Shana - posted on 01/11/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )




My husband is in the Air Force, and recently just got his first set of orders to Korea. Of course, they would be unaccompanied, and for 12 months! YIKES! I'm really nervous/worried and confused. I don't know whether to stay here, in base housing, go move back around family, or what. I'm also worried, that since it is the first time we have been apart for more than 2 weeks, about the cheating thing. My husband has done some hardcore flirting in the past, but not in a while, but i don't think the thought will ever leave my mind. there is always that what if. I told him i dont want him drinking over there, because drinking leads to poor decision making.

I just need advice on how to handle this. Im trying to be supportive, but as the day gets closer, i break even more. We have a 1 year old, thats semi-special needs as well.

Im looking for people to tell me how they get through this, some things that helped them stay busy, as well as their decision to either stay put, or move and why.

PLEASE HELP! I'm going crazy here! lol

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Bridget - posted on 03/12/2011




my husband is going over to Korea in november we have three little ones and they have special needs plus i have seizures so we wont be going with him. im pretty nervous about the whole thing. if you need anyone to talk to im here :)

Donna - posted on 05/03/2010




Hi Shana,
My husband I and had spet 4 years in Korea together. We both were soldiers, but then I got out. There are ways that family can come to Korea. It is called command sponsorship. Command sponsorship will allow you and your child to come to Korea at government expense, providing you are not enrolled in EFMP (exceptional family member program). You mentioned your child has special needs, so it may not be possible. I have seen many family members come over without command sponsorhip, and still be allowed housing money (OHA) but not as much, since you wouldn't be authorized to be there. Keep in mind that the healthcare available is minimal, and appointments are difficult to obtain. There is paperwork that needs to be filled out though and aprroval. Tell your husband to check with his chain of command. As far as the cheating goes, you don't want to worry yourself sick. There is a lot of drinking and clubbing going on, as well as juicy girls (almost like a prostitute.) You must stay busy in korea if one goes without their family. I am not trying to frighten you, but if you are to be apart for a lengthy time, you need to find ways to keep yourself's occupied. I hope this helps.

Anna - posted on 01/22/2010




Hi Shana. my husband and i are both here in korea. he was here 8 monhts before i came to live here with him. my first suggestion is to get skype. its free and its a great way to be able to see your husband and allow him to see you and your child. and like what someone else had already said there is a lot of stuff that goes on here. especially drinking. keep your communication with your husband at all times, and keep your trust in him. and right now there is a 14hr time diffrence from our home in the states and here. when i was back home, i alwasy knew he would be intouch with me either in the morning...or late evening. Def keep yourself busy. you gotta stay on your normal routine and schedule just as if he were there with you. it will help keep you sane. sometimes this place can affect people and their marriages, but as long as you stay connected, communicate, and trust him, things will be fine. good luck and take care :)

Deleceia - posted on 01/22/2010




If i was you i would stay busy and surround myself with family!! If you sit at home and worry about the what if's you will drive yourself crazy!! I went back to school, so i have something thats my thing maybe get a hobby or try something new!! My husband has a naturally outgoing personality and he works with almost all women and he's the funny man so everybody wants to hang out and everything but thats where respect for me as his wife comes in they know he's mariied so if they invite him somewhere they invite me...and with your husband he needs to do whatever you want him to do so that you are comfortable with the situation...if you don't want him to drink then he honestly doesnt need to the end of the day no man wants to lose his family...stay strong we really are in this together!!!

Cat - posted on 01/22/2010




With a little one that has special needs, if it were me, I would move back home. Sounds like you will need all the support you can get. Unless you have a lot of friends on base.

As far as the trust this, in the military, you just sort of have to have faith. This will not be the last time ya'll are away from each other.

Good luck.

Chynetta - posted on 01/22/2010




Its very hard my husband left for Osan, AFB 2 weeks after we found out I was pregnant with our first child. He is almost done now, but we found that Skype was our new best friend because phone bill were getting out of hand. We talk every day after he gets off so he can hear and see the baby and on the week end we just leave it on cause he like to watch the baby sleep. A lot goes on over there my husband tells me but its all about trust this will be a real test for your marriage and if he gets caught doing anything over there he will get in trouble. Skype that was the only way we made it so good luck I will pray for you.

C. - posted on 01/11/2010




My dad went to Korea for a year (he was also in the AF) when he and my mom already had their first 2 kids. It was hard, but my mom got through it.

As for the cheating, that's just something you are going to have to try and get over b/c you cannot keep your eye on him 100% of the time while he's over in Korea. And you will be hurting yourself when thinking about it. Try not to think about it, I know it's hard, but it's imperative that you focus on the more important aspects of your marriage. The last thing you want to do is say something negative regarding a problem in the past to a loved one and end up with that being the last thing you ever said to them. I know your husband is only going to Korea, but things can still happen and you want the last thing you say before you hang up the phone to be something loving and supportive. I had the same problem when my husband deployed to Iraq (he left in September and will be gone for a total of 12-15 months). He was emailing girls and looking at porn on some site where you email girls for more pictures. We had our problems, but we are working on them. Quite honestly, I think that this one year apart will be good for my husband and I. It kind of gives us a chance to realize that we have a good thing and we need to keep it. I am hoping that's how the ending turns out anyway. We were stationed in Hawaii, but my son and I moved back to SC while my husband deployed. My 18m old son is my first child and I was still going through some PPD, so I needed to have the support from my family and friends. Moving is entirely up to you. If you think it would be best so you have the support of family, then do it. You don't want to feel like you are all alone when you are going through something like this. If I can think of more to write later, I will.. It is so late right now and I need to get back to bed (my son woke up a little while ago, so I hopped online while waiting for him to go back to sleep). But I do want to say that you are not alone, you should not feel that you are alone in this. If you need your family's support, move back home b/c it would be emotionally draining if you need it and don't have it. Good luck to you, Shana!

Kari - posted on 01/11/2010




Staying busy is the number one thing and with a 1 year old with special needs you'll do that. When my husband left for Iraq I was 4 months pregnant so I moved back home I worked for a little bit then my sister and I got an apartment toghter in a close college town, took some classes during the summer, then when I had her took the next summer semester off then went back for the fall semester. I would advise you to move home it was such a big help after I had my daughter I was 2 hours from my mom and so if I really needed some sleep or any help with my duaghter I would go home and she would help. My husband is going to Aghanistan in August and depeding on my job situation if I dont have a job worth keeping Im moving back home. Its such a great help going home when your raising a baby by yourself and its always nice to go home. It was hard for me while he was deployed seeing other military couples toghter especially at first. You'll learn how to cope with him being gone. The whole cheating thing I dont know what to say, I dont tolerate it so it would be hard for him to be gone and trust him. I can tell if my husband is lying to me over the phone so try to figure out the way he talks when he does lie.

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