Divorce?

Carlie - posted on 01/08/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Does anyone have any advice with divorce and the military? We're based in Hawaii, but my family is from Illinois. I don't know if I should stay in Hawaii so my soon to be ex can see our little girl or go back to IL where I have lots of family support? And paper work!! Where do I even start??

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Carlie - posted on 01/13/2009

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Thank you everyone for your help! We're going to give it some more time and see how things work out!!

Traci - posted on 01/13/2009

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Just want to let you know that I am currently stationed in Great Lakes, IL and it is hard to get divorced here. Navy Jag on base will not deal with any divorces and everyone has to go out in town. My ex and I got a lawyer, it was his lawyer and he paid for it but he helped both of us. If you can use Jag down there I would suggest it, but then if you want to make changes you might have to return to HI to make those changes. I would look everything up via internet in both areas and just talk to you soon to be ex and make a decision...try not to make things too hard but at the same time to not let him make all the decisions. My ex and I are duel military and we were able to work things out just fine...if you need anything let me know.

[deleted account]

Hi Carlie! We were stationed in Connecticut and we're both from South Carolina. What I did was move home with my daughter for the fact that I have a lot of support among other reasons un-related to the divorce.



I'm not sure about the paperwork just yet. Since we're geographically separated, it's valid in the state's eyes and we have to be separated for a year before the divorce is final.



My plan of action was: move home, get a job, and get on my feet. I'm having a hard time getting on my feet, so I plan on joining the National Guard, but the reality is that it's been worth it.



I honestly wouldn't have wanted to stay in CT at this point. Our pending divorce would have become messy and I wouldn't have anyone to talk to about it as they all really like to talk.




Good luck!!!

Tina - posted on 01/13/2009

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hi, I am so sorry! I was in your situation just a few months ago. Do go to JAG and they can answer almost any question. I personally was going to go to my homestate and file.We did a legal separation (JAG has the paperwork) and I was going to get an ERD (early return of dependents) which means the army was going to pay to send me and the kids home. I was going home because like you that is where my family and support are. Plus you know as well as I how expensive Hawaii is (I'm living here too!)and I couldn't make it here as a single parent. I will tell you from personal experience that my husband did a complete turnaround when he realized that I was serious and would not stay unless certain conditions were met. It sometimes has to get to the breaking point before it can be fixed. I don't know your situation, maybe it is beyond fixing, but I would go home and be around those who love and support me and my kids.

[deleted account]

Quoting Carlie:


We're based in Hawaii, but my family is from Illinois. I don't know if I should stay in Hawaii so my soon to be ex can see our little girl or go back to IL where I have lots of family support?


Do you plan on following him everytime the military moves him?

Angel - posted on 01/09/2009

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Hi sorry but I think only you can make that decision.



Why not go home for a few weeks and see how you feel.  If there is a chance you may sort things out then stay put, if not, you can not really be expected to continue to follow him through out his career so the sooner you are settled and your little girl gets back into a routine the easier the transition will be for her.



hope it helps, good luck!

[deleted account]

i would just run over to jag and just see what they say. if they cant help u im sure they can point u in the right direction. that way u can get the ball rolling...whichever way that might be.

Carlie - posted on 01/09/2009

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Thanks for your help. I've been out here almost 4 years. We own our house out here also, so I don't know if we have to sell it or what? Neither of us has gotten paper work yet, I was going to do it as soon as possible.

Melani - posted on 01/09/2009

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I think it depends on how long you have been here. If you have been here six months or longer you can file here. I also don't think the legal office will help you too much. I think they can just advise you and such they can't represent you. I would google hawaii family court it has some information about divorce and such for you. Good luck and I am sorry your going through a divorce.

[deleted account]

well personally my husband and i had our close friends just get divorced (he's known the man - who cheated, since boot camp) and im not sure if it's u that wants out or him. but whoever beats each other to the punch at Navy jag won't hafta to pay anything and the other is gonna hafta get an out in town lawyer and pay all the fees. so my husband told the woman to just go to jag and open up a "file" and just basically tell the person the situation. idk if ur husband has already proceeded or not. i hope this is a good start if u havent already done this...let me know if there's anything else u need help w/. we (my hubby and I) have been helping this woman w/her young girl and now baby since we had the inkling of what her hubby was doing.

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