Homecoming

Jessica - posted on 12/08/2010

I had this same problem. when my hubby came back i would let him do little things like feed out daughter and change diapers. it was about a week before i could leave her alone with him. its really hard cuz your so use to doing things your self but just let him do little things and work him "back" into your life.

Victoria - posted on 12/07/2010

One thing that I learned on my husbands 1 year deployment was that life was easier on the deployment. Although it had it's challenges, and risks overall it was easier. Let me try to put it into perspective for you. While on deployment, he hasn't had to make any decisions for himself. They had told him what to wear and when to wear it. What to eat and when to eat... they have even structured out every moment of his waking day. The only decisions they have to make for themselves is what movie to watch at night, or which snack bar from home he should eat first. To put it simply, my husband said deployment life was easier because he didn't have to think for himself. It isn't that he doesn't want to be with you. He is just feeling the exact same feelings you are about his homecoming. He is thinking, you have done everything on your own this whole time, so what if you don't need him anymore? He is unsure where he is going to fit back into your lives, so be patient and above all communicate with him. Tell him how you are feeling, and try to get him to do the same. Communication is the biggest thing that will help get you both back on the same page. I hope this is helpful. Just remember that you are not alone in this journey. Lean on your other Military spouse friends for support. Be patient and give it time! Remember how it took you time to adjust to him being away? Well it is going to take time for both of you to adjust to being back together.

Christine - posted on 12/07/2010

Hi, I was a soldier's wife so I can relate to how you are feeling about your husband coming home after a tour. All I can advise is to listen to whatever he needs to tell you, I found that my ex husband took a while to talk about things he had seen whilst in Iraq. All you can really do is take him back into your home and let him settle into a normal life style again. It is a very difficult time for a couple to undertake after them being away from home for so long, it just takes them time to adjust. It will be nice for him to come back to a new baby too, here you can make the most of the two of you being parents. It's hard to advise in these circumstances as being a soldier's wife is not easy but all I can say is that he will need time.
Regards

Holley - posted on 12/06/2010

I talked to him today and he apologized for being an Ass and saying that. He said he meant that he just wanted to be home now. so hopefully that means he is in a better mood lol.

Alexandria - posted on 12/05/2010

I just read your later reply about him not being excited about coming back. In that case, I would definitely do research on reintegration and consider talking to the Chaplain. Sounds like your soldier may be in need of some help when he comes home that you yourself may not be able to singly provide. PTSD can get out of hand quickly, so if you think that could really be an issue, take it seriously, get some help lined up for him or at least let some people know that you have concerns so other people besides you can be on the look out. But don’t be too hard on him, who knows what he's been through while he's been gone...
On the other hand, my soldier will be coming home from his 3rd deployment and regardless of how tuff he‘s become, when he addresses me, he is always sweet as pie. I cant speak for how he addresses his soldiers, totally different story. But if your husband is a hardened grumpy soldier type towards you, he may not be well suited to be a family man. I hope that’s not the case though.

Alexandria - posted on 12/05/2010

My daughter will be nearly 2 when her father returns. It will take some adjusting for all of us. Completely normal to have some anxiety about it. The good thing about little kids/babies is that they adapt quickly and also dont have the capacity to miss daddy as much while he's gone. You sound like a honest military spouse whose grown use to handling everything on her own, but dont forget that once your husband gets settled back in, he could be some help to you and you child and enrich your lives just by being around. With patience, love and perhaps some research on how family members can help reintegration go smoothly, you should all do just fine.

Holley - posted on 12/05/2010

Thanks guys! Its just days away now and I find some times I am really calm and zen about it but other times I am running around like crazy, working out like crazy so i look perfect when he gets home! It doesn't help though that he said he wasn't excited to be coming home. That really hurt me...... I guess I am just going to play it by ear.

Myrlaine - posted on 12/02/2010

I would let him ease his way back in, on his on pace. They are usually exhausted physically, emotionally...so give him some time to take it all in.



And you won't be turning off being a mom, you will just be sharing the experience with him. And you were still being his wife while he was gone, just in a different way. Don't think to much into it, it will all work out.





God Bless

Amanda - posted on 12/02/2010

I also had our 2nd baby while my husband was on a 6 month deployment. I had the same feelings as you at times. Reunions are joyous and difficult at the same time, because you have been running the household solo. It helped to realize that this was normal. My husband ended up being a huge help in caring for the baby and giving me the breaks I never got while he was gone. It is an adjustment but is beneficial to everyone in the long run. Dont worry, you are normal. Just focus on the positives, like having help around the house! And remember to go on dates without the kids too!

Saira - posted on 11/30/2010

This is very normal. My husband came home from deployment when our youngest son was 4.5 months old. It was hard for a week or so after he got back fitting him back into the real world. but each day it got easier. Also, if he is a little stand off ish dont worry. My husband was really distant the first couple days and I tried not to push it too much because I knew it was an adjustment for all of us. All in all it was a fairly simple transition. A little give and take, He may be distant, quiet. Just give him time. . and congrats on getting him home soon!

Bree - posted on 11/27/2010

It's like riding a bike. It will come back to you. It's amazing how easily lives shift when the troops come home. My husband has been deployed for a total of 4 1/2 years and sure, it's weird at first. But it's very easy to get back into the swing of things. Your concerns are completely normal. As for tips, really the only thing I have is try not to stress too much. You are building up these nerves and when the time comes for him to actually be home you'll most likely just feel relief. Being a Mom is great but it's even better when you have someone to share it with.

Holley - posted on 11/26/2010

part of it is that i don't know how to be anything but a mom anymore, how am i supposed to turn that off and be a wife again?

Shawnda - posted on 11/26/2010

Well before any father comes home they put them through a coping class. just dont throw to much onto your hubby at first let him take his time to fit back in and let him know that you support him and love him and make him feel like he was never gone it was hard for my husband because this was our first child so when he got home our son was already 3 months old he didnt know what to expect at all and it took time for him to be comfortable with him and learn the eating habits and sleep habits just let him know that if he needs help or any thing that he can lean on you