How do I cope with my fiance leaving for the Marines?

Ashley - posted on 10/15/2009

My husband got outa boot around christmas so he got longer than the normal 10 days off after boot grad..but most get 10 days. Then he had to go to MCT for a few weeks...then straight to his MOS SCHOOL and his was 2 months long but some MOSs are alot longer. Then he then went to his normal duty station which at the time was PARRIS ISLAND SC same place he had boot at...it wasnt too long after me and my son got to move with him there to housing. But if your not married you cant move to base housing, you can move off base but you cant get the normal MONEY to pay the rent n bills with until your married so youd have to pay outa pocket for it. If your ready to marry id suggest soon, so that as soon as possible you could go be with him. Youll get through boot and once you do alls you gotta worry bout it deployments and most wives get used to them after a while..heck lot of the people around here loves it when their men are gone, all because of the money...KINDA CRAZY they are that money hungry but it does work out when some are in debt to their eyeballs...TAKE CARE

Jocelyn - posted on 09/11/2009

Hi Sheena,
my husband left to go to the army in dec. of 07 at that time i was 9 moths pregnant and had a 1 yr old. After I had my child in Jan. I jus kept myself very busy during the day with working and going back school. It was very hard not having him there to see the birth of his second child and my 1 yr old always walk around the house every morning looking for him, I just had to keep telling her daddy is at work and will be home soon. Me keeping myself and kids busy like that made the time go by fast after I got over him leaving and I think mentally it prepared me to feel what it was going to be like when he deployed.

Sheena - posted on 09/11/2009

Brittany thank you for all your help, Eric just left the Army and now want to go to the Marines. Thats great that you have twins, Im actually wanting twins. Congrats on your beautiful babies!

Sheena - posted on 09/11/2009

Quoting Tiffany:

He's a reservist, so he is state side now. He will be deploying again May 2010.

oh I heard that they wernt deploying anymore soliders?

Sheena - posted on 09/11/2009

Meghan, Thank you for all your info, I do believe he is wanting to go infantry, so all the advice I can get I'd appreciate it. Thank you guys for all the help!!

Brittany - posted on 09/11/2009

my husband went to the army but he wanted to go to the marines but realized that u make more of a bonus as army.. but anyway i dont have a 3 yr old but i got twin boys and its hard at first but the best thing to do is stay positive and busy!!! i broke down in tears a few times and the day he left i just bawled my eyes out... he left after my premmies had just come home so it was hard... but now hes almost done with his training at ait and coming home.. he hasnt been home since march... like i said its hard but write to him he needs that when hes at basic... my husband told me it was the best to get a letter but wt ev u do dont send a care package while at basic.. he will get smoked... any way if u have any ?'s im here :)

Tiffany - posted on 09/10/2009

He's a reservist, so he is state side now. He will be deploying again May 2010.

Meghan - posted on 09/10/2009

Sheena! Welcome to the world of the MC. My husband is a DI at Parris Island. The MC is different than most other branches of the military just because its a whole other animal unto itself. Boot Camp like everyone has said is 13 weeks of training. From there they will generally get 10 days of leave. But because they only acrue 2.5 days a month they will have a negative balance. This is one of the reasons that they do not get to take leave between ITB/MCT or MOS school. If he is infantry the he will be attending ITB (Infantry Training Battalion) which is 59 days and either in CA or NC depending on where he goes to boot camp. If the is non infantry he will be attending MCT (Marine Combat Training) it is 29 days and is either in CA or NC as well. If he is a non infantry Marine he will head immidiately to MOS school as soon as he completes MCT. All MOS's very in length some are a few weeks and others may last a year of more. Once he has completed his MOS training he will be sent to the fleet. If you are married and he gets accompanied orders you should have no problem joining him at his PDS. His duty station is determined completely based on the needs of the Marine Corps so theres really no way of knowing where he will end up. If you have any questions about the MC please let me know. I would love to help you out in anyway I can. Also where are yall from. If he is going to end up at PI please let me know I have a website that I can give you that will be a wonderful source of information and support while hes gone for Boot and beyond.

Laura - posted on 09/10/2009

You can not join him until he is done school - you should get him 10 days after graduation. They do not get leave breaks in between MCT and MOS to my knowledge. One he has his first duty station and he is not a student he should be able to have you both with him if you are married.

Laura - posted on 09/10/2009

Sheena,

Everything you are feeling is normal, we all go through it. My husband has been in for 7 years now and we have two boys 7 and 14 months, we have been through bootcamp, MOS school, one year apart while he was stationed in Japan, three deployments and now Drill Instructor duty. It always feels like you can't possibly handle being apart but trust me, you will. Its so important to support him in what he wants to do and when your 12 weeks is over and you see him march across that Parade Deck, the love and pride you feel will make the loneliness and pain seem like a distant memory. As far as your three year old, make him a "daddy doll", I forget what the website is but basically its a stuffed picture of your future husband about 16 inches big that he can carry around with him and sleep with every night (you can have one too ;) ) - I know its no substitute for him but it always helped my older son through everything. And having them make special pictures to send to him will be a life saver for your family on both ends. Writing letters is romantic and can be a great way to bring you even closer together - its an art form that has gotten lost as technology has progressed but remember those letters are the things they look forward to, that keep them sane during maybe the worst and best 12 weeks of their life. And the best way to get through those three months, honestly? Keep yourself as busy as you possibly can~ lol, its always worked for me!

If you need anything, feel free to contact me!

Erin - posted on 09/09/2009

It depends on the job he's getting. Send me a private message with what job field or name he's going into and I will get an answer for you. My husband is a recruiter for the Marines right now and he has access to that information. But I will tell you that before you can join him in base housing you MUST be married.

Sheena - posted on 09/09/2009

Thank you how long until I get to join him after boot camp?

Sheena - posted on 09/09/2009

Thank you that lets me know how long the class and everything else will be, but what I want to know is when he gets out of boot camp and MCT are we able to go with him to some housing or base? Not the class but to live?

Sheena - posted on 09/09/2009

Thank you for the advice, it is helping me plan on what I am gonna send him when he leaves. Of course he will get letters, but carepackages are always nice too!

Erin - posted on 09/09/2009

Ashley's post is pretty accurate. I can tell you that MCT is 2 months long. What isn't quite right is that every Marine goes through MCT then MOS school. If your fiance is going infantry (grunt) and then headed right to the fleet, he will be at SOI for 2 and a half months and then to his unit. As soon as he checks into his unit, then you and your son can join him if you are married. My husband tried to get me to go to the courthouse during one of the times he visited me so he could start the paperwork. I resisted because I wanted the church wedding. My advice is that before he leaves figure out if you two are going for the church wedding, courthouse, or combination. Then no matter what MOS he goes into you have plans to keep you busy. I've always said I joined the Marine Corps the easy way (marriage), but I have the toughest job (spouse). However, there is a pride that even you will feel, even though you're not the one who is active duty.

Ashley - posted on 09/09/2009

Well honestly the whole first year of joining the Marine Corps is hard. They have bootcamp for 13 weeks and I wrote my husband everyday. I found out I was pregnant a few days after he left. After bootcamp they get boot leave for a week. If they get to work with a recruiter after bootcamp they can get up to 3 or 4 weeks off. Then they go to Marine Combat Training (MCT) i dont remember exactly how long that was but they get to call you on the weekends. Jason actually missed my highschool graduation though.. then they get leave again. Then they go to there MOS school. Which is the schooling preparing them for their job. That can range, i know marines who went for 5 weeks, my husband went for 7 months. He missed the birth of our son. But this year in feb, my son and I finally got to move to camp pendleton with him!! so everything is great now. Though he will be deploying mid next year sometime and thats when i am going to have to explain to our son that daddy will be gone for awhile.



My advise to you would be to live your life exactly how you did, minus your fiance.. Just remember to write encouraging letters to him as often as you can telling him everything. That keeps them going! Your job is to motivate them, and try super hard not to tell them how sad your are. Because bootcamp is awful and they want to just be reminded of how great their family is and how much he loves you guys! And its always such a relief to get their letter back :) It is very hard, im am not going to lie. but it is all worth it in the end, just one sucky year for great future, right?. And i think its pretty amazing that it is his childhood dream and you are supporting him for that. He owes you big time!! lol jk. It was what my husband always wanted to do as well. Just be strong, for you, your son, and your man! I was with jason everyday for a year before he left for basic training.. so i know how your going to feel. yYou have to keep yourself busy! and look forward to having him again as an official U.S. Marine :)



sorry my letter is so random! i hope this gives you more information and peace at mind.

Sarah - posted on 09/09/2009

I somewhat understand where your at right now. I am not a wife of a marine, but instead a wife of a US Navy Sailor. We just had a little in June and are gearing up for the first of 3 deployments in March, which last about 8 months. My husband has had many pre-deployments before, but were only 3 weeks. I found that if I stay busy with reading and my daughter, then I wont feel the heartache of him being gone. I also found it VERY comforting to get one websites like this one and talk to women about any advice I need help with. I got really good tips that may help you....While at bootcamp send as many letters as possible. Then on deployment, send care-packages. Military men

love getting care-packages. My husband wants me to send vidoes and I went out and bought a webcam. As for my daughter, I took photos of my husband and had them laminated so she can have flash cards and she can have him anytime. I'm not sure how much this helps, but I dont have family close to me. My mom is 10 1/2 hours away and his mom is 18. So I hope this helps.

Sheena - posted on 09/08/2009

Thank you, that helps me to explain things better for my son. Where overseas is your husband stationed?

Tiffany - posted on 09/08/2009

When my husband left for Boot camp my daughter was 14 months at the time. What helped me cope with him being gone was getting involved in work, the church, and a couple of close neighbors. The hard part was doing everything on my own (both of our families lived 3hrs away) and my daughter not understanding what was going on. She was to young to understand that he was at work, but felt that something was wrong at home (out of balance).



However when he deployed she was 2 1/2 and had a better grasp on the fact that daddy was at work. We also read lots of books that talked about Marines and looked at a Globe so that she could see how far dad was away. I stayed very open with her about how far it was and that we would not be able to walk or drive there. This help a lot. She would go to school and talk about her daddy and how he worked across the water.



Anyways hope that helps a little. Feel free to ask more...



Tiffany