Husband wants join military and we have 3 small children!!

Holli - posted on 08/18/2009

Whether or not it's a smart decision for your family is up to you. I know for us it has been great. Since we left our families we've had one child with another on the way and our families do miss being around the grandkids, but they come to visit and we always make sure that our daughter knows that grandma/grandpa love her. We had a close call with deployment but it hasn't happened yet, we're CG, so I'm hoping it won't happen, but never can tell. All I know about that is that military wifes do it, I haven't figured out how yet, but I know that they can be very strong and they just do it. I wish you luck with your decision.

Dawn - posted on 08/09/2009

It's a hard choice. We have three children, a 9 yr old and two 8 yr olds, when my husband signed up the kids were 2 and 1. The kids and I stayed with my parents through basic, AIT and his first deployment. It is NOT easy. After his first deployment was over we moved to off-base housing. By that time he was an E3, and money was a little more stable, while he was gone (the first deployment) I was able to work a job, with my parents babysitting so, no child care fees. The health care is AMAZING we never had to pay a penny once he joined, even though we weren't even close to a base at first. They pay, even now he's a SGT is NOT that great. Right now we are struggling because we just moved to a new base, and all the fun and joy that comes with moving including deposits, one-time fees and all that fun stuff. You can live on-base, we have never lived on base, I heard that recently a lot of the bases are now charging for utilities, and of course you have to pay for cable and internet.

With all that being said, here's the point. I am SO glad that my husband joined, I could NOT be prouder, I could NOT be happier. Deployments are miserable, I will not even lie, you worry, you stress, your children are cranky. But my husband does something many others in the world are afraid or are not able to do. It makes me stand tall knowing that. As for debt, once he enlists, there ARE military programs to HELP YOU take care of it. Many credit card companies volunteer lower interest rates while your husband is deployed, don't be afraid to call and ask.

We have been through 3 deployments, many field problems, problems with our children. Do we regret that he joined? no will we ever regret it? I doubt it. It's a very important choice, it's a hard life, but in my opinion it's worth it. It ripped my heart out when my husband deployed, each and every time. It never gets easier, it just becomes something that you get used to. Some choose to stay close to base when their husbands deploy, others choose to live with their families. But once you get close to other military wives, it becomes a family, sisters that go through the same thing. Good luck, and God bless!!

Erica - posted on 08/09/2009

Hi, I've been an Army wive for 5 years now and have two children. I understand the fear of moving away from your family. Right now my husband and I are stationed in Baumholder, Germany, where we have been for three years. Our families have seen our two year old daughter twice, and haven't even met our 8 month old son yet. Its difficult, yes, but you get used to it. To be a successful military wive you need to learn to adapt.
Understand that the military isn't just a job, it's a whole different lifestyle. There are lots of cons that people could tell you about, but there are lots of pros too. First off, with your pregnancy, you have complete medical coverage, for your husband, you, and your children. If you choose to work, there is low cost childcare available on-post at the Child Development Centers, or they have hourly care if you just need a break (don't we all some days). The military is one big community and believe me there are always people around you to help. We are all away from our families and all go through the same things so we're more willing to help when another spouse is in need.
As for your husband deploying, know that it is easier now then it has been in the past. Phone service for the guys is a lot better, as is internet access. With facebook, myspace, email, and phone calls, I barely noticed that my husband was gone. (He just returned from a 14 month deployment). Every spouse deals with it differently, but if you have a strong marriage, and no trust issues, then you will be fine. I'm glad to hear you say that you would go with him wherever he moves because this shows that you are truly connected to him. It takes a lot to live this lifestyle, but I wouldn't change it for the world.
There are days that my husband hates his job, but he also is grateful to have the military career during this time of economic crisis. We are able to live a very comfortable middle class life with no debt what-so-ever, along with plenty of money in savings and an IRA (not bragging, just trying to help you understand the benefits). I don't worry about my husband deploying, or getting hurt, I worry about the day he retires in 7 years. Not sure what he'll do after the military.
If you have questions about any of the benefits or anything else feel free to let me know and I will do my best to answer them.

Abigail - posted on 08/08/2009

My Husband and I just made this same decision a little less then a year ago. He had already used up all his unemployment and was working part time at a local department store. We were in debt (really bad) and unable to make the min. payments and had a one year old at home. In the end he decided to join the Navy. It was really really hard at first but then you find your groove and you get through it. My husband was gone for 6 and a half months then when he was done with training he got two weeks leave and we used that time to pack and move to his new station in WA. We have been here less then a month and he just left for his first deployment and will be gone for 3 months. It's really hard all over again because I am in a new place with no friends and no family, but everyday is getting easier and I never ever regret the decision we made. I am able to stay home with my daughter now, who is almost two, and I am so happy about that. I was working full time before. It is really hard, probably the hardest thing I have had to do in my life yet but it is worth it at this point. We no longer have financial issues and the stress we were experiencing before is gone.

Sandy - posted on 08/08/2009

When you first start out in the military the pay isnt much. Its maybe 1200/month but you get more if your married and have kids. Not much, but its more. He will be gone in basic for 9 weeks and AIT (where he trains for his job) is nothing less than 2 months. This is the Army that I am talking about. It depends on what his MOS is. My husband and I are both in the Army and we have 1 child together. He is on deployment now. Its hard, but the military is the only thing you can count on these days with no jobs available. He will miss some milestones for the kids, but its a way to provide for the family. You get healthcare and housing, but the money isnt great.

Jessica - posted on 08/07/2009

To be honest, there is a huge pro list and a huge con list. Yes, there is steady money, money for housing, (or on base housing), and free health care, but the money isn't good enough that you will be able to easily get rid of your mountain of debt, and meet the needs of your children. Look online at a payscale, they are government employees, so it's public info. Once you get stationed somewhere, you need to look into programs, but they don't offer too much info if you don't ask. There are programs set up for helping with school supplies for your kids, here in VA there is the occasional 'free bread' day, and lots of places offer military discounts. Also, you'll most likey qualify for WIC, or low income housing, (most places aren't that bad, honestly). Do your research, and keep yourself informed on how everything works. That's the best way to get the most out of your experience.

The worst part by far, especially with a close family is the seperation. My husband is Navy, and during 9 wks of bootcamp, I got two, two minute phone calls (literally). One on Christmas, and the other because he had his wisdom teeth pulled. We got less than 24 hours together after graduation, and he was off to 'A' school for 14 weeks, (all A schools run different amounts of time, my husband is an IT), after that he got three weeks of leave (which was awesome --a nice three week paid vacation), and then he was off to VA and left for a 7 month deployment only three months later. Depending on what his job will be you can expect a 5-10 minute call about every 2 weeks. Of course it's different for everyone. By the second deployment we had a son, which of course made it harder. I left VA and moved back home. I didn't have many friends here, and was able to get a stronger support system at home. I don't mean to scare you, it's tough and it often sucks. I honestly had no idea what we were getting into when he joined, and neither did he. Regardless of which branch he joins, there will be a deployment, and probably soon. Don't get me wrong, there are good things: we love shopping at the commissary, they hand out tons of coupons where we are, and are priced cheaper than your local grocery store. Invest in the GI bill! If he stays in long enough, you or your kids will be able to use it, and while he's in, he gets tuition assistance. Honestly, how many jobs do you get 30 paid days off a year? Plus depending on where you're stationed, you should get to do some traveling.

Oh, and my biggest piece of advice: don't let the recruiter pull one over on you! Most of them are known for making promises they can't keep. My husband was smart and got copies of everything he was promised in writing. On the day he went to bootcamp, before he swore in, he took his folder filled with all his promises, and asked someone in admin to see what they had on record for him. They had none of the info that he did. He let them know that he wasn't swearing in until he got everything he was told he would, and they took care of it.

Good Luck!

MELISSA - posted on 08/05/2009

JOIN!! The military is a great choice. Steady paycheck, health benifits, and housing, can't beat it. You will get to see the world. We are currently stationed in Germany. Your husband is thinking right, with you expecting #3, and him unemployed. My husband has been deployed 3 times, 2 of which were 15 months (Army) The kids don't forget about him, with todays technology, the kids get to see him thru the webcam. It will be rough at first, but just keep busy and don't go into the feeling sorry for yourself mode, and everything will work out. You will meet the most amazing families in the military, people that will change your life. It is a wonderful experience.

Kim - posted on 08/01/2009

My husband joined the Navy a little over a yr ago. We were in the same situation. He was also on unemployment and I was pregnant with our 3rd child. We both agreed it was the best decision for our family. He went to boot camp and it was sooo hard. My oldest was 7 and was a little angry, but I just kept telling him that daddy was being brave and going to defend our country. After boot camp we were still separated for another 3 months, but we spoke to him every day. (Boot camp was by far the worse because we only got 3 phone calls in 8 weeks.) I am truly happy that we made the decision when we did because I don't know where we would be if we hadn't. Leaving family is hard. I am very close to my family and we only lived 15 minutes away so we were there almost everyday. We have tried to either visit family or for family to visit us every 3 months. We also invested in a webcam and one for my family. Actually I have grown more independent and have loved the experience so far. We were in Connecticut for 6 months while he was training and are now in Maine. We will be here until December of 2010 and then are scheduled to go to Guam. That makes me nervous to be soooo far away from home, but I would never be able to afford to travel to such an exotic place with my children otherwise. We also live in base housing. It is sooo nice not to have to worry about paying rent or utilities. Before joining we were struggling with both of us working full time and currently I don't work. I'm happy to know that when I return to work it will only be on a part time basis and it will be just for extra money/savings. Hopes this helps. If you have any questions feel free to contact me.

Rachel - posted on 08/01/2009

We just had the same decision to make in March of this year, no job couldnt get hired anywhere and were in debt big time. My husband and I thought about it and prayed for 3 weeks about it then He signed the papers for the Army ( he's a former Marine who was out for 8 yrs) we made the choice for our family we have to boys and dont want to struggle. I think it is a good decision but it wont be easy all the time, in 4 weeks were going to be moving from all our family to go to Texas.So I'm saying make the decision based on your own family , there are webcams to keep in touch with other family

Carissa - posted on 07/31/2009

I don't know what branch he is considering, but I do know that the Marine Corps has something called Active Reserve, I am not sure where all you can be stationed or what jobs they have, but I do know that there is a base in Fort Worth, TX that has Active Reservist, the way this works is, your husband is considered Active, but he stays where he is stationed, you don't jump around, he may still have to deploy, but if there is an option for a base near you, then you can save the hassel and heartache of moving. You might have him talk to a recruiter about this, but my husband has known a few people that were on permanent active reserve duty.

Sarah - posted on 07/31/2009

Maria, I am newly wed and expecting my first. my husband was in the airforce when i met him. so i dotn know what it would be like to be like during basic.... but you can stay where family is for that time and worry about where he will be when he gets assigned the frist base. basic for air force is 6 to 8 wks.... not too long... and then they go to school for a month or two so they learn their job.... so its really not that bad... and then you do not have to worry about a house payment(or rent) or insurance. there are many perks for having kids in the military... it is hard.... i already know it is... but it is well worth it especially if they make a career out of it. and if your scared about getting deployed... there are many jobs that arent even in the line of fire. you have to just make it as good as possible. it makes your relationship so much stronger and you may love it! there are probably a lot for ya'll to consider so look into it!!! there are a lot of resources to look at too. and if he signs up for the GI bill at the beginning... your children can use it (so can you) *this is a new thing.... its to pay for college... good thing to think about!!! well i hope i was helpful!!!

Ashley - posted on 07/31/2009

what Valerie says is how i feel, i would like to add on that whatever branch he may be joining, basic training should be no longer than 13 weeks. and that is Marine Corps basic training.. im pretty sure that the other branches training is not as long. but im not totally sure.. for me the first year was the hardest and at the time i was pregnant, it was hard. i asked myself would this even be worth it?? i made myself be strong, i kept my faith in our relationship, because long distance can be tough especially with children involved.. and i can honestly say it is worth the wait! just one tough year or less and you have the rest of your lives to enjoy the benefits of military! but of course only you know whats best for your family :) i havnt been through deployment yet.. so i cant help you there, you just got to be strong!! i hope the best for you and your family. and if your husband ends up joining i wish him the best of luck!!

Valerie - posted on 07/31/2009

I think it is definitely a smart decision. Those children need to be well taken care of, and your husband is just trying to ensure that. As far as leaving the family goes, it is very hard, but believe me you get used to it. And it really is up to you as far as deployment goes. Some people stay, and some people go back home for a deployment. I personally stay. I have 4 small kids, one is in school. I also live in base housing. So it wouldn't make much sense for me to leave. Besides, I like being near his base. I like seeing all of the ships. It makes me feel closer to him. If I went back home, I think I'd actually miss him more. But the family comes out here to visit alot. I hope this helps. Good luck to you.