getting scared by all the negativity...why so much drama in the military? (wives n female soldiers)

Suzette - posted on 02/11/2010

@Lauren,

"my husband is just finishing up his officer training so hopefully that will ward off the dumb enlisted people"



Seriously? Now I know who my grandmother warned me about. I have yet to meet an officer's wife that I didn't like, one that tried to use her husband's rank to get what she wanted, or one that thought she was "holier than thou." But I think I actually just met my very first one... and on this board, except you're just a 'soon to be'! If you want to throw around the insults about "educated and classy people," perhaps you should learn a few things before you run off at the mouth and insert your foot up to your knee... because you definitely don't come off as "educated and classy" yourself.

Suzette - posted on 02/11/2010

@Kendra, I feel the need to respond to something you said... not to horn in on your convo with shelby, sorry if it seems I am. :)

"he is a quiet guy...he likes to be alone and by himself most of the time. its hard cause im the opposite but ive gotten used to it. thats just his character...while we were dating he was sweet n stuff but i guess relationships change when you get married."



My hubby is also a quiet guy, we enjoy our alone time, I guess it's kinda odd the way we spend our alone time though considering we spend it together... lol. We're just quietly doing our own thing together, if that makes sense. However, I'm more of the "get out and do stuff" person. So we try to do what makes one another happy, granted I think we do more of his thing most of the time. Whether it's because we're saving for our little one or if it's just the way that it works out, it doesn't matter. We're happy. :)



As far as the "while we were dating he was sweet n stuff but i guess relationships change when you get married..." My husband was super sweet while we were dating, while we were married it continued... we have little down-moments where he's not, but for the most part those are few and far between. Ever since I got pregnant, it's been more and more. If I want to stereotype it, I can contribute it to our first year of marriage, or the fact that I'm pregnant. But, in all honesty, our first year of marriage has not been all roses. In fact, I think it's true when they say the first year is the hardest. Then you add in pregnancy... definitely not easy. So when you have someone who's still doing the things he did while dating, even with our obstacles, it shows how he feels. I don't think your hubby is a jerk... I just don't think he understands what you're trying to tell him. Sometimes men are just thick, no offense to your hubby, but it takes a while for them to understand how we feel, the way we think, etc. I hope he starts understanding what you mean when you're talking to him, and I hope you feel better soon. I'm sure he still thinks you're beautiful... even if he won't say it as often as he should.

Suzette - posted on 02/11/2010

@Shelby, the only reason my husband takes his ring off during PT is because his ring is slightly larger than it should be, it has to be that way because otherwise it won't fit over his knuckle. Every once in a while, if he gets sweaty, or he's in the shower, it slips off. To keep that from happening, he takes it off during PT. I'd rather have him tell a woman to back off than have him say nothing at all, and if that doesn't work, then take care of it. My husband and I are best friends, we knew each other for five years well before we ever considered dating one another which is another story in itself. All the women he works with know me as well, they knew about me before I ever came here, they knew what I looked like before they ever even met me.



My husband is in the Army, but he's not with the "Big Army" as they refer to it, he's with a special group. Entirely different than being with the Big Army. Even if I were to take care of something like that on "our time," as you put it, it could cause problems at their job (If something like that were to even happen) and then cause problems for him. Not something I'm willing to do.



Thankfully they've stepped in because they've had so many problems with infidelity while their men and women are out either TDY or on deployments, so when something arises, even if it's something like someone proposing something inappropriate, they take care of it swiftly. It's not left to escalate. There are a few units in the Big Army, at least on this post due to the increased amounts of infidelity here, that are doing the same. I wish it were like that in other branches as well. Hopefully it'll catch on.



I agree with you that women worrying about cheating when they've just had a baby is sad, it's BS even. Women shouldn't have to worry about that. LOL@300 pounds and bald... my husband pretty much said the same thing to me when I started griping about the extra weight I've put on with the baby so far. And it hasn't even been that much... but it's our first and I've started growing a little self conscious about it. I agree that if someone's husband makes them feel insecure over their looks, they're slimeballs. I also agree that they use it as an excuse if they do cheat over those things, regardless of male or female. My husband and I don't want to be single either... partially for the same reasons... (lol!) and partially because we've finally found (realized we had in those five years) the one person who understands and makes us happy.



As far as the backing off thing, I think it all depends on what type of Unit your husband is in and knowing the rules for that unit. With my husband's unit, everything is different. I do know that everything is also different from branch to branch as well.

Suzette - posted on 02/11/2010

@Tah, I'm laughing at the superhero suit thing... that was funny. As far as not having a problem with a woman calling and hanging up if she heard my voice, you can bet that I would be furious and I would be digging to find out who the hell she was, why she was calling, etc. I wouldn't let it go with some simple explanation, I would want to talk to her and find out exactly why she felt it was necessary to do what she did.



The only reason I know the commander is because he's the FRG leader's hubby... and my husband is in a different kind of unit than Big Army, so it's a little different for me, this I understand. I know everyone he works with, I may not remember all their names since I'm kinda new (awful with faces) and getting used to everything, but I hear about them on a daily basis and I'm in the process of memorizing who is who. So far I'm doing pretty good. :) But I know all the women, both civilian and military. I'm sure when he gets switched within the regiment he's in, it'll be a whole new process for me. More people to get used to, more people to meet, etc.



I suppose we have a different sort of situation set up than others, he doesn't mind if I talk to my male friends as he knows I'd never go anywhere with them if he wasn't with me, and I don't mind if he talks to the women at work so long as he doesn't go anwyhere non-mission related (while he's actually at work) with those women. And we both know if anything inappropriate were to happen with another military member being inappropriate towards either of us, we bring it up to one another and it gets solved the proper way, through his commander.



I know it doesn't work through all units, but it definitely does with his.

Kendra - posted on 02/11/2010

wow @Jenifer idk what to say to your post...idk what jumps out more...the fact that youre in your second relationship (you didnt say the word marriage so idk) and having the same issues. or the fact that you havent met too many that dont. maybe you need to surround yourself with different people because that ratio should be flipped



im shocked that this post is getting the feedback that it has gotten. i just wanted to put all the stereotypes n rumors out there...thinking i would get a couple of dont worries and the military is nothing like that...but i have gotten the even more stereotypes (i.e. barrack whores)



thank you to those who have put in positive input. also thank you for those who just told it like it is...just hard to hear the truth sometimes.

Jennifer - posted on 02/11/2010

Most Military women sleep around. They have men at their disposal. I have been an Army wife for many years. My first husband and my new partner both in the Army. The sleeping around was the issue in my first marriage of 18 years and is now an issue in my new relationship. I socialize in a Military area and when I go out with my friends the Army men think they can buy you a few drinks and take you home for the night. Their wives are not to know. My answer to them is that when they go home from their courses sit in their lounge rooms with their wives and children and say "That was worth loosing to sleep with that lady I don't even know".



Let me tell you that even when you think you have a very strong relationship with your partner, their are many little hidden truths you don't know about. Not to say all men cheat but I haven't met to many that don't.

Crystal - posted on 02/11/2010

And I really can't believe you posted that Lauren. Enlisted people are dumb? I sure hope you and your husband can live up to the standards you have place upon yourselves.

Crystal - posted on 02/11/2010

Interesting post and responses:) There is drama anywhere, not just the military. Before I married my husband I worked in a doctor's office and there was drama there too. Some people just like to start trouble. It does seem more prevalent in the military, maybe just b/c a lot of us are stay at home moms and have a lot more time to engage in the drama. When I first married my hubby, I really didn't befriend anybody on my street b/c I heard about all the drama on my street alone before I even got to the base. That was a mistake. Yes there was a lot of drama but there were also some very strong intelligent beautiful women I missed out on friendships with until they were about to PCS. Make friends with the other wives. If someone wants to gossip and cause drama, stay out of it. It's really not that hard. People are different and there will always be clashes with that many personalities. But we should have a stronger bond b/c we what each other are going through.

As for the women your husband works with, if you have to worry about your husband cheating on you, you have bigger issues than whether the women he works with likes to sleep with married men. I worried constantly with my 1st husband, also military, cheating on me. I was also very young and insecure. It didn't stop him from cheating on me. I will never again be with a man I have to worry whether he's faithful or not. I trust my husband now 100%. If I didn't, I wouldn't be married. I am also 8 years older than I was in my first marriage and really secure in the woman that I am. And I know that if God forbid something happened and he did cheat on me, I would be ok. I've handled it before I can handle it again if I have to...but hopefully it never gets to that point for us:) I don't think there is any higher of a likelyhood that your husband will cheat on you with military women. There are civilian women who cheat with men they work with every single day. Trust your husband, he's all that matters.

Melissa - posted on 02/11/2010

Wow Lauren...just read your reply. I have never had a bad experience with anyone that my husband works with. They all treat me with complete respect. And we are one of those lowly enlisted people you are talking about. And as for almost everyone cheating who are overseas, not true. You need to find a hobby. Wow...is all I can say to your horrible post. Geez. You all should just get out of the military if it's such a horrible place for you to be. As for me and all the other dumb enlisted people you are talking about, I think we have it pretty good.

Melissa - posted on 02/11/2010

My husband has been in the military for 6 years and worked with plenty of female soldiers. I have just recently heard of all this drama. We have never had an issue with this. I'm actually quite surprised by it. Those wives need to take it up with their husbands. Not the female soldiers who are supposedly trying to get with everyone. If I were you, I would just relax and don't listen to all the gossip and drama. It only creates unnecessary stress, jealousy, and bitchiness on your part for no reason at all. So unless you have actually caught your husband doing something inappropriate, don't stress. Enjoy your marriage.

Louise - posted on 02/11/2010

My advise to you is if you don't want the drama, then keep your questions and reply's limited to non dramatic topics. I think your questions are actually inviting drama. Everyone has theyre own stories some good some bad and every where you go you should always watch your back and your husbands. Military or not there are shisty women everywhere. I believe our marriages are as strong as we make them and you can't allow others misfortune to put you on edge, just keep your ears and eyes open and be ready for anything. Well good luck in your journey. You will learn as you go and experience comes with time. Someone else's experience isn't going to be your experience unless you let it, don't!

Tah - posted on 02/11/2010

@Lauren, did you really just say...."ward off the dumb enlisted people?" Are you seriously gonna insult people and think its funny and ok. You think its only the enlisted people who cheat....wow so how about the chiefs and officers who just got FIRED!!!!yes put out the military for a big Frat and adultery fest they were having on one of the ships. it got so big, someone ran their mouths and it all came out. I don't have time for stupid wives who say stupid things, so i guess i'm done with you.....

Shelby - posted on 02/11/2010

WOW!!!!

QUOTE
.my husband is just finishing up his officer training so hopefully that will ward off the dumb enlisted people....
END QUOTE

Not sure even what to say. I'm so glad I don't have that attitude. If you seriously think that this non-sense is restricted to the "E" side then you are in for a REAL shocker. Shit just gets covered better and the lies more intricate.

Lauren - posted on 02/11/2010

I don't trust other military women and men! I get hit on all the time by married men in the military who back me into a corner and try to get at me.....also the women all just want whatever they can get......I even got sexually assaulted two weeks ago by one of my husband's army buddies who was super drunk (I am even 17 weeks pregnant and he did this).....the military is scary I would find a couple people to trust but for the most part I don't trust many of their intentions.....it is also very true that almost all people cheat over seas because they are very bored and just decide to have sex.....when my husband was in basic they told them that 70% of the people in his unit had an STD or had one because they all kept sleeping together. I mean a lot of people who join aren't necessarily the most educated and classy people that is why I am not surprised. Luckily my husband is faithful to me because we have been through a lot together so I don't worry too much about the other women plus most of them are super ugly anyways haha well at least my husband says he would not touch most of them with a ten foot pole because of STDs and such.....my husband is just finishing up his officer training so hopefully that will ward off the dumb enlisted people......I don't think everyone is horrible in the military I have met some great people, but I find that being with buddies working all the time leads them to be more lax and not as strict as I thought they would be.

Shelby - posted on 02/11/2010

The only way a relationship should change when you get married is, It becomes stronger.
This is what I said...

. If he MAKES you feel that way then he is a JERK...If he doesn't make you feel that way, and you do anyway then you DO need to go for help

PERIOD.

Quit fishing.

Kendra - posted on 02/11/2010

also i dont sit around the house and dwell on things. and yes no one made made me get pregnant but it does take a toll on you. well at least it did on me. yes, im not happy with my body..so i am doing something about it. and yes my husband doesnt give me compliments unless i go fishing for one. does that make him a jerk? no...he is a quiet guy...he likes to be alone and by himself most of the time. its hard cause im the opposite but ive gotten used to it. thats just his character...while we were dating he was sweet n stuff but i guess relationships change when you get married.



getting used to being a wife and a mom is hard. then hearing all these terrifying stories of cheating and little cat fights is even harder. like i said in my question. i did not used to be like this. but all those things thrown at me all at once (new body, new baby, new marriage, new worries) it enough to make me go insane! lol and yea im still pretty scared cause some of these posts are even more stories of fighting n divorce n stuff.

Kendra - posted on 02/11/2010

also i dont sit around the house and dwell on things. and yes no one made made me get pregnant but it does take a toll on you. well at least it did on me. yes, im not happy with my body..so i am doing something about it. and yes my husband doesnt give me compliments unless i go fishing for one. does that make him a jerk? no...he is a quiet guy...he likes to be alone and by himself most of the time. its hard cause im the opposite but ive gotten used to it. thats just his character...while we were dating he was sweet n stuff but i guess relationships change when you get married.



getting used to being a wife and a mom is hard. then hearing all these terrifying stories of cheating and little cat fights is even harder. like i said in my question. i did not used to be like this. but all those things thrown at me all at once (new body, new baby, new marriage, new worries) it enough to make me go insane! lol and yea im still pretty scared cause some of these posts are even more stories of fighting n divorce n stuff.

Shelby - posted on 02/11/2010

Well,this is where the drama comes in. Like I said before...In between all the B.S. that we see as military wives, there is some good advice thrown in... Take what you can and leave the rest, Trying to interpret what is said to fit around your own situation causes problems. If I meant pathetic, Trust me on this. I would have straight out said pathetic. I am NOT one of those drama starved wives. I say what I mean.

Kendra - posted on 02/11/2010

the definition of sad i got from your text was that of being pathetic.

Kendra - posted on 02/11/2010

the definition of sad i got from your text was that of being pathetic.

Shelby - posted on 02/11/2010

QUOTE
BUT i 100% disagree when you say that its just sad when women feel like their husbands are gonna cheat on them after thayve had a baby cause they dont look like they used to. I am going through that same situation. Now i dont know what age you started having kids...but i got preg when i was 18, 6 months after i graduated hs. (my husband was my first...i was his...so if youre wondering im not a slut that slept around)
END QUOTE

Well, I had two by the time I was 17, so I guess I do know a little. I now have 5, and YES if I felt that the reason my husband would cheat is because of the extra baby weight, stretch marks, etc, then it IS sad, Sorry but its the truth. I never said it was wrong to feel that way...Read what I said. I said it is SAD and it is. There is only ONE reason men cheat!!! They are slimeballs, pure and simple and aren't worth the time. IF your husband doesn't do anything to help you feel better and he knows of your insecurities, then sorry but thats a JERK. It is VERY sad for a woman to have to feel that way. Sorry but I didn't use the word pathetic, so you threw that in there. Any time a woman has to feel like she has to be a certain way just to keep her husband from straying is a VERY sad situation. I feel very bad for those women. You don't know me. I have been through hell and back, Yet REFUSE to believe that I'm the reason if my husband decides to go out and cheat. It has NOTHING to do with the wife. I don't care if I don't give it up to my husband for a year....Leave me first and go about your merry way if you are not happy. Cheating in NEVER right. Have the respect to at least be honest with yourself and your spouse and say "Hey, I'm no longer happy, I'm not satisfied in our marriage and I want out." There is NEVER a reason to cheat. It is a very selfish act.

QUOTE
its not SAD to me that i dont feel good about myself.
END QUOTE

I don't know what definition of sad you are trying to feed into my mouth, but that statement there is the epitome of sad. I would say get help. If you are having a problem with your self image, then do something about it. Do you honestly think that I haven't gone through the same thing??? Yeah I am lucky to have a husband that helps me through it. But I also know that if I can't look in the mirror and be happy with myself, then something needs to be done.

And at the risk of sounding like a bitch, You said "anyway it has been hard for me to sit back and watch all my friends go and party it up and go out looking sexy all the time while im home with throw up all over my shirt, my hair up in a ponytail 24/7, and a baby who likes to spit her food at me." No one said you had to have a baby at 19. No it isn't easy, but to sit back and dwell on something doesn't make it any easier. I'm just trying to say there are so many REALLY BIG problems in this life that we have to deal with. We all need to learn to pick our battles be it with ourselves, or others. You are young, and quit worrying about the women your husband works with, Like I said before (and NO I've never been accused of being the coddling kind...Obviously, LOL) but, if your husband honestly will look at another woman and actually compare you to her, YOU who gave birth to HIS child, who carried HIS bloodline in her body and nourished life for 9 months, a year, 18 months, (I breastfed too, and that baby is completely dependent upon you for survival) then he isn't worth it. Be secure in yourself regardless. If he MAKES you feel that way then he is a JERK...If he doesn't make you feel that way, and you do anyway then you DO need to go for help. I weighed 102 pounds when I got pregnant with my daughter, and delivered her at 182 pounds. It didn't come off all at once, and I'm still fighting it 11 years and 2 more kids later. But to let yourself dwell on the fact that THAT is the reason your husband would cheat is a dis-service to yourself.

And you know what, This is coming from a rape survivor, I also fight with the fact EVERY day that I'm worthless, and could be "more" for my husband. I suffer from Bi-polar type 1, and BPD...I am TERRIFIED to go out in public. SCARED TO DEATH of being alone at night, and LOTS more. But does that mean that I should worry that I'll cause my husband to cheat??? It takes 300% of my energy to maintain my sanity, stay out of suicidal depressions, and raise 5 children when my husband is gone ALL the time. I don't have TIME to worry about what my husband is doing. I'm giving all I can to a man who proposed to me. HE asked me to be his wife. If he decides to hurt me, then there is nothing I can do about it, No matter how I look.

Focus more on yourself. My husband has worked with some REAL pieces of work. I'm telling you REAL PIECES OF WORK. But I'm not going to spend my time and energy focusing on the what ifs??? Flip it around...What if you met a guy who wanted to shower you with everything you could ever want??? What if you met a guy who wanted to give you the sun and moon??? What if??? If you went for it and cheated on your husband, Whos fault is it??? Yours or his??? Its yours. That is the ugly truth. The moment that we all take responsibility for our own wrongs then everything starts getting a WHOLE lot clearer. Worrying about what "might" happen, Worrying about what "might" cause your husband to cheat is a waste of time and energy that frankly as a woman, mother, and military wife, We just don't have to spare.

Stephanie - posted on 02/11/2010

I agree withKinyada Colbert , My husband has been in the military for going on 5 years. I have not cheated on him and he hasnt cheated on me. I also have friends that work with him that are girls and they are very nice. There are some whores as some other people put it but, like Kinyada said they are every where not just military. So you can make military life great just make sure you pick the right people to hang out with.

Kelsi - posted on 02/11/2010

Keep your head up hun!! My husband just got out 6 months ago and the same stuff was really straining our marriage as well... just remember you married him for a reason and unless he gives you a reason not to trust him stay positive. There are alot of women that will try to bring you down. try not to listen to all the gossip. I know its hard but just remember you and he are in this together. DOnt let everyones drama cravings bring you down or destroy your marriage and yes Im sure there are some manipulative women that work with your hubby but its not as bad as some say. Keep your head up!!

Kristi - posted on 02/11/2010

honestly i feel that if your husband loves you he wont cheat but i have heard some stories as well...my stepdad told me that this one guy was deployed and when he got back a ton of guys were saying how they went and got "some" from this one girl and she was cheap and come to find out it was his wife but i guess i have a reality check coming my way bc my husband it coming home from afghanisrtan and im moving on base with him but i guess im also lucky bc he works in the armory and there is only one girl that works with him but she is quite manly but reguardless i love him and trust him

Kendra - posted on 02/11/2010

@shelby



i do agree with you 100% when you say no woman is gonna call my husband for anything other than work. i've seen texts from a girl asking my husband where he was cause she needed to talk. (he told me she slept with another soldier not knowing he was married) i told him i dont give a f*** you are not her dr. phil and she has some girl friends im sure she could have gone too.



BUT i 100% disagree when you say that its just sad when women feel like their husbands are gonna cheat on them after thayve had a baby cause they dont look like they used to. I am going through that same situation. Now i dont know what age you started having kids...but i got preg when i was 18, 6 months after i graduated hs. (my husband was my first...i was his...so if youre wondering im not a slut that slept around)



anyway it has been hard for me to sit back and watch all my friends go and party it up and go out looking sexy all the time while im home with throw up all over my shirt, my hair up in a ponytail 24/7, and a baby who likes to spit her food at me. My husband does tell me he doesnt care and that i dont need to get dressed up for just staying at home. but it is still a challenge for me (and many other women) to look in the mirror and say wow im hot! i used to have a fairly nice rack...and after breast feeding...wow...what a change. its not SAD to me that i dont feel good about myself. and yea my husband works with some beautiful girls who have never had children. their bodies are nice n fit im sure. My husband is a workout freak (no a big freak but he does enjoy working it a lot) so im at home trying and trying to lose this little baby belly i got and its just not going away. yes im afriad he is gonna look at the other girls and then say why cant my wife look like that, yes im afraid he is gonna start finding me les and less attractive. (he isnt the type who give compliments and tells me im pretty so yea i also have to build back my self esteem on my own) so dont think its sad, or pathetic...because not everyones husbands are the type where they shower you with compliments all day. my husband is just never gonna be that guy. ive tried and tried...ive told him so many times it would be nice to hear a compliment ever now and then...its not gonna happen with him unless i go fish for one.



bottom line...its not sad for a woman to feel that way, its normal after having a baby. esp. when you had that baby when youre 19. while most other women my age are living the single life and esp. when you dont have that mushy romantic husband by your side either.

Tah - posted on 02/11/2010

o..yeah, that comment would have had me on pier 5 at 5...lol

Shelby - posted on 02/11/2010

The response my husband got from one was " You don't know what you are missing, Whats your wife got that I don't?" So enough was enough. I would MUCH rather my husband be able to handle it, sadly a couple of times that just wasn't sufficient enough for them to get the idea. I'm actually a very laid back person who normally gets along with most people. So "gettin' ugly" is not my first choice. But I'd rather it be me, than my husband to piss off a WM when they are in a room by themselves for him to let her know the boundaries....He's worried about even putting himself in the same room, He has seen that a sexual harassment complaint is MOSTLY a he-said, she-said situation and the command usually takes the safe route. Unfortunately that is just the way it is. I agree there are some cut/clear cases yet the system is also flawed, It is a double standard, and it is abused by some.
As for me and my husband, we'll always have a sour taste in our mouths because of his first 8-9 years in. He walks on eggshells, and I stay uber-alert...LOL

Tah - posted on 02/11/2010

I agree..you shouldn't leave it up to the military to protect your marriage either, whether the girl be military or not....I have been blessed that I haven't as of yet had to step in because he has taken care of it on his own. From the coreman who just couldn't stop going on about how big his arms are when she had to give him a shot..like he told her, "if you can't get yourself together to give me a shot, you can get your chief to give it to me , or i'll take it home and have my wife give it to me" and showed her his ring...and that was that...and that wasn't the only time he had to set someone straight but they seem to get the idea, they move on to someone else's husband, and some give in sadly. They always tell my husband he doesn't like to have fun, He said he has plenty of fun with me and if he had any fun without me, it would probably end all the fun for everybody, so call it not having fun i call it being married, and it's fun to me...



As along as he keeps handling it, i sleep very well , we even joke about it, I tease him about his arms and having a boo, and he teases me about jody coming over to help with the kids. The thing is we are secure enough to do that, we have no reason not to trust each other, but that doesn't mean I trust the girls at the base mcdonald who were hangin out the window asking him to repeat his order 3 times because they liked his accent, so when he told them his wife liked it also and could he just get his double cheeseburgers and they had the stupid face, i thought it was funny. I told him that's funny, when I was with you they could hear just fine...

Shelby - posted on 02/11/2010

QUOTE

"It's also unacceptable for the other person's spouse/significant other to do things in an inappropriate manner such as 'stepping in and getting ugly.' It can cause even more damage than necessary. If it were to happen and I were to react that way, my husband could very well pay the price."

END QUOTE

Obviously it didn't hurt my husband. At his 10 year mark he was selected for E-7, and W-1 on his first try. Telling a whore to back off in no way underminded the fact that my husband is a first class marine. What is unacceptable is the double standard.

Shelby - posted on 02/11/2010

For my husband to have to tell a woman that he is married and to back off is absolutely uncalled for. For 9 years my husband was on shift work, He worked 24 and 48 hour shifts, He spent ALOT of time with these women, NEVER took either of his wedding rings off (He wears two, hoping that 2 will be more easily seen), I have been in there several times, Every one of those women KNEW who I was. They already knew he was married. They don't care. My husband is also my best friend, We're not newlyweds. We've been together for 14 years and hes been in for 10 and a half.

I don't know what branch your husband is with, but me having words with women who won't take NO for an answer is looked at a WHOLE lot better than going over heads to the commander. It has NEVER caused a problem for my husband. I didn't go into their job and cause a scene. I took care of it on my time and her time. I'm not stupid, I'm not trying to get my husband in trouble. I don't know my husband's colonel like that, so....



If they can't get the hint....Do you honestly think that we are just going to sit there and continue to let these girls call and call, bother him at work and cause me to feel uncomfortable to go to work related functions, I don't think so. Its no different than my husband having to tell another marine to back off of me and leave me alone. ( I had a stalker that wouldn't get it either)

My husband and I tell each other everything, He is my soulmate. NO ONE has the right to come in between that, and until the Marine Corps at least steps up to the plate and gets control over these kinds of things, well then I'll continue to protect my marriage.



Personally I think that women worrying about their husband cheating because they just had a baby and they aren't what they used to be, is sad. If my husband was with me for those reasons....He'd have been gone a long time ago. 14 years, 3 more kids, and 75 pounds have been portrayed by my body. But I got this way giving him the family that he wants. He tells me all the time that he doesn't care if I am 300 pounds and bald, I'm all he'll ever want. Women are not the only ones that change, and women can easily use that excuse too, but thats all it is, An excuse. If your husband makes you feel that insecure, and doesn't comfort your feelings of inadequacy, Then hes a slimeball, and yeah he'll probably cheat because he doesn't respect you and the meaning of your marriage. Me and my husband both totally agree. We don't want to be single again. (For one the sex is wayyyy too good when there are no more inhibitions!!! LOL )



Drama is just drama and you have to learn how to deal with it, stay away from it, and learn to take things with a grain of salt if you all are going to succeed. In between all the B.S. some good advice can come from anywhere. Just learn to take what you can use and discard the rest.

Tah - posted on 02/11/2010

@suzette..i'm sure its nice to know the commander, I wonder if those who don't know him would get the same swift action as you. In most units, its ignored, as i said, my husbands Chief walked in on a first class female and a 2nd class male, both married getting er done in the fan room and and swept it under the rug...i guess it is the command they are in. Also, no female is to call my husband unless it is about work and same here, he knows i work with some male nurses and aids and if the nurse aren't trying to get me to swap or cover a shift or help with some paperwork what are they calling for. By the way..this is my husbands rule....like i said before, some wives would like that time, since it isn't much to be spent with the family..I mean my husband spends more time at work then he doesn at home, so if he is at home with us..what exactly are calling or texting him for. I would prefer you talk to him about it at work. He has had female co-workers try to tell him about their problems and he has cut them off with a o wow, well let me go back to radio...because he feels like those kinds of counseling sessions are what lead to more, and have with some people. My husband is my best friend and we are very open about everything. Like I have said, yes you have homewreckers everywhere, I think it's a little different because this isn't a 9-5 or 11-7..These are people who spend alot of time together, months and months on end, so yes there is a certain bond that develops, but also someone(husband) has to draw a line in the sand. Now yes alot of wives do go run and tell the command, but i have seen very little done in those cases, chiefs and officers who doen't return the calls, avoid the wife, put on a show to get her to leave it alone, but nothing is really done, so it's really up to the husband to stay faithful, and honest to his wife.



Also, if someone wants to try to have an affair with your husband, the ring is not gonna matter to her, My husband said it's like honey to bees sometimes...Again, I know better than to think it's all women or all military women. I also know for a fact that it's also husbands and it takes 2 to tango, so if he isn't dancing then it can't happen. I have seen some things in here they could make kindra nervous about the situation, i guess i am the only one who has a problem with a female co-worker calling my husbands phone and hanging up when she hears my voice, and I would expect to know why she would do that. I would also expect him to handle before I did and for it not to happen again. So I don't think Kindra is just having a mental breakdown for nothing, when your senses start tingling, you better get your superhero suit and figure out why...

Suzette - posted on 02/10/2010

Wow Shelby, you have obviously had some bad experiences. I just talked to my husband a few minutes ago and re-verbalized our agreement. The only time his wedding ring ever comes off his finger is when he's doing PT. He wears his more than I wear mine, only because he leaves the house more often than I do. I don't wear mine to sleep, shower, or do the dishes because I'm afraid it'll scratch the hell out of me (or him) in my sleep... I'm afraid it'll slip off with the water and soap... so I don't put it on during the day lately because I'm pregnant and I'm swelling up like a balloon. lol.

As far as other women writing to my hubby in email or talking to him in any other way... I have no worries. IF one were to hit on him, he has already told me that if it was while his ring were off for PT, he would let them know he was married. Yes, he would tell me, but he'd explain to me that it was while during PT. I asked him what he'd do if they continued after he told them he was married... he'd still tell me, and tell them to back off. And he knows I'd go straight to his commander with it. Thankfully I know his commander and his commander's wife, and they're very friendly people. He's got a great relationship with everyone in his unit, including his commander. And I know for a fact that if anything like that were to happen, something WOULD be done about it. Perhaps it's the type of unit he's in... but they don't take it lightly when someone's husband/wife/significant other is being approached and the other person KNOWS that they're in a relationship. It is highly unacceptable and disciplined. It's also unacceptable for the other person's spouse/significant other to do things in an inappropriate manner such as 'stepping in and getting ugly.' It can cause even more damage than necessary. If it were to happen and I were to react that way, my husband could very well pay the price.

Shelby - posted on 02/10/2010

Honest opinion??? Most of you probably won't want to hear it. Personally there is not ONE WM who had better call or text my husband for ANYTHING but work. I wouldn't disrespect my husband by having private conversations with another man and he wouldn't do it to me...I mean yeah, its happened, and I've had to step in. However how else do you get it to stop...Numerous times my husband has worked with WM's that were a problem. He has had to tell more than one...more than once to back off that he is married. Do you think it stopped? So what now? Do you think ABSOLUTELY anything will be done about it if he goes to his superiors and tell them that its a problem??? NO, Yet you let one of the marines tell a vulgar joke in the break room in the presence of a WM and they are losing rank and all kinds of good stuff, So to hell with the whole its all equal in the military. There is absolutely no way to handle these sluts other than stepping in and getting ugly.

Samantha - posted on 02/10/2010

I've been an Army wife for going on just 3 years. I've never worried about infidelity with my husband, even with all the rumors of others with those issues in their lives. It's not always drama, but you will need to be careful of who you trust and become friends with. It's just like any other job or location. And the women are just like any other, there are some to be wary of and others that you would make the best of friends with for almost that alone. And at this point it's really not about trusting the women, it's about the trust and bond between you and your husband. As far as you know, he's done nothing wrong.

Please don't let these rumors get to you and turn you into someone you're obviously not at heart. I've seen fear tear a marriage apart more than anything else. I have a friend that is loosing her husband and children because she became more consumed with the possibility that her husband was having an affair that she was unable to function. He wasn't. I hope this helped.

Melanie - posted on 02/10/2010

if you love your husband and he loves you then you have nothing to worry about. i dont think a woman is going to go through boot camp and all that training just to find a man. my husband has been in for over two years and has let me know that yes he has been flirted with and that he has told them hey im married. forget all the drama and concentrate on making your home a place were you two can get away from everything. its what i do with my family and it works really well.

Rebecca - posted on 02/10/2010

I have been married to my hubbie 6 yrs and been together in all 13yrs(yes HS sweethearts) He have been military since we graduated. Wheather you are military or a civilian, you should always surround yourself with good people. Yes, I have listen to my hubbie about some wives here and there, but if we were civilians, I would honor his opinion too. So it doesnt matter whether you are a military wife or a civilian wife. We as people face challenges in our lives and it depends on you on how you deal with them...hopefully like an adult. I have always been the type of person to let things in one ear and out the other...especially when it comes to "drama". So just dont get caught up in it all.

Suzette - posted on 02/10/2010

Courtney, I completely agree with you! Coming from an army wife perspective, I see more cheating going on from army wives and their husbands than I've actually heard about female soldiers cheating. That's not to say that it doesn't happen, as I'm sure it does, it's just what I've seen/heard on this post.

Ladies, something else to take into consideration is that if you believe everything you hear, you're making yourself out to be naive and gullible to everything. Stick with your friends, family, and the ones you trust most. The rest take with a grain of salt. :) Learn to pick at what you hear and then ask your husband's about it. It's what I do, and so far it works the best for me. If I don't ask him, I ask my military wife friends who have no problem being blunt and telling me the truth. ;)

Kendra - posted on 02/10/2010

aw thanks =)

Courtney - posted on 02/10/2010

Please think about what you say before you say it ladies..... there are women in all career paths that wouldn't mind sleeping with a married man some women lack the respect for other women and themselves....please don't judge military women that work with you husbands because most of the time that's all it is. I'm in the military myself and so is my husband....most people in would say the the "army wives" are the ones that do to majority of the cheating that ones for you Zandra! Trust you're man I promise you have nothing to worry about sweetie!

Sunshine - posted on 02/10/2010

My husband has been in the Army for 6 years & Never once I have had any drama.. It don't matter where you go military or not your still have drama in your life whether its family or friends etc.. I would rather not involve myself with people full of Drama.. I have a couple Army Wive friends but I chose them wisely!

Neither have gave me problems nor are they drama related..

I don't know how everyone runs into all this crap Im glad its missed me:)

Could be cause I don't live on post either..

Personally I don't think you should worry about the girls your husband work with..

If you don't have trust you don't have nothing...

My husband has plenty of females working with him but it don't bother me one bit.

I know he is happy so im not worried about what he would do:)

& NO not all women join to get guys.. A lot of the women have families of their own they also wanna serve their country:) :)



Everyone was new to the military life before there isn't wrong with asking questions!

Tah - posted on 02/10/2010

married men don't set boundaries, they allow these women to call and not respect the wife, they let them know there are some things reserved for my wife and some lines that won't be crossed, so hey, lesser women feel if they can, why not...lack of respect for themselves and others and some just like a challenge, i would prefer they do the special k challenge but, hey...

Kendra - posted on 02/10/2010

i wish women had that bond to just know to stay away from married men! its really not that hard of a concept...why hasnt it caught on? hmmm?

Tah - posted on 02/10/2010

@Katrice, my husbands ship was a all male ship until just prior to their last deployment that ended this oct, and guess what, the husbands still cheated, One with a girl who already had 3 children by military men(my husband jokes she slept with the whole chain of command, there was a senior chief, chief and a second class) and then had a baby that was possibly this guys who is also a 2nd class. She worked at a chicken joint, not the military, some pay hookers when the ship docks, or meets girls at a club or bar and lose their minds. Some have met girls online and went from there. so im glad your husband going to an all male command is making you happy, but i guarantee, whatever man wants to cheat will find a way. So the big thing is to be open and honest, let him know what is acceptable and what isn't and to trust him until he gives you a reason not to. And also don't assume all the women soldiers etc. are like he would have you believe.

Tah - posted on 02/10/2010

@julia, i agree with you totally, I don't know what a barracks whore is firstly(i'm navy) and I know better than to think that the men are innocent lambs lost in the woods and these big bad wolves(female soldiers etc) are hunting them for dinner, As I said, Set your boundaries, Your husband needs to turn the shock up on his imaginary married forcefield if someone steps out of line to let her know it's unacceptable and they need to keep it professional as well. I see these post where the husband say, "we are to busy dodging bullets to ever cheat, it's not happening here" and I say he's prob a platoon leader telling her that after he just ssaid what was said to you to another soldier. Not all but some. Then there are co-workers that think it's okay to call at 1am to see what he's doing, and if he thinks it's ok then the throat chops need to start with him. I absolutely hold everybody involved at fault but, him mostly cause there, were only myself, my husband and the magistrate in his little office so i know he is the one that made a vow to me. Now i would think there would be a unspoken bond between women to stay away from other people 's husband..no such luck....If my husband cheated, the last question i am going to ask is who pursued who....i mean does that really matter after the deed is done. NO!!!!..so i feel bad for the female soldiers etc. that get a bad rap for the few and I also feel bad for the wives that get the same.

C. - posted on 02/10/2010

First of all, Julia, I am so sorry you had to go through something like that. I agree with you though, it's not just female soldiers and nobody should be calling female soldiers barracks whores. If they do, they should go ahead and call the single men that try to sleep with married women the same thing. But not all men and women join the military to "get some" and people really need to realize that. Thank you, Julia, for sharing your story. I think that will help a lot of people to understand that it's not JUST the women!

Julia - posted on 02/10/2010

AHHHHHHH Ok I didn't want to put this in here but all this crap I am hearing about husbands coming home telling their wives it is FEMALE SOLDIERS who are sexual and overstep their bounds and all FEMALE SOLDIERS are barracks whores. I will tell you why I got out of the ARMY.

I went TDY from Hawaii to FT Lewis, WA with about 20 people from my company to include my 1SG (first sergeant), Platoon Sgt, and Squad leader. I was the only married female that went. While we were there, I got phone calls from my 1SG to come to his room, my squad leader to come to his room and when I complained about it to my PLT SGT he looked at me and told me he wanted to fuck me so bad. THEY WERE ALL MARRIED MEN. I TURNED THEM ALL DOWN!!! I was faithful to my husband and even after the divorce (me from my ex) I still WOULDN'T SLEEP WITH A MARRIED MAN! After I turned my PLT SGT in for sexual harassment (more incidents happened with him after the TDY not with any of the others) HE TURNED IT AROUND ON ME LIKE I WAS THE BAD GUY! So believe in your husband's all you want but DO NOT sit here and say all FEMALE SOLDIERS are out to get your husbands or are barracks whores or that FEMALE SOLDIERS are the ONLY ones who step out of bounds....

Tah - posted on 02/10/2010

yes civilian women also will try to sleep with married men, but i don't know many civilian jobs that require you to be with your female co-worker for months and months on end without a break, so it is undestandable that a military wife would be weary. Also, some may be calling or texting as friends but the wife may want that at home time for her and her family. Some women don't know when to call or what to call for and that may be why the wives didn't want the husbands to have a relationship with you. Also you never know what happened in the past that has her weary of her husband and you. And he may never tell you, so try to understand her point of view as well.

Erin - posted on 02/10/2010

I am a military wife and a prior soldier. My husband and I met in AIT and I got out of the military because it didn't make sense for both of us to be in when we were expecting a little one, especially since I was National Guard and he was Active Duty. I don't worry about my husband at all around other women. The thing is, if a guy is truly committed to you, he will avoid the situation that will put him in a compromising position. I trust him completely. I know the women he works with, I don't even worry about him if he were to deploy, because I know he would avoid that situation and if he didn't, I'd be the first to know. You just have to be open with your spouse and hope they're open with you too.



But you can't blame women in the military for not respecting the boundaries on your husband. It's the same in the civilian world. If a woman doesn't care, she doesn't care no matter her occupation. You just have to trust in your relationship with your husband and let him know that you love him =) But like another woman has said too, if you see the signs, look into it. But don't be looking for the signs where there are none.

Olivia - posted on 02/09/2010

I will tell you one thing..TRUST YOUR HUSBAND. If you give reason to doubt then your marriage will suffer. If you can't trust your husband, it doesn't matter whether he is in or out of the military if he decides to cheat. My husband has been in 18 years, we have been together for 14 and I have never put any doubt in my husband because I love him and trust him. He is a crew chief on F15s, he was gone a lot, and yes there were women crew cheifs, but I never worried. If you make him feel as though you don't trust him or the people he works with it will make his career miserable and your marriage will suffer. Trust me, I have seen it happen too many times to many good friends that used the excuse that they just didn't trust the people their spouses worked with and therefore their spouses felt as though they were losing a battle that they didn't want to fight. Stay away from the drama, you do not have to be involved in it. After 14 years with the military I know what I am talking about. :-)

April - posted on 02/09/2010

I think that there's alot of drama surrounding military spouses because they are away from home and their families, so the military sort of becomes like a second family to them. As we all know, every family has some drama! as far as being worried about your husband cheating on you with his co-workers, military women are not going to be any different from civilian women in any line of work. You can't worry yourself to death every time your husband leaves the house, or you will drive yourself mad!!! All of the paranoia and acusations are what cause men to cheat on thier wives. They just figure well, if she is going to accuse me of it, i might as well go ahead and do it. Women in the military put thier panties on the same way you do, they are just women with a career. They are not "out to get your man" any more than the checkout girl at the grocery store or your neighbor down the street. Don't allow "people telling you not to trust the women that your husband works with" to break up your marriage. Your husband is not going to want to be with a bitter, jealous, paranoid bitch anymore than you would want the same shit from him.