Camille - posted on 06/23/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )
I met my DH while we were both in the Army and stationed at Ft Polk. He got stationed at Ft Dix and I got medically discharged and followed him. In the 6 years that we have been married, he has been TDY for the equivalent of 4 years. His commander actually told him that the Military doesn't pay him to stay in one place. It's pretty hard on me since we now have 2 kids under the age of 6 and I still work full time. Although the health care is phenomenal, I am finding myself reaching the end of my rope with the whole Military Wife thing. While he is not deployed, these trips are slowly breaking me down. A typical month for me is DH leaves the first weekend of the month, he is gone for a week, he comes home for a week. He works that second weekend a month with the reservists. Then sometime around Wednesday of the third week, he calls me and tells me he has to go on another trip. Then he flies out that third weekend and is gone for a full week. Then, a month is gone and we start over. Seriously, this happens nearly every month. Last year, he left when my DD was 5 weeks old. He was gone for 6 weeks! He was gone 260 out of 365 days last year. Some times I wonder if it would be better if he just went for a year and stayed gone. This constant upheaval of the routines in the household is hurting us all. He leaves and I am in charge. When he comes back, he wants to be in charge again and the kids are getting confused. Routines go one way when he is gone and another way when he is home. I know he wants to feel involved but how do we do that when he is gone literally half of the time? We have been to marriage counselling twice in the past 4 years. We are really trying but I can't seem to get over the resentment of these trips. Although he swears that it's not a "vacation" all he has to do is go to work and go to his hotel. Meanwhile, I am back here ushering kids to daycare, going to work, maintaining a household and taking down any obstacles that happen to pop up. Last week while he was gone, he missed my oldest daughters 5 th birthday, her party, her kindergarten testing, my closing on a house in another state, a pre-school graduation and the first floor flooding from a freak washing machine accident. I was nearly catatonic by the time that he got home. I really want to be a good wife and good friend, but I am so angry every time he leaves. How do I deal with this? I have been to individual counselling but it doesn't seem to help. I don't really want to get divorced, but I don't know how to deal with this. He has changed units 3 times since he has been here at Fort Dix, but the crazy travel schedule never changes. I know he has a unique skill identifier, so he is in high demand but come on! Seriously, how do others cope with this?