getting scared by all the negativity...why so much drama in the military? (wives n female soldiers)

Kendra - posted on 02/06/2010 ( 252 moms have responded )

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My husband has been in the army for only a year now (will be finishing ait in 2 weeks) so i am well aware that i am a newbie to this military wife thing. My father was in the army, but as a child i never heard of all the adult drama. I have so many people telling me not to trust the women my husband works with (which has put a major strain on our marriage) So many stories of cheating wives and cheating husbands, im honestly scared to death about all of this. When i joined this group i thought it would be drama free...mostly talking about deployment, get togethers, idk stuff like that. i was wrong...there are even MORE stories of "he cheated on me, i cheated on him....bla bla bla".

my question is to the wives: why do you sit around and create/discuss so much drama? Has the military life always been this way for you?

my other question, for those women who have also once been a soldier: do i really need to worry about you ladies working with my husband? i was once told that women only join the military to get guys....is this true? AND are there female soldiers that really dont care if a guy is married? i would like to think they would respect that he is and know their boundaries.

like i said, its only been a year for me, and in that year i have become quite the jealous type and also quite a bitch. lol i wasnt always this way and really dont wanna be this way. but it seems to me thats how it is in the military, drama drama drama...

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C. - posted on 02/12/2010

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@Yvonne.. I read the rest of your comment and the other two to boot. I have to say as an Air Force Brat and an Army wife, it doesn't disturb the family structure. It's part of the family structure, or at least it should be, it's up to YOU to make it that way. And it does not fill you with false hope. You learn the military life and you abide by it and you know what can or will happen. Can anyone help it if you're living in a fantasy? No, only you can.



I would like to know how it is "unhealthy" for a child? B/c the parent(s) are fighting a war? BS. And to say that the military is for single people??? Are you fucking kidding me????? You are seriously messed up, woman. And I don't apologize for saying that. There are THOUSANDS of families that make it in the military that don't have cheating spouses. Obstacles come in ANY occupation, not just the military, and to say that the military is the only one (you implied it anyway with this, "it isnt worth all the aggravation the military will give you" and "then add the crap the military will add for you.")?? PLEASE! Give me a flippin' break! Any job can create stress and aggravation and can come between you and your spouse.. IF YOU LET IT. Stop blaming the military for everything. Sometimes it's your own freaking attitude that smears the crap all over your life!



And about doing a job that someone else was hired to do.. AGAIN, that situation can come up in ANY JOB. Do you seriously not get out much?



Yes, we ALL can be downright nasty to one another.. But YOU and another lady are downright nasty towards the military. Don't blame the military for your short comings. It's up to you to make the best of it. After all, it's not their job to ensure your happiness, it's yours.



Sure, there is a slight difference with military being a career versus more of a hobby, for lack of a better term. But that doesn't mean you should blame anyone but yourself for making your life miserable! Grow up, take responsibility for your unhappiness and make it better! There is so much to be offered with a spouse in the military, Reserves or Enlisted, but you have to WANT to make it an enjoyable experience. We can't just say, Here you go! And hand you a happy life. Real life doesn't work that way in the military or outside the military.

Suzette - posted on 02/12/2010

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Yvonne, if you were in the community you would see that military wives are supportive. Being that you're not, you don't know that. You would also know that they're an extremely opinionated bunch. Most of them don't hold back because, when they do sugar coat things and coddle people, those people get hurt even worse. And, for those that are getting 'bashed on', as you put it, I'm not sure exactly who you're referring to or who has been 'bashed', but there are a couple of people on here who have been downright hateful towards the military and what military wives do, not to mention towards female soldiers and male soldiers alike. If someone was hateful towards you, as a wife, would you not defend yourself?

No one is assuming that all men are faithful, or all women for that matter. To say that, and believe it, would to be living in some sort of Disney fairy tale. Personally, I prefer not to bother myself with such bull. I know better. I did not state anywhere in my previous post that "infidelity in previous generations did not happen." What I said had to do with healthy, well-adjusted children which can (and are) products of military families. If you misinterpreted my words, that falls on you.

What you took as a "quick zip" was merely another person replying with their opinion in regards to your own. Paychecks get screwed up all the time, whether it's military or civilian world, they take time to fix. Unforutnately, what you're talking about in regards to a "should a wife have to do the governments job if her husband is deployed and she is taking care of her children, the house and mortgage, her job and maybe his job that he may or may not have when he comes home, have to then add a mistake by people who can't do the job they were hired to do?" That's what military wives do when things get screwed up. When the husband is deployed, TDY, or in the field... military wives have to take care of things at home. What would you do if your husband was in another line of work, was sent off on a business trip, and you couldn't reach him and the company he worked for royally screwed up the check and they were taking their sweet time to fix it? Sit by and get ticked off that you had to fix things? It's a partnership, we have to put on our big girl panties and deal with things, even the things we don't want to deal with, like the government screwing up.

It's a reality that some people think they can do it only to find out that they can't. But to make your husband give up what he wants because you're not willing to put up with the grief, in my opinion if I did that, it wouldn't be me standing by my vows to support my husband. Life is just flat out hard whether it's military or not, and if it's your spouse's desire then it's not something to let go of lightly, not to mention the benefits it can give to one's family in the process. To me it would be a lot like telling my husband he had to quit doing anything he loved doing just because it was hard on me. If I expect him to stand by me and support me, I’m damn well doing the same thing for him.
(By the way, just because a military family has children it does not mean that they let the children know every detail about the war... they may know where their father/mother is going, but it doesn't mean they know exactly what they're doing while there.)
Perhaps if you had the support system, you would feel differently. I understand that your support system is entirely different. Not all military wives are career either, some are just in while their husband does his 4 yrs, gets college, etc. There are those who are career, and even if you did live in the community, you're right, we may not get along... but you don't have to get along with every military wife you meet. Not all of them do, it's like the civilian world, we pick and choose our friends.
If you took that, or my previous post, as a bashing... reread it. It's an opinion, it's not sugar coated, I'll grant that. But if I sugar coated everything, I'd be living in a candy land and nothing in my world would ever get done... not to mention I wouldn't have the friends I do have. They all love honesty. :)

C. - posted on 02/12/2010

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Yvonne, I only read part of you last comment, but I wanted to say something for a minute.. If you're going to, or want to, shelter your family and kids from the war, then you (general you) shouldn't even be going in Reserves, either. The fact that there is a war going on means that ANYONE who is enlisted or in the Reserves can get sent to fight overseas, regardless of whether they are "supposed to" or not. That's just how it is. So I'm curious, if your fiance wanted to shelter his family from this fact, then why did he even join the Reserves?

And if I'm not mistaken, your child is 7 years old, correct? She is at the age where she is able to understand more.. And she's not a toddler anymore. I believe children aren't called toddlers after 4, maybe 5, years old. But regardless, it shouldn't be hard to explain to a 7 year old that daddy went to fight for their country. Sure it might tug at your heartstrings, but a 7 year old will be able to understand that, if you let them.

Yvonne - posted on 02/12/2010

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My fiance is navy reserve and has the two weeks a year one weekend a month. My Great grandfather was navy and so too were several uncles of which were never in a military community. I have supported one post 9/11 deployment and one to Kuwait. To explain to a toddler where her daddy went and to tell her that her daddy will be home not knowing if it is the truth is hard. It is different I can only assume by the description given to me earlier, military children who live the lifestyle this is how it is and adapt but, for a reserve dad who tries to shelter his family from the horrible thing called war it is hard. I understand you ladies live a different life as far as military goes but, to some who have wonderful military husbands and this is a career it is a lifestyle. I do feel that the reply i received earlier was a quick zip and assuming that all men are faithful I cant myself say that the military has led to infidelity but, women these days are more independent and self reliant and will not turn a blind eye to it and shouldn't. To say that infidelity in the previous generations didn't happen is naive. We have to admit it has nothing to do with the military a unfaithful husband is and unfaithful husband military or not. As for the paycheck situation it happens to be the governments responsibility to get it right and yes put the remainder aside but, should a wife have to do the governments job if her husband is deployed and she is taking care of her children, the house and mortgage, her job and maybe his job that he may or may not have when he comes home, have to then add a mistake by people who can't do the job they were hired to do? I do feel we should all lighten up about the whole cheating thing, the world is made up of all kinds and so is the military. It has nothing to do with the career it has to do with the person who is the one who has no respect for the wife supporting him or the reverse. I feel sorry for the young lady who asked this question she will find herself more lost than found. You all should try to embrace the fact that not everyone is as happy with choices of being a military wife, some thought they could do it only to find out they cant and some have married into it thinking the military career was over only to have things change. The world is diverse and not simple. I have been reading some of the posts while many are uplifting and encouraging some of you are just down right nasty. To the ladies who can tell the truth about how it really is good and bad thank you! to the rest of you who want to bash each other shame. I just want to add I do not live in a military community and fiance is reserve. Some of the what applies to career military wives I feel isn't the same for reserve wives who may not have the support system of other close by military wives. Who is to say we would get along anyway look at this post we need to be nicer to each other.

Sara - posted on 02/12/2010

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I am a female soldier and currently away from my husband. He is still stationed in Korea and I am home on maternity leave! I am going to be totally up front and honest with you. I have experienced both males and female soldiers who have been overseas and cheated on their significant other. I absolutely do not condone it. I find that the ones whom cheat are not at all satisfied with their marriage as it is. When we as soldiers are overseas we are away from everyone we love so the nearest comfort is that of a fellow soldier. Mind you most of these "flings" are very temporary and usually stops when they return home. I am totally on your side with all of this. i think it is a sad excuse for people to cheat. My husband and I met while both in the same unit in S. Korea. Him and I were the only couple that never cheated, and stayed together the whole time and eventually married. We are also expecting a daughter next month. Dont think that all military soldiers cheat on their spouses, because they dont. My best advice is be there for your husband. Show him you got his back and you are there for him. Also, depending on his MOS he may not end up stationed with a lot of females. To answer the questions you had... You shouldnt have to worry about the ladies working with your husband but there are scandalous females.... I highly doubt that woman join the military to find a man. Usually women that are desperate, hunt down military guys that are either about to deploy or just returned. And last but not least YES there are female soldiers who do not care if a man is married. But you also have to realize that a man has a say in what happens as well especially if he is the one married. I am on both sides and have literally seen it all. From a female soldiers point of view I am always here if you have questions

Tah - posted on 02/12/2010

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@yvonne..your gonna need a wheel barrelf for that chip on your shoulder....my children don't look at my husband leaving and returning as breaking up and getting back together at all..esp when, they know without a doubt we love each other, we email, talk on the phone, semd packages and whatever else...i may do alot of things, but living a double life is not one of them. you made him get out because you a insecure, and you have trust issues, ok, well that is your right, but, while your working on those..if you ever do, try to be a little less selfish..,,because that is what that was....

C. - posted on 02/12/2010

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@Suzette.. I agree, your husband is quite right.. Reality is a b**** sometimes. I hope she learns quickly. And my God, I hope she wasn't stupid enough as to say those things to to those soldiers!

Suzette - posted on 02/12/2010

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@Christina, Like my husband said about Lauren and her situation... Her husband is currently "finishing officer's school" that means his MOS is going to change at some point. He won't always be in that cozy little 'non deployable MOS' and when he gets switched up to one where he can be called out on deployments, she'll get her wake up call. It'll be a slap of reality right across her face. I just hope for her sake, and especially his, that she hasn't been stupid enough to say any of what she said to us to the soldiers serving with him who happen to be those she considers "dumb enlisted people."

C. - posted on 02/12/2010

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@Suzette.. I hope Clara does clear that up for her sake b/c I know other people are probably going to be questioning it as well. Your husband's quote was pretty funny :)

C. - posted on 02/12/2010

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@Kendra, don't let people like Lauren get to you. She's obviously pretty ignorant about military. Military men and women are quite intelligent and they all start at the bottom in one MOS or another. Apparently she has a hard time understanding that (everyone starts at the bottom and works their way up).



@Clara, I agree with Tah and Suzette about it sending the wrong signal if he has a one night stand that it would be Ok if he did it again. Any woman deserves for a man, husband/BF/fiance, to only want to be with that one woman. Don't let it be Ok for your man to cheat on you, even for a one night stand. No woman deserves for a man to cheat on her no matter what, just as no man deserves a woman to cheat on him. If it comes to cheating for either one of you (general you), get out. No matter what has happened in that relationship, no one deserves to go through that heartache. Have more pride in yourself, please. I hope all is well with you and continues to go well.



@Lauren, I never implied that you were a pregnant slut, now did I? And I never said you were alone with a drunk man. I am sorry that something like that happened to you. However, if it was me, I would not put myself in that situation, knowing that a man and his wife were going to the bar b/c who knows what could have happened if they came back drunk? Your situation was my point exactly. And as for you insulting our country, calling it "rich and greedy".. Girl, you better stop while your ass is ahead! Our military men and women are fighting to KEEP OUR COUNTRY A FREE NATION!!! If you don't want to STAY in a FREE NATION, THEN MOVE SOMEWHERE ELSE AND STOP INSULTING OUR COUNTRY. People like you, that insult everything our men and women are fighting for, make fallen soldiers die in vain. They are fighting for what's right, and what's right is keeping our country from others taking over, keeping a democracy and keeping our citizens safe! If you don't like that, then WHY are you here? It's not like you can't move to another country if you don't like the one in which you currently reside! And yes, YOU DID insult EVERYONE. You said, "so hopefully that will ward off the dumb enlisted people". How exactly were you NOT insulting all enlisted men and women when you NEVER specified?



You are an ignorant woman and I hope that you get educated real quick about what hard work goes on in the military so you can eat your own words. Even the people, who probably in your opinion don't do anything important, have important jobs. Whatever the job is in the military, it's always important. If it wasn't for the people doing the "simple" work (and I use that term VERY loosely), then the people doing what seems to be the hard work, cannot get things done in order! Every military job is important, so get off your high horse and go educate yourself, or better yet, have someone else educate you about the military b/c obviously you educating yourself about military anything has gotten you nowhere. And I agree with Tah.. It's probably your best bet to stay away from this thread.

Suzette - posted on 02/12/2010

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The 2 weeks a year and one weekend a month thing is for National Guard, AGR, and Reserves... not for regular AD Military. AD Military is completely different, they may be deployed, put out in the field, or sent TDY but it's not going to be a definite 2 weeks a year and one weekend a month.

Yvonne - posted on 02/12/2010

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one more thing as i read some more posts it may not even be the women in the military. Like one women said any women can be loose but, if your man isn't home I am not even saying activated for war they are still obligated to be away from home 2 weeks a year and one weekend a month. So you need a strong relationship and trust if you are already panicked then you need to evaluate yourself in this relationship then add the crap the military will add for you. Sometimes it is just a matter of when the opportunity presents itself. Life happens military or not but, with the mask of it you would have no idea what is going on.

Suzette - posted on 02/12/2010

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@Yvonne, my mom, her brother, and her sister are all AF Brats. My grandfather was constantly moving around and they sometimes got to go with him, sometimes they were with my grandmother alone. There were periods of time where they had to wait to see him, they'd ask when he was coming home, when they were going to be moving, or if they were moving. Regardless, they all turned out perfectly healthy and well-adjusted. Saying it isn't healthy for a child is, in my opinion, incorrect. I believe it depends on the parents involved and the strength of those two individuals. If the parents can't handle it and the children see that, then you're right, the children won't be healthy, well-adjusted children who turn into healthy, well-adjusted adults. If the parents are strong enough to handle it, then the children will be okay. There are some cases where you will have to wait for a check from the government, BUT, knowing that you have to wait to be paid back means that you plan ahead, just like a responsible person would in any situation of having to be paid back from any company or any other individual. The same goes for if you're over paid by any company with a normal paycheck or if you're over paid on your taxes. You don't just presume you can keep the money, that's irresponsible. You set the money aside so that when they do take it, because most companies are going to want it back, that way you're not left flat out on your butt when they do take it back. It's common sense. As for those who like to "lead a double life," sorry, I don't lead a double life... neither do my friends who are military wives and neither does my husband. If you've run across this then *some* people may do it, but not EVERYONE does. The implication that you're putting out there that it is for military wives who do like that, it's incorrect. My grandmother didn't do that either. Telling someone to get out just because you didn't like it, or telling them to demand that their spouse leave because they don't like it, wow... how about that line in the vows that says you "support" your spouse? I expect my husband to support my dreams... in order for that to happen, I have to support his as well. It's a two way street, it doesn't just work for one.

Yvonne - posted on 02/12/2010

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ok i don't know about the cheating thing but, being left high and dry pregnant for a year and then again for another year 2 years later is a waste of time to sit around and wonder if your husband is keeping his "personal "belongings personal. Then all the weekends away and the trips to classes out of state and 2 weeks out of state it all gets to be a bit much and I have been part of it for 9 years. Granted i do not live near my support system and that may have made it a little different but, one cant help but wonder if the truth is being told and even the most 'LOVING" husband may stray cuz it is made easy by the fact that you may or may not know what is going on when they are not home. If this is making you the person you don't want to be than don't waste time with it. I insisted my fiance quit and together or not together it is for the good of our child how many days does a child have to ask where is daddy? It disturbs the family structure and it is like having your parents break up and get back together over and over it isn't healthy for a child and anyone who says it is is filling you full of false hope. If it isnt your only source of income and your are new to it and you love each other it isnt worth all the aggravation the military will give you with semantics trust me ever wait for a check from the government? well if they owe you money you can count on waiting but, if for some reason they for instance over pay you (it will happen) they will not give you a second to pay it back. like i was saying if you love each other dont make it your source of income and dont choose the military over your family. It is for single people or women who like to be home alone and lead a double life.

Tah - posted on 02/12/2010

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@suzette..and that is the way it should be..She calls the HOUSE....and introduces herself and the reason for the call....she has apparently taken my class"how not to make Tah hunt you down" good for her...lol...and good for your husband for knowing to give out the info....he has also taken my class..."how to keep your friends close"...lol

Tiffany - posted on 02/12/2010

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i know of some women that dont care if the soldier is married and i know of some men that dont care that they are married. but as far as trusting them with ur husband...to me it is more of can u trust ur husband with them? i trust my husband 100% not to do anything or put himself in a situtation that would cause us problems. i know he may work with some women and men that just dont care but i just have to trust that he isnt going to do anything. that is all i can tell u on that issue. just trust him. if yall have a strong enough marriage then u dont have to worry about the other women he works with. just always try and communicate ur worries and im sure ull be fine.

now on the issue of drama my husband has been in for almost 6 years. this is his first deployment and i so i just really got involved with the frg since he left...and yes there can be some drama. but there can be drama in everything military related or not. but the trick is not to get involved with the drama. just let it happen and stay away from it. and sometimes it not everyone that has drama it just one person in the group that likes to start the drama. and in that case just stay away from that person. but dont let stuff like this keep u from joinin the frg and stuff with other wives or goin out with ur husband and maybe some of his friends that he works with or whatever. dont let one or two ppl ruin things for u. and know that their are some ppl that are here to listen.

Suzette - posted on 02/12/2010

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@Clara, I'm with Tah on this one. It's really not okay if he does it once. It's kinda sending the signal that if he does it again then it's okay. Like I said before though, marriage counseling might help the issue and it might not. I'm with Kendra too, I don't know what I'd do in the situation you're in either. I do know that my husband was cheated on while he was stationed in Korea the first time, his ex fiance slept with his best friend (who was supposed to be watching out for her)... boy did he watch out for her... and my husband found out on Valentine's day of all days.

So him and I have a really good understanding, being that I've been cheated on in the past, neither of us would do that to one another, we know how bad it hurts and we can't imagine hurting one another that way. We respect one another too much, love one another too much, and well, let's just say he knows that certain body parts would not be left with him if he did something like that... and they certainly wouldn't be reattachable. :)

Tah is right, not everyone does it. Everyone might have sexual dreams about someone else, they might see someone of the opposite sex and think that person is attractive, but they don't act on their impulses. Especially if they respect and love the one they're with.

Clara, while I hope things work for you, I'm with Tah that I don't care who likes me and who doesn't. My opinion isn't widely accepted by a lot of people and that's okay with me. People don't have to like me for my opinions... doesn't mean I'm going to stop giving them. Sometimes the truth just flat out sucks, it's not like I always like hearing it either! I seriously hope things work out for you and you don't wind up allowing your husband to do this over and over. You, as a woman, should know you're worth more than that. If you don't, you're laying the ground work for getting what you deserve. And I'd deserve to hear the same if I were in your shoes. (Been there, done that... only difference is I wasn't married to the man.)

@Tah... ironically enough, my husband got a call this morning, on our home phone from a woman. He has a four day weekend, and it was work related. She was extremely pleasant and when I asked who was calling, gave me her name and even had the courtesy to tell me what it was about. :) I've met the woman a few times, just didn't recognize her voice... and I knew, from last night, that my husband was sending her an email in regards to what they were working on. (And from my hubby telling me about his day as well.)

All I can say is that I'm glad I got to know my husband first. While our romance was a bit of a whirlwind and we got married quickly, we were best friends for five years... I know him as well as I know myself. I still find little surprises here and there, but so do my parents who have been together for over 20 years. There's nothing I wouldn't do for my husband, and there's nothing he wouldn't do for me... and there's absolutely nothing we would do to disrespect or hurt one another. I feel for the women who put up with the nonsense that these men dish out. Put your foot down to them, you deserve better!

Tah - posted on 02/12/2010

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@clara, please don't sell yourself short sweetie..it is not ok if he has a one night stand..what if he has 10..do they all count differently or is one continuous stand....so when he gets someone pregnant or gets something they don't really have 3 letters for yet, is that ok...What about the fact that if he does, he doesn't respect you...but YOU laid the groundwork for that by not respecting yourself enough to say "i don't give a cat frazzle what "everybody else does" you keep it where it belongs or it comes with me"



Also I can tell you have had some rough ones by the fact that you think everybody does it...newsflash..everybody doesn't do it......I am really confused and disheartened by this attitude among some of the wives. Here is where you start to not like me, and to honest unless you come take one of these bills off my counter and pay it...i don't really care.



Wives need to start setting down some laws way before they get married. Alot of us are getting married to people we really don't know, they have intentions we are not sure of , then throwing babies into very new or unstable situations and calling it a family. Not trying to better ourselves, just following these men around the world without a clue....



Then when he has a affair, we are lost, not just because we are hurt, but because we realize we don't really know him and worse, don't know ourselves. Now your 10 states or 3 countries away from mama and daddy with 2-3 babies on your hip, a husband who cheats and treats you like crap and you feel trapped and lost..well i say bring a map to the party. I am appalled at people who excuse the behavior and those who condone it just make me want to gag.



In case you did not know. It is not ok to have a one night stand, It is not alright for your husband to take some other women somewhere for 3-4 hours, It is not ok for women to call his phone and hang up, It is not ok for your relationship to change as soon as the wedding march ends, it is not ok for him to abuse you, verbally, emotionally, mentally ,financually(i.e leaving you and the kids with no money), it is not okay for him to disrespect or mistreat you in any way...If we think anything on this list can be tolerated or overlooked than the counseling needed will be long and deep and needs to start with us. My goodness i must be in a nightmare when i go through and see us dealing with these things, why..because we are scared he will leave..if he is doing any of these things to you..goodness the best gift he could ever give is to run with the winged feet far away...There is someone who will love you and fill you up with happiness until you overflow.....but you have to love and respect you first..



now i am spent, i have work tonight at 11pm so i need to sleep so i can dream away this nightmare...o mr.sandman.......

Tah - posted on 02/12/2010

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LAUREN said exactly what she meant and then had the nerve to insult people who live in the country while insulting the whole command,and everyone on this post who can read and comprehend and all in one post..well give this girl a prize, she can multitask...You did say enlisted people were dumb, and you are showing your ignorance and lack of respect with each word...just quit..it's your best bet...People who don't know what to say should just shut up...and you apparently don't know what to say...you need counseling, I am sorry for your rape, and I hope it is that which is clouding your judgement, but something tells me, this is you. When people show you who they are, pay attention

Suzette - posted on 02/12/2010

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Kendra, You have every right to stick up for your man regardless of his rank. My man has done a lot for this country, regardless of what his rank may be. He's been in for a long time, he's screwed up while he was first in (goofed off and such) as I'm sure that many do when they're single, but he didn't think he'd turn it into a career at the time either. He was in DC when 9/11 took place, he's been through 2 tours in Iraq after that happened, he's just done a lot and sacrificed a lot. He doesn't gripe, he doesn't piss or moan... and he's willing to do it over and over again. If your hubby is anything like mine where he doesn't ask for anyone to thank him, (mine actually kinda gets embarassed when people do) then you definitely have every right to stand up for him when some little half wit decides she's better because she thinks her hubby can't be deployed, they're taking advantage of the system that our husband's fight in and the country they fight for, and calling our husband's stupid. (Sorry went off on a bit of a rant there... lol)



About Clara, I hope that her second chance works for her... those that don't go to some sort of marriage counseling when things like that happen though, the chances of it working are low. Hopefully they're seeking some kind of assistance to work through the problems. :)

Kendra - posted on 02/12/2010

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oh my goodness! good morning! these are some nice post to wake up to LOL.



first off @ christina and suzette...thank you. i did not want to respond to laurens post because as a newbie i feel like imy husband already gets looked dwn on because he is an E2 so hearing that just idk...pushed a nerve because he is a very smart man. so thanks for sticking up for us all.



@ lauren...you were no bother at all...but i have to agree with some of these women. sometimes you need to stop while your ahead. there is no defending your point.



@ all of you who are shocked by clara's post...she said that she wasnt giving him an excuse. she is simply trying to give him a second chance for her daughters sake...you never know...he might mes up again and she will kick him to the curb. all she is doing is giving him a second chance. would i personaly? hell no...but then again i have a feeling i might...to each his own ladies =)

Rebecca - posted on 02/12/2010

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Kendra I have to ask, have you and your husband every discussed cheating? I think I had this conversation with my husband when we were still dating. I know women flirt with him but he knows where I stand on this topic (basically you cheat and I get it all testicals and all.) And because we both had been cheated on when where much younger we dont want to feel like that again.We have a mutual respect for one another and trust each other to make good decisions that why we married in the first place. You cant control how other women act around your husband, but if he truly loves you and has that respect for you he will avoid any advances. As for those women that flirt with my husband we run into them here and there and I know who they are because he tells me about it I am not jealous in fact I feel sorry for them for having such empty lives. Relax and put some faith in your husband.

Suzette - posted on 02/12/2010

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Christina, Clara's post didn't make sense to me, or a couple other's either. I'm wondering if she actually meant to imply that or misworded it. Hopefully she clears that up... I wouldn't let my hubby have a one night stand, I know that. His direct words to me when I asked what he thought would happen if he cheated was... "I would never do that to you, number 1 - I love you too much, number 2 - I happen to like my manhood where it is thank you!" Ha! :)

Suzette - posted on 02/12/2010

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To all those O's wives, and obviously E's wives,... I need to reiterate something about my post to Lauren. I did not mean to offend those on this board whose husband's do NOT take advantage of the military and are actually serving and doing their jobs properly. I realize that not every Officer is out there not doing his/her job... and that there are those who actually do work, very well actually. Knowing that there are military wives that are not "catty, uneducated, or unclassy" I realize you already knew what I meant. However, I prefer my words not to be taken out of context, misintpreted, etc. so I wanted to make my prior post to Lauren quite clear. It was directed at her and her alone.

C. - posted on 02/12/2010

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@Clara.. I cannot believe that you would actually say if your husband has a one night stand, oh well! That's still cheating! Are you telling me that that's Ok? What's the point in being married if all you're going to do is cheat OR you're going to LET your spouse cheat??? That makes absolutely NO sense, whatsoever.

C. - posted on 02/12/2010

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@Lauren.. You need to stop with all that military conspiracy sounding crap. And, your husband's Unit being non-deployable, that doesn't mean shit! My husband was non-deployable for surgery reasons and they STILL deployed him! I don't think it took you to point out that women are "catty" (even though we weren't exactly being catty) whether or not they are in the military or military wives. I highly doubt Kendra's stupid, therefore she would have been able to tell this LONG before you came along!

And as for you and your husband, I completely agree with Suzette, "you're both just the type that are taking advantage of the military and you have absolutely no respect for those in it, obviously, or the ones that do the REAL work".

Anola - posted on 02/12/2010

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I have been married to my husband for 20 years and he has been in the Army the whole time. I have tried to involve myself in the family readiness program this whole time. If you take the time to be involved in what your husband does for a living you will see that he is here there to serve his country and provide for his family not looking for a way to cheat. As for the woman who serve they are some of the braviest and nices people you will every encounter, that is if you give them a chance. Don't just assume that because you know or have heard of one female cheating that all woman do. The military is not the problem it is the people of this country. If a woman want to sleep with a married man all she has to do is find one that is willing. They are out there in the civilian word just as much as the military world. Have faith in your marriage and trust one another.

Suzette - posted on 02/12/2010

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@Shelby, I was talking to my husband about Lauren and she's the type of officer's wife that would definitely get me in trouble. There are very few people that I have zero respect for with regard to the things that spew out of their mouths, but she's one of them. If she said the garbage she's saying on here to my face, on post or not, I'd knock her on her uneducated, non-classy, ignorant behind. :) lol (It's a good thing that I know that not ALL officer's wives are like her... or I'd likely be put off by them.)

@Lauren, you obviously have no idea what the military life is really about. You might know little bits about post living, the women, and what you perceive to be true, but that's it. And from your perceptions about the military and your idea of reality, I wouldn't put much stock into that if I was anyone on this board with half a brain. (Or half a brain cell for that matter.) In regards to your hubby's little comfy "non deployable unit and MOS," all they have to do is decide he's mission essential... he can be deployed. It's happened to a lot of the men and women I've met who are in a 'non deployable MOS.' This isn't military wife drama, military wife drama is more about the cheating BS or someone else starting drama... no one else on this board started the drama, you did so don't blame military wives either to your hubby or to Kendra. As far as you and your hubby, you're both just the type that are taking advantage of the military and you have absolutely no respect for those in it, obviously, or the ones that do the REAL work. As Shelby said, you're a disgrace to the human population and a total waste of air. I hope that your hubby doesn't have to go to Iraq and his people know his true views, or yours, especially for your sake.

Melissa - posted on 02/12/2010

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OH i have a good story. Me and my husband are BOTH enlisted MP's in the army. I was about 7 months pregnant and we were taking a walk with another married couple, and along come a girl i don't know if she was in the military on not, but she coming toward us obviously drunk and her tank top was low so you could see her boobs. My husband was talking to me and i noticed her so i switch sides with him so i can be the one crossing her instead of my husband. Well she did the most stupid thing ever and tried to grab my husband. That bitch ended up on the floor as soon as she reached out to try to grab my husband. If i had my weapon that bitch would be knocked the fuck out. lol But she stumbled away and had to go the the TMC b/c apparently she twisted her ankle.

My husband started laughing he said "babe she could have hurt the baby" i was like babe nobody can touch an MP female, plus she probably was a cook. lol. So just beat a bitch if they ever touch or look at your man.

Melissa - posted on 02/12/2010

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I'm a female and currently serve in the Army. Most females stay away from male soldiers that are married. B/c there are more males then there are females in a company. In my platoon there was 35 guys to two girls-me included. So of course guys will hint on you no matter what. Also most married guys never wore there wedding rings while they were at work so nobody knew they were married, except the officers who worked in the office. Usually when they start rumors they are not based on lies its b/c most of them are true, and they really are. My roommate got caught sleeping with a guy whom was married and get this nobody new he was. It's b/c when they are at work they take off there rings and come home and put it back on.

And no females do not join the military to get a man, its to serve our country and or get money for college. Most females care if the guy is married, most of them don't care and are sluts, our company had a std dilemma and found out what guy/girl it came from.

Its true the military is all about drama drama drama no doubt hands down.

Lauren - posted on 02/12/2010

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Alright, I am aware there are multiple degrees, associates, bacculaureate, post bacculeaureate, masters, phd, md, jd, and post graduate masters programs. I was simply stating that not all people are dumb, but some people who are supposedly brilliant who have a phd are not smart either. Also I am basically done with this, my husband said that I shouldn't feed into the military wife drama and he supports me on all points. He didn't join the military to fight he joined because he was bored and he is in a nondeployable unit and MOS. He likes the work and opportunities that they offer and that is about it. He is an economist and I think I will trust him on the political side part and seeing as how I do governmental investigations and law, I think I will trust the probes I work on too. Thank you and Kendra sorry for the disturbance, but just trying to prove a point that women can be catty military or not and the military makes it worse by forcing a bunch of them together on a base.

Shelby - posted on 02/12/2010

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For one, Right off, Lauren makes my stomach turn. You know, the kind of person with vile shit spewing from their mouth like a dog with rabies, and all you kinda hear is Whaaaa whaaaa whaaaa whaaaaa..... Not only is she an embarrassment to all officer wives, She is a disgrace to the human population, and a total waste of air.

Second, Its scary to start reading some of these posts now. I mean, I don't mean to pick, but is it age??? Does it have anything to do with being young and feeling that its o.k. to cheat, that he didn't mean it???And, I mean Clara...Do you honestly think that if he has a one night stand that its cool??? As long as he doesn't have a continuing girlfriend?
Ah Well, I guess as the saying goes, If I don't have anything nice to say....

So I'll leave now.

Clara - posted on 02/12/2010

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girl only thing i can tell u is trust him n if he have a 1 night stand o well they all do it military or not now if he have a gf or another woman then thats different btw am also a newbie

Briana - posted on 02/12/2010

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my husband has been in only 6 months I feel like I cant trust the military wemon nither... the only problem is he still lives in the barraks and I amd sevral states awy. I'm getting so paranoid!!!

Andrea - posted on 02/11/2010

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I think it comes down to Do you trust your Husband, and if you don't why are you with him. I have been married for 5 years and we have been together 7. Yes, there are easy women in the military, and yes there are plenty of easy wives. But it comes down to trust,and love. I might get lonely, but i would never cheat on my husband. I absolutely trust my husband, and i know he is 100% faithful.

Stacy - posted on 02/11/2010

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hey hun, we are done with the army stuff now but..... when i was down there my husband didnt cheat, that i know of anyways.. however i have met all his friends and they have and the girls there didn't care if they were married or not.. even over in iraq the medic female was doing my hubby's roommate who was married at the time and she knew it before she even started... girls in the military are ridiculous. i dont like them i didnt get along with the females down there because i spoke my mind and i am not affraid to tell someone to stay away from my husband or ill find the bitch and kill her.. just tell anyone you meet that and make sure it is known otherwise i dont think they will care what you think.. however if your husband is always honest with you and he really loves you then why worry? he wont cheat, no need to worry hun. i am sure your man will do the right thing for you and baby(babies).... i hope the best if you have any questions always ask....

Breezy - posted on 02/11/2010

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You only have to trust one person - your military member. Noone can force him to screw around. There is gossipers no matter which base you PCS to or any civi community for that matter. Again, there's only one person you need to worry about - you. Be a part of the solution, not the problem. Don't carry your husband's rank nor ride his coattails. Be goal oriented, educated, and productive.

Suzette - posted on 02/11/2010

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Lauren,
Wow, I can’t believe that you have the audacity to come back and call everyone on this board who replied to you ignorant. You actually did call enlisted people dumb, in fact your exact words were… “my husband is just finishing up his officer training so hopefully that will ward off the dumb enlisted people.” (In case you forgot what you said.) If you don’t want people to take offense to what you say, perhaps you shouldn’t put YOUR words so ignorantly next time. Please, don’t accuse US of being ignorant when it was YOU who actually did so. If you misworded something, then all you have to do is apologize for doing so. It wasn’t us who misinterpreted your words, it was you who misspoke. :)

Just because there are enlisted people with college degrees, again that does not make them “dumb people with phd’s.” A college degree is NOT automatically a phd. (That just makes you sound even MORE ignorant.) There are various levels of college degrees. It’s often wiser to let others think you a fool than to open your mouth and prove it.

As far as everyone hearing the “full story” in regards to your husband’s drunk army buddy… perhaps you should try telling it if you want them to know it before judging you any other way. I do believe that someone ASKED what you were doing with a drunk military man alone, they didn’t say you were a pregnant slut… that was what you took from what they said.

No one ever said that everyone in the military is smart, however, I do not believe that it is proper for someone to come on the board and talk down about the enlisted people just because of what her husband’s unit is doing. Just because those enlisted people appear to be one thing, do you know them all personally? Or is it just what your husband tells you about them? Have you sat with each and every one of them and know their lives, their families, their home life? Or is it because YOUR husband is soon to finish officers training that you feel so above everyone else as you implied in your first statement? Have you thought that that may be the reason the women on this board have taken offense to you coming off as “holier than thou”? I doubt it.

As far as you being a “fan of the military,” do you not understand what your husband is doing for a living? You realize that during any deployment he could “die for a rich, greedy country that uses the ‘mask of freedom fighting’ to make it seem alright that they are protecting their monetary interests in foreign countries,” as you put it?
In which case, I disagree with you… the government may have SOME monetary interests in those foreign countries, but I don’t agree that that is the ONLY reason we’re there… again this is not a politics board, so I won’t go into politics with someone. If you want to hate on the government for the reasons our troops are there, then hate on the government… but don’t take it out on our troops… that just breeds ignorance. And the fact that you’re a military wife, you should know better.
You should also know better, as a military wife, that they’re not over there “just destroying someone else’s country”, you SHOULD know that they’re also helping to rebuild that country. Or hasn’t your husband kept you up to date on the happenings over there?
Don't come on this board calling me ignorant when you obviously aren't up to date on the current events with what's going on with my enlisted husband and what he's done over there to help make things right.

Lauren - posted on 02/11/2010

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Ok so ignorance spreads obviously I am not saying all enlisted people are dumb or all officers are smart and I am aware that whatever there are dumb people with phd's woohoo I am saying that everyone my husband works with aren't the smartest people maybe it is because we are stationed in the middle of fucking nowhere in the country, but w/e I say it as I see it......also I wasn't alone with him I work an hour away from where my husband and I live and got stranded and stayed at his friends house who is also in the military....I told him and his wife that I would take care of their 9 month old while they went to the bar and I fell asleep after the baby was put down. I was awaken by him while I was sleeping and he was on top of me with his wife and small child in the next room.....basically you are all just jumping to conclusions like regular gossipy military wives in that I was being a pregnant slut by being alone with a drunk man when I am married, but sadly everyone always thinks the worst of everyone and doesn't feel the need to hear the whole story. Also you cannot tell me everyone in the military is the smartest person on the planet just because I have opinions about some of them in my husband's unit does not transfer to everyone......I also never was told that I have to be a fan of the military just because my husband is in the military. Logically, why would you die for a rich greedy country that uses the mask of "freedom fighting" to make it seem alright that you are protecting their monetary interests in foreign countries. I believe the military should be here helping make our country better not wasting all of our money destroying someone else's country.

Britni - posted on 02/11/2010

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Hey well I have a lot to say, some good and some bad... My husband and I just got married last march, well in April he left for six months, I trusted that man with my life! I would of never thought he would he cheat on me or lie to me or hurt me in any way, BUT I was wrong.. I recently found out my husband cheated on me while being away.... lots of stuff between him and I , I was at home working and pregnant with our daughter who is 5 months now, We are trying to work things out because I know he loves me and I believe he is truely sorry for what he has done, not mentioning he is young 22 and never been away before and with guys who have been on tons of deployments and drink all the time, it was not like his charactor at all.. but not giving him an excuse because there is NONE.. Most women in the navy well MOST..that I know of are officers and if any MAN or if they touched anyone that they work with they will get into a lot of trouble and I have heard stories of other women as well, but none that I worry about, I have heard a lot of navy women are skanks and do get around I was raised in w the navy and now mairried in it.. NOw I know a lot of women on here do create dramma and so forth but I think they do it because they have been cheated on going thru a lot, being a military wife is not easy exspecially if u do have kids.. there is a lot of crap to come with it, I joined this group with the same intentions as u, and HAVE not found any of that..lol but I think it helps women out there to talk about it or type out there emotions I know it helps me but I do not like to go parading away my personal life but I do not know any of you and will prob never meet u, so who cares.. My husband and I have been thru a lot and I know some of u women are wondering if I am dumb or not for staying with my husband but his friend or not really his friend told me everything and got me proof, I asked my husband everything that happend and his story was pretty much the same so I know he told me the truth.. I just feel like if I dont try everything I will regret something down the rd and my daughter can not come to me and ask me mommy why didnt u try harder or to him u know.. but my email on facebook is Honeykins20@yahoo.com u should add me and we can actually have good convos lol I hope any of this helped if not well idk lol

Vicki - posted on 02/11/2010

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Enlisted men/women are the ones that do the buttload of work. Sure Officers have their own workload, but Enlisted is what carries the Military, doesn't matter what branch you are. Without the Enlisted the Officer's wouldn't have a job. PERIOD.

Vicki - posted on 02/11/2010

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I am an A.F. Wife and I've never had heard any of this. i tend to stay away from Military Wives that like drama in this case in the first place. I think it's up to you and your husband, if you REALLY trust him or not. If you know he's happy in your marriage then, just shrug off what everyone else is saying. This isn't about them, it's you and your hubby's marriage, you either trust him enough or not.

Suzette - posted on 02/11/2010

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Lauren, a side note from my husband... the next time you want to call an enlisted person dumb... perhaps you should think about the next time your husband is deployed to Iraq. I hope and pray that you haven't called any of the "dumb enlisted" people that serve with him over there "dumb" to their faces. Granted, I'm sure they'll do their jobs because they're not petty, ignorant jerk off's. Just something you should remember though, those "dumb enlisted" people are the ones who will likely be covering your hubby's butt when he needs to be covered from incoming fire, when/if he needs a medic because he's been shot, etc. You ought to be thanking the military for those that you believe are so "dumb, not classy, and not educated." You should also remember that there are quite a few enlisted that are in college, either have degrees, or are working towards degrees that are extremely difficult to achieve. Think twice before you open your mouth next time.

Tah - posted on 02/11/2010

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lauren will be the reason so many post about wives wearing their husbands rank are started. Here's the reality..she has no rank, therefore no cause to pass judgement on anybody enlisted or otherwise. esp those who keep the military going....

C. - posted on 02/11/2010

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@Lauren.. Dumb enlisted people? Are you kidding me? How dare you insult people like that! And question, what the hell were you doing 17 weeks pregnant near a drunk military man? That has to be one of the most idiotic things I have ever heard.. Putting you and your baby in God knows what situation. And if your husband can't work with his buddies w/o being lazy, then that's his own problem that he needs to work on. My husband is close buddies with the people he works with, but he doesn't let that affect his work ethic. He knows getting his job done right and on time is more important than chatting it up with someone. Talk can come after work. So who's the dumb one now? Yeah, I thought so. Grow up and get a grip. Just remember that you can't say things like that and NOT have someone come back at you for it. That is just ridiculous..

Suzette - posted on 02/11/2010

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@Kendra, Maybe if you get him to compromise with you about doing things on a date night, one weekend it's his choice, the next it's yours. :) That way you have what he wants and what you want. But make sure that you tell him that he can't back out just because he doesn't like the plans. You never know, it could get him to open up a little too. ;)

Suzette - posted on 02/11/2010

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@Shelby, I don't see all officer's wives that way at all. I've met a few that are actually really nice and have no problem at all talking to an "E" wife about anything. My grandmother basically warned me about the type such as Lauren, and the other things I mentioned. Of course she was married into the Airforce during a different time, but I hear some of the same things about Officer's wives today. I just take it with a grain of salt and judge people by the way they act, not their hubby's. ;)

Kendra - posted on 02/11/2010

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@suzette



yes! we do the same thing....doing stuff together for him means doing our own thing in the same room! we just finished our first year and i agree that it is the hardest and throwing a baby in the mix make it harder.

Shelby - posted on 02/11/2010

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Personally...Lauren is an embarrassment. I just went today to get my "blue" sticker, and change my I.D. I just hope that other wives don't base their perception of the "O" wives from such a statement. I mean I know I've heard "things" my friends giving me a hard time about becoming all "hoity toity" LOL...but that was all in fun, However with ignorance such as that, There is no wonder we can't all see on the same lines!!!

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