HAVING A PLAN B IN A MARRIAGE!!!!!

Jaime - posted on 03/22/2011

That price is not right my husband and i were thinking about divorce and he was suppose to pay 700 and i only had one child. that is what they told him he HAD to pay..and did i mention he is only a E4! has she talked to his chain of command? if not i would def call them and make it a big deal..thats not enough for 3 kids...i was in the military (army) as well, there is ways around him if thats what HE is telling her he is suppose to pay! let me know if i can help in anyway!

LauraBeth - posted on 03/22/2011

Jane!! I LOVE YOUR STATEMENT!!, I have been married for 3 years now I love my husband dearly I never once thought about a "plan B" or anything like that, I know ya'll are thinking well you just having been in the marrage long enough to have any input in, Well I have been married before to a horrible man, abusive and lazy I worked 3 jobs while he sat at home and me and my ex had no kids. God allowed me to marry that "man" so that when I meet Brandon "a TRUE MAN" that I knew what I would have. I call my first marrge a life lesson on how not to live lol, We have two beautiful babies now and I am a SHAM. I have no plans on creating a plan B, I see no reason on looking for a reason to have one.

Also My grandparents knew each other 8 days before they got married and it lasted 52 years. My parents knew each other for 2 weeks and they are coming up on their 38th year of marriage. Me and My Husband knew each other for 2 mo before we got married. (me and my ex knew each other for WAY to long before getting married)

Tah - posted on 03/18/2011

i don't agree Courtney..i would fight hard for my marriage, tooth and nail. I love my husband and am in love with him. I can't see my life without him. Im not saying someone says "im not happy, sign here"..i mean when you have no other choice. when he up and walks out doesn't want to make it work and no amount of crying, praying, or begging has changed his mind. maybe for another woman, maybe for other reasons. I am also talking about him leaving not on his own accord, like death. I made vows before God and beleive wholeheartedly in them. If we had to send the kids away, yell, argue, pray,have silent time or just some angry sex, toss a lamp or 2, go to counseling, call my daddy(he's a minister) i would do whatever it took. It in no way suggest that i would say, " you pissed me off, im going to get another a apt and husband because i can" Some women aren't given that choice. he up and leaves or puts her out and thats it..then where is she. or he has a heart attack or a car accident etc. then what???...i don't think planning ahead can be a bad thing. When i say everyday, i mean everyday i talk to, hear about or read about someone in a heck of jam because there was no plan. They are screwing over some of the widows of servicemembers right now over death benefits, so you can't always depend on the military to care for you if something unexpected happens. People who aren't military especially in this economy need to plan ahead..imo

Courtney - posted on 03/17/2011

having a plan B is asking for it to end in my personal opinion. Yes stuff does happen even when you don't have a plan b but once you have a plan b you always have that out and won't fight as hard to make it work and will end up leaving because of something small.

Monica - posted on 03/16/2011

i have been with my husband since i was a kid we have 2 kids and one on the way and i feel that its going to last forever BUT then theres always that what if.( alot of people i know are getting divorces right now after years and years of marriage) so my plan is that im going to school after this baby is born and im going to finish up my schooling and do it all for me... i dont think i will ever "look" for someone if it ends with my husband cuz i have always just known him but if it dont work then its going to be all about me and my children... i have NO clue what a plan b should look like but i feel like it would just be the life you want if your husband wasnt in the army or if you didnt have him.. my husband knows that if anything were to happen between us what my plan is and i know what his is,,, there is nothing wrong with planing for worst case sinarieos... i dont feel that there is a big need for out plan and the money that we have saved up for this is going to be used as a trip or to buy a house later on down the road...

Tah - posted on 03/15/2011

I read every word you said Tonya..just don't agree..



Jessica, i am 100% committed to my husband. actually i take that back..1000%...he knows about my other savings and to be honest we have had to use it in an emergency before. (another reason i have it). We have no secrets. I am not planning for a divorce. My being in school, having my license, and keeping a job also has to do with doing things for me, but if i did ever have to be by myself again they will help..



also Tonya you keep saying divorce, divorce...divorce..i am also talking about him being disabled and/death. in the military they have life insurance policies for the members true. Some are bigger than others, with half a million, yes, id be fine...in addition to the fact that i am in school..and i do work. the extra policy is small, but would help as well. the problem is not everyone i know is in the military or can afford these policies because it's just another bill. planning for the future and having a plan B are actually one in the same for me to an extent. i used to see my sister get her head cracked by her husband...he got help and they just celebrated over 23 years of marriage. i don't beleive in divorce and nor does my husband. we don't discuss it and never had. we don't come from broken homes and don't want that for our kids. i can't tell someone else who is getting beat, cheated on, emotionally/mentally abused to stay and stick it out until he kills you or your spirit. I can pray with and for them, i can suggest counseling etc, but its up to the,.



my brother in law who is having his mid-life crisis just started orientation yesterday for a new job, and my sister had to move back because her apt was infested with bedbugs, some days they want to try, some days they don't but they are still there. I get the staying, commitment through thick and thin, and trusting in GOD because i do all those things.



so let me ask. Say like the other lady in my prior post, your husband just up and decided he does all of a sudden believe in divorce, or his feelings have changed and he doesn't want to try, what then???? You can't stay in a relationship by yourself if you get the knock on your door serving you papers. this happens to people more then you are willing to acknowledge and i just hate seeing women(and men) blindsided and they haven't PLANNED and don't even know where to start, i hate the effect it has on the children as well.



i would like to add, i also think that couples need to plan together as well.

Jesica - posted on 03/14/2011

I take it back I do plan stuff. The best advice I ever got was from my mom. "Don't ever have more kids than you can raise yourself." I started school after I served 5 years in the navy got married and had a kid. I graduate in May. I did it because I want to be a teacher. My husband doesn't care if I work but I do. I feel the need to contribute to our family. My only advice for the engaged. Think long and hard because yes he could be your first and not your last husband. For those who have money tucked away - your setting yourself up for failure because you are not 100% comitted to your husband. Those that are going through bad times - keep your head up God gives second chances. Next time HE sends a good one your way - talk, listen and understand your special someone.

Jesica - posted on 03/14/2011

For me, I don't really plan stuff. I am honest with my husband as he is with me. We don't keep secrets, unless like you said they are the good kind) or hide anything. Whats the point. If I thought I needed a plan b for my marriage then I wouldn't have gotten married. plan b's are for when a movie is sold out. For all the women that read this that have a plan b... close your secret or non-secret stash of cash and go on a second honeymoon with your husband. Invest in your marriage! There is a reason you got married (hopefully for love) get that reason back and stop being roommates with your husbands!

Tonya - posted on 03/14/2011

Phew, Jesica! I was starting to feel like I was the only one with the same point of view....:) Planning for the future, having an education these are all things that are smart things to do of course, but they are choices you make for yourself to better your life, with or without a spouse. Not behind your spouse's back or even in front of it because you are planning for your marriage to fail. Secrecy NEVER has a good outcome in a marriage (unless it's a surprise gift ;) Having a plan for failure only makes it easier to fail when the going gets tough, it's already in place, it's an easy way out. Tah, apparantly you didn't read the part where I said I have witnessed first hand the devestation of abuse....my mother was abused by my stepfather, I was 12, had to watch my 16 year old brother defend her with a baseball bat, and then travel cross country to my grandparents house and start all over. This was the 3rd time she'd left him, finally it was for good. I still shake when people yell and don't like confrontation. Yep, my neck of the woods is PERFECT! I am FULLY aware of the things that can and do go on in this world, but am also aware that the majority of them are avoidable if people would take more responsibility for thier own lives. This whole time that is all I've said, I have not once said planning is wrong, but the reason's and how to do it, absolutely!

Jesica - posted on 03/14/2011

if both you and your husband are believers than plan b does not exist. My husband and I have had serious problems. I've even had him arrested but we have had to work things out because divorce is not an option. If you both go in feeling that way then your marriage will never need a plan b.

Tah - posted on 03/13/2011

Ok tonya, things SHOULD be alot of ways, but they aren't the same for everyone, My husband and i plan together for the future and noone is saying for wives to NOT do that.i also have my own personal savings. I stand by what i said. A woman on another thread just 2 days ago posted that her husband just walked out on her actually 2 days ago citing HE had changed and it had nothing to do with her. HE just wasn't in love with her anymore and had felt that way for almost a year...and walked out just like that. They 3 kids, one is about 1 years old.



My sister, with her husband for 16 years, all of a sudden, after all her love and support he offered her the same during that time, he was a father to my nephew since he was 2 years old they have14 and 9 year old daughters,plus his daughter,16 ,from another former gf. HE decided to up and buy a motorcycle, stop talking to my sister as if she wasn't there and QUIT his job. His excuse..IT"S ME...not you. If she had not gone back to school for nursing while things were good and had not just gotten a job doing it then they would all have been out on the streets.they had just moved my son onto his college campus mind you, so now she had to do everything by herself. when it got to the point that she was starting to lose weight and it was affecting her kids, she was able to move out into another apartment because her plan b was to have something to fall back on, and she did, her education.



we can sit here and talk about how things should be all day long, in fact i do. I hear or see a story like this almost once a week. Im sure in your neck of the woods everyone stays happliy married forever, i am happily married myself, but in reality things happen. OFTEN. I wish you could be more openminded to that fact. I live in navy housing and i see women kick their husband's out for beating them and cheating...Then let them come back because she can't survive without him and hasn't had to. One went back to Florida with her mom. When the money ran low..she came back...



One went and got a job at 7-11, when she realized she couldn't take care of 3 kids with that, she took him back and they just moved to their new duty station,(did i mention that wasn't the first time.she hasn't learned yet) i saw a picture of her "o honey you've lost so much weight.".."it's stress" was her response. Now what are they both doing, working and putting money aside while working on their marriages so that if they ever have to leave again, they have the means to do it.



i don't disagree with all the things you say go into a marriage, as i have said many times before, i believe them and practice them and am happily married. I am also a realist..I know crap happens and you have to be prepared..period. I am prepared when i go to work, school, when i take the kids out i have extra tissue, sanitzer, water etc and i am prepared for if anything ever happens with my marriage. I am prepared to move out if i need to, even if it's just to have some space while counseling and praying...i believe in it and everything i see tells me im right to. worst case scenario, i use the money and education to start over..best case scenario, when all the kids move out we go tour Europe with it...

Tonya - posted on 03/13/2011

Planning for the future is very important, but it should be done WITH your spouse, not behind their back or seperately. How can you even hope to be successful in your marriage if you aren't honest and open and work together as a team. Being in the military is difficult, we all know that, but it can be a very good life, if you look at it positively and work together. It also takes having responsibility with your money and your actions. There may always be extenuating circumstances, but a lot of people run into problems because of their own actions.

Tah - posted on 03/12/2011

i like that plan Jane and i practice it myself, my parents are celebrating 44 years this year and my husband's parents 41...i am sorry for your loss and a m praying for you as well.

Tah - posted on 03/12/2011

see julie is an example of what i mean. I read it after i posted, and Julie i don't mean to pick on you at all. I am just pointing out to Tonya that you never know and if seperation or divorce is talked about or carried out, there is a majority of us military wives who don't even know where to began. I trust my husband absolutely, i don't plan or discuss divorce with my husband because we don't consider it an option, but i am always prepared for anything, or at least i try to be. Julie look into online schools such a AMU(american military university or the college that is an hour away, you may have to go there once or twice to get your paperwork done and test if you need to, but take online classes, lots are schools offer them. I really hope it works out for you. Sahm is a job, but it doesn' have the benefit of a retirement plan or unemployment payments, we have to take care of ourselves and each other.

Tah - posted on 03/12/2011

we are not on opposite ends as far as what we believe goes into a marriage Tonya..so say you didn't take the time to get to know the person and all the other things that go with that and in addition, you don't have anything to fall back on education, savings etc and the marriage does end. what then??? When i say shortsided, im not talking about your views for yourself. I was saying that just because you and I have good, loving marriages with husbands who have provided for us in case God forbid he die, doesn't mean everyone does. There was a lady recently whose husband died in his 30's and she had nothing, they didn't have life insurance, and she was a sahm with nothing to fall back on. She had to move back home with her 4 children in tow and is still there and struggling. My husband scared the mess out of me when he came home yesterday and said that since the ship is working him like a runaway slave he literally fell asleep while driving and woke up before he ran into the back of someone else. Would we receive money if God forbid he hadn't awaken, yes. But in reality, esp in this economy, we are the minority, people who plan for those things to happen. again i am not just talking about a divorce, i am talking about any of the curve balls that life throws.

Jane - posted on 03/11/2011

My plan B has always been to keep an eye out for problems before they get bad and then figure out how to solve them before divorce rears its ugly head. We made it 21 years on that plan and would be going still if he hadn't died.

This is the same plan B my parents had, and they have been married 61 years.

Julie - posted on 03/11/2011

I am so about to put myself out there but here it goes.....I am a SAHM with 3 daughters. All 3 of my girls are in school and I am sitting home bored. There is only so much cleaning I can do but we always agreed I wouldn't work. Don't get me wrong, I have worked here and there. I did ALOT of volunteer work other times so I wasn't just sitting around at home all day. But we have been through a rough patch in the last year and yes, seperating has been talked about. And it is just now at 35 that I am questioning my identity. WHO AM I? WHAT IS MY PURPOSE IN LIFE? I have been to school and never got to finish. So when we recently moved to FL, I thought for sure there would be a school locally that I could finish up. It has been 3 years since I even thought about it since my husband deployed back to back so I volunteered alot in the schools and on base while my girls were in school. NOW, I am like Oh crap! If we truly don't work out....I am screwed bc I didnt finish and get the expierence in the working world. And the closest school is an hour away. And we don't have the money for the gas it will cost me to drive there. So I have been looking for a job for almost a year. But I think bc my resume doesn't have recent work history, that plays a factor in me being hired. I did also list my volunteer work within the community so I wasn't just being lazy when I wasn't working. I don't mind working but I am just not sure why I am not being hired. Anyways, I have NO plan.....and no clue on where to start in getting one.

Tonya - posted on 03/11/2011

Tah, just because I trust my husband does not mean I am in any way short sighted, on the contrary, as I said above, my husband and I were wise enough to think through our decision first. We didn't get married quickly, which I will be quick to say can still work out...we thought through our decision, we didn't just decide to get married because it sounded good or we wanted to live together, or because of any other reasons. Of course were attracted to each other, but we also had the presence of mind to think and talk things through. The biggest reason why people get divorced is because they don't stop to do that. They don't really know who they are marrying, they want what they want and don't care about the future, besides they can always just get divorced. Neither my husband or myself had parents who stayed together. We both had more than one step-father and vowed we would not do that to ourselves or future children. No it has not been easy at times, but we made a VOW, that is more than a promise. The people who are short sighted are the ones who go into a marriage not knowing who they are marrying, haven't really thought about the future and how hard a marriage is, aren't prepared to go the long road or care to and use divorce as an easy way out when things get a little hard. Yes, there are absolutely times when it is necessary, abuse, cheating....but again if time was taken to really get to know the other person, and yourself, then maybe those situations wouldn't arise as often. Please don't assume that is a casual observation, my mother was in an abusive relationship when I was young, I have seen it first hand. We are impatient, selfish people, but to really love someone, you have to grow up and grow beyond that.

Tah - posted on 03/11/2011

Well tony your marriage sounds like mines then. I don't pity you, if you have a great marriage that is wonderful as do I. I think I said, but if I didn't, I'll say it, we don't believe in divorce, we don't even discuss it. My husband has also provided for us with life insurance should God forbid anything happen. I still stand by a plan b because I've seen marriages fall apart..to be sure more then I see stay together these days. I can't take for granted everyone is in the same boat as we are. Many people can't afford the life insurance payments per month so they would be financially ruined if anything happened, divorce, disability or death. I'm glad you have a husband that can do that for you, as I do. I'm just not so short sided as to think everyone does.

Tonya - posted on 03/11/2011

I actually find it really sad that anyone thinks they need a plan "B". If you think you need one, maybe you weren't ready to be married in the first place. Marriage is not disposable. Our society has unfortunately made it acceptable to think of it this way, but my husband and I do not. We have never accepted it as an option and we have been blessed to never come to a point in our almost 18 years of married life, 17 of those in the military, where either of us felt like it could become one. Not only do we still love each other, but we like each other, we enjoy each other's company. I love when he's home and miss him when he's at work. We still kiss each other, walk by and touch each other, and say " I love you" constantly. Marriage is thinking about the other person first, not yourself...to take care of their needs first. That may sound old fashioned, but when you look beyond yourself and care for others, they will naturally respond in kind. No, I have no plan "B" my husband has taken care of that for me, he has made sure to take steps for if anything ever happens to him, our children and myself will be well taken care of. I do not need one, don't pity me because you don't think I'm smart enough or strong enough to take care of myself "in case". We were young when we got married, I was 20, he 21, but we were wise enough to make decisions that would affect the rest of our lives. First, we married someone we knew was right for us, who had the same values, we took the time to get to know each other to be sure, we had conversations about the hard things, we made promises to each other and we trust each other. We don't keep things from each other, everything is in both our names, we are married, why would I ever need to keep anything from him? My husband has never held me back from anything I wanted to do, he is my biggest fan, if yours is not, why is that not a red flag? My husband empowers me, to be my best and vice versa, we are stronger together than we EVER could be apart or even together, but separated by private things. Marriage takes work, hard work, emotional work. But truly, nothing worth having is easy. I do not mean to offend anyone on here, but I just wanted to offer my point of view.

Tah - posted on 03/11/2011

look at all the other threads that people are posting to, but only what, 4 people are posting here..because it makes people uncomfortable. If my husband came home today and said, im over it, it would be a complete shock..because we are very happy, we laugh joke, play, support and tell each other everything. I would be hurt and upset, but i also be able to pick up the pieces. Really if i worked fulltime i could make the same amount or more then him and school would just take me longer, i would probably do everything online at that point to continue school but i would have to make it happen. My husband knows i have a plan b and he doesn't like it, but its not just for divorce, we don't believe in divorce unless there is adultery and we come from parents who have been married for over 40 years on each side, so we have a good example. What if he gets hurt..he climbs to the top of the ship like a monkey and checks and repairs antennas for goodness sake. he goes and fights pirates who like to point grenade launchers at his ship..fun times. The navy would just get another LPO..where would i get another him? I'm not planning for a divorce, im planning for a life. I love my life with him it, but life happens. I put up a thread on what people did to feel empowered, and almost noone answered, i think that we as military wives need to be more empowered. Our lives are hard as well. We do put dreams on hold to follow our husbands around. It can feel like you don't have any control, but you can be empowered and take control of your life. I am just all for that

Rosa - posted on 03/10/2011

Yeah most women would say it because they seem to be planning for divorce or it may seem like their marriage is having probles. But the biggest part of every divorce I see i the lack of planning and its never on the husbands, cuz the always looking at the wife as what are u going to do now? Even if she put all her dreams and achievements on hold to help him better himself. Women always feel guilty or just dont want to touch the issues until it too late. Late the fairtale for the movies my mom would say, their will be enought time for that when everything is in its right place. Uncomfortable subject yes, but most dont know where to start honestly. Most think they arent working so where can they get the money to save or there is too much to do so they will wait until next yr which never comes.

Rosa - posted on 03/10/2011

At least you and ur husband went thur that conversation. My husband refuse to talk about a divorce saying, our mind should never be on that subject. Divorce isnt an optin so we have to work other stuff out. But I have to think of a plan B, I mean he is in the army his retirement and job experience is set. Now with me following him around and changing job, I will seem unstable. But he says, i will take care of you and our kids if we ever reach that point. That I do not want, because ok say he does keep up his end of the bargain and take care of us .What if something happens to him death, illness etc. how would I be able to take care of the him and the kids. Plan B is not just a plan for divorce it’s a plan for life and the what if's that may come up. I started going to school, but now I have to start putting money away for that big WHAT IF.

Ty - posted on 03/10/2011

I didn't mean a car. Lol we hv a truck. I meant childcare....lol

Corinne - posted on 03/10/2011

honestly my hubby and i always joke about how we both got married knowing it probably wouldnt work out! we never denied the fact that marriages sometimes dont last and i never really had anxiety about it ending! i love him, of course, and we are here for eachother but if the time were to come.. it wont take me by surprise! both of us grew up with our moms going through multiple marriages so we know what to kind of expect! weve even talked about it.. now that we have kids, he knows i plan to stay nearby so he can have split custody and he understands that if i cant find work, and have to move, then i plan to do so and take the kids with me! ppl think we are very weird or messed up for openly talking about things like this but i think that once kids are involved...its a diff story! worst mistake my parents ever made was putting us in the middle of it all and i NEVER want my kids to feel that way! i want it to be an open, free to communicate and know the truth kind of relationship! my hubby and i have even talked about what to expect when one of us gets into a long term relationship or gets remarried!

we are going on 6 and a half years of marriage so i think the open communication helps! he knows, that despite me being a stay at home mom, that im not afraid to pack up the girls and leave him! keeps him on his toes! :)

Ty - posted on 03/10/2011

Yea i go online cuz we cant afford car either. But where there's will there's away. ppl need to jus stop making excuses cuz their kids cant eat em. Cant is for losers....lol

Tah - posted on 03/09/2011

I know Ty, sometimes yeah, daycare is an issue, sometimes it's an excuse. There are online schools, some people don't even want to consider it, or talk about it let alone put it Into action. One friend, she stay because what else can she do,while he runs around cheating and lying. Everytime she finds out she drinks a little more. My mom put us on high alert..lol. My daddy spoils her and I have never seen them argue but always told us to be independent, have a backup plan, money in your pocket for a pay phone and don't let people walk all over you, and most important, have a good day and say a pray.

Ty - posted on 03/09/2011

Yea i think you should! Some women sit back having babies not going doing anything. I hear them say i cant go to school who's going to watch my kids. Thats jus an excuse! Then they walk around looking like there homeless. lol Its not funny but sad....get urself together! I have three kids and dont work but would like to work. But I go to school. I get dressed and comb my hair. Some women just look a mess. I wouldn't call it a plan b. Just getting a life! A career! And the xtra money wouldn't hurt either. I like my own money,car,friends and so on....

Rosa - posted on 03/08/2011

Tah, im tellin you this same fear is what got me to join the military. My husband working and I look at wife in the military getting drop for younger wife or co-worker, so I wanted to make sure I had a plan to support myself. Now im not even worried about promotion I just want to finish that degree and get out...lol. Military not for me. But I just found out today he got off, they didnt want to cut his rank cuz he has 19yrs in and couldnt gain it back rank in the little time he has. He took the woman home to spend time with the kids, the Judge said the kids didnt see they having sex, so she was just passing thur for 4 days. I was like F the military, my husband try me like that and making my kids look like damn liars i will kill him. Im sorry, im upset right now. I had to come to my room after they read him only 40 day extra duty,and as a SFC he wont do a damn day. But on to another subject, im finishing my BA in Business & Hospitality Management. But I really want a degree in the Medical field even doing office work. Truth me after this even, not saying I have never think about my husband acting up. Im making sure I have everything set and ready. She is walking around smiling, but I knw she is dying inside and about to start goin thur her mid-life change as well. Im looking at different certification in the medical field and that money, I do have a separate account but i havent put money in there for a long time. Thank you so much for the advise, about to start writing my plan every soon and let you know. You seem to know, so then u can grade me...lol. But I have to agree plan for the him acting up now, and if we reach 70 then my gosh we can go on a vacation with that money together...lol.

Tah - posted on 03/07/2011

i hate to say it but, i find some women shy away from talking about plan b or empowerment...i wonder why that is??? is this an uncomfortable subject???

Tah - posted on 03/07/2011

okay im back..had to start dinner. alright i am not just talking about if the marriage doesn't work. Im talking about the possibility that anything can happen. God forbid the unthinkable, and im not just talking about when they are deployed. You would also have to pick up and carry on after that. A plan B should also include getting to know who are as a person. what you like and don't like and want out of life.

Tah - posted on 03/07/2011

Rosey I preach it and I practice it. I love my husband with all my heart "ize love harpo, lord knows I do"....lol, and I have faith we will be married for 70 years. IF..big IF, because everyone thinks it's gonna last forever, he loses his mind like my brother in law has after 16 years, and we have to separate, I have a plan B. Mine is my schooling and career. I have 2 majors so when my knees are no longer able to run up and down the hospital hallways, I can have a office and a desk as a social worker. What if he loses his mind today. I have 2 savings accounts that he knows of, but can't access and doesn't know what they contain. I have a career as a nurse and I keep at least 2 prn.like reserves...give us one weekend a month, more if you chosse and we will call you if we need you in an emergency...with the option of going pt or ft. I make good money at these jobs. I see it all the time. ESP with the military. Some women have a preconceived notion that if he leaves you the military will keep you a kept women, your friend and friends of mine are examples that they don't.



Who wants to go back to mamas house with 3 kids in tow and have to start from scratch. Nobody I know does, but they have had to. I think while you are home, you should get a degree, diploma,certificate or something. Get a part time job. Get a savings account for you and do 20-40 per paycheck, if it last 70 years then you have a retirement, if it last 7 years you have a down payment on an apt at least. I think we need to be empowered. My sister had a lab b so when he quit his job without telling her and decided he needed to find himself with a child just starting college and two daughters, well she was hurt, and maybe a little depressed, she lost 30 lbs in about 2 months, but guess what she could still pay the rent.