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Sherry - posted on 12/12/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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I've been married to my wonderful hubby now for almost 3 years. i have 2 kids from my first marriage and they have a very strong relationship with their stepdad. actually my x-husband and new husband get along great, which is wonderful for our children, so yes we are very pleased. But... my husband is getting deployed soon. He's been to iraq for like 18 months before he and i met, but we found out in April he is going to be deployed again and i honestly feel like i'm falling apart. I never knew it would be this hard. We are a religious family and we know God's will will be done, and we pray daily for the best, but i just cant shake those "unspoken fears". the days now are flying by, and i find myself just waking in the middle of the night and just looking at him and touching his shoulder. this may sound silly, but i've been told by everyone to just keep me and the kids busy when he is gone. i trust him beyond words, so that's not a fear.. thank god. i just dont know where to turn and the kids seem to be doing better than me, but they do have their dad to help as well which is a blessing.

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Megan - posted on 12/16/2009

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As a fellow Christian, and military wife, I can completely understand where you are coming from. I'm dealing with a husband that could deploy at any moment, so I'm always afraid that one of these days he's gonna call me and say "Hey, i'm real sorry hun, but we're deploying." I know in the Army we have the FRGs (Family Readiness Groups) that are a collection of a particular unit's wives and family members. They are your go-to-gals for anything! As for Navy/Marines, you have the Fleet and Family centers that are your go-to-people. For the Air Force, I dunno what they have, but their are people available for you to talk to about your fears and worries...some of them might have been in your situation before and can give you some great advice.

Another place you can go to receive support is your church. I've heard of several churches around my husband's base that, when they learn a member is deploying, step up and start engaging the soldier's family to ensure that they know they will always have support there.

Hope this helps!

Sherry - posted on 12/15/2009

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OMG! I'm so new to this, i honestly did'nt think about dates and things. Thank you so much for telling me that.

Ashley - posted on 12/15/2009

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Quoting Rachel :

I did not break any codes or laws my husband is already deployed and has been for a while. This is not an upcomming date! My soldier has explained everything to me. Even the Savanna paper had this article in it. Thanks



did someone say something wrong? we were talking about how she put an up coming date that her husband is leaving..

Rachel - posted on 12/15/2009

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I did not break any codes or laws my husband is already deployed and has been for a while. This is not an upcomming date! My soldier has explained everything to me. Even the Savanna paper had this article in it. Thanks

Amy - posted on 12/14/2009

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Sherry. I just got done doing a deployment with two kids. Let me tell you, the hardest part was pre-deployment, once hubby left survival mode kicked in and we just got through one day at a time. I am also a Christian and truly believe that our heavenly father will never give us more than we can handle. You can do it!!!! I will be praying for you and your family!!

Julia - posted on 12/14/2009

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As a former Military Intelligence Soldier POSTING THE DATES OF DEPLOYMENTS IS A SECURITY VIOLATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Putting the dates on a website like this is a potentially putting your spouse at risk. When the enemy knows the dates that someone is going to be leaving that entire unit is at risk of being targeted! Then it is just easy to find out how many will be deploying and where they will be going. The enemy knowing such vital information is just as bad as saying hey I will be here on this date come kill me. Your husbands should have told you this, and if they didn't I am telling you now. Please don't put your husbands or other Servicemembers at risk because of your not being careful.

Vanessa - posted on 12/13/2009

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First of all, you need to pray alot. You have genuine fears and concerns. I don't know what branch your husband is in, but most branches have things set up for families that have spouses that are deployed. In the Marine Corps, where my husband retired from, they had a Key Volunteer program. This was a way for the spouses of men in the same unit could keep in tpuch and get any information they needed. Whether child care for an appointment, problems with pay, counseling for the kids, whatever. Just keep involved. At one point when my husband deployed, I was going to school full time, Had three kids, the van broke down, and my oven caught fire. (When it rains, it pours :-) ) Staying involved and building a great support system with other friends and families, is a huge help in dealing with things when they seem to get too hard. Something I didi with my kids to help them cope, was we mad a paper chain with one chain representing one day he was gone. I had to add a few just to be on the safe side, but the kids really loved it. And they could see the days dwindle little by little. I hope this helps.

Ashley - posted on 12/13/2009

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ok well all i have to say is that you are never ever suppose to tell the leaving date this can get your husband into troubleor even get him killed.. try to use the words he is leaving very very soon! and my husband has never left but we just came from Japan and he was never home there.. there were months at a time he was gone and not knowing when he was coming home.. and there was even times that he came home and said well i'm leaving out sooner then what we thought.. this isn't an easy thing to do but to keep busy.. you have to know being a military wife this would come.. and find lots of friends!

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every month he's gone make a paper chain link and then let the kids pull one off as that month passes by and always plan something special just for U once a month

Rachel - posted on 12/12/2009

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keep yourself busy. my hubby left to iraq on oct 27. read and stay strong for the kids. think of package ideas. my hubby kind of withdrew himself emotionally right before he left. his way of coping. faith deployed is a great book

Rebecca - posted on 12/12/2009

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I know where i am, when there is a reg. deployed they have people at the schools to help kids get through it. They also offer meeting at the MFRC here on our base for spouses and children. They do crafts and story times 3 nights a week at our local library and it's great. Makes the time go by really fast! Try not to worry about it so much right now and enjoy the time you have left with him before you have to see him off for a few more months. Look in to your local base to see if they have anything like i mentioned above. It really does help to meet other wives who's husbands are all gone at the same time.

I wish you luck!

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