first birthday and daddy's deployed :\

Krista - posted on 02/02/2011 ( 13 moms have responded )

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My son's first birthday is in a couple of weeks and my husband just got sent on a deployment about 3 weeks ago. Ive been debating on to give my son a party or not. I honestly dont want to because i feel bad that my husband want be here. Also, there are memeber's in his family i don't get along with. Will i be a bad mother if i don't throw him a party, but instead maybe take him to pick out a toy he likes or something?

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[deleted account]

i went through the same thing with my hubby. between the yr long deployment and all the school classes he had before deployment he missed his birth (i gave birth at the hospital with no one no family no friends) until he came home when our son was 1 1/2. he missed everything. i gave our son his big first birthday because we can't put our lives on hold because they are gone. take tons of pictures and if possible skype! video tape. i have hours/days worth of video of our son. when he got back it was kinda like he didnt miss everything ....kinda lol. you wont be a bad mother for not giving him a party but just remember he only turns 1 once! good luck!!

Meredith - posted on 03/15/2011

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My husband was in Iraq for our twins first birthday. I stayed home from work that day and we got daddy on Skype and had birthday cake with daddy. Then that weekend I had a family party. We were also able to have daddy join on Skype (he had to wake up in the middle of the night). It worked out well and we have great pictures of the kids eating their cake "with" daddy.

Meredith - posted on 03/15/2011

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My husband was in Iraq for our twins first birthday. I stayed home from work that day and we got daddy on Skype and had birthday cake with daddy. Then that weekend I had a family party. We were also able to have daddy join on Skype (he had to wake up in the middle of the night). It worked out well and we have great pictures of the kids eating their cake "with" daddy.

Audrey - posted on 02/14/2011

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Don't beat yourself up! Just do something fun with a small group of friends that make you feel supported at such a stressful time in your life. As far as family having them celebrate would help heal some of the bad feelings while not having them would definitely create more bad feelings on their side. The best we can do for our children is surround them with the people who love them, even if we do not love the people as much! Also send hubby video. There is also great deployment program called OPERATION GIVE A HUG.org that gives for FREE to all children of deployed parents great huggable soft picture "frame" in the shape of a person. YOu just slide pictures in the pocket and great resource booklet too. Contact Susan Agustin at 1-253-691-9391 or email her at SLA767@msn.com. You can get recordables too so Daddy can hear his son's words. Have fun and share this wonderful milestone with everyone. It will all work out. You are a great Mom.

Tiffany - posted on 02/10/2011

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It happens...I know how you feel. I have been in similar situations. Have something for your son even if it's just you and him and video and take lots of pictures to share with your husband. If he's able to Skype or webcam you can sing happy birthday and have a small cake for your son and hubby that way.Good luck 1st birthdays are special even though the child doesn't know all that is going on but it help teaches them about their birthday.

Sara - posted on 02/09/2011

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I agree your son isn't going to remember his first birthday all he is going to remember are the pictures that you show him of it. Like most of the other moms said already do what you feel good about or whatever you think he will like. Maybe get some cupcakes and just have a special day (you and him) Than when your husband gets back home maybe celebrate his birthday than and take pictures...like I said he isn't going to remember if it was on his birthday or 5 months after his birthday :) good luck but you know whats best for you and your lil man

Tasha - posted on 02/08/2011

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That is EVEN more of a reason to celebrate his birthday and make it special. I think it is important for your husband too .He sees how strong you are which helps his moral when he is deployed. It is encouraging for him. It does not have to be a big event with a lot of people . Even if you make it a whole day of special things.Decorate the house with streamers, birthday decorations, and have a couple presents with cake. Maybe have a friend over who also has a child around the same age do some fun things together. Def put up decorations or it becomes just another day and you don't want that you will regret it and on future deployments. We try to make every holiday a big deal it gives you something to focus on putting up decorations it makes the days not so monotonous.

Melissa - posted on 02/08/2011

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I have been through 4 deployments in my 10 yrs of being a wife, and my husband has missed a lot of things. I say have a few friends over with kids, a small cake, and a few presents, then take a ton of pictures or videos if possible and send them to him via email or mail. If you can Skype that would be good too. Like many of the others on here said, you cant put things on hold while he is gone. He will be there for many of other days, and brays so this one will be thru video and pics. Also if he is able to send a present like a bear or toy that might be a special thing for your husband to do so that he is a part of the celebration. My husband did that many times while he was gone and the kids love the presents so much. It means a lot to them even though he might not remember this one.

LauraBeth - posted on 02/08/2011

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We did my sons 1st birthday before he left, but they are young enough that they do not knoe they difference, on his actually birthday we had a cake with daddy on skype, then we had Christmas in Jan. this year because that is when my hubby got his R&R. He also got to meet his little girl (she was four months). You do what feels right for you and your family! my hubby is due back right before our sons second birthday and we are going all out I sure! My hubby is a amazing Father so if I can get by if holding out on some first then I am going to, Best of luck and prayers for you and yours on this deployment!!

Rebekah - posted on 02/07/2011

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I agree with TY. Do what you feel like doing your son won't remember this day but you will. My Daughter turned 1 last May and my husband was deployed and we have no family that live real close. I have one friend in the area, We dressed DD up and went and got her picture taken so she would have something to send to Daddy, we then went to a grocery store and got a small Cake, my friend came over with her son and we Skyped my husband and took lots of pics. and my husband received the professionally taken pics as a care package which he loved. But basically do what you want to do. I did and I don't regret it.

Ericka - posted on 02/03/2011

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You can't just stop everything because he is deployed. This is not going to be the first or last thing that he is going to miss. He wouldn't want you to stop everything because he is deployed. Have a party, get your support system and have them with you. This is the best way to make the deployment fly by. Take lots of pics and send them to your hubby and like Ty said Skype is a wonderful thing.

[deleted account]

My son just turned 1 and now his dad is about to leave on a deployment...so he didn't miss his birthday, but he'll miss most of his 2nd year :( at least there is skype though. we will be doing that as much as possible. good luck to you!

[deleted account]

Dont feel bad jus take alot of pics. Or hv a small cake for home. Skype hubby and sing happy birthday with him. My hubby missed alot of birthdays and Christmas last yr. But he saw everything from skype. Do what u want to do. He want remembver this birthday he's too young. But it will make u feel better to get out and have fun. :-)

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