Husband deployed for first time yesterday!

Bernice - posted on 02/23/2009

HI my husband is in the Nationl Guard and I have a 4 year old, 3 year old and a one month old.  It sometimes seems impossible to get through my day.  I am overwhelmed with stress, with the kids and the house and soon I have to go back to work.  We live in long island and this also is our first deployment.  Feel free to contact me, I can definitely relate to you and could talk anytime. Thanks.

Rachel - posted on 02/23/2009

Good luck with the deployment. I've done 2 so far, one w/o kids, one with a 4 year old. We did the world map thing, and he seemed to like that, but its too far removed for him. We ended up getting a big jar, painting it and putting hershey's kisses in it, one for every day daddy would be gone. Every day, my son would run to the jar and get a 'kiss from daddy'. Slowly (ever so slowly, it seemed) the jar gets less and less kisses. When they're all gone, daddy will be home. Also, I like the paper chain idea, but a little something different...As you take the link off, write something on it that the kids did or said or something that happened that day. When your husband comes home, he won't feel like he missed as much. Or, send it to him overseas, he'll appreciate being in the loop while far away. My husband used to say that it didn't matter how mundane the story was, he appreciated hearing it. Good luck to you and keep busy and try to get away from the kids a little too!

Sarah - posted on 02/23/2009

Things are getting a little easier. My daughter isn't crying as much - and neither am I. :) Our son has started acting out a bit more for attention but he is a typical 4 year ol BOY! My husband is still in the states so at first he was calling every day with his friends cell but now they are on two different 24 hr ops so now it's just using chats online. I hate not hearing his voice but I need to prepare for that bc I know once he's in Iraq the phone calls will be even less. It just stinks for the kids. Once again I wanted to thank you all for your advice though. We do the care packages - my son LOVES making daddy pics. We also have a "we made it one month" celebration thing coming up the end of this week. The only thing we can't do is the FRG bc 1. it's 3 hrs away and 2. bc of that and bc they aren't put together well at all they don't include us. Thanks again guys! Take care and keep your chins up too.

Kristin - posted on 02/14/2009

I feel for you!  My husband also just left on his first deployment, yesterday, February 12th.  We have a daughter who is almost 14 months old and a son who is almost 9 weeks old.  I have cried alot and it is so hard!

Lydia - posted on 02/09/2009

Hey...glad you found this group where people truly understand what you're going through. I'm right there with you girl...my husband is deployed right now as well and I have a new set of twin boys, age 5 months, here at home with me. I'm laying in his *spot* in bed right now missing him like crazy. It gets better though....the first couple weeks are the worst always in my experience. I try to stay busy...at least that helps me! God bless!

Heather - posted on 02/09/2009

Hon, you're totally in some need of a buddy - a wife who can relate and lend a shoulder. We're 8 months into a 15 month deployment and I can honestly say there WILL be a day when you wake up and you won't cry. It might take a few months - I tend to be antisocial for about 2 months - but it will happen. Keep busy, it will take your mind off the time. The kids would beneift from putting together care packages for their Daddy. Letters, drawings, little doodles, anything. My kids really love that part. Every month my husband gets a box full of report cards, letters, pictures, toys, and even candy. I know it's hard, just try to help them feel like he's not all that far away, that they can still reach him even if it's by mail. Maybe you can mail ur hubby a voice recorder and he can send the kids a message :) They would LOVE that!

Selene - posted on 02/08/2009

I have two kids as well, ages 6 and 4 and my husband will be deploying this summer for the first time, so I totally understand your need for understanding and talk. My hubby has been gome for smaller amounts of time and we all adjust okay to it, but my advice would be to make sure to take care of yourself. You have to give yourself breaks, then you can be there for the kids when they need it.

April - posted on 02/07/2009

mine is in the guard also and i know what you mean. stay in touch with your FRG do things to keep you busy and i know this sounds weird but it gets better with time

Barbara - posted on 02/07/2009

After 16 years in the NG, my husband deployed in 2003. Ours were 2 1/2 and 6. The first few weeks that he deployed were a waking nightmare, it was so difficult for all of us. My son was withdrawn and angry and the my daughter had no concept of time, so would ask every day if dad came home today. As we settled into a new routine without daddy, it got a lot easier and less gut wrenching. As a woman and a mother, we are strong enough to do whatever it is that we have to do. My husband just deployed for the 2nd time, and now they are 11, 8 and 3. It is easier this time, simply because I know what to expect; although it is still incredibly difficult. One of the things that worked for me was keeping really busy with sports, scouts, etc and traveling a lot to see family during the summer. Make sure that you get some 'mommy time' for yourself; pampering with relaxing activities. The NMFA has a website with a lot of information and support groups for families of deployed military. It's hard in the NG with everyone around you going about regular life and having no idea how hard it is for you, especially in a small town. At the core of it all, be intensely proud of your husband and your family for the sacrifices that you are making.

Tandi - posted on 02/07/2009

It will get easier. The first couple of weeks are the hardest, but then you get use to it. My son acts up every now and then. Since its just the two of us lots of rules go out the window, I try to make him have the best time he can while his dad is gone. Even if that means staying up a little late on school nights to do special things.

Trish - posted on 02/07/2009

My heart goes out to you. I know what you are going though. It will get better. The first couple of weeks are the toughest. Just stay busy. My daughter was 5 when her dad left for the first time. Keep alot of pictures out. I sprayed his cologne on her pillow. She loved to sleep with that pillow b/c it smelled like daddy. Even though she cries keep talking about him to her. My daughter colored something every week for her daddy and every 2 weeks we mailed me things. That really helped her. Buy presents and give them to your kids though out the deployment and tell them that dad sent them. Just some tips that worked for me. Good luck.

Sarah - posted on 02/06/2009

We are in NE PA Thanks again everyone. I'm on my way to check out those "doll" pillows, ect. Also thanks for the other websites I do plan on checking them out too. We started marking off their calendar with stickers a couple days ago which is a nice thing because they REALLY LOVE stickers. Also we've got things started for a big package to send - already sent some pics the kids drew. As soon as my tax refund comes in the DVD camcorder is one of the first things I'm getting. We talked about it before he left and wanted to do the bedtime stories so they had those but didn't get it in time. Ohwell. There are lots of good advice and suggestions you all have given me. It's greatly appreciated. Thanks again!

Jodi - posted on 02/06/2009

BTW...I'm originally from PA. What part are you in?

Jodi - posted on 02/06/2009

http://www.militaryonesource.com/skins/M... is a good website with lots of resources. There is a cd you can get or DL for free. These Boots are Made for Walking. Just type "these boots" into the search function to find it. They are a 24/7 resource for everything and anything. If you are traveling and need a hotel...call them.

We just recently ended a deployment. DH left last Father's Day to go to FL to do some processing with a temp unit, en route to the desert and got back on Christmas Eve! My oldest just turned 3 and my youngest was 7mo when he left.

Danielle - posted on 02/06/2009

Remeber that the beginning in the hardest part.  Life does keep going and you do manage to get a routine for yourself and your kids.  My husband has been deployed 2 times now and we decided to buy a DVD camcorder.  That way I was able to send my husband DVDs of the kids and he could pop them in his computer and watch them.  He said that it made it easier when he was able to see them grow and play instead of just still pictures.  You can also  set up a digital camcorder on your computer and the same with your husband so the two of you can actually see eachother while you are talking to eachother and the same goes for the kids.  I hung up pictures of their dad playing with them all over their rooms.  You can go online and search "daddy dolls" find there website and if your husband is deployed, your first daddy doll is free (at least it was last year, should still be that way).  They basically take a picture of your  husband and turn him into a pillow doll for your kids.  (both boys and girls love them).  My kids were always so excited so make things for him to send to him and I also taped up a calender where they could mark the days off with stickers.  That was their favorite.  I know it is hard, especially when the kids are old enough to understand he is gone but not old enough to know why.  If you have any concerns or even just need to vent (i did that alot) feel free to send them my way.  Take Care!

Christa - posted on 02/06/2009

In the first few days I always take my daughter to pick out stuff for a care package.  It is never to early for a card or a package and the kids will love to think of Daddy while they are doing it it.  It does help.  Have them make stuff and pick out candy of a few pieces might be missing out of the bag but dad wont mind.  Take some pictures of them holding Dads  picture  or put pink lip gloss on your little girl and have her kiss a paper 20 times to send kisses to daddy.  Daddy will love that .  I will help the kids and focus your mind on something but nothing can fill the whole.  Make sure that you write a letter... Not an e-mail because real letter to a military man are worth their weight in gold.  The fact that you actually wrote it and put a stamp on it and went to the mail box means you ttok the extra time.

Heather - posted on 02/06/2009

you will be ok. keep your head up and remember one more day down is another day closer to him coming home. my husband recently came home from a 15 month deployment. we have 3 kids and my youngest was 2 months old when he left. my 8 year old had a really hard time too. but i went to the school counselor and talk to him and got my son signed up for the deployment group that they provide at the school. i also researched things to see and go do around here. i kept them so busy that by the time it was time for my hubby to come home it didnt see like it had been so long.  there are so many supportive wives on here so anytime you want to just talkk, cry, get angry or whatever the case maybe dont heasitate to lean on any of us.

Brooke - posted on 02/06/2009

Hey there! Hang in there, I know it's really hard! My husband was in the Army when we met, but then he got out, didn't like it and rejoined the AF. Before we had kids, it wasn't as big of a deal for us to be apart. His first deployment at our current base in Germany was last year. I was unprepared for how hard my then 3 year old took it - acting out, temper tantrums, very angry. We had my husband record himself reading some bedtime books and I think I played that DVD 20 times in a row every night for the first month, but it really seemed to help for the kids to see and hear him. If you have any home videos or maybe can put together a slide show with pictures for your kids, that may help. I know that you feel alone, but you aren't!! There are some great websites out there - CiNChouse.com, MilitaryOneSource, etc. that you can also go to for support. I think the first month is the hardest.

Jean - posted on 02/05/2009

My husband also left Feb. 3rd for his first deployment in the Army National Guard . I have a 2 year old a 6 year old and a 9 year old. I feel exactly the same as you do. I do not know any other military families. My friends don't understand what it is like. Right now it almost feels like a death.

Jean - posted on 02/05/2009

Quoting Sarah:

Husband deployed for first time yesterday!

My husband's been in the National Guard for around 7 years now in PA. This is our first deployment and we have two kids age 4 and 6. My 4 year old doesn't understand at all but does tend to act out a little when daddy's gone. If my 6 year old even talks about daddy, or I talk about him around her she cries and I'm not much better. I miss him incredibly already. I guess I could just use someone to talk to being that in my small town no one seems to know what I'm going through. Thanks.

Sarah - posted on 02/05/2009

Thanks guys for the advice - some I had already thought of but there were some new and neat idea's like the chain and end of month celebrating that we've survived lol. It would be nice if we had an FRG around but it's about 3 hours away and they aren't involved at all - or have they tried to be, typical Army stuff. My daughter has already gotten better but she'll be like me and go off and on with it which I do know it ok being that she's like her mom! My son has been typical though and I'm sure he'll get worse in a week which is his norm. But I just wanted to say thanks to all of you for your advice.

Michelle - posted on 02/02/2009

My husband has been mostly gone for the last 4 yrs.  My 20 month old has never lived with her Daddy.  It is the hardest thing you will ever go through.  But you will get through it and so will the kids.  Encourage them to talk about their feelings and tell them you feel the same way.  Let them color pictures or write letters to Daddy...they talk, you write....  Celebrate milestones...I do every 30 days...not that he left, but that we survived another month without him and we are a month closer to him coming home.  

I am a Navy brat and my mom used to make construction paper chains for us.  Each link was a day Daddy was going to be gone.  Every day we took a link off the chain.  At the beginning of the deployment, the chain wound down the hall and through the house....we could tell as the chain shorter that Daddy was coming home soon, and it built up excitement.

Jenna - posted on 02/02/2009

it gets better i promise. this is our second deployment. try and find others who have deployed husbands because you need that support.family and friends mean well but they cannot completely understand. i have a 3 year old who is having a hard time too. Try putting up a world map with pictures of you guys in pa and him whereever he is. it helps for them to physically see. My first deployment i cried on and off for 3 days, and was fine till i hit the 6mo mark. You can do it just keep telling yourself that. maybe make a paper chain and each day they can take one off. also lets see what do we do OH talk about daddy all the time, where he is what he's doing. pointing out things in town, oh look daddy's chuch, daddy's gym ect. pictues up all over. talk about his job be honest let them know he isn't 100% safe because if god forbid something happened you don't want then to be shocked. be honest!!! my email is brianjenna.ragsdale@gmail.com feel free to write if you need to talk!

Nicole - posted on 02/02/2009

Hey, if you need someone to talk to I have been away from my husband for 6 months, he's training as AD Army in APG, don't talk too much and not at all during basic.

Margaret - posted on 02/02/2009

I agree you are in the right place to talk. My hubby has been in the navy for almost 10yrs the first 8 he was gone. I have been thru 5 deployments and he always went out for 2wks here and there i lost track of those...lol I must say it does get easier as you start to count the days until he comes home. My kids were ok with it but i just kept them busy and tried to keep their minds off it. I also made cards and things to send to their dad that seemed to help alot. It is good to cry and let her know it is ok to cry. Things will get better. I know haveing a count down calendar helped alot and let her cross off the days. Hope this helps. Take care.

Jennifer - posted on 02/02/2009

I am sorry... but enlight of the first couple weeks... it does get a little better. I have been through 2 deployment with much younger children. My last one my oldest was 2 almost 3. She didnt understand much, but she missed her daddy. I just kept reminding her that he was at "work" and that she would get to talk to him soon. I ended everyday telling them a story about their daddy and we made cards and gift boxes to send to him. Try to get them as much invovled in the deployment. My 3 year old emailed daddy pictures we took. We took special trips to different places to keep them thinking ahead. They helped plan his welcome home party and made a list of what they wanted to do with him when he got home. Since he was National gaurd contect the base. There might be play groups or groups that meet once a month for you and your kids to talk to people going through the same thing. Just reach out. Try to surround yourself with postive people. Its hard but it does get easier.

Jessica - posted on 02/02/2009

I think you are in the right place for some conversation with military wives that are going through the same thing. I have never faced a deployment so I can not even begin to understand being away from my hubby any more than 2 months. My heart goes out to you and all the other families with men and women overseas! Your family along with all the others are in my thoughts and prayers everyday!