first deployment/pregnant/lost all my "friends"

Bernie - posted on 09/26/2010 ( 22 moms have responded )

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im looking to make new friends. i currently am stayin back home in texas while my hubby is deployed for the next 6 months. then ill be back in california.

while i was in cali i didnt make any friends. it was hard for me to meet anyone with 2 toddlers and a new place.

when i came back home a few weeks ago i found out that my "friends" werent truley my friends. so im pregnant and my hubby is deployed and im feeling really depressed and alone.

i could really use any support or advice anyone has.

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Sandy - posted on 10/07/2010

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I gotta tell you folks, being a Marine wife reading these posts makes me so proud of us! Way to stick together!! Bernie, hang in there sweetheart. Does your OWC or FRO put together any activities for families during deployments? You should have an afternoon party on the weekend and invite everyone from the squadron for an "ice breaker." Or have everyone get together at a local park or somewhere on base. You're bound to make at least one good friend!

Jayme - posted on 10/07/2010

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Hi Bernie, I am 7 mos pregnant with my first baby too and my soon to be husband is gone to training. I am right now still in Indy, but will be going to where ever he is stationed.

Casey - posted on 10/07/2010

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i'm in san diego, were pcsing to camp pendleton next year, so i'll still be in the area. let me know if you need to talk.

Priscilla - posted on 10/07/2010

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I know where your coming from. When dh was sent to Korea for a year I went back home too. I had 2 kiddos as well under 3 at the time. I cant be of much help but just give you some adivce that i wish someone had given me...just go out. Enjoy yourself with your kids. Take them to the park, to museums, if you have them, places that are kid friendly. Youll meet people there that have lots in common with you. Everything will be ok.

Kat - posted on 10/06/2010

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Hey 1st deployment .its had but as an Military wife its hard and then with lil ones to. where in TX are you.I am at FORT HOOD. been here for 8 longgggg years lol. i all so have 3 kids .my daughter is 18 and my boys are 13 and 6. i know what you mean about not havinf REALLY friends. in 2007-2008 i find out who my friends where.and i cant tell you this i didnt have alot...hubby was gone for 15 months. and now hes going to school for 2 months and then off to iraq.i can all ways us new REAL FRIENDS..angelskiss98_2000@yahoo.com

Lorraine - posted on 10/05/2010

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Well I am currently in Kingsville, Texas which is no where near Dallas, but by next week we are moving to San Diego!! I have a daughter that is close to 18 months so not too far from your daughter and I also have a baby on the way!! I do understand what it is to be lonely when all your friends are so far away. Its hard not having a grown up conversation with anyone but at the same time my daughter really is my security blanket since we need each other so very much. I already found like a gymnastics class for my daughter there that I'm hoping she will make some friends at. Do you know what housing your gonna be at? Oh and how far along are you? I'm due the first week of December! Well see you there!

Lorraine - posted on 10/05/2010

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Well I am currently in Kingsville, Texas which is no where near Dallas, but by next week we are moving to San Diego!! I have a daughter that is close to 18 months so not too far from your daughter and I also have a baby on the way!! I do understand what it is to be lonely when all your friends are so far away. Its hard not having a grown up conversation with anyone but at the same time my daughter really is my security blanket since we need each other so very much. I already found like a gymnastics class for my daughter there that I'm hoping she will make some friends at. Do you know what housing your gonna be at? Oh and how far along are you? I'm due the first week of December! Well see you there!

Rebecca - posted on 10/05/2010

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I understand how you feel. My husband and I psc to Hawaii in 2009 and my family is in Florida. During my husbands last deployment I was by myself with a 2 1/2 year old and pregnant with morning sickness. It is always frustrating when the people you think are your friends flake or on you. Hang in there. Email me if you need someone to talk too. Oscarnbecca2003@AOL.com

Danielle - posted on 10/03/2010

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im so sorry! I cant relate totally bc i didnt move away. But my husband is deployed and it is definalty hard to deal with! If i were you I would look at church, play areas and places like that. I havent moved but did find after I had my baby alot of my friends didnt show up anymore, they didnt understand what i took to be a mom and they werent mature enough for our friendship to grow, so consider that their loss! Be excited that you have a beautiful baby on the way and look forward to seeing your husband, that helps me! I will be praying for you, your sweet little one, your husband, and your situation! Keep your head up and look forward to the great things to come

Ashley - posted on 10/01/2010

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I have a 5 month old and my hubby is leaving for BT on Monday for the normal 8 weeks then going to AIT for another 4 months. I would love to have someone to chat with. Send me a Private message if you have MSN or Yahoo or anything like that. I know we all need support and that is not cool that people pretended to be your friend. :(

Bernie - posted on 10/01/2010

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thanks for all yalls support, were stationed in san diego,ca. were pretty close to all the bases. im back home in north texas about 2 hours from dallas. i have a almost 4 year old and 2 year old and im currenly pregnant with number 3.

Vanessa - posted on 10/01/2010

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where in california are you station at?where in texas you are?we are station on camp pendleton and my husband is from el campo,texas.i have a 2 year od and a 2 going on 3 this sunday month old.i know how it is when you think these people are your friends they truly turn out to not be your"real friends".

Danielle - posted on 09/30/2010

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i'm stationed in mayport, fl, but here we have "playgroups" that our USO has for us. They're twice a week, and it was a great way for my one year old daughter to socialize and for me to meet other moms in the area. You could ask your ombudsman if she knows of anything like that.

Toni - posted on 09/30/2010

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When we were stationed at Fort Irwin, CA I went to the playgroups and met alot of moms with kids that were around the same age as my daughter. Are you close to a base? We are in NC now and I have yet to make new friends but we just got here

Brittany - posted on 09/30/2010

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Maybe you could take the kids to the park and see if you can't meet some women there. Also if you are a church goer at all that's a great way to meet people! That's probably the only place that I have really met people where I am.

Determined - posted on 09/30/2010

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Hi I currently have one month of my husband's deployment left. I know how you feel, my family is all in Cali and I'm here in AZ with his family (but they're not much support at all) so the past 9 months have been really lonely. Feel free to email me anytime for anything and let me know if there is any way I can help! =)

Danielle - posted on 09/30/2010

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I've been through and I'm going through the same thing. My husband left for his first deployment in February when I was 8 months pregnant with our third child. I moved back to MO, where I'm from, to be near family and friends. It turns out that I have no one. I'm here where they could see me anytime they want but they never do. I try to make plans but everyone else is always so busy with other things. Even my family is too busy for me and the kids. I love my babies but I need some adult friends to talk to. I didn't make a whole lot of friends while we were in TX (hubby is stationed at Ft. Hood) but since leaving I've made a lot more friends online via FB. Many of them are going through a deployment as well and they are all so wonderful and supportive. I now have something to look forward to when we get back to TX. Hang in there. I know it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but it IS there.

Lea - posted on 09/30/2010

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I am a "veteran" military wife - we are on our 7th duty station and will most likely be moving again this summer. It is never easy to have to start over in a new place, especially as a stay at home mom. My best advice to you would be to find a "Mommy group" in your area. Many churches have ladies' Bible study groups that meet during the day and offer childcare. It is a great way to meet people who have many things in common with you in a safe environment and your babies will enjoy the play time with other children as well.

Kendra - posted on 09/30/2010

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I'm stationed in North Carolina, but friends were hard to come by for me here for a long time. I suggest checking out the community centers in your base housing areas when you get back to California. There's always things you can do with your kids. When all else fails, keep your kids busy. While you're spending your time with them and keeping them busy and occupied you'll find friends without even thinking about it. As long as you get them out and about, you'll feel less depressed because you'll be busy as well. When your kids are out finding new friends, you'll be out meeting people as well. And you'll have common interests.. your kids! Once I forgot about being shy at my kids playgroups and music classes, etc., I found that talking to people became really easy. "your son's adorable. How old is he?"-- easiest conversation starter ever.

Nancy - posted on 09/26/2010

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Dear 1st deployment...contact the nearest base to you. I don't know the names of the other branches but the AF has an Airman and Family Readiness Office on every base. Here you can connect with other spouses for everything from scheduled speakers, getting together to eat and letting children play, and just connecting with others who want or need a support system of people who really know and understand what you are going through. If you are on the shy side try something small like getting involved with the chapel, spouses club for cards, bunko, etc.... This may help make it easier to reach out to A&F Readiness. They are both experienced and trained in ways to deal with it all!!!



P.S. Sorry about the picture I haven't figured out how to change it yet! ( Let me know how u r doing! )

Mecca - posted on 09/26/2010

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Yes Pray and God will get you through... trust me i know how you feel been there... right now im in OK and its hard when its just you and the kids.... fortunately my hubbie is home right now but he still works and its still me and the one year old at home ... i agree with Heather to try out some of the toddler activities ive found that most of the libraries always have something going on and you can meet a lot of ladies that way... i can say this though if you need a friend even though im not there in tx or cali you can email me at meccaharris415@gmail.com and i can talk to you...
wish you the best
Mecca

Heather - posted on 09/26/2010

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Where in Cali is your husband stationed? I'm in Cali too, but only for the next few months. My advice is to look into some toddler activities you and your children can do together. I've met some great ladies through programs like that and it keeps me busy and active. You're not alone chikadee. All of us military wives have been where you are and will probably be there again at some point. Love on your babies, love on yourself(do something nice just for you), and if you're a spiritual person say a little prayer. Good luck with the new baby!!

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