first deployment.

Sarah - posted on 04/26/2010

My husband left about 6 weeks ago for his fourth deployment. This was our first with a child though, he was only 7 weeks old when B left. It is important to talk to your husband and and encourage him to talk to you. Our first deployment we didn't talk much and ended up fighting. For us it is better to talk about it. Take lots of pictures and videos! I try to mail B new pics and videos avery few weeks so he is as involved as possible. Also, he made our little guy a video to watch while he was gone so he can hear his voice and as he gets older watch him so he isn't a total stranger. Don't be afraid to ask for help! Take it a day at a time and YOU WILL MAKE IT!!!

Brandi - posted on 04/25/2010

i cant really say much my hubby is deploying in may also since we have been married and we had twins in september, i just hope it goes well for you & your baby and a safe return god bless

Jessica - posted on 04/25/2010

well im almost done with my first deployment we also had a baby in feb and my husband left in may also. it has been really hard, i was definatley not an independant person, but i made it i just kept my self busy with my son, Family is big thing during deployments just spend as much time keeping yourself busy, and try not to worry, i know its easier said then done, but you can do it. You will find out through this deployment that your stronger then you think.

Sara - posted on 04/25/2010

well hello, my name is sara. i'm going through the same prediament. my husband is in the national guards and he left jan th and our son wasn't due til the 16th but he came a month and a half early, so daddy got to see him ,but see him born. he was in training at the time. but he is in afghanistan right now and will be there til dec 2011 . hopefully he will be back in time for his son's first birthday. that would so wonderful if he is. i know how hard it is, because this is my first guy ever in my life that is in the service. and now he is my husband. i live on a small farm with my father and now the baby, but it is very lonely , still, but i will tell you ,your baby will keep you company, even if you don't think so. beileve me .they do., your baby will end up in your bed with you sometimes to help you cope with the barness that isn't there. so hanging on is you can do and try to be very strong for your baby. god loves you and will help watch over you and your husband , so he can come home safe. i hope this helpd. thank your husband for doing such a great job for our freedom. and may god bless you all...

Christie - posted on 04/24/2010

My husband was deployed when our son was 2 weeks old. He is now almost 6 months old. Ii will say it is the hardest thing I have ever done. I think one of the only things that has gotten me through it is working. However, I know that not all moms can work. You MUST make time for yourself, beacuse you will definitely need it.

Kelli - posted on 04/23/2010

When my husband deployed to Iraq our children were 1yr and 2yr. The best advice I have for you is buy a web cam. My kids never "forgot" about their dad because we made sure that he talked to them on the camera atleast once a week. I also had pillows made from a picture of him so that they could have daddy with them all the time. As for myself I became very active in the FRG. I made some close friends that I could talk to and they knew how I was feeling without having to explain it in a "different way." Hope this is helpful. STAY STRONG!!

Chelsea - posted on 04/20/2010

don't worry you will do fine...if you have family and friends to help let them. If you don't its okay but make sure you do talk to people who have been through this...I have gone through this many times my husband is in the Air National Guard we have 3 children and when I was pregnant for our 2nd he became active duty and was deployed 2months every year for 6yrs....and the months were never the same..there were missed birthdays and holidays and anniversaries but all things considered I did it and you can too.. makes you a stronger women,wife and mother.

Angela - posted on 04/20/2010

I must agree with the post about Skype. My husband and I set up skype accounts before he left for Iraq last November and they helped a lot. Just remember that the internet in most palces over there is slower than dial up. Just be sure to keep in touch any way you all can. Letters are the best,a nd for Marines I know for sure most of them have motomail. It is a way you can type an e-mail message and they print them out and hand deliver them to your Marine within a couple days, so you can ask about that also. I am here to help support anyone who needs it while their loved one is gone. My e-mail address is sha00kay02@aol.com if you all need or want to just chat.

Robyn - posted on 04/20/2010

You will find you are a lot stronger than you think. I have been an active duty Army wife for 15 years and we are expecting our 3rd child in August. I was a single mom through 2 deployments to Iraq (12 mo and 18 mo), and he was gone for the birth of our now 18month old. It will be hard, but you can do it. Keep busy, and try not to scan the news for stories about Afghanistan. I did this the first time he was in Iraq and it made things so much harder because I was stressed out and worried all the time. And don't beat yourself up about having to be the "perfect" mom while he is gone. It is ok to cry at night or be sad, but then get up the next morning and do what needs to be done. If you need to talk or have any questions feel free to email me at zshockeymom@yahoo.com.

Mercedes - posted on 04/20/2010

Well I was pregnant the whole time during my husband's last deployment. And he missed 3 months of her life. I am not going to lie, it will be very hard. It was hard for me and I am surprised that we made it through it. But just be strong and try to communicate as much as you can. I am sure everything will be okay and he will be back before you know it!

Pam - posted on 04/20/2010

Im right with you, my husband has been deployed since jan and 2 wks after he leaves i find out im pregnant, this is my 2nd child but his first, it is hard to deal with, on top of our first deployment (for both of us) im here being a single mother. Our child is due in september and there is a chance he wont be able to make it home. if you have skype and he does that is helpful, that i how i talk to my husband, you can video chat with him. Connection sucks over there but atleast you can see him. hope this helps. and one more thing dont watch the news they always make it sound worst than it is. that is what he and his sgts told me.

Jessica - posted on 04/19/2010

my husband is in the marines corps reserves. and keena i do agree with you the reserves are very hard. the closest base for me is 40 mins away. my email is jesselynn3@gmail.com glenda as i go through my deployment i will let you know things that helped and didnt help as soon on.

Glenda - posted on 04/15/2010

Hi i really don't know how you should feel but my boyfriend/ soon to be husband is leaving for Afghanistan in September or October and this is his first deployment as well, and he will also be gone for a year i have been worrying my tail off because of everything that is going on over there. My boyfriend/ husband to be is in the Marines so if anyone can give you advice i hope they can give me some advice as well. We have a 5 month old right now he was born in November so he's going to miss our son's first birthday and that hurt within itself. But I'm just going to pray and let God handle it and take care of him and watch over him. What branch of the military is your husband in? well if you would like to talk to me just email me directly or you can write me back on here which ever one is convent to you and we will get through this together. :)

Angela - posted on 04/15/2010

You can and will be able to do this. You are a mom and military wife which in itself makes you a lot strong than you will ever know. I have been through 5 deployments and in July my husband will deploy again for the 6th time. He also will be heading to Afganistan, and although I am scared and do not want to be alone with our 3 girls again i hope for the best. I surround myself with supporting friends and family while he is gone and just ignore the people who have nothing good to say. Just keep in contact and talk to him about what goes on. He will not want to come home to unknown events that have happened. You also must give him time to readjust when he returns...and it will take time. He will return and be the same man you fell in love with. When you see him again for the first time it will give you butterflies and that first love feeling again! My prayers for your family that this goes by faster than you will ever know.

Keena - posted on 04/14/2010

My husband is a reservist and deployed when our son was 4 months old. I would say being a reservist spouse makes it a little bit harder than active duty (or at least at our location) because there aren't as many resources readily available. Yes they are there for you if you need them but you often have to travel to an active duty base to receive them. ie Family Readiness Centers, CDC, Spouse groups etc. That being said we did fine. My husband recorded videos of him reading books before he left and saying little things like remember Daddy loves you or asking about the day before he read the book. As far as my mental sanity went, I had a harder time adjusting to my husband being back than I did him leaving. I micro managed baths and feedings and changings making sure he did it "right" (aka my way). Just remember that your husband wants to be home just as much as you want him to be home. I know it's hard to be strong for you and him, but that's kinda part of the job:)
Hope that helps a little.

Amanda - posted on 04/14/2010

YOU CAN DO IT! I'm not going to lie and tell you that it'll be easy, or that you won't miss him, but you can do things to keep him involved. My husband joined the army and left for basic two weeks later in august when the munchkin was 7 noths. So we got to see him for basic graduation, christmas exodus and his AIT graduation but he was essentially gone for six months! And when we got to our first Duty station (Ft Bliss in early March) he found out they switched him into a Unit that had just deployed and he left 2 weeks later. So I'm upset that he missed her first b-day and will now miss her second, but there's nothing I can do. So I know you can do this! Everything listed here are great ideas. My hubby and I foud that web chatting through aol, skype, etc works best for us. And I hold my daughter (now 14 months) while we talk and she points and says da-da and tries to touch him on the monitor! LOL. I get to talk to my hubby every day but he's in a green zone so it might be different for you guys...

But don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it, IDK about yours, but our post has free counseling and child care benefits and such. But get involved, and find things to keep you busy, classes, work, etc (I'm going to visit my family for a while) to help pass the time and before you know it, he'll be home for R&R! Good luck!

Allison - posted on 04/14/2010

Hi Jessica,
I haven't been through it but I am about to find out what it's like too! Our baby is due at the end of May and my husband will be deployed in Sept (although just for 6months). It's definitely going to be an adjustment.. I know the toughest part is wanting to make it easier on your guy by being strong but we're human! It's not always easy to be strong when it's super scary...I think we're allowed to have the odd moment of fear and upset over it, as long as we do our best to pull up our socks and get back on the positive train and be supportive. I keep trying to remind myself that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger ;)

I plan to video tape hubby reading stories, etc, to the baby and have lots of photos of him for baby to associate with Daddy.
Hopefully, you have a good support system and you can keep busy with your little one while he's away. I feel like my husband I will appreciate each other that much more after we get through the deployment. I am sure the same will go for you! Good luck. I will be thinking of you. :)

Shannon - posted on 04/13/2010

I agree with Beth about the video, my husband made one at the USO in the Dallas/ft. worth airport( I think they have one at most airports). It was really cool, he read 2 books and they send it for free on DVD and they send a baby blanket. It definately made a difference I think, my daughter went right to him when we picked him up, I think she recognized the uniform and voice.

BETH - posted on 04/13/2010

Jessica, my husband and I both are in the military and I see this everyday. I am in charge of those being deployed and truly understand. I had a dear friend who had twins that were just 2 years old and she was away for 10 months. You can do this! If I can encourage you to focus on what you have in your arms right now and give her the best care possible so that when daddy returns he will have a happy and loving wife. As for dad, perhaps making some videotapes of him reading her a story would be good so that she hears his voice over and over while you say this is daddy.
You must get on SKIPE on your computer and you can communicate via SKIPE for free! Its awesome. We did this with my nephew and while his wife stayed with us and it was great. He called often. The time went fast. stay busy and get involved with parenting groups this will help. I hope I have helped a bit. Best of luck to you both and Congrats.

Kayla - posted on 04/13/2010

my husband left in january and i had our baby girl in february. i know how it feels to feel alone and scared. its been 3 months and it has gone by very quickly with a little one around. this is our first deployment and our first child. some days are better than other. if there is anyway he can get a laptop and skype... it has saved my life and kept me sain. my army wives have also really helped me through. they are the only ones who truely know what you are going through.. just remember. He will come back and it wont last forever. I know i cried a lot when he left and i still do, but just let it out. You will feel better! Just dont count days. Thats a bad idea. If you need to talk more.. my email is kaylagebo@yahoo.com. Keep your head up and try and stay strong for your husband and you precious baby!

Shannon - posted on 04/13/2010

My hubby left for his first deployment when I was 4 1/2 months pregnant, came home for 2 weeks when I had her( I delivered 12 hours after he got home) and then went back to Iraq for 6 months. It was tough but like everyone says just keep busy. The girls in my FRG were EXTREMELY helpful and so was my family, my mom received quite a few late night calls from me cos I couldn't sleep. I focused on sending my hubby care packages, that helped a lot cos I felt like I was helping too. Also, to help ease my hubby's mind, I stopped hanging out with my guy friends unless it was in a group. My hubby had explained to me that they hear so many stories of the infamous "jodi" getting with their wives or girlfriends that even the most secure guy can get a lil suspicious at times. We had also read a book called His Needs, Her Needs and in it it explains that when a person is emotionally vulnerable they are more susceptible to cheat if the occasion presents itself. I'm not saying that you ever would but I think its a very important thing to put out there that no one seems to talk about and it doesn't hurt to just have that knowledge. I know I would never cheat on my husband but I didn't want to put myself in the type of situation where I would be tested. Hope that helps you a little....sorry if I rambled....I think I had a little too much coffee lol

Jillian - posted on 04/13/2010

Well, I wouldn't say a piece of cake, but you can do it. this is the time to explore your own hobbies, take care of the baby and enjoy personal time with friends and family. Use this time to start planning the details that will help your marriage when he returns, Start thinking know of things you can send him to ease his mind well he is away. When my husband has been away I know he misses us, but I do not want him to sit and be sad all the time. Keep up his spirits by letting him know that you are OK and that you do miss him. Telling him how dreadful every day of your life is and that you don't think you can do this will not help him and he needs to be able to understand that you can take care of things while he is away. Let him think of you and the baby and how to succeed at his job, not how he is going to take care of you from a distance!

Destanie - posted on 04/12/2010

Don't worry! Your instinct will kick in right away and it will all come natural. Just stay busy. My husband went on his first deployment ti Iraq in 08 and we had a 2 year old and he is in Afghanistan now. he left 2 days before Christmas and our second son was a month old so now I'm taking care of 2 boys alone and its a piece of cake. Just stay positive.

Danielle - posted on 04/12/2010

Hi my daughter was not as young as your baby when my husband went on his first deployment. She was one and a half. However what I learned is that we are stronger than we realize. I was able to learn more about myself while he was gone, picked up some hobbies and the time apart made us closer when he returned home. You Can do it.

Based of Alycia comment I would get both a general and special POA. I never had any problems with either, as we had a pay issue I was able to handle it with my special POA

It is not as bad as you think, if you let your mind be idle it will be your worst enemy. Stay occupied and the time will not fly by but it will not go so slow either

Kimberly - posted on 04/11/2010

I have a 15 month old daughter and he will be gone for bct and then ait and I won't see him again until new years. It won't be 12 months but I will be a single mom. Read Army Wives. It is a good book. Keep yourself busy with your daughter. I am going pick this time and have slumber parties with my daughter (just her and I) take her out places with me...go for walks in the park. go to trips...get out...do things for yourself. Also you can talk to mom's on here or on other forums too. We will help you through this, Jessica. We are all in this together.

Sarah - posted on 04/11/2010

My husband also is in the reserves and deploys to Afghanistan in May. Other people I've talked to told me to keep busy, stay in touch as much as possible and get involved with the FRG. Keep me in touch. Good luck to you and your husband.

Whitney - posted on 04/11/2010

plan something special for urself once a month, also paper chain links are a great way to keep track of how long till he's home

Alycia - posted on 04/11/2010

I'm positive you can do this. We were in almost the exact same situation. DD was born in Oct and he deployed in Feb. I survived the whole year. plus the added hardship of learning that DD was special needs while DH was away and having to run her to many specialists... also I moved from TN to TX and back alone while he was away...



just some tips... general POA's are virtually useless. I had one just in case, but everyone we had to deal with (esp tricare and deers) have to have one specifically for them.



also, this isn't something you want to hear, but you'llbe a single mom longer than 12 months. General rule of thumb from the women I know (myself included) it takes 3 months for hubby to be himself again once boots hit the ground. there is a lot of adjusting they go through when they come home, so just be prepared.



You CAN do this and having the new baby will be a great thing. The busier you stay the faster it goes.