Frustrated by the negativity people are giving as "helpful" feedback

Kimberly - posted on 02/11/2010 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I was really excited to find when a friend sent me an invitation to Circle of mom's and I found this site. I have seen many compassionate women helping other women on this site. I've also seen way to much criticism being passed off as advice. I was completely disgusted to see one woman tell another one that she supported terrorists because she was not happy with the military lifestyle and isn't a supporter of the wars we are involved in. The woman that started the conversation stated very clearly that she supports her husband and the rest of the troops, just not this war. I do understand the fact that the idea is a very touchy one for many in the military, but telling her that she can go talk to terrorists if she wants to is completely inappropriate. Why can we not have intelligent conversations about different ideas and beliefs without the negativity? We all have things to learn and things to teach each other. To all those that are out there trying to support the others n need I say Thanky you! To the others please leave your negativity off our posts.

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Shannon - posted on 02/11/2010

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It kinda takes military families, and the spouses in the military they support, by surprise when you say "I don't like war, I don't support the war, the war is wrong." Just what do people believe the military is? Do people think that saying things like that won't turn a head and make people look at them funny? It's our spouses jobs to protect this Nation from all enemies, foreign and domestic. For 7 years after 9/11 GWB kept us safe by upping the pressure in the regions that the terrorists hide and recruit. Let in the "new guy" and let him downgrade and stall a decision on A'stan, and three new terroristic threats occur on our soil. That right there proves to me that what we did was right, the wars we entered were imperative to our safety. Is it right to tell someone to go speak with terrorists if they don't like the war? No. Does it mean someone supports Jihad? No. But it does show a certain lack of understanding to what the military is about, what its job is, and what people understand this new threat to be. After all, it is kinda strange to hear someone say "I support my husband and the troops, but I don't agree with war--it is bad!" People take from that what they see...war is bad, so how can they support troops for doing something they perceive is bad? So don't judge others too harshly for being confused by the comment. It's on par with someone saying "I hate sick people, and dislike blood, but I am a nurse." It kinda makes people cock their head to the side, give the scooby doo "hruh", and shake their head a bit to clear the confusion. Some people may speak without thinking, but that doesn't make them horrible in general.

Remember. There are many of us sposes who have lived in liberal areas of the country, gone through deployments, and had to contend with Code Pink, and other liberal groups, who hated the war. I've got stories that would make people's blood boil...what I saw, what I heard, so any comments in the negative against the war, that people perceive as a slam to the military, when that is their lifestyle, will cause some reaction. Military families are constantly on the offensive because of comments and actions of the anti-war crew, and when one of our own espouses something close to the beliefs of those groups, it brings out the claws. Might not be right, but its a fight we always have to contend with and have grown accustomed to.

All in all I would say a majority of the posts are very helpful. Why not just view the good posts and not dramatically hang on to the negative. :)

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Shannon - posted on 02/12/2010

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People join the military for all sorts of reasons. Financial stability, sense of duty, wanting to kill terrorists, want to be a part of something bigger than themselves, get a free college degree. I've seen it all and heard all of them. Point is, without our military members we wouldn't remain a free republic. Those in this country have had to join up and fight to keep this country the way the founding father's made it. That will never change. The military is not a job where people can expect to sit and exist, it is an institution that is here because of war. If people wanted a clean job, they know better than to join up. I think the wars going on for the past 9 years would have told people that though. lol We all should be thankful that people are willing to write that blank check to the government, up to and including the cost of their lives. It is a priceless gift that should never be forgotten or taken for granted.

And for all of those Marine's in the Marjah province who started their offensive today...God speed, pray for victory, and a mighty Ooo-RAH! Semper Fi! In it to win it!

Melissa - posted on 02/12/2010

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We join the military b/c of war. lol Thats why i wanted to join so i can kill the terrorist.

Kimberly - posted on 02/11/2010

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very nice disclaimer. When advice is truelly advice it doesn't need to be coated with sugar. I myself am a brutally honest person. My husband has told me that some of the things I say are paramount to being hit in the face with a frying pan! I don't believe that you ladies are the ones that I'm speaking of.

Tah - posted on 02/11/2010

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i am positve i am taken negatively sometimes, i don't mean to be, but if i'm honest, some things need to be said. I am the nicest person you would ever want to meet, my mom said i do so much for people i need to claim them on my taxes, I have a inbox full of can you help me with this? and what should i do? so apparently people can tell something about me, however small by my responses. ....shannon's response alone shows we all have very different views and thoughts..I just pick my battles, I read some post and want to say things i know i shouldn't.."but she's baiting me"(in my paris from gilmore girls voice) lol...so if I know there is just no way i can possible help and what i have to say can in no way be considered positive, i close the post and keep it moving. I just think people need the truth, I can tell you your husband is a champ when he's obviously treating you like garbage..I just don't think that's what you need to hear. and etc. I know i need to work on my cuddling and handholding...some people will love me, some will hate me, but they have to understand this is a internet affair, so things may be different if you ever meet up...



shelby has a good disclaimer...i think i'll take it too...lol

Shelby - posted on 02/11/2010

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Well I have to copy Jennifer here, I'm sure I am also one that is taken wrong. I'm a very strong, straight forward, honest person who in all honesty wishes no harm on anyone. I am always the first to help anyone that asks, I'm just very up front with it. My favorite years in the military have been the years I was a KV (Key Volunteer) for my husband's unit. I finally felt like what I had been through had a purpose. I could give advice on where to go for help, what to expect from commands and missions, How to deal with circumstances. I dunno...LOL, Maybe I'll start posting a disclaimer on all of my posts...

********NO TONE IMPLIED OR INFERRED*********************

Medic - posted on 02/11/2010

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I think that it has been said many times before on here but we are women and its hard to understand the tone behind text. I am probably one that is taken offensively alot of the time and I really don't mean it to sound that way because I forget that A: yall don't know me and B: yall can't hear me.

Natalie - posted on 02/11/2010

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I agree as well.
But i think if a bunch of women with different views come together there will always be drama. I try to stay away from it in real life but it's not so easy online.

Kimberly - posted on 02/11/2010

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I actually posted this to try to bring out the people with positve views that might otherwise stay silent. I appreciate your comments and that you managed to disagree in an agreeable way it is all that i'm looking for. I have also seen some of the crazy things anti-war people can do like protesting the war at the funeral of a soldier. I find such things absolutely repulsive and in no way condone them. The post that i spoke of showed no signs of that kind of radical belief. Thanks for keeping your message positive

Louise - posted on 02/11/2010

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I agree but I just ignore any negative comments and don't even give those women the benefit of a response. We are better and more mature then that. Everywhere you go there are going to be negative people who only crave drama and negative criticism. We live in a country where people have the freedom of speech and if they want to live unhappy let them. I know it's frustrating but we can't control what others say so we learn to look passed and ignore their ugly comments and behaviors and just continue to be positive inspite of it all. Thanks ladies for being the exception.

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