i need advise from moms that have had more than one deployment

Toni - posted on 03/08/2009

Well, I think its really important for you to be honest with him about the timing of him leaving again, etc. I think sometimes guys can feel like because we have everything under control that they are not needed as much at home. Don't bring it up until he gets home unless he needs to decide now. I think its also important to find out WHY he wants to do a back to back. Tread lightly when you have these conversations because they could be sensitive about it. If its something he really feels like he NEEDS to do then support him. Kids will wait. If there's another reason that he's leaning towards back to backs try to help him reason it out.



Also when you talk to him about this, make sure that you both have time to discuss it and that you are both in good moods. Don't accuse him of wanting to leave you and your baby. Just try to get to the heart of it and do it gently. Basically, don't let it become a fight. If its hard for him to discuss or if it becomes too personal, you'll end up making this into a fight and it really doesn't need to be.

Charmille - posted on 03/06/2009

When my husband first got back from Iraq he was different. Of course things have changed since then but watch for signs of PTSD. He may say that he's fine, but as his wife you should know him well enough to know when something is wrong. The first tour I was pregnant with our first and he returned when our son was six weeks. The second tour he left when our son was 10 months and returned when he was 18 months. We got pregnant right away but I knew that he wasn't going back anytime soon. He definitely was ready to go back for a second tour, but that's his job. My husband is a Marine and sometimes his job comes first. That's just reality. Take care and good luck!

Whitney - posted on 03/04/2009

just be honest w/him...it's coming because you love him :) would he be volunteering to go? i mean if his unit gets called to go he has to go. what's his normal deploy rotation? i know it varies branch to branch. if u have an ombudsman u should be able to find out when the whole group should be going out again...they always have a "tentative" schedule or u should be able to find out how long they will be home. things also might change once he gets back in the "swing" of things being at home....right now he's in "war mode".

Jessica - posted on 03/04/2009

I know that it isn't easy.  My husband missed my first pregnancy, he got home 2 weeks before delivery.  And then he was gone again about 18 months later.  I can say that with my husband, when he was over there, he was very much enjoying his job.  That is what he joined the military to do.  Though he missed his family, when they are there, that is what they eat, drink and sleep, so it is all they know.  My husband still talks about how he wants to go back.  But then he ways all the aspects.  You just have to support him, but then also allow him to see how much you appreciate him when he is home.

Amber - posted on 03/03/2009

i agree with monica. i don't know what sort of unit, m.o.s., or rank your hubby has. i do know depending on all these things it is possible to volunteer to do back to back tours. i am sure he does not wish by any means for you to be alone for so long. it is hard on everyone. i also know the entire military, my husband included, change thier minds more than any woman i have ever met. hold tight, be strong, and hopefully it will work out. if my hubby had not been sent this time he was going to push for it because there was a guy that was going to have to do a back to back. i of course wanted to scream and say no, but at the same time i didn't want that for another family. i have 3 children of my own and he has missed my middle ones 1st 2 christmas's and birthdays. and now will be gone for his 1st day of school. he also missed the birth of our daughter. just keep good positive people around you. you will pull through.

Monica - posted on 03/03/2009

Tamara,



Planning for more children is a mutual decision and requires mutual attention. If your hubby has the itch to deploy, then maybe you should hold off until he gets back because like you said, you don't want to go through it alone. And military life is very demanding, especially for the military spouse. Just surround yourself with a good network of friends and family to keep your mind preoccupied if he does have to deploy again. I've been through 4 deployments, back-to-back, and it helped that I stayed busy and had caring, reliable people to rely on. Best wishes.



Monica

Meghan - posted on 03/03/2009

To be honest he really doesnt have any say in if or when he goes back. When they say he needs to go they mean it. I wish we could tell them no don't go but they dont have a choice. Just support him...Im sure that hes well aware that you don't want him to go back right away so just tell him that you really wish that he could be home longer but you understand it is the nature oh his job. Sorry I know this is probably not what you want to hear but its the way it goes.