im scared and not sure what i can do to tell myself that its going to be ok..

Amber - posted on 07/19/2010 ( 21 moms have responded )

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ok my sailor is being deployed sept-feb..and well were expecting our first baby im due feb 6, 2011 and he wont be able to be here..and well im scared to death to do this by myself. I dont know how i can tell myself that its going to be ok...it sucks because hes going to be soooo far away..and i moved down here away from my family so i dont have anyone down here with me....but i dont want to run home ya know because i want him to know that i can deal with his deployments without running home i want to prove that to myself also..but i am going to go back home to visit
botton line is this is our first deployment and i dont know what to do..

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Casie - posted on 07/28/2010

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Most Branches will fly him home for atleast 2 days to see the birth an stuff...even in navy (my dad is retired navy) (my husband Marines)..Also hun to go home because your husband is deployd and your Pregnant an need the comfort is NOT RUNNING home it is going home for support an anyone who is going threw a deployment even without a pregnancy knows its hard...id say go home tell your husband you just want family to support you he will understand...best of luck to you!! :)

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Kelsey - posted on 07/29/2010

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I don't think there is anything wrong with going back home. My husband is going to SAR school and I am moving back home for the time he will be gone. I don't want to stay here, because I don't have anything here and being with family is whats best for my daughter and myself. My husband would rather me be with people who care about me while he's gone. Why should you have to be by yourself? I don't understand what that is proving to your husband. I was extremely sick my whole pregnancy and if my husband had been deployed I would have definitely gone back to family. Its hard being in a new place with new people and no family while your husband is away, especially with children or being pregnant. Why make it harder on yourself. You should remember happy times, not lonely times. Easiest way to deal with first deployment especially (in my opinion anyways) is to surround yourself with family and friends.

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unless you own a house and have like five huge pets that can't travel.... go home to have the baby. Go back when he comes home (redeloyment). take that month your due and go get ready at home. Unless your / his family is will to come see you in your time of need (having the baby).

Andrea - posted on 07/25/2010

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I know this is going to be tough. You need to try and find some friends that can help you. Just having someone to talk to and help out will help take the pain away. I live in Chesapeake, VA, if you ever need someone to talk to or anything. I was never pregnant on deployment but I know how hard it can be.

Rachel - posted on 07/23/2010

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My partner is away at the moment too, it's hard but it's ok to ask for help when you feel you need it.

Frances M - posted on 07/23/2010

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Kick the pride out the door. My husband was out to sea each time I had a baby. He thought he would be home for the second but David was early.
I went home to have my first baby with my husband's blessing. He did not have to worry about me. I had my parents, siblings and friends from church and school there to give me support. I am so glad I did that.
The second time round I decided to stay on base and not go home. We lived in a wonderful community and I had a lot of friends to help. Al was supposed to be home in time. I started hemoraging 2 weeks before Al was due. David and I were in critical condition for 2 weeks. I had support from my friends; but family was missing.
I wish I had gone home to have my second baby also. When you are in trouble or having a baby or both, you want your Mom. That's normal. Go home so your husband won't worry and for your peace of mind. It's not smart or wise to play macho woman. Be a gentle, kind, loving Mom instead. Your husband is macho enough for the whole family.
Go home.

Donielle - posted on 07/23/2010

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We just finished our 3rd, in which, I gave birth to our first baby. It can be difficult and there really is nothing wrong with at least visiting your family lots. Our 1st deployment I was still living at home and we were engaged so it really wasn't much different, but our 2nd was a year after we were married. I spent a total of about 2 months of the 6 visiting family. This last one I actually ended up going to live with my parents during that time to have the baby. At first, I didn't want to basically for the same reasons you named, but overall we both felt it was the best thing for me to do. If possible, you could have a family member come out around the due date to help you with the birth. Also, the military will let you hire a doula for free. A doula is someone who is trained in coaching women in labor and will be your voice because it's very difficult to get things across and possibly fight for what you want.

Kimberly - posted on 07/23/2010

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I went home when my husband deployed and i was 5 months pregnant. I don't consider it a bad thing to go home. I knew that i would need the support to have a baby without my husband home. It in no way shows any type of weakness. I am so glad that i went home to have my daughter and i think you will be too.

Heather - posted on 07/23/2010

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Cara, No the navy will not fly the spouse home if deployed for their child birth. They have to wait until deployment over to see their new baby. I take it your husband not deployed since he getting to come home early. If he was deployed they wouldn't do that. My husband is also navy. I know a ton of people who had to miss the birth of their child due to being deployed.

Angie - posted on 07/23/2010

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Please check out www.operationspecialdelivery.com You shoud qualify for this free services of a doula. Print off the paperwork and get it in so you can be matched up with a doula ASAP. Please email me if you have any questions about this program. I am a doula and volunteer for this program.
Angie : )

Heather - posted on 07/23/2010

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Everything going to be okay. Keep yourself very busy & try not to dwell on it. Dwelling on it will just make the time go by slower. My husband deployed in January when our daughter was only 2 months old. This is also our first deployment & honestly it has gone by so fast. We moved back home while he gone. If you ever need anybody to talk to please email me. I know how tough it can get but I promise everything going to be fine. I just realized your in Norfolk. We are also stationed in Norfolk. My daughter & I will be back there in a few weeks.

Paige - posted on 07/23/2010

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I was going to suggest FRG as well. It is there JOB to be involved in cases like this..they train, eat, live breathe for it!! I'm Army so I'm not sure about the Ombud....(what she said...) but I wish my DIL would have stayed behind when my son deployed INSTEAD of going to her family. He is Navy and coming to the end of his first deployment, and she was not able to be near a base and be near people who understood what she was going through. We are stationed in Germany, and I spent countless hours on the phone with her trying to convince her she could do this...It HELPS to be near people who understand,who are in the same situation, who KNOW what you are going through .... and I respect your decesion to stay.

Kelsie - posted on 07/22/2010

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I saw you are in Norfolk. I just moved here three weeks ago leaving everything and everyone I know behind in Texas. I kind of understand what your going through I went through my whole pregnancy in Texas without my husband while going to college full time he was luckily there for the birth they only gave hime 7 days and with having had a c section that was nothing. I finally decided I couldnt be in Texas without him and put school on hold to be here with him. I love seeing him but its hard not knowing anyone else. If you ever need someone to talk to I would love to make girlfriends around here and I just went through a pregnancy so if you have any questions im here :)

Jessica - posted on 07/22/2010

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Amber,

Call your Ombudsman! She can make sure that you have all the resources that you need while your husband is gone. She will also be able to communicate with the command once the baby is born, sometimes faster than a message from the American Red Cross.

Also, get involved with your Family Readiness Group (FRG)... your Ombudsman can hook you up with them. They are normally a really good group of people who WANT to be your friend. And there are normally LOTS of other people who are in the same situation.

If you need help finding your Ombudsman, you can call the Fleet and Family Support Center and they can hook you up with yours. I read that you are in Norfolk... the number to their FFSC is (757) 444-2102. All you gotta know is the name of the ship. (If he is going IA, then use the ombudsman for the ship that is sending him.)

-- Jessica
USS Sampson Ombudsman :)

Erin - posted on 07/21/2010

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Just remember that you are stronger than you think you are and that women do this all the time. It's not the way we imagined, but remember that you are not alone in this. If you go to military.com there is a group called spousebuzz and there are tons of women all over the world to talk to who have been through the same thing. I also recommend cafemom and search for a group of navy moms or even just women who are due the same month as you. It is amazing who we can find to support us even if we have never met them. I also recommend getting out and about where you are now. You still have a few months before your husband leaves to help you create a local support system. Take any help that anyone offers and remember that somewhere out there someone is dealing the same thing. Cheers to you and take it one day at a time :0)

Yvonne - posted on 07/20/2010

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Hi Amber, My husband is also in the navy,And stationed in Bahrain, while I am here in AZ. I went threw my entire pregnancy without my husband here with me and ya it was rough but you will make it threw. Fortunately he was able to come home for the birth but left 2weeks after the baby was born, Now im still here in AZ and will not be able to see him until the end of the year or beginnig of next yr. Its hard to deal with a new born by yourself but you will find that it becomes easier and easier with time and you get into your groove of things. If it is possible for someone in your family to come and stay with you for the first couple of weeks that would prob. be best. the more of a support system that you have the better. Relax take each day at a time and try to keep yourself busy thats the easiest way to keep your mind off of things. Good Luck you will be just fine.

Christina - posted on 07/20/2010

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Hi, What I would do is talk to your husband about how you feel what your worries are. He may have some suggestions. Invite your mom out to be with you or a sister. Definitely!! ask the hospital where you give birth what happens after! I did not they did not have a nursery and I had complications and was out of it but they put the baby right in your room walla baby needs to be taken care of. I am soooo thankful my mom was there I ended up being there for 4 days and she stayed with me and took care of the baby except to give him to me to feed him. So get someone to come and stay with your there is not shame in that. Be strong you are strong already you married a military man that in itself takes courage. So if you want to go home make sure you make the arrangements as far as doctors, tricare etc. I am sure once you talk to your husband you two will come to a decision that will work for both of you. There is also great services the military has like first visitor someone to check on you, answer your questions about the baby and other military moms get out there and meet them now before you need a shoulder. A first time mom is hard. I did it I was not married at the time a single mom so I know the baby blues alone stink let alone the diapers, bottle or breastfeeding etc. You don't have to prove anything to anyone but yourself. I feel for you with your hubby leaving.
Christina
Mom of 3 Wife of an AF Hubby

Cara - posted on 07/20/2010

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can they not fly him home before ur due date? my fiance is in the navy and is in america from june to end ov september, my baby is due 26th october and he wasnt ment to b back till november but they are going to fly him home early, hes gone away before but not for this long and i havent bin pregnant before, ive bin scared about coping through most ov my pregnancy on my own too but be strong hun u will get through it, as the weeks go by it does get easier x

Kristal - posted on 07/19/2010

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Being pregnant while your hubby is gone is very stressful, plus with our pregnant hormones...when my husband deployed his first time I was pregnant and crying everyday almost, I had no family and no friends...but that experienced made me such a STRONG person...the second deployment he knocked me up again right before he left lol...but the second time I already knew what to expect and I had my mother fly out for a couple of weeks to help me take care of the house and our daughter....It is going to be hard, im not going to lie but if you do believe in GOD, have faith that he will take care of you, your unborn child and your husband while he is deployed...it's OK to be scared and to cry once in a while....but once your husband comes home and your baby is born you'll look back at this time and realize it wasn't THAT hard, and your going to be a super women and super mommy...my husband just left for his third deployment and by the grace of god im NOT pregnant this time lol....I will pray for your whole family, your going to do great!!!

Rachel - posted on 07/19/2010

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HI, Amber! I am going to pray for you, that JESUS WILL GIVE YOU COURAGE, STRENGTH and WISDOM in your situation. I wish that I had the right words to tell you. I have been in a similar situation as you, but I had the advantage of being in the military at one time and deploying to Iraq myself. Still, when I hung up the uniform to have a family, it was very difficult to have my husband go away. As a new mother especially, it is so difficult, but then to have your spouse deploy adds even more difficulties. Do you have a support group nearby? How far away is your family? My Mom was with me for months. Others might have talked about me, but who cares! I know who they are, and I don't really give a flip about what they think or how they gossip. Having my mom there to help me was such a blessing. Talk frankly with your husband about your fears. You might find that he will be relieved if you go stay with family for a while or have them stay with you. The first few months after birth are the most crucial because the exhaustian can just be so overwhelming. It is important to have someone you can depend on for help. At the same time, stay connected with the Family Fleet Support Center. We are Army and have Family Support Groups, so I am not sure what they are called in the Navy. Whatever you do...whether you go home for a while or stay put....keep in contact with them. You will get valuable information from them concerning your husband's return and other important things. I hope this helps. I will pray for you often!

Cynthia - posted on 07/19/2010

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the 1st is the the hardest im about to go through my 2nd in about 2 months....we moved to tx in april of 08 and 2 weeks later i found out i was prego and 2 months later he was gone i have no family around and dint no anyone but i told myself and my family i can do this....everyone wanted me to come home but i told them i can do it.... and i know now because i made it through it makes it easier on the hubby this time around because he seen how well i took care of things while he was away......our little girl was 5 months old when he came home.....you just have to keep busy time passes much faster that way.....you will be fine we are military wives we are strong and can get through anything

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