Having a hard time with this deployment!

Samara - posted on 05/22/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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So my husband has been gone since Oct. 09. At first I was handling it fairly well. After the initial shock and grief of him leaving me with a 3 month old baby! Lately I have been very depressed and worried. I am ok with him being gone and me being lonely. I have come to terms with it. And I must say I am doing better than I thought I would be, raising a child on my own and being lonely. I am upset because I feel I don't know my hubby anymore. I feel he has changed and I don't know him. I feel like my husband is a stranger. :( I worry about him coming home on R&R next month. Are we going to get along? Are we going to clash? I have changed myself. I am not the same girl he left back in Oct. I worry about him seeing our daughter again. How will they get along. Is she going to be afraid of him or take right to him? Will it frustrate him if she is afraid of him. How will he respond? Will he try to force himself on her and she not like him the whole time he is here? My daughter is VERY afraid of strangers. She will not even smile if there is a stranger in the same room with her. Even in our own house. She cries for me and clinges until they are gone. Am I worrying to much? Is it normal to feel like this? I hate feeling that my own husband is a stranger to me. :( Any advise would be great.

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Tonisha - posted on 10/17/2012

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I found out i was pregnant 2 weeks ago and my boyfriend got deployed a couple days after that and today i found out i had a miscarriage how do i deal with this all because i feel so alone.

Samara - posted on 05/25/2010

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Thank you everyone! We are in the U.S. I have never heard of that handbook before. This is not my first deployment, and I know we can get back to "us" if we both try. I just worry about my daughters reaction and him being hurt if she doesn't take to him. I guess I am a worrier. I just want it to go smoothly. It is going to be a little busy a couple days. As my daughter will be turning one and we are having her a birthday party. And then the 4th of July will be going on the following weekend. We will not have much alone time because of the baby, and because I am living with my parents and Jacey and I stay in the same bedroom. That worries me a little bit, but we talked and we are going to take a day and night for just him and I, and leave our daughter with my mom. I am soooo excited about that. It will help us. I want to make it as memorable to all of us as I can without making it too busy. I know he needs rest and to enjoy his time away from everything over there! But i am starting to ramble. Sorry ladies, i dont have much adult interaction and when i start talking, (or typing) its hard to get me to stop!! lol. Thank you everyone.

Theresa - posted on 05/25/2010

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Well said Tamara.

My prayers are with you!

I believe he is changing and I can't imagine how hard it is. ''

But this too will pass, try to be positive and find others to connect with.

I think that is very very important. Others that are going through exactly what you are and are finding positive solutions to their fears!

Tamara - posted on 05/23/2010

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I don't have an indication if you are Canadian or US. I know for the Canadians at the MFRC (Military Family Resource Centre) we have a separation and reunion handbook for the families. let me know if you are US and I will see if I can get one to you if the US doesn't have something similar for you. I do believe they change while they are away. Depending on their job I think depends in what ways and what experiences they go through. While away they must have their focus on what they are doing-peoples lives depend on it! I agree with all the suggestions Candi Hardin said-pictures and talk about him, him coming home for the day before he comes, and keep the visit quiet and simple-and ask what he wants for the visit-visiting friends and family, going shopping, taking over responsibilities that were his before he went or does he just want to be there for his short time (which doesn't throw your whole life routine off either-which is a good thing! You can wait for the tour to be over to reintegrate him into all the new routines you have and you will have to be verbal about these as well as what he left is not what he is coming back to-but he doesn't know this unless you tell him.) Keep the communication open. ps my hubby is a padre so I hear all kinds of stories and how he handles things.

Candi - posted on 05/23/2010

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Whoa! You are stessing over nothing. My husband has deployed 3 times (39 months total). Our kids always knew who he was. We have 3 kids and we never lived near family, so it was just me raising them and when that happens, people do change. Usually its for the better though. As long as you have pictures of your husband and talk about him, the baby will know him. With our youngest, my husband left right before she turned 5 months old and R&R was after she turned 11 months and she knew who he was right away!! Make R&R great! Take time to be together and relax. Don't overschedule him. He needs to relax/ Don't have the house full of family. Let him have quality time with the baby. Make the R&R memorable so when he comes back for 'good', you two can fall in love again and be a normal family. Don't worry, everything will be fine. Just relax and take a DEEEEEP breath and think of all the wonderful things you love so much about your husband. As long as you are calm and happy, your baby will be too!!

Medic - posted on 05/22/2010

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Take a breath and calm down. You will just pass your stress onto your baby. I was left to raise our now almost four year old alone till he was 2 and once again he has only seen our 4 month old for a whopping 9 days. I never stress about the kids not knowing him, he comes home and they have always just taken to him. I have pictures everywhere and talk about him all the time and both kids have a shirt of his that they sleep with so they know his smell....with my son its more of a comfort thing now that he "knows" daddy, and for the baby its a sent thing. Yes your husband will change but the core of him wont. Both my husband and I were different people once he came back from being gone over 18 months but we fell in love all over again and everything was fine. The main thing is JUST RELAX.

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