How do you deal with the deployments??

Jamie - posted on 01/10/2010 ( 27 moms have responded )

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My husband just left on a 7 month deployment, we have a 5 month olf daughter.. just looking for advice on how you made the time go by faster with your little ones, i miss him a lot, but it honestly bothers me more that I feel like it will hurt my daughter by not having a relationship with her father, she will be a year old when we see him again, I don't know if she will know who he is or if she might be scared of him... We have been through 1 deployment already, but it os TOTALLY different now that we have a baby to think about!

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Jessica - posted on 02/15/2010

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yeah i totally get you but we use skype and i send packages like 3 a month and i let ur daughter color pictures and buy lil stuff thats just from her to feel involved but ur son is only 6months so he cant really help but i know seeing him and hearing his voice helps me and them out so much and this is his first deployment to iraq and i was a mess the first two months but moving back home with two kids and dealing with bills and that plus the kids help me alot but i also joined a gym to relive some stress of it.thank you for being able to ask how to deal bc no one really know but its great to tell someone else espically wives that are going through the same things in life

Arielle - posted on 02/13/2010

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i am going throught the excat same thing. my hubby deployed when our daughter was 4 months she is now going on 6 months. my hubby is deployed for a year, so he is going to miss everything to first: crawl, word, step, birthday. we just try to get on the webcam on skype or yahoo every chance he gets. and he talks to her everytime he calls, so i think she still knows he voice and she looks at him on the computer when we get on webcam so....... i think and hope she still knows who he is. yes i am hoping all of this stuff we are doing works bc i know it will break his heart if she wont go to him and dont know who he is when he comes home. idk about keeping busy we dont really do much or go places. if we do go we just go to the mall or stores and walk around.

Amanda - posted on 01/30/2010

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I have an amazing book that i am done with i used it while my husband was in iraq if you want I can send it too you. I just want to get rid of it because we are moving and we have alot of stuff and the more I get rid of the better.

Amanda - posted on 01/30/2010

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we have 2 kids, my son is 4 and my daughter was 1 at the time when my husband was deployed for one year..............he came home for RR for a couple weeks after 8 months of being gone (which isn't normal for marines to do RR but I guess they made it mandatory for the 1yr deployments, anyway) my daughter didnt' know WHO he was but she knew he was important, when he would call I would put the phone to her ear just so she could hear his voice, he made Dvd's for the kids, he did a good morning message, goodnight message, in trouble/behave message for my 4yr old, Happy Birthday for my 4yr old (he was just under 4 when hubs left) and merry christmas, happy thanksgiving and all sorts of messages and we watched him every morning and everynight...........there are tons of things to do to keep him in your daughters immediate memories...............she may not KNOW thats her dad but she'll know that he means something and in a day or two she'll come around............they dont' have memories really til they are a little older it was hardest on my son than it was my daughter................but during those 2wks after that initial day or two she was glued to him..................so don't worry. Unfortunately it's something that the kids have to adjust to because this is going to be their life................

C. - posted on 01/28/2010

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My husband will have been gone for a year by the time he gets back from his deployment and we have a 19 month old son. I have a picture of my husband (well several) that my son loves to give kisses to. We also Skype with my husband and my son gives him kisses through that too (he blows kisses and kisses the screen) and he gets to talk to his daddy. Email, Skype, pictures so your baby won't forget your husband's face by the time he gets back will all help.. Keep yourself busy. If you have a job, that's definitely one way to go. If you don't have a job, find some activity that you love. Scrapbooking, drawing/sketching, writing.. Something that you can do to pass the time but can interrupt it when your baby wakes up from a nap/bedtime. Trust me, with a baby the time will start to fly by b/c your baby will most likely be crawling soon if she isn't already, and then may even start walking early. You will definitely have your hands full. My husband went on 2- 2 week "deployments" (it was PTA/training, but he was on the Big Island of HI and I was on Oahu, so he couldn't just come home) when my son was almost 8 months and almost 11 months. It was hard the first couple of days, but you get yourself on a routine after that and then the time starts to go by faster. Good luck to you! Remember to always show your daughter her daddy's picture so she'll remember his face! And when he calls you, put it on speaker phone so she can hear his voice! Best wishes!

Aundraya - posted on 01/28/2010

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When my husband left for basic, our little girl was 7 months old, and though some people will tell you otherwise (Leigh), it does affect them. My daughter started having trouble sleeping at night. So what I'd do is, when he'd get a chance to call, I'd give her the phone and let her hear is voice. She would simply light up. I also keep a picture of him on our bedside table, and I point to it once a day and ask "who's that?" Sometimes she says "Dada" other times she's not interested, but it helps us both to remind ourselves that his presence is everywhere.

Amanda - posted on 01/25/2010

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I just currently got married on the 19th of december and my husband deployed on the 3rd january to Afghanistan. we have a daughter who just turned a year old on the 30th of december so he was here for her birthday. But i get scared as well that she will not remember him. I keep pictures around and when he calls and she talks to him i keep a photo by and point to it while she is talking to him! Babies are always scared of strangers but once she sees him and knows that he is loving she will warm up! This is our frist deployent together but it is also his last. just hang in there and a good way to past the time is just play with her and always keep yourself busy and before you know it the 7 months will be up. im not going to sit here and say that it is going to be easy because i am going through the same thing and it is not where near close to easy but as the days go on you will see it gets better. hope this helped a little! Stay strong and try not to stress cause the baby can sense that as well! I will keep you and your family in my prayers. I thank your husband for serving for our country! Where is he deployed to and what branch is he in?

Kari - posted on 01/13/2010

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My daughter was born while my husband was on R&R for a year deployment and when he came home after the deployment she was 8 months old and was scared of him and did not like him at all. If your daughter does good around strangers she'll probably do fine when he comes home but my daughter was very attached to me and would never let anyone other than my mom and my sister hold her. So it was very hard on him when she didn't like him. But show her pics of him and tell her who it is and when he's able to call have him talk to her and after the phone ask her if she talked to daddy just incorporate him as much as possible into your everyday life. But a positive thing is that my daughter finally warmed up to my husband after about 4 or 5 months and he had gone in the field a a few weeks ago for three weeks in a row(he came home for a day or two in between) and she was so sad that he was gone and she is really attached to him now. I'm scared to see how she reacts to him being gone when he leaves in August for a year to 18 months for a deployment to Afghan. But if she is scared when he comes home dont try to force her to like him, it will only make her see him as a bad person and make the process of getting close to him a lot longer. Let her do it on her own time and let him know that it's not her fault and not to get impatient. Cause hurt me a lot when my daughter didnt want anyting to do with my husband so then I started thinking about how much it hurt me and it must hurt him a million time more. So it'll be hard on all of y'all but she realize who he is and begin to like him. Just try to familarize him to her as much as possible.

Elizabeth - posted on 01/12/2010

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IDK if anyone has said this but daddy dolls are really good. Pictures everywhere and pointing out who that is. Web cam with him&her. Also video/audio tape him reading her stories. That ways she gets to see him&hear his voice.

Jordan - posted on 01/12/2010

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Deployments are tough but I have found that the best thing to do is stay busy. Join a Mommy and me group, get involved with a Children's Organization or something. Our Daughter was 3 months old when Daddy had his 4th deployment. She didn't really know whom he was when he got back but she warmed up to him quickly. :) I wouldn't worry so much. Things will be fine.

Denine - posted on 01/12/2010

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When my children were smaller my husband went to the Gulf War, my daughter just turned 2, one thing that we did is my husband got a bunch of books and put them on tape so at night she would be able to hear his voice each night. The younger they are the harder it is for them to remember what there Mommy or Daddy look like, but as soon as they here them talking they remember the voice, and the transition period is much quicker. So after that every time he was going to be gone for a length of time we made the tapes.. My Prayers go out to you..

Jacqui - posted on 01/12/2010

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Jamie,

My husband would deploy 200-250 days each year... it was VERY rough, at first, but after awhile, you'll discover that you were much stronger than you ever thought you could be! As for "making time go faster" - DON'T RUSH IT! Your daughter will only be this age once in her lifetime - trust me - ENJOY IT (mine are now 18, 21, 27). Take advantage of whatever your installation/area has to offer - If you're overseas, get out of the house! Go exploring! Take photos of her at famous landmarks - both of you will treasure this later on! If you're stateside, get out of the house! Check out Children's Museums (no- she's never too young) for some hands-on interaction for the both of you... take day trips away from the installation... hook-up with ACS/Services programs specifically designed for young mothers (it's not a "weird" as you might think it will be!)

Corinna - posted on 01/11/2010

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I suggest if possible use skype, it was the way i communicated with my husband when he was in iraq last jan 09. We have a 4yr old daughter and a 3 yrs old son, and having another one in march. hes suppose to leave again sometime this year again, and Skype will be the way of us keeping in touch.. Kids got to talk to there daddy about 3 times a weeks so when he came home it was a exciting thing for them..

Brianne - posted on 01/11/2010

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Oh my goodness. Don't feel that way at all! My husband and I are both in the military. Believe me it could be worse lol. My daughter was born February 9th 2009 and my husband had deployed on a 12-15 month tour in January! When I had her our unit sent him home for R&R in March... So after his 2 weeks home he left back and did not return for 10months! Peyton was 2months the last time she had seen him and goodness gracious does she love him! Just like moms they have an internal bond together. Do you have a web cam? Make if you do, make ALOT of time for web cam time. Which I know is hard considering the circumstances. Also download Skype... It's free and wonderful! Web cam is the only thing that got Peyton to know her daddy. It sucks yes but sometimes you have to work with what ya go ya know?

And to answer your question on what makes it go by faster. Count by pay days not by days... So the 1st and the 15th. It will make 7 months fly by like no tomorrow!

Jaclyn - posted on 01/11/2010

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I got a full time job. Gene was gone for 15 months and it flew by with my job. Gene has been deployed 3 times for 12 to 15 months. (Army) The children cope thankfully. You just have to show pics and videos, webcams, but that young, they may be just fine

Jamie - posted on 01/11/2010

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i OBVIOUSLY know that in the long run my daughter won't remember this, ALL I am saying is that it will be hard when he comes home because she is so young and won't remember him, all I was doing was asking what other mothers/wives have done with there children. I'm NOT looking for any pitty, I knew this was going to happen when I married him, ALL I was asking was what other people do to keep busy & keep daddy in the childrens lives while there father is away, and no, it is not all about me and my feelings, if you noticed, all I talked about was what I can do with my daughter. And even though she still is young, it is still affecting her right now even though she wont "remember it" when she is older.

Heather - posted on 01/11/2010

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My husband is also about ready to deploy for 7 months. By time he gets back our daughter will be 10 months old. This is our first deployment. My daughter & I are going back home to be with family to help time go by faster.

Jamie - posted on 01/11/2010

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My husband is a submarine man. What really helped me was getting active with the other wives on base. We have a thing called FRG. There are monthly meetings while the guys are out. Also, most of us would go out to dinner (kid friendly too) every friday. There would also be a few other activities we would get together and do (waterpark, beach, etc). I am a shy person, and when I started using the resources on base I really was able to get out of my shell. Our daughter is 3 now. It was tough in her early life. Because he would leave and she would forget.I would show her pictures and video to her. But, it gets better. Now she understands and remembers who he is and the special things they do together. I hope that you've gotten some advice that you can use. Take lots of video and pics so when he comes home he can see all the growth his daughter has made! (I'm sure you already do that : ) )

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i always plan something special for myself once a month for every month he's gone and coordinate monthly care packages as another way to countdown.

Leigh - posted on 01/10/2010

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here is the harsh yet reality to all of this!! This is ALL about you and your personal feelings re;deployment! your child(s), at that age have no clue why daddy is gone or do they even know daddy is gone? children are reasilient and until age 3 or so, wont't make memories! So when they are5 ,6,10 etc they will have NO recolition what happened before the age of 3!! So any issues you are having with deployments you, must handle yourself and learn to keep busy and talk about your babies father to him/her?. in order to keep your mind at ease. ...

Jamie - posted on 01/10/2010

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thank you girls, we do skype as much as i can, i bought him a laptop for christmas so we would be able to, he also recorded himself reading books so i show her the videos before bed, and she has a picture of him in her crib. he called earlier today and she remembered his voice. when he was home last week he taught her how to do this really annoying screaching noise, lol, when he called i put the phone on speaker and as soon as she heard his voice she started looking around and doing the screaching

Medic - posted on 01/10/2010

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skype is awesome.....my son would sit in front of the computer and just babble and as he learned to talk (he was 16mths-28mths) they got more into the conversations the only really funny thing was that when my husband came home our son was very confused as to why he wasnt in the computer.. he thought thats where daddy lived

Alisha - posted on 01/10/2010

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this is my first deployment w/ a baby too. We make sure to skype as often as possible so that our son hears & sees his daddy. I made a photo album for our son that has pics of daddy in it. seems to help..we'll see when Dan comes home for R&R in Feb if our efforts to keep him connected to the baby worked.

Kim - posted on 01/10/2010

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I understand how you feel. Deployments are hard enought to deal with without kids but when a kid(s) are in the mix it just makes it that much harder. Like Danielle said do something that keeps you getting out of the house. My hubby is deployed now and I find myself keeping to my room (at my mom's house) almost everyday. I can't go through deployment like this because it only makes time go by slowly. Skype is AMAZING!! I love it! That's how my husband and I are able to keep in touch. I HIGHLY suggest to get it. It's free to use if you both have it. You might need to invest in a web cam, microphone or speakers depending on what you have already. Just because daddy isn't home doesn't mean that your daughter can't know who her daddy is. Again with skype, have skype dates where all of you can see each other. Eat dinner together via skype. Watch TV together or play little games. I think once she gets use to hearing his voice and recongizes it when he comes home she will adjust just fine. It's up to you to keep Daddy in her life even though he can't physically be there. Talk about him to her. Oh this is daddy's favorite dinner, Daddy loves sweet tea too! Things of that sort. Most importantly keep both of yous busy. It will help make the time go bye faster! Best of luck and I am always here if you need anything!

Danielle Nicole - posted on 01/10/2010

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We had our daughter while my hubby was gone for his first deployment, she was 7 months old when he came home. He is leaving again this summer, so he will miss out on her second birthday. We're planning on getting Skype or something like that so she can see him talking to her. I always had pictures out of him for her to see, she wasn't scared of him when he came home, yes she was more attached to me but theres nothing you can do about that when he's gone since he's not doing any hands on stuff with her. Just stay as busy as you can and go do things. That and being with my family and friends really helped me thru our first deployment, I'm counting on it helping this time around too. I'm planning on either taking swim classes with my daughter or taking her to some other gym class so we both get out of the house. If you ever want to talk, I'm here for you!

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