Do we really have to tell hubby everything is peachy on the home front??

Brittany - posted on 04/11/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My husband is currently deployed and he took money out of our checking account and didnt check with me now our account maybe over drawn becuase of some bills that need to clear. I have always told him before I even spent a dime and now that he is gone even more falls on me to keep track of it all. Well needless to say I was so upset from not hearing from him and then turning around taking money out with out letting me know if we can afford it i heard from him tonight and yelled at him and said stuff I didnt mean to say. I love my husband I just feel like he treats me like one of his army buddies instead of his wife. He will send me emails in which is all military langues and I dont understand half of it lol. I email him and tell him how mine and the kids day went and he response like yeah ok????? I know he is working and busy but he seems to no realize or bearly even ask how the boys are. Well I got angry and yelled at him about all of this. I didnt want to but all kinda came out. Sorry for the long message but has anyone else done this and how did it work out for you??? Or do I have to act like everything is just peachy like some other blogs say to do.

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Debbie - posted on 05/13/2012

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i hate to beat around the bush so when my hubby calls n he had done something wrong i would cuss him out usually but i found myself not getting the issue resolved or making it worst. So instead of letting him have it when he calls i drop him a few lines in the mail or on the email. Calling home is important not just for u but for the kids they need both parents n it nice to hear their voice and to let them no that its ok. Trust me im a hell raiser so this took alot for me to get use to !!

Brittany - posted on 04/13/2012

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all good Ideas I really need to talk with him about it all. Thank you everyone for the advice

Jane - posted on 04/13/2012

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My husband was taught terrible financial habits in the military so we decided to have separate accounts. Each of us were in charge of specific bills, his being the ones that didn't matter as much, such as cable TV. I covered the mortgage, utilities, car payments, and so on.

That worked for us. He knew that when his check was auto-deposited that I would transfer a specific amount for bills. The rest was his. You might consider something similar.

Sandy - posted on 04/13/2012

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It happens, especially when one spouse is irresponsible, but the other is responsible. If it were me, I'd apologize for yelling first. Then remind him that you have set a budget to take care of bills while he's gone, so that there aren't any upon his return. His first argument might be that he is making extra money for being deployed, so can spend it. You could remind him that it's true, but because you're handling the finances, you need at least an email saying he wants to spend a lot of money like that. Now that you know he's wanting to spend more money while deployed, you will likely need to budget your finances to allow for his impulse buying. It's always good to have a buffer in the budget during a deployment.

I know how my husband is, so before he deployed, we opened a separate account for him into which he allotted money to use during his deployment. I didn't have to worry about being overdrawn, because he had to buy something there or pay for his internet.

Katie - posted on 04/13/2012

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could u try talking about a set amount for him to take each payday so he always has money and you always know whats coming out. My husband is at ait so the money problam come up for us alot as well, but he text everyday which makes it easyer for me.

Michelle - posted on 04/12/2012

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I think sometimes we all get to a point where we need to express what we are really thinking. Trust me I've been there before too. And now a days alot of us are having hard times with money. I can't even count how many times my account has been over drawn. But you should pick your battles. I don't know what the reason was for taking out the money but if it was for something important or something he couldn't avoid then maybe he didn't have a choice or the chance to get in touch with you to talk to you about it. But when it comes to telling my husband whats going on here at home I tend to just tell him the important stuff and a few small details but if something is going "wrong" at the time, and there isn't anything that he is going to be able to do about it from underwater (submariner) then I just don't tell him. I figure why make him worry or stress about it when I would much rather him focus on doing his job and staying safe. But that is just the way I do things and just because that works for my family doesn't mean its right for you and yours. Only you know the dynamic you share with your husband and what works with you two. I hope everything works out ok for you. Stay positive!

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