How to be a good Military wife?

Amy - posted on 11/06/2009 ( 29 moms have responded )

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How do you support your military husband? To make his life easier.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Corinna - posted on 11/06/2009

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always listen to what he has to complain about. it does help. they best thing you could ever do is greet him atthe door and give him a hug a kiss and tell him that you love and miss him. it'll make the day seem sooo much better. my husband tells me every day that that's the one thing he misses the most about being deployed. just give him all the love and support you would give any husband. the little things are what they live for. being former military myself it';s what i would live for and it's how i do. i hope this helps

[deleted account]

Semper Gumby.



Sure he got called in to some random formation in the middle of your big date. Yeah, so you got orders to a new duty station and you have to move while you're nine months pregnant. Put that smile on and don't you dare blame him for following orders. Vent on us, not your family, and certainly not your man, because that's what these groups are for.



Just remember, Semper Gumby! Always flexible!

Debbie - posted on 11/09/2009

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When my husband was deployed to Iraq I made a deal with him. If he would let me tell him exatcly how I feel then I would support all the decissions that he has to make while he is gone. This opened the door for some very teary and long talks. But they were worth every tear. My husband retired recently and I got to have the same conversation with our daughter before she was deployed. How do you support them? You talk to them. Openly and honestly. Tears and all.

Kamilla - posted on 11/09/2009

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The best thing you can do is LEARN about the military, understand what he does/is doing. Learn the Acronyms for stuff... it drove my husband crazy when I would ask "whats that mean...?" over and over. The Army has an on-line training designed for spouses... Army Family Team Building Program (or AFTB)



Learn to do it yourself, don't take his frustration personally and find your own support group!

Erin - posted on 11/09/2009

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Quoting Clo:

I'm an active duty single mom and i can tell you honestly the hardest thing about coming home from work is trying to explain what i do and who i work with. Try and learn all the acronyms and chain of command stuff. Its alot easier having a conversation with someone who knows what im talking about. if he needs to vent, you can be the one he vents to instead of a work buddy, and that will bring you even closer, but remember just listen hard and dont take it personally if he's disgruntled after a long duty. Also, dont call him and bitch about the pipes on the washing machine leaking while he's at work or something ridiculous when you know he cant do anything about it. See if you can solve it. Men respect women who can fix their own houses.



So true!!  My husband was shocked/amazed a few months ago when I replaced a toilet and linoleum in our bathroom while 8 months pregnant...he is in Iraq.  Boy was he proud!

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Build a life that works for you. What I mean is that being a military spouse does not work without a support network. Even if you are shy (I literally shake when I met new people) join a play group or join a book club. Those have built in conversation starters (kids, books, ect.) Get your kids in day care even one day week if you are a stay-at-home mom or try to meet people if you are in the work force. You can do it! Then you are going to be able to have the patience to deal with your children and your spouse. It's all about balance and compromise. And having good friends means more babysitters too.

Ahkeeyah - posted on 11/16/2009

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I UNDERSTAND THAT BUT, WHAT ABOUT YOURSELF? WHO'S GOING TO COMFORT YOU? YOU CAN'T FORGET ABOUT YOURSELF......

Magaly - posted on 11/16/2009

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i try everyday to greet my husband at the door or at the car... i support him always.. and i try not to get upset when he come home upset... i just try to remind him to leave work at work but sometimes the army doesnt let u do that..

HERMALIN - posted on 11/16/2009

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as a military wyf and been married 4,... 7 years it wasnt easy u have 2 be strong 4 urself..especially during those times when he goes 4 a training or even in a new area of deployment...i can nver explain those sleepless nyts that your alone and have to take each day with ur kids..again alone with all the responsibilities as parent...there were times of regrets..but there you go,,,youve already made your choice..and as always marriage is a cage for a women..taking care of the kids,maintaining a home..grosss thats a lot! i know life is how we make it..im glad i had been married to a person whom i have loved so much..and the rest is to take the risk.....

Rebecca - posted on 11/14/2009

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Quoting Tifani:



Quoting Carrie: Wow, to both of you... I have watched while many men go out and cheat on their deployments, how dare you say something so cruel. And fyi on my behalf, I was married to my husband for 7 years before he joined.... Only now I find I do want a divorce,  although I have continued to stand by him and support him in every way for the past 4 years while he has been in, he changed my life dramatically by joining. I married him because he was a 9 to 5er, now I spend months alone with the babies. I didn't get married to play the single mom/ nun card! Still I've remained loyal, (although I do not believe he has, but wont admit that). Anyway, I haven't ever met a girl who married military to flaunt that she was married to it.... And if that is true, that is sad.








i so have to agree with u on this it seems like some woman cuz its mostly them that cant be loyal and they just wanted to be married to a military man cuz they think that they can show off that they r a military wife. Its wrong and just think wat the men have to go thru while over there they dont need to be worryin if their loved one is doin sumthin wrong to them while they r fighting for the country








 








 








Quoting Elizabeth:

The best gift we can give to them is our love, support, and TRUST! I hate spouses who marry into the military and then cheat or ask for a divorce while their spouse is on a deployment. Its a disgrace to those who really do love their husbands. I remember welcoming home my husband from his last deployment and I was the only spouse still commited out of 5 of us?!?!?! Thats ridiculous. The most rewarding feeling is welcoming him/her off that bus when they get home from that deployment. It makes everything worth it!!! So my advice would be loyalty

Francina - posted on 11/14/2009

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Hmmmm....to make his life easier? Now THAT is a loaded question, ha ha. Honestly, you do for your spouse just like you would for a civilian. Trust, listen to the gripes, be proud of his accomplishments, verbally communicate....be honest and open. If you are worried about something, say so. DO NOT lose yourself though....be able to be independent when you need to be. Make sure that he knows that you CAN handle things, so that when the time does come for him to leave for deployment or just exercises his mind is not focused on "life is going to fall apart when I walk out the door". Give him peace of mind. Love him....show and say it.

Tiffanie - posted on 11/13/2009

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I always tell my husband how much I love him. I also reassure of how grateful I am he has a good job and makes enough money for me to not have to work. It sucks most of the time because he is always gone, but I always make sure he knows this.

Chrisandra - posted on 11/12/2009

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Quoting Storm:

I am the wife of a recruiter and the one thing I have to remember is to be understanding. My husband is a soldier first and husband/father next. He works odd hours, no set schedule, and very long days. Every time my husband comes home I give him a hug and kiss and tell him how happy I am to see him. We have regular date nights so that we can reconnect with each other, we also talk several times a day even if it is for just 2 or 3 minutes. I also encourage our kids to draw him pictures or make him cards to tell him how much they appreciate him. Anything you can do for you husband, no matter how small, he will appreciate it.



I'm sorry but I have to disagree. My husband is a dad first and foremost. I don't care what order he puts husband and soldier after being a dad. I get that they have odd hours and lots of deployments, I'm a Fort Hood wife, but I didn't make these babies alone.



I say be true to yourself. Stay faithful, especially during deployments. Don't tell him all the bads that are happening stateside, he has enough to worry about over there. And by any means necessary be available when he calls from overseas. I remember not having my cell and not being home 1 time and my husband cried when he got ahold of me. I remembered from then on to always have a phone near by.

Catherine - posted on 11/11/2009

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Communication, Communication, Communication! You're seperated so much, and can allow that internal dialogue to take over. Make sure to always be honest and open with him as he should be with you. The life of a military spouse isn't 50/50. I agree with other posts, that you need to be capable to take care of things on your own. It does no good to your marriage to complain about that broken washing machine to your deployed spouse who is in the middle of Iraq, and can't do a thing about it. I share my experiences, but I just get it done. And when he gets back, my boys are waiting with smiles on their faces, and I am waiting with a lot more on my mind. It is a Honeymoon when they get home, but I also make sure we do some sort of marriage encounter/counseling when he gets back as well. Just helps to keep the communication going, and allows us to reconnect over more than just the kids' days. This life is crazy, but really wonderful if you figure out the kinks.

Wendy - posted on 11/11/2009

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Quoting Debbie:

When my husband was deployed to Iraq I made a deal with him. If he would let me tell him exatcly how I feel then I would support all the decissions that he has to make while he is gone. This opened the door for some very teary and long talks. But they were worth every tear. My husband retired recently and I got to have the same conversation with our daughter before she was deployed. How do you support them? You talk to them. Openly and honestly. Tears and all.


Telling feelings is great but I don't think the time to do it is when they are deployed!!  They have enough to deal with over there!  I think you meant before they leave, which is awesome, but not when you get to talk/email that never works.  They misinterpret or getting way too stressed.

Wendy - posted on 11/11/2009

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Don't tell him EVERYTHING!! His life may depend on having a focused and clear mind. Not worrying about kids, finances, household, etc. Just be there and know that everything is temporary- this phase of your life won't last forever. My husband is retired after 20 years and the hardest part is adjusting to him being here!

Jennifer - posted on 11/10/2009

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You could not be more right! Ive been an airforce wife for only two years and have seen more couple break up than i did in high school. and not just women cheat, men cheat of their deployed wives and its far beyond wrong! Stay true and give love, and youll get it back!

Tifani - posted on 11/10/2009

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Quoting Carrie: Wow, to both of you... I have watched while many men go out and cheat on their deployments, how dare you say something so cruel. And fyi on my behalf, I was married to my husband for 7 years before he joined.... Only now I find I do want a divorce,  although I have continued to stand by him and support him in every way for the past 4 years while he has been in, he changed my life dramatically by joining. I married him because he was a 9 to 5er, now I spend months alone with the babies. I didn't get married to play the single mom/ nun card! Still I've remained loyal, (although I do not believe he has, but wont admit that). Anyway, I haven't ever met a girl who married military to flaunt that she was married to it.... And if that is true, that is sad.






i so have to agree with u on this it seems like some woman cuz its mostly them that cant be loyal and they just wanted to be married to a military man cuz they think that they can show off that they r a military wife. Its wrong and just think wat the men have to go thru while over there they dont need to be worryin if their loved one is doin sumthin wrong to them while they r fighting for the country






 






 






Quoting Elizabeth:

The best gift we can give to them is our love, support, and TRUST! I hate spouses who marry into the military and then cheat or ask for a divorce while their spouse is on a deployment. Its a disgrace to those who really do love their husbands. I remember welcoming home my husband from his last deployment and I was the only spouse still commited out of 5 of us?!?!?! Thats ridiculous. The most rewarding feeling is welcoming him/her off that bus when they get home from that deployment. It makes everything worth it!!! So my advice would be loyalty

Tifani - posted on 11/10/2009

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Ok, good question, but hey what about me, I support him, have dinner on the table when he gets home the kids are always fed and bathed and all he has to do is dole out his kisses.... When he is gone I make sure our family unit keeps on going. How can he be a good military husband to the wife that stands by him through it all, and has no support systems herself because we keep moving and so do any of my friends I end up making and my family is too far to visit.

Carrie - posted on 11/10/2009

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i so have to agree with u on this it seems like some woman cuz its mostly them that cant be loyal and they just wanted to be married to a military man cuz they think that they can show off that they r a military wife. Its wrong and just think wat the men have to go thru while over there they dont need to be worryin if their loved one is doin sumthin wrong to them while they r fighting for the country



 



 



Quoting Elizabeth:

The best gift we can give to them is our love, support, and TRUST! I hate spouses who marry into the military and then cheat or ask for a divorce while their spouse is on a deployment. Its a disgrace to those who really do love their husbands. I remember welcoming home my husband from his last deployment and I was the only spouse still commited out of 5 of us?!?!?! Thats ridiculous. The most rewarding feeling is welcoming him/her off that bus when they get home from that deployment. It makes everything worth it!!! So my advice would be loyalty

Bethany - posted on 11/10/2009

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Understand that this is his choice and this is his job.Even if it sucks. And treasure every second you have him home.

Clo - posted on 11/09/2009

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I'm an active duty single mom and i can tell you honestly the hardest thing about coming home from work is trying to explain what i do and who i work with. Try and learn all the acronyms and chain of command stuff. Its alot easier having a conversation with someone who knows what im talking about. if he needs to vent, you can be the one he vents to instead of a work buddy, and that will bring you even closer, but remember just listen hard and dont take it personally if he's disgruntled after a long duty. Also, dont call him and bitch about the pipes on the washing machine leaking while he's at work or something ridiculous when you know he cant do anything about it. See if you can solve it. Men respect women who can fix their own houses.

Storm - posted on 11/08/2009

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I am the wife of a recruiter and the one thing I have to remember is to be understanding. My husband is a soldier first and husband/father next. He works odd hours, no set schedule, and very long days. Every time my husband comes home I give him a hug and kiss and tell him how happy I am to see him. We have regular date nights so that we can reconnect with each other, we also talk several times a day even if it is for just 2 or 3 minutes. I also encourage our kids to draw him pictures or make him cards to tell him how much they appreciate him. Anything you can do for you husband, no matter how small, he will appreciate it.

[deleted account]

its not just about your husband its about you too! Never forget yourself first and foremost!

Is he living near you, or on draft away somewhere? jusat be yourself try not to change to much, be honest but diplomatic about how you feel. i mean if you feel real bad and miss him lots tell him but be soft with it. Trust you instincts and make sure you give him love as well as his own space sometimes!! x

it is just as hard for the man sometimes and they need to know you miss them but when you are to strong with it or full on it can end up doing dammage, trust your instincts and go his reactions. Not sure if this helps...

Shannon - posted on 11/07/2009

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I think one of the most important things to remember as a military wife is that as hard as it is for us to tell our husbands good bye when they leave for training or deployment, its probably even harder on them. They are the ones who have to leave everything that they know and love behind and hope that its still going to be there for them when they come home.

Always be open in communication. Especially when it comes to your feelings for each other. Never be afraid to tell the person how much you love them, even if it sounds a little cheesy in your head :)

It may be hard but being a military spouse is very rewarding. Especially since at the end of every FEX, training excercise, or deployment it gets to feel like you are on your honeymoon again where you cant get enough of each other ;)

Tiffany - posted on 11/07/2009

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Quoting Elizabeth:

The best gift we can give to them is our love, support, and TRUST! I hate spouses who marry into the military and then cheat or ask for a divorce while their spouse is on a deployment. Its a disgrace to those who really do love their husbands. I remember welcoming home my husband from his last deployment and I was the only spouse still commited out of 5 of us?!?!?! Thats ridiculous. The most rewarding feeling is welcoming him/her off that bus when they get home from that deployment. It makes everything worth it!!! So my advice would be loyalty

Debra - posted on 11/06/2009

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I don't think there is a difference in supporting your husband military or civilian. Ask him how his day went. Let him vent his frustrations, or be alone to mope. My husband and I do the same for each other.

Elizabeth - posted on 11/06/2009

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The best gift we can give to them is our love, support, and TRUST! I hate spouses who marry into the military and then cheat or ask for a divorce while their spouse is on a deployment. Its a disgrace to those who really do love their husbands. I remember welcoming home my husband from his last deployment and I was the only spouse still commited out of 5 of us?!?!?! Thats ridiculous. The most rewarding feeling is welcoming him/her off that bus when they get home from that deployment. It makes everything worth it!!! So my advice would be loyalty

Cori - posted on 11/06/2009

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we just take it lightly, the military is a big, confusing jumbled up mess almost all the time! they want to do things the hard way (most of the time) and they must know when you have something big or important planned because they plan on ruining it! we take it all with a grain of salt, go with the flow. I always let my husband complain about work and get it off his chest, i dont pry into questions when i can tell he is stressed out. I always make sure he knows just how much i love him and how important he is to me! being a military wife is trying because your husband is a soldier first, husband/father second. not by choice, but because its required of him..

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