how to deal w/ being an sahm?

Sonya - posted on 06/01/2010 ( 24 moms have responded )

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i have a 3yr. 6mos. girl and my son will be 23 mos. this month. we are military and station out in the middle of a desert. i have been on the base for 1yr.&1mth now, and it is very hard to make friends here. i have tried different avenues like joining online groups for the wives on this base, facebook, and going to our frg meetings. i feel like some of the ladies here really don't want to have friends because of moving so much and not wanting the burden of losing a friend. i'm just guessing. i just know somedays i feel so isolated and overhelmed w/ the kids. i need some adult interaction and a good friend.

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Marie - posted on 06/01/2010

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Just find one mom that is quiet and looks like she could use a friend. and your neighbors too!

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Stefie - posted on 06/12/2010

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ii would try going out to town, i had no friends when we were at a base but now we live off base and i have ons of friends.

Tiffany - posted on 06/11/2010

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i know what u mean about feeling isolated and overwhelmed. i have a 3 year old son and a 10 month old son and i feel like my husband is always gone. which i understand he is in the army, but when u r a stay at home parent u miss that adult interaction. when my husband was deployed that is something we used to argue over. he would call or we would be on webcam and he would just want to talk for like a min and then go to bed. i understood that he was tired and had a long day, but i needed some adult time. i had been with two little boys all day and i just wanted to talk to an adult. and what is so bad is i didnt care if it was my husband or no!. LOL! i just wanted an adult!!!

when i first started going to my frg meetings it seemed like some ppl didnt wanna be social. and i wasnt all that social either. i get shy around large groups of ppl when i dont know anyone. but now i have like 6 close friends that i love and dont know what i would do without.

just start up conversations and set up play dates or lunch with someone. it will probably be a slow process but eventually ull make some friends.

Tiffany - posted on 06/11/2010

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It sounds kinda cheesy but have you looked on craigslist.org? I don't know how well it is used where you are but there are community webpages as well as relationship areas where you can look for platonic friendships. I have met a few people through it and it comes in quite handy. I also meet people through church and going to school. I take online classes and get to know some of the local people doing study groups. Best of luck!

[deleted account]

I too live out in the desert. We have been here for a year and a half. All my family lives in Florida and My husbands family, Not exactly warm and fuzzy. I have two children (2.5 and 10 mos.) I have visited Ft. Irwin several times, we live in the high desert, My husband is in the Army reserves. I've found going to church is a great place to meet other Moms and the kids always have people to play with and events to go to. Plus the added bonus; it's good for your soul.

Shelly - posted on 06/11/2010

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I know how you feel I've lived on different Army post were people were unfriendly and choose not to make friends. The Army life and atmosphere has changed so much over the years. There was a time when all the spouses banded together so that they all had someone when there husbands were deployed. All I can tell you is try getting off post and make some friends out in the surrounding community. If thats not a possibility than try again to talk some of the ladies that lve near you they may feel the same way that you do. If that doesn't work and sometimes it doesn't my advice is to find a hobbie cause sometimes the best thing to do is to stay busy. I wishyu good luck.

Tamara - posted on 06/10/2010

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Something that would be beneficial for mom's with husbands out on training is other mom's helping out. I do this with a single mom that is a neighbour-I'm just starting out but a friend of mine had to move due to a posting almost a year ago and I was amazed at how quick she was to make connections-Now I see in her status all the time she i over at a friends helping with stuff around the girlfriends house and then status saying thank you to a friend for helping her out-weather it's cleaning up the kitchen, sorting out the toy room or folding laundry! i hate chores around my house by myself but it sure makes it go quicker when you have company! A thought to consider weather you are in the desert or the arctic!

Allison - posted on 06/10/2010

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Let me guess...you're at Fort Irwin...there are plenty of ladies there that want friends. My husband was medically retired from there and I have about 5 really good friends that I met there...one of them still lives there.

Tamara - posted on 06/07/2010

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In Canada we have Military Family Resource Centres (MFRC) do you not have them on all the bases in the States as well? One of the first things I did when I set foot on ground just about was get to the MFRC and find out what was going on and what I could volunteer for to meet others. When you say you are in the middle of the desert on a base I'm assuming that there is not a town located there as well. That was the other thing I did was get connected with a church and I got involved volunteering there as well. Do there seem to be many moms with the same age children as yours that could do playground dates or walking groups with? Maybe I took for granted all the programs available to me when my boys were much younger (newborn, toddlers and preschoolers). I'm expecting #3 now and have the experience of all the programs I benefited from when I had my boys that if there doesn't seem to be what I need I'm going to create it. Like the "Mother Goose" program I went to where a leader taught the groop of moms with our children nursery rhythms and the actions that go with them and then we got a take home sheet with the words so we could play at home with the kids too and once a month they had some leaders come in that took care of the kids for an hour and all us moms brought our plastic containers, gathered in the kitchen and made a dinner for that nights supper! We packed it to go home in our containers and already had dinner ready for the night and we got to experiment with new foods and just socialize with the adults! It was a great program. I hope you can find something to get you and the children out socializing a bit-they need it as much as you!

Diane - posted on 06/07/2010

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Hello My Friend,
It's me again. I just read back and noticed you are located in C.A.
Sorry it couldn't be here with me in the same desert:). I do remember someone telling me that they could not be my friend because we move to much and they can't deal with losing friends, That did make me feel a little sad but I looked at it as her loss. Many people do feel that way but there are alot more people out there who are willing to be good friends. We moved here from the South-East out here to the West. I have noticed a big difference in the friendliness of the people. It is alot better for us now that we got involved in school, ball, gym and church.
Just take one day at a time and always remember this will not last forever...its just a changelling time and it will change. You will find that good friend you are needing now but until then Love those BABIES and bond with that Hubby of yours.
Your friend,
Di

Diane - posted on 06/07/2010

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Hello my friend,
I am out here in the desert too...maybe same area. I have been located here right under a year now and I will agree lots of the people here seam like they are in their own little groups or just don't have time for new friends.I am pretty out going and making friends is usally not this hard. I think this is such a large area here so you might have to venture out alittle away from base. I know it will be challenging with lots of little ones to do that. There are lots of great parks you could go to meet other moms or maybe a gym...so you can have a little you time. My children are a little older but we could always help you out. If you are in the Las Vegas area email me back I would love to meet you and your family. Keep smiling and have a blessed day!:)

Cynthia - posted on 06/05/2010

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Have you tried a local church? Hw about a homeschool or preschool moms group? You don't have to homeschool but with small kids you kinda already are. ( : I think it is hard for all of us to jump out there and connect knowing we will just be leaving anyway. We put up walls because its easier than walking away. That friend will come for you, just keep being a friend to others. May God bless you with a great like minded mom friend.

[deleted account]

Sometimes I need to focus on the friends I do have who may not be near me. We are Air Force stationed in Northern Japan. I am always amazed by the people I meet after I have gone through the trial of knowing nobody and feeling alone who were going through the same thing at the same time. If only I had known! I think another key for me is to be willing to be hospitable. Be willing to have people over in your trailer. . . base housing. I have been to Ft Irwin, it is isolated, we had friends stationed there. But your new best friend might be right around the corner. Don't give up hope- and especially don't add the stress to your husbands workload- he's got plenty on his plate out there already. See if the chapel has anything for your age groups. . . MOPS is great if it is there. . .

Anja - posted on 06/04/2010

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go online and see if there is a mops(mothers of preschoolers )group in your area...we had a lot of military wives in our group..we met twice a month for about two hours (childcare is available if you want)...

Karin - posted on 06/04/2010

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Good luck! Even though im not in a dessert im in alaska and its winter at least 7 months out of the year. It can get down to -75 or below. Because of that my son and i only went out when we had to and it was in and out. Its a smaller base and there is hardly anything to do with small children. Since its finally nice outside I have started to meet more wives with children and without thanks to groups like these and networking. Its slow but it happens more and more. Try going to play groups, taking your kids to the park, water park, library etc etc.

Kristin - posted on 06/03/2010

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My family just moved and I haven't met any of the other Coastie wives and I don't know anyone where we're at so for the first couple weeks it was really frustrating having no interaction with anyone other than my husband and son so I found a gymnastics place online and took my son for a tumbling class to see how we liked it.... He LOVES it and I've been able to meet other moms and even been invited to a local Moms group! It's really great bc you get that time to get out of the house, let them loose and wear out their energy and talk with other people! My son has taken the best naps too since joining his class:)

Heather - posted on 06/03/2010

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i have had the same problem at the base we are at now. the few friends i have made (or so i thought were friends ended up just wanting a place to send their kids to play to get them out their hair everyday) i finally just started going out to the housing pools, the craft building , and involving my kids in different clubs. also taking them to the ymca on post for play groups. i still get the adult conversation with other mothers there with their children,but yet i still keep my distance a little bit at the same time. i have met some very nice people who i talk ith each week. yet i don't have to worry about their kids coming over to join my 4 kids for 8 hours a day to play.(while their parents sneak off to the store with out saying a word)

Sonya - posted on 06/01/2010

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margie G., yes, i'm trying but the atmosphere here is like isolated. i don't know how to explain it, except everyone keeps to their self. i think its because this is a training base and when the husband is away doing the training the wives keep to their self trying to hold down the fort. then when the husband finally get back after being gone for 20 days out of month the family wants some alone time. so its very hard here to make friends. i just can't wait until we get station somewhere else. i think any where is better than here, here is fort irwin, california. heads up you don't want to be station here. the only postive thing about being here is the knowing that your husband is most likely not getting deployed. so that's a plus for us and that's why we wanted here,but its a hard place to be.

Sonya - posted on 06/01/2010

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tiffany, you know i don't know why they don't have an indoor playground here, because the weather in the summer months is like being in a sauna. you can't stand to be outside because the air is so heavy and hot that you can't breathe.

Sonya - posted on 06/01/2010

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thanks, jessie! my husband is in the army. the problem w/ having a bbq/ water party, is we have rocky, sandy soil and no grass so it would be a mudd bath. lol!!! but thanks for the suggested. and yes, it is summer here all year, now it does get chilly for the winter months but you just need a jacket.

Tiffany - posted on 06/01/2010

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Are there indoor playgrounds there? Take your kids there once a week. Playgrounds? Same thing.

I'm like you, I finds it hard to make friends even at my church. But, I do have friends (even in a loose sense) that can help me out when I need it. See if you can find a church to start attending. If nothing else, you can have the kids in the nursery while you're in the service having your 'me' time.

Jessie - posted on 06/01/2010

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what branch are you guys with? My hubby is a Marine. I have noticed there tends to be alot of segregation within ranks and then you have the prior service wives, but at least with the Corps it is a relatively small branch and you will always run into some one you know from one post to another at some point. I guess you can see about throwing a neighborhood bbq/water party?? that way the kids have fun and you get some adult interaction and it would be a nice kick off to the summer....although you are pretty much stuck in "summer" all yr, just an idea though good luck

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