much I'd just have to go back home, but with your son in school that makes me rethink in a completely different direction. I know when I was in school the people who had parents in the military and traveled a lot seemed so well rounded and out going at that but they also always seemed to wish they just stayed in one place (but who doesn't wish for what they don't have. I remember thinking it'd be cool to have a traveling family). If you don't need to return to the base again then I guess I'd go home at this point because your son is only 7. I moved when I was 7 and I really don't even relate to ever going to that elementary school because I don't really even remember it. I'd say go back. During deployment you need your family and friends at your side. Some days may be really tough and your family and friends may just be what you need to get through it. Hope all the best for you and your family!

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Kaitlyn - posted on 12/04/2009

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Well we have our first deployment coming up in July and have thought about the same thing, fortunately though our children arent old enough for school. We have a 2 1/2 yr old boy, a 17month old daughter and I am 11 weeks pregnant now. We are stationed at ft Carson in CO and are originally from east Texas so I will be going back home while he is gone to be with family and friends. It's always nice to have lots of people around that can help and support you. I am finding a rent house for just the year that he will be gone, then will come back after. I am also getting a roomate that has been a close friend for years and will be alone with her newborn as well so we can feed off eachother for support, and it makes bills cheaper. Although my decision was pretty easy it sounds like yours is a little more difficult because of the child in school. However, it will just be for a year and even though the children are always first, you have to think about what will make you a stronger mommy to them emotionally and physically. The family would help with that alot.

Candace - posted on 12/04/2009

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Well thats really cool that your mom would go there so you dont have to take your oldest out of school.. Your family really helps you stay out of a rutt.. Mine is on his first deployment right now and our son is two so i couldnt imagine bein on a base without at least my mom.. Well God bless and wish you and your family the best of luck!!

Coralyn - posted on 12/04/2009

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if your child wasnt in school i'd say be with your family and go back home. but since your child is in school you should stay. you can do it! :)

Bethany - posted on 12/03/2009

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I would recommend staying on post. If you move then you a) lose your on post housing b) have to relocate twice within a year and a half. I would take up on your mom's offer as she can be a tremendous help with the children as well as a great support for you during this hard time.

[deleted account]

I'd stay on base, i think it would be easier than relocating for a year then having to move again when he gets back. As for college you should try online school... like university of phoenix online, its easy as heck and they have a great military team that works with you!
Plus you can always visit your family during the deployment, thats what my husband and i agreed on. I would stay here on base to save money and visit my family/his family every couple months or so.

Amy - posted on 12/03/2009

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When my husband deployed I just stayed where we were at. The first deployment was hard. I did not want to take my kids out of school because we already move on average about every 27 months. If you go back home you will have to pay for your move home and then back again. It uis hard work setting up a new house. Since you are inhousing you can try and save your money and go home on an extendede visit in the summer as well as holidays. I also chose to stay where we were for my husband. I did not think it was fair to him to come back after being away for so long to no one. When he gets back jhe too will need a place to live until you can come. Staying will also give you some cinsitency. Your son's school id used to having children with deployed parents and can offer the best support for your school aged child. This is a highly personal choice and you must consider all the options, both good and bad.

Victoria - posted on 12/02/2009

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you dont want to keep moving your boys around
they'll be happy to go there but when its time to leave again they'll be upset.
aslo, the fact that no school is alike.
when you move kids from one school to another it destroys their education!
one school will be beginning, ending or in the middle of learning one thing, whereas the other school is learning something totally different.
so when the kids return home they will have missed out on what they would HAVE learned.
(speaking from experience)
your mother offering to come to you is the BEST option.
its logical, its helpful its nice...
hope i helped
:-)

[deleted account]

OK SO I AM GOING THRU MY FIRST DEPLOYMENT TOO AND ALSO FOUGHT FOR MONTHS STAY AT BASE OR GO HOME. WELL HERE IS MY OPINION AND SOME SUGESTIONS TO CHECK ON BEFORE YOU JUST PACK UP AND MOVE HOME LIKE I DID. FIRST MAKE SURE THAT WHERE YOU HOME IS LOCATED THAT ITS AN AREA THAT TAKES TRICARE PRIME DOCTORS NEAR YOU. OTHERWISE YOU WILL HAVE TO BE BUMPED TO TRICARE STANDARD WHICH HAS COPAYS FOR DOC VISITS AND MEDS. JUST A HINT. TWO MAKE SURE THAT YOUR FAMILY BACK HOME IS 100 PERCENT IN AGREEMENT WITH YOU AND WHAT YOUR HUSBAND DOES AS YOUR GOING TO HAVE REALLY BAD DAYS AND MIGHT GET FEELINGS HURT BECAUSE THEY ARE CIVILANS AND WE ARE NOT. AND THIRD ITS WHAT YOU FEEL IS BEST FOR YOU AND THOSE BOYS. IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOUR NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT ALL ON YOUR OWN FOR A YEAR MAYBE MORE THEN BY ALL MEANS WEATHER YOU STAY OR GO KEEP IN CONTACT WITH YOUR FRG BECAUSE THEY CAN HELP YOU JUST EVEN IF ITS YOUR HAVING A BAD DAY WITH EVERYTHING THEY HAVE BEEN THERE AND CAN HELP WITH TIPS ON DIFFERENT SUPPORT. HOPE THIS HELPS YOU

Dawne - posted on 12/01/2009

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I see what your saying. I wouldn't want to pull our son out of school after he's already use to it and as warmed up to it as well. I agree with what the others in here say. Have mom come to visit and you, your hubby and mom sit down talk about it and the best thing to do for not only for the little ones, yourself but for all your family is to stay put right where your at plus that way you can also go to school as well. I hope it all works out for you guys.
That's what I would do. Cause I hate moving from place to place.

Malia - posted on 12/01/2009

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my husband was deployed before we had a baby so i cant really relate with you on that one but i moved back with family and it was so much better. i think i wouldve gone crazy if i didnt!

Dawne - posted on 12/01/2009

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Quoting Kimberly:

When my husband deployed, it was just me and him, so I moved in with my parents while he was gone. Only thing is we were staying at an apartment, didn't have much furniture and my mom's house is 70 miles from Ft Hood, so it was easy to move and I didn't have to worry about kids, not to mention we didn't pay rent or bills but we still got BAH. If he were to deploy now, I would probably just stay where I am because I have my daughter, and a bunch of crap to move, and it would probably end up costing more to move the stuff, and then I'd have to find a place, and then in a year or whenever he got back we'd have to move again...just not worth it. I'd definitely stay on-post if I were in your situation! That would be awesome if your mom relocated though...she would probably be a big help.


that's right her would be a big help. yes after awhile you get tired of moved place to place. 

Tara - posted on 11/24/2009

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It depends what'll be easier for you :) my husband is stationed in Camp Pendleton, CA. and we're expecting our first child next month...(Dec. 9th) they're sending him to Afhganistan so hopefully he'll be home by the first birthday! anyways i too have been asking myself the same ????....because our place is roughly 2200 miles from all my friends and family. im 20 and no nothing about kids and worry how i'll be on my own. If its less costly to stay on base then maybe it would't hurt to try...if it ever becomes overbearing then maybe your family or friends wouldn't mind visiting! anyways i wish you the best in whatever you choose! :)

Tifani - posted on 11/24/2009

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Girl, I'd go home, if not for the famliy ties then for the free daycare from your mother in law.... Go back to school take care of you for a bit. You can re-build everything together when he gets back :)

Amanda - posted on 11/24/2009

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I went home cause I thought it was gonna be easier on me and my kids. That didn't last to long. After a month and a half I was ready to come back home to where it was just me and my kids. To many chiefs and not enough Indians. It has also gone by so much faster when I got back up here.

Jessica - posted on 11/24/2009

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ive have always gone home to NY when my Marine deployed, moving is always a hassle when you have kids but mine are alot younger so i didnt have to worry about school and such, but if its your first deployment, you may think alot about going home, deloyments are hard.

Mallory - posted on 11/23/2009

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You will save more money if you stay on base. Like you said you only pay the few bills you have and then you will be getting the extra money. I was contemplating this as well, but it is eaiser to stay, you arent paying for the move or move back, you already have housing and arent on a list, your kids are already in school there. I would say stay, because even though you have your friends and family at home they can only understand what you are going through to a certain point , if you are on base you have those friends already and a whole base of spouses that understand what you are going through completely. With the extra money go home for holidays and maybe the summer.

Lita - posted on 11/23/2009

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Its a hard call to make. I struggled with this a little bit myself when my hubby got ready to deploy. Although my daughter is only 2 and a half so it really doesnt matter if we stayed or went back "home". For me, my family is very supportive, but they dont know what its like to live the military life, and i wanted to be close to people who knew how i felt and i could lean on as a support system. I decided to stay on base and i am glad i did, i have grown closer with a lot of women here and we all hang out and its a good, time, it sure has made time go by fast for me. I am also taking online courses because that was easier for me to stay home with our daughter. Hope this helps you a little too!

Cassie - posted on 11/23/2009

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I went back home when my husband got deployed. The support that your family will give you may help during this hard time. Plus, I think that it helped my kids while their dad was away to have their grandparents and things around them. It also helped to pass the time much quicker because I was constantly busy visiting all of the family around, plus I got a part time job so that I had a little bit of time for myself. So, as far as the school thing goes. Personally I think that your son would think of it as nice because he is going to a new school and he gets to be around his family while his dad is away. I think that it is a good idea but again it is completely up to you.

Jessica - posted on 11/22/2009

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Hey, my hubby is deployed and he left when my son was 4months old. I would stay because you gotta think of your kids. Its hard and at times u want to cry cause u feel lonely and bored out of your mind. I would try to stay busy and visit lots of friends and family when I could. Just remember to stay busy! LOL! It will be over before you know it. Good Luck!

Ashley - posted on 11/21/2009

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well this is just me.. we were in Japan and there is always a chance of your spouse deploying.. my parent would tell me if my husband left while we were in Japan i would need to come home.. but i would never leave the spot my husband would show back up at.. i would want him to know i would be here for him when he comes home.. but now we are in Fort Bragg.. and i'm pregnant with our 4th and i still wouldn't leave to go back home.. now i wouldn't say i wouldn't visit more often.. but i couldn't do it.. good luck on what you come up with and i hope you both are happy with it.. OH and my kids are 5, 3 and 2.. and i'm 5 months pregnant.. with 2 puppies in the house.. lol.. and i still wouldn't leave..

Krystin - posted on 11/21/2009

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My personal opinion is stay on base or post whatever branch you are!! Nobody knows what you are going through better than the wives who are going through it with you!! Not only that, but think about having to move back on base again (is you were to go where your family is)!! All that moving in such a short time, plus he could get orders not long after you got back to base....too much moving if you ask me!! Keep the boys where they are and cut the moving expenses!!!

Mallory - posted on 11/20/2009

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The last time my husband deployed my son was 6 months old. I chose to stay there rather than go home. I felt like I had to be able to do this on my own. I love my family and I went to visit and they came to visit us. Once I got to know other wives in our unit, then everything became a little easier. It was better for me to be around people that knew how I was feeling, instead of going home where I would have had people taking pity on me. I didn't want that. Just go with what you think would be the very best for you and your family. There are so many reasons why some stay and others go. Weigh the pros and cons if you have too.

Stacy - posted on 11/19/2009

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I really would suggest that you stay. My daughter has been in 7 different schools and shes in 7th grade. Its so hard for kids to go back and fourth from school to school. If your mom can go down that would be awesome!!! We added mine on as a dependent and it was great she watched lexi for us and I got really involved with our FRG and voluntering.

Keyontia - posted on 11/19/2009

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My fiance' is still in basic training, but if you have kids and want to go to school, you better stay where it's free! and I hear about how supportive all the Army wives are, so I'm sure you want have any problems with getting help for child care while in class.

Elizabeth - posted on 11/19/2009

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I would suggest going where you have the strongest support network. Our church at Ft. Lewis is mostly military and has an awesome support network for military spouses but I moved back to Cali where my family is and they don't really know how to handle deployments.

Tracy - posted on 11/18/2009

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it would be easier to stay there. especially since you are already set up in housing. if you leave you may find it harder to get back in and who knows what kind of house u will end up with next. it's not easy by any means, but at least you will b closer to all of your military resources. and remember, u could be stationed some where that isn't nearly as nice.

[deleted account]

out of my hubby's 3 deployments i went back for one. personally i think it was easier just staying. maybe u could plan a vacation back to visit for like 2 weeks or something. make sure u get involved w/the FRG-- they're ur lifeline!

Megan - posted on 11/18/2009

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my hubby took his first deployment last year. i decided to go home but at the time i didnt have any kids. we currently have a baby on the way and he will deploy again in a few months. with a kid on the way its as if i see things more clearly cuz its not just me anymore. i decided instead of going home now i need to stay here cuz if i were to go home i would have to move home then move back again when he got back stateside. plus nwe would have to find somewhere to live again and with a child i dont wanna take the chance of not havin somewhere to live. it was a whole 2 months after my hubby got back that he found us a house. i kno its goin to be difficult this time with him gone but i think that if i love him enough to marry him i should love him enough to be lonely for awhile.

Cindy - posted on 11/18/2009

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when my husband always deployed i stayed put. it was easier and you do have your friends around you. it was easier on my children also. I have 4 children and they didn't need to move again and get used to everything different. make it easier on yourself without all the moving and bills and things just stay put.

Jessica - posted on 11/17/2009

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My husband is in the Marine Corps. He has been in Japan since August 21st. He won't be home till January 7th or 17th. I am home for deployment. I am happy I made this decision. It helps a lot to have family around. I went into a really bad depression, it helped a lot to have your family and friends around. My daughter is going to turn 1 in December, and our 1 year anniversary. So this deployment is tough.

Kanedric - posted on 11/17/2009

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I asked my husband the same question and his response to me we would loose our housing if i decided to leave while he was on deployment, not only that but we will have to go through the whoe process of moving all over again, waiting until housing came back up and things like that, so I decided thatI would stay if that shall ever happen but like the other post stated you will be constantly rerooting the children and its better to stay and just visit family often if you could...hopes this help

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