I am 39 weeks pregnant with my first child and my husband left for Afghanistan.

Lisa - posted on 08/29/2010 ( 19 moms have responded )

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I am 39 weeks pregnant with my first child and my husband left for Afghanistan. Not only is he going to miss the birth but I have no family able to be here with me, which of course eliminates the video tapes etc. The marine corps could care less, they told him one day before leaving that his flight had changed and that he was to leave more then a week early for his tour. The chance of me being induced before then was shattered and this is what we're left with. I am scared to death, have no way of notifying him or even documenting it other then photograph, which will have to be good enough. I just wish someone somewhere would acknowledge the service and sacrifices being done by my husband especially when he truely never recieves anything back from it, at least this is how I feel on the matter. Has anyone ever gone through anything similar?

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AOK - posted 3 days ago

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Being a Mother in the Marine Corps, the way things are is "Job first, family second". It is greatly appreciated that we have family support, but since its a hardcore military life we are trained to fight and defend as a priority. This is why the divorce rate is so high because many spouse grow impatient with us, which is understandable but it deeply depresses us as well. So I want to thank you for supporting your spouse because he needs it. Im sorry you have to go though giving birth by yourself, I had to as well. They sent him when I was 8 month pregnant. I had a friend who deployed pregnant (she didn't know she was pregnant at the time), but they kept her there until the deployment was over. It really depends on the unit he's in. Some are more hardcore than others. Even if your husband asks to stay, they would see that as an excuse to get out of what he was trained for yet some units would take sympathy. I have many friends in other branches that are more lenient than us. There are many support groups, but as far as getting out of a deployment is hard to none. There are plenty of benefits he gets for being in the military, but one of the few sacrifices is being away from loved ones which is the hardest.

Kerry - posted on 11/19/2013

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I'm about 6 month pregnant and my partner has just been posted to Afghan, usually they are pretty good with us, and have given him time off to see one of or daughters scans but it is extremely tough, not just for us but for them. He was the last person to feel the baby kick in the family, and i know he finds it hard missing out on so much.

Mary - posted on 06/25/2013

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My Daughters Husband is not deployed, she is having severe problems with back and at presant can not walk. Can her husband be kicked out of army? Is there some kind of leave he can take to help her, They also have a three year old and no family members close to base

Ericka - posted on 09/08/2010

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"What is a doula? A doula is specially trained to give informational, emotional, and physical support to women during childbirth. A doula does not perform medical tasks, but is trained to provide uninterrupted support to a mother in labor and during birth." I pulled this from their site after reading Mica's comments (I had no idea what a doula was lol). It is a good option.

Ericka - posted on 09/08/2010

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Where are you located. I am here on Camp Pendleton. If you need anything. Also Operation Homefront, I believe is the program. Offers laptops and things to families so they can video chat. I know it is a sorry substitute but at least you will get to see each other. Email me. I will see what I can do to help.

Nicole - posted on 09/07/2010

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I know how u feel. My husband wasn't even deployed and he couldn't come home see the birth. And the second time he was deployed and missed the birth. All he got each time was that emergency red cross message. Manly cause i didn't want any pics of what was going on cause it's pretty nasty lol. But it takes a strong woman to go at it alone. You jus have to be strong amd know that if the marine corps wanted him to have a family they would have issued him one. The important thing is that he comes home safe to see the baby grow up. It is super hard but at least find one person to lean on and know that you are a strong woman and u don't really have a choice but to do it without him. One of the down falls of having a military husband. I'm a pro at this by now because we jus had our third baby and he was home for it this time and he kind of got in the way lol. If u need to vent about stuff I'll be around.







Ps. I have a site too. Www.quitthebitching.com

Mandy - posted on 09/07/2010

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I guarantee that if you contact the FRG or Ombudsman (sorry, don't know what it's called in the Marines) that someone will help you find a birthing coach and set up videotaping, pictures, and sending the AMCROSS message (which is how everyone I know on active duty refers to the American Red Cross message).

If you are near the base, you can also go through the Fleet Family Services Center for assistance in finding resources to help your family.

There's plenty of help if you ask for it.

Amber - posted on 09/02/2010

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i understand where you are coming from. my husband is army tho, thay are little bit better about TRYING. but you can always contact your husband through red cross when the baby is born. i wish there was more that could be done. good luck girlie!! you need to find you some awesome wives to hang out with. that what i did during my hubbys last tour, they were there for me, helped me take care of my older kid when i could barely walk and they even came to the hospital. hang in there!!

Leeann - posted on 09/02/2010

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My husband left for a 15 month deployment 2 days after we found out we were having our first son. At the time, I knew one person on base and she became support system very quickly. We are army and were at fort drum, I don't know how the hospital is where you are, but if you go in, you might be able to get a nurse to set up for video or pictures. At drum, when my friend had to leave to be with her kids, they were willing to do that for me, and understood the hardship. To get a hold of your husband have his unit information and personal information available to you and the hospital should send him a red cross message that will not only inform him that you are indeed in labor, but also give him the opportunity to come home on emergency leave if you guys want him to. Reach out and someone will help you, there is no wife on base that does not sympathize with your situation and that would not do everything in their power to help you guys share that special moment, even if it is from thousands of miles away.

Samantha - posted on 09/02/2010

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I am sorry that your husband will not be there. My husband was in Korea during the birth of our son. I was lucky enough though that I got a hold of him the night I was going into labor, and we got skype set up so he could "be there". He wasn't there throughout my whole pregnancy, and he didn't meet his son until he was 8 months old. It is tough. But unless he or you tell the ones in charge of the situation, they have no idea. They have so many things on their plates,and people to look after that they can't possibly know what is going on in every persons home life. Like everyone else has said, try to contact you FRO, explain your situation. Or even talk to the nurses. They helped me set up skype. I am sure one of them will videotape. I had extra nurses in my room. It is hard, but you have to try to stay positive through it all. That is what being a military spouse is all about. Good luck!

Natasia - posted on 08/31/2010

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operationspecialdelivery.com i didnt use them but i learned about them when my husband deployed when i was pregnant

Mandy - posted on 08/31/2010

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I am so sorry!!! My husband left the day before I was due with our son & missed his birth but got to come home about a week later for a few days. He was 14 months old when he got to return home so I do know what you are feeling right now! I was blessed with an Aunt who took time out of her life to come be with me during the deliver time. I do agree contact the FRG! If I'm close by I'd be happy to help you out! In any way possible!! Will Keep you in our prayers!

Mica - posted on 08/31/2010

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I'm so sorry that your husband is going to miss the birth. My husband was in training when my son was born. Everyone kept telling him that he'd be able to make it for the birth, but when the time came they told him he couldn't miss without having to recycle the course. I couldn't even try to plan an induction for when he could come, because my doctor decided that I needed to be induced early, and he (the doctor) was going to be out of town, and couldn't delay it 3 days so that my husband could at least come in the next day or that night.



But I knew there was a chance he might not be there so I decided to look into having a doula. I found this website http://www.operationspecialdelivery.com/ which provides doula for spouses of service members who cannot be present for the birth, and they were able to get me in touch with a doula in my area. I know you have such short notice but my doula was amazing and was able to do so much to help me including taking pictures.

Maxine - posted on 08/30/2010

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I am sorry your husband can't be here for the birth.. I know how you feel all to well. My husband is in the Army and he missed the birth of our first 2 kids because He was in Iraq for the first one and they wouldn't let him come home until she was 6 weeks old and then with our 2 child I sent a red cross message across well he was on his second tour and they didn't sent it til the last minute and he didnt make it here on time for our son. So I know how you feel.. They only thing I can tell you is to take lots of picture and be strong..

Meghan - posted on 08/30/2010

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Definitely get in touch with the FRO (Family Readiness Officer) for his Battalion/Squadron they will be able to help you out so much. Where are yall stationed? I promise you that they care its just things in the MC change at a moments notice. Semper Gumby...and its hard to remember that sometimes. If you need to talk just let us know I am sure that the ladies here would be willing to listen to you vent/cry or whatever you need.

Kylie - posted on 08/29/2010

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I am in a similar situation, I'm pregnant with our second child and will be due two months after he deploys. I'm lucky because it is my second and I know what to expect. Talk with the nurses at the hospital they will be more than happy to video tape or take pictures. If possible ask your husband if they can do a web cam delivery so he can be there through the computer. Just know that people do appreciate and acknowledge what your husband is doing. Concentrate on your new baby and enjoy the special one on one time you get to share. Also I know it's hard and you want to vent to your hubby, but he is most likely hurting just as bad as you are and I don't think you want that added stress on him.

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are there any spouses you can contact that are deployed with your marine? I know here the deployed spouses bond together, and help each other out, cause most of us don't have anyone around to help! There are people that will help, you just have to be brave enough to ask for it!

Heather - posted on 08/29/2010

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Ok, I know it sounds like the Marine Corps could care less, but I assure you, the people in charge aren't aware of the situation. Please, please, please contact your family advocate or FRG leader(even if you're not involved) and let them know what's going on. Even if you don't want them in the delivery room with you, they could set a video camera and help you film the birth. Do you have friends who could help you?
As far as notifying your husband about the birth, they can send a red-cross message to him. Ask the hospital or even a friend to call the rear-detatchment officer with the information and tell them you need to get a red-cross message to your soldier.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, but please know you're among friends. Good luck and God Bless!

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