im sorry but...

Serinitee - posted on 07/18/2011

Valid points, why in the world would anyone lock such a thriving conversation? Lol. Censorship can go to the dogs, nobody THUMPed. But seems like we're kinda beating a dead horse here when Sarah hasn't responded, they were her words and opinions after all...of course someone new could happen upon it and vent out their frustrations, cheer, or intelligently discuss/debate, take it and run I say!

Tah - posted on 07/17/2011

well i don't think it should have been locked, so i Didn't lock it. I know many many military wives get upset when someone doesn't feel the same way as them..or doesn't think like them..heck i get post on here flagged all the time..more than my debate group when THUMPS hasn't been violated. I left it open(not that i have to explain) so that people could state their views, debate it a little bit, if it's done, itl'l fade to the back as long as people stop commenting, as long as they do because they feel like they have something to say, whether others agree or not, that means it isn't done and it will remain open until THUMPS is violated...so if you ladies want to call some names or start soliciting.be my guess lol...but until then... Now, when i joined this group years ago we had debates all the time, it was actually fun.should military spouses work and help with finances...etc...they made this thread look like childs play..lol, but we got to see others points of view and i think its important..she feels how she feels, may not be how you feel but she isn't alone because as i stated this is far from the first thread like this. Even if she hasn't come back, others read it and get to see different points of view and if it gives them something to think about, then im good with that



TAH

Admin

Billie - posted on 07/16/2011

People may say Afganistan is the place you don't want to be, but I don't know how that could be when we've lost around 10 men during our current deployment to Baghdad.

I think this post should have just been locked a long time ago.

Serinitee - posted on 07/15/2011

:D, looks like this is done, I don't think that the OP cares about this anymore anyway. She had her vent session lol. Btw, I've definitely heard that Afghanistan is THE place you don't want your husband to be, so I can see why she would be so upset, however, I'm sticking to my guns on this one. No one deserves to be belittled on a blog that is specifically designed for wives in this particular situation. Everyone's posts, emotional or otherwise should be respected in all honesty. Hooray Sarah and hooray to everyone else!

Heather - posted on 07/15/2011

I still think she was just looking for drama, and everyone has given it to her. Good for you, OP.

Elizabeth - posted on 07/11/2011

Ever think that many of the spouses on here don't have any other outlet to vent to about deployments, separation, single parenting, minor and major marital problems, etc?

I am one of those that has few military friends and thus I don't really have someone that can understand what I want to vent about or get advice on. I may not post often, but just because some people do that doesn't make them whiners, weak, not cut out for the military life, or whatever you want to call them.

Devaluing deployments, now that's just fucking ridiculous. When our spouses leave to serve their country, they don't get to pick how long they are gone, the don't get to pick where they go, they don't get to pick when they go, they don't always get to tell us where exactly they are or when they can talk to us next. And even when we know all of these things it doesn't mean we can't be upset about it. I love that my husband is a soldier, but that doesn't mean I can't get frustrated with the Army sometimes.

That being said you obviously have a right to your opinion and the right to vent :) but I hope you see how your post/wording is offensive to many of us, not that you care

Tiffany - posted on 07/11/2011

I agree that it was poorly worded. I also think that anyone who posts on how tired they are about hearing other women cry and complain because their husband is gone, needs to stop and think about why they might be crying. I hated it every time my husband was deployed ( he just got out of the Air Force last month) but I handle them all pretty well up until the last one. But as I stated before that was because my mother had passed away suddenly just 2 days before he left.

LauraBeth - posted on 07/11/2011

Yes, very poorly worded, Tah. I see her point and it shows that she turns to lashing out on others as her way to cope, everyone handles things diiferently. I like your post (a few up) I agree crying on the phone doesnt help anything. My hubby always thought things were peachy kin here lol

Tah - posted on 07/11/2011

I don't think she is any less a military wife than any of us. This is not the first, second or third time a post like this has been started here if you look back you will see others. She isn't the only one that feels this way or sees things in this way. People handle deployments differently and some wives are stronger or handle them differently than others....I'll say again. Though worded poorly, she does make some valid points...

Kristina - posted on 07/11/2011

Ok...not only is this post offensive; I need someone to explain to me how the person whom wrote it can even call herself a military wife? Puny & deployments should NEVER be used in the same sentence. When my husband signed up to be in the military 17 years ago this December, I am 100% positive he knew what he signed up for; and when we married, I knew 100% what I signed up for as well!!! I agree being a military wife/SAHM is NOT the greatest job in the world; however, I would NOT trade it for anything!!! My husband does NOT spend endless hours away from his family b/c he wants to; however, he made the choice to & Sara...something you need to remember is...NOONE IS PERFECT; every person handles emotion differently!!!

Tah - posted on 07/11/2011

I don't think they are saying not show emotion..but crying and being depressed and unstable every time he talks to you or more often than not does nothing to make him think that you and the kids will be taken care of while he is gone. It puts more on him as if he doesn't have enough already..now I once broke broke down and cried on the phone..but the rest of the time, I was strong, and I knew I had to do that for him and the kids. I also know that if you are a ultra emotional person or went from mommy and daddy to him and have never Ben through this or been alone it will be different for you. As I said, I get both sides...

Kristina - posted on 07/11/2011

All I can say is....I'm sorry BUT!!!! There are no words; as a PROUD military wife, I am in total shock & disbelief after reading your post. I agree military wives need to be strong for their children back home; however, please explain to me WHY we are NOT allowed to show emotion for our husbands? Correct me if I'm wrong, showing emotion is part of being human!!!

Heather - posted on 07/08/2011

No one said don't post. Just don't tell her SHE shouldn't post this or that SHE shouldn't feel that way. That's all I'm saying. You can disagree or present your point of view without accusing her of being uncaring or cold, but most people were just attacking what she said instead of presenting their side of the argument. I like reading all the perspectives too, but it irritates me when posters feel they need to put someone in their place before giving their opinion. My point was that she opened a new conversation, so you don't HAVE to respond if it offends you. :)

Billie - posted on 07/08/2011

And just like she's allowed to vent her frustrations, we're allowed to vent how frustrated we are with her post. I don't see how anyone could think it's wrong that we're posting how we feel just because it's different from your point of view. I've just been trying to get everyone to see every point of view on this subject.

Heather - posted on 07/07/2011

I think the point in the OP was that we should get by DESPITE being affected by our husbands' deployments. If it really offends you then ignore it and chalk it up to someone venting their frustration. If she had posted this as a response to someone's post, I might be able to see the offense, but she was clearly frustrated with some drama going on and wanted to say something. No one should be offended and no one expects you to feel the same way the OP does.

Tah - posted on 07/07/2011

This is a great debate....I like seeing the different points of view and as long as we don't start attacking, it's open to comment

http://www.circleofmoms.com/just-debates

Kelsey - posted on 07/07/2011

I found this post quite offensive as well. It was extremely harsh and poorly written. Some people deal with things differently. If you don't care about it, then what is this post about? Maybe you could have executed your thoughts a tad bit better and actually encouraged these spouses that are supposedly feeling sorry for themselves. I get so annoyed with these military spouses who think that just because they are not greatly affected by their husband duty, that everyone else should feel and act the way they do.

Serinitee - posted on 07/05/2011

I love how this is going. Some say be supportive some say suck it up. Well, I get by after a cry and I'm no longer spent once I vent ;) (I just don't let my child or my husband see any of it)



I do want to make a correction though, we aren't single parents when our men are away, we are what I call pseudo-single, and that brings along a whole new sensitivity. As for putting my business out there and being "tacky", I think it's tacky for someone to get on a community b l o g (which is a place you go to put your business out there, and where you read about other people's business to find some kind of connection that helps you with life...) read all about other people and then criticize them for airing their dirty laundry and commenting about and expressing opinions about other opinions. Kinda funny actually.



And I don't know about anyone else, but I do expect my husband to have sympathy for me. He's the man I love and I am the woman he loves so he darned well better, just like I have sympathy for him. Once you lose sympathy, next is respect ladies, neither one, deployed soldier or civilian military spouse deserves any less sympathy, to suggest it is pure crazy talk! Yes we're home with the kids, but our jobs ain't easy peasy, and remember, most of our men c h o s e this career. They weren't drafted. So they knew what they were getting into just as we did! It's all about working together and communicating to keep our marriages together, leaning on others when you can't lean on your spouse.



One more thing. Don't confuse worry with sympathy. It's not healthy for them to worry about us any more than it is for us to worry about them. Now that, I don't want my husband doing. I've got this under control, I'm doing the best for my child, and I'm holding down the fort until he gets home and he is well aware of that.

Dawn - posted on 07/04/2011

Wow, how is the view from way up there on your high horse? Seriously.... every person deals with stress and separation differently. Some women use forums like this to vent their frustrations and go about their daily lives with pride in their husbands chosen profession. Maybe they complain here so that their children aren't affected by their stress at home. Perhaps you should reconsider your perspective, it must be awfully nice to never have a bad day and need an outlet. Kudos to you! I'm quite honestly offended by your remarks. How about if you don't have anything nice to say to uplift those spouses that are having a hard time, you don't say anything at all. VERY RUDE!

LauraBeth - posted on 07/04/2011

I agree Bridget, I meant women that cheat, when I said they act like they do not have a hubby

Bridget - posted on 07/04/2011

I agree with Heather. I think we do need to be strong for our kids. When i say women who don't act like they are married i'm talking about women who cheat not women who are strong and carry on when their husband are deployed. As for the length of deployments my husband is air force and with his job we don't really deploy alot so it is a true statement that i don't understand what it's like to be a army wife and have my husband gone for 13 months at a time but i still think a seperation is a seperation and it is hard on everyone but it's just a matter of how we deal with them. :)

Tah - posted on 07/04/2011

Okay...let me be clear 3 months or 13 months.let's stop insulting people and downplaying the separation and work their husbands do....army, navy..whatever. Now with that being said I can't disagree totally with the OP or heather though yes, wording could be better...also..

Please don't flag heathers post, sometimes on here post that aren't what we want to hear, or aren't sugarcoated and may be what we NEED to hear are flagged even though they don't violate T.H.U.M.P.S..and this one hasn't.

Heather - posted on 07/04/2011

Ok ladies. I think it's really tacky that you can all come on here and post your drama and your problems and whatever else you feel like and expect the rest of us to be supportive and give you the advice you WANT to hear and then turn around and ream Sara for her opinion. If you don't like it, don't read it. Trust me, after the 50th "my husband cheated on me" post, I started ignoring them.

She's not telling you to act like you don't have husbands or be cold-hearted biatches. She's saying take some responsibility for yourselves and your children and get some professional help if you can't cope. Don't expect your husband to be sympathetic to you when you have access to 3 meals a day, television, YOUR CHILDREN!!! And just to give you some perspective(those of you who want to crucify Sara)...You are a single mom when your husband is depoyed or stationed out of country and it's an insult to single moms everywhere for you to fall apart all the time and LET yourself be depressed. Be upset! Be angry! Be sad! and then get over it! Move on with your life so you can HAVE a life. That's what your husbands are fighting for! I'm not pretending I don't have a husband when he's deployed, I'm living my life the way I always do for my child and myself and for all the other spouses that are looking at me to see how I'm going to react!

As for "puny" deployments...well, I suppose us Army wives sometimes have a skewed version of deployment. Our husbands deploy for 13 months every two years, so it can be difficult to understand why someone is complaining about a six month tour to Kuwait or year long tour in Korea(not exactly war zones). It doesn't make those tours any less of a sacrifice, but you also don't have to go two weeks or longer withought hearing anything from your husband, knowing he's being shot at and burning his own shit in a barrel. We all make sacrifices, no matter what branch of the military we've married into. We all know in the back of our mind that something could go wrong and our spouse might have to make the ultimate sacrifice. We want to be a support group for each other and help each other be stong. And sometimes we need a reminder that it's not just about what we need. It's about what our children and our husbands and our friends need. We have to be extremely self-less women to succeed as military wives.

sorry that was so long...that was MY rant for the year! ;)

Bridget - posted on 07/03/2011

@LauraBeth i couldn't agree with you more especially about the women who act like they don't have husbands when they are gone that annoys and angers the hell out of me

LauraBeth - posted on 07/03/2011

I agree that you could have selected better words for your post. and I have to say that PUNY!!!! should never describe any form of deployment!!! POINT!, BLANK!, PERIOD!!!! I am a proud ARMY wife, knew completely what I was getting into, and times it is rough!! but I respect my Hubby enough to NEVER degrade his work by calling it PUNY!! sounds like you have a problem yourself with the type of work your hubby does, so dont point your finger so fast!!......Puny geez, I have just seen it all



and FYI I agree that you should be strong for your children "offspring (sounds so cold)" but my marriage has never "sucked" even during the deployments, while he was gone I cried many of nights, and I am sure my children saw that moment of weekness and I believe that it only helps to make them stronger and realize that is ok, and even if some women boo-hoo it doesnt mean they arent being strong for their kids.



it is the emotionless women that act like they dont have a hubby while they are gone that TOTALLY tick me off.

Heather - posted on 07/03/2011

HAHAHA! I totally appreciate the OP. It was harsh, but she was just voicing her frustrations...just like the rest of us get to do. If you don't want people judge your posts-don't judge hers. Just ignore her...like I ignore the wining, weak, irritating re-posters with the same complaint and disbelief about the life they chose. I'm all for asking for support AND being able to vent. I'm always willing to give advice and support, but I won't guarantee you'll like what I say. You may not like the OP delivery, but try to appreciate the message.

Tah - posted on 07/03/2011

You can think that because my husbands deployments are shorter hey are puny, but when he's out jumping on pirates boats and manning a gun for over 12 hours while they are pushing hostages on the deck and have a flipping grenade launcher trained on his butt..I wouldn't think it so puny....love you too

Serinitee - posted on 07/02/2011

I'd love to understand where you're coming from honey. Wouldn't want to be so harsh, but I'd love to have that mentality. I'm not weak by any means, and as fierce as any mother would be with my 10 month old son, and I certainly was aware of the situation before I married my husband. Nothing in the world could've prepared me for how it feels, but I love him enough to give it a go. We made the decision to have a child before he left to Iraq. (I'm sorry your husband isn't there instead) He was there with him for 3 months before he left to train in country and we got to visit him when our son was 6 months, so I'm definitely luckier than most I know.



That said, I do believe that this is a place to vent, we don't want to distract our husbands with our nonsense and whiny ways, but we as women need shoulders to lean on, we need to roar, and scream and throw temper tantrums sometimes. Since our husbands won't see this, I don't think it's doing any harm. (Hell, if they visit Circle of Moms > Military Spouses with Children! they're asking for it anyway...) ;)



Just don't take out your anger on us, I feel you all the way with it, I get that angry with myself sometimes, quite often actually, but tear up a pillow or something before attacking those who already are bearing a load in the first place. Or better yet, give that anger to who it really belongs to...whoever that may be.



My husband is the quiet type. I went to a generalized meeting, but that's all I got as far as preparing for deployment was concerned. He didn't tell me anything and I thought it was because he didn't really know what to expect either, this being his first deployment and all, but now that he's gone, he has yet to tell me what he needs and that frustrates me and makes me afraid. Does he even need me? Or does he need something that I'm not providing? I'm no mind reader but I wish I was and the unknowns are what ticks me off.



Someone said that I will never know how it is for them and that scares the heck out of me. I've even teased him that I'm going to join the Army so that I know where he's coming from. (And believe me, I'm only half joking) But this life is scary, not knowing whether he is in trouble, whether he'd tell me if he was, knowing that he's going to be closer to his colleagues (even female) than he is to me - it's all scary. And though I "signed up" for this, I didn't sign up with any intention of being completely and utterly alone. Therefore, I've reached out to POSITIVE wives in my unit, and keep in contact with them throughout this. And I reach out on blogs such as these. The main thing is: we are going to get through this.

Billie - posted on 06/11/2011

Julia- Yes I did mean how does it make the wives/husbands/and children feel. We aren't the ones deployed, but we're the ones who are left behind worried about whether our husband/wife will be coming home. The constant inner struggle we have to go on with our lives day to day knowing that my husband, my children's father may never come home. Deployments effect everybody, not just the deployed.

Grits - posted on 06/11/2011

Let's be careful about generalizations! My AF husband is in his third 12-month deployment. I keep teasing him about who he angered to be getting so many of them so frequently! ; )

And to the OP, are you serious? Please tell me that you didnt mean for your post to come across as offensively as it did.

Bridget - posted on 06/10/2011

Ok and i never said that i would understand what it's like to deploy and have to leave my children behind i respect SM alot for what they do it takes alot of bravery and sacrifice.

Julia - posted on 06/10/2011

No offense taken deployments are hard on everyone. But the fact that the one comment got people's panties in a bunch. Shouldn't have as much as it did.

I've said it before in a different thread. Deployments are hard on everyone but they are HARDER on the SM. The wife who is safe at home will NEVER know what it is like to be over there. And the fact of the matter is you can never know. Unless you go yourself.

Bridget - posted on 06/10/2011

Julia-i didn't mean to offend or upset you i was just saying that i think that deployments are hard on everyone no matter what.

Julia - posted on 06/10/2011

How does it make the wives feel? They aren't the ones deploying...if that comment should piss anyone off it would be the actually deploying SM's. Because SM's whether you are there for 4 months or 15 months your life is on the line no matter what.

Bridget - posted on 06/10/2011

Billie- i agree :) my husband is in the air force and his last deployment was only for four months but it was still hard on our children..but we made it through it. He is leaving for Korea in November for a year so i'm sure it will be just as hard. But i will be as strong as i possibly can for our children and hopefully the year will go by quickly

Billie - posted on 06/10/2011

That's just it, no deployment should be referred to as puny. They're all for the same thing, same risks no matter how long they're for. Just because my husband's deployments are for 12 months doesn't mean I think he's doing more than someone else who deploys for only 4 months. Think about how that makes those wives/husbands feel. It makes them feel as though they're not as appreciated.

Julia - posted on 06/10/2011

Hey hey I think what she meant by puny deployments are the ones that the other branches do. 4 months, 6 months, 9 months. While the wording could have been better, I kinda agree with her. Air Force, Marine, and Navy (Tah you know I love you) only have to deal with small amounts of time. While sea duty I know is more often, I will say it is harder when you have to deal with 12 and 15 months by yourself thousands of miles away from family. I'm NOT diminishing deployments by any means. I deployed myself. Sorry just my honest opinion

Heather - posted on 06/10/2011

I don't know, I assumed this post was just BEGGING for drama. I'd just skip over it, ladies.

Brandi - posted on 06/09/2011

I think there are alot of different kinds of military wives out there. I am supportive and follow my man anywhere, but it still hurts to watch him leave, but I stay strong for my family, and we have a great understanding marriage. BUT There are plenty of wives out there though that have NOT had a happy experience with the military lifestyle. While you may have a great marriage and be super wife/mom...some of these women have been cheated on, left,hurt,and emotionally abused, but are trying to keep their family together. I don't think it's right of you to judge these women- since you have obviously not had the same experience they might have had. Each one of us handles situations in different ways and we all are given different obstacles to face. I'm glad you have a great marriage and have no complaints, but please keep in mind that other wives may be going through alot more than you are!

Billie - posted on 06/08/2011

You know, this post could have been written better because I do find it offensive. It could have been like, "Oh I understand some spouses have troubles adjusting, but you need to keep in mind that you are your children's rock while daddy/mommy is gone. You need to hold it together for them, be strong, show them that you can be their mother/father when their mother/father is gone. They need to be able to depend on you."



You really didn't need to rant like that. When I experienced my first deployment with my husband before we were married, I'll admit that we had fights every other conversation at least because I DID NOT KNOW what I was getting myself into. He didn't explain anything to me except, "I'll call you when I can." And it didn't help that he had people in the background talking to him when they get to see him everyday and I was only getting a call every other week. It takes everyone a different amount of time to adjust. Now that we've been together over 6yrs I do know what to expect when it comes to having to leave for classes, training, and deployments. I know the dangers he faces and honestly, I don't think about them because that's how I'm able to stay strong for our girls.



We need to give support to these spouses who need it and if you don't want to listen to how they feel, don't say anything if you're just going to make them feel worse. That's the least you can do.



Also wanted to add that you emphasize Army like you're better than all the other branches. Well honey we're Army too and I also realize that no matter what branch you belong to, we're all fighting for the same reasons so that doesn't make you any better than anyone else.



"Puny deployments"? What does that mean? You should feel ashamed for ever putting those 2 words in the same sentence. My husband has served 3 tours in Iraq that were 12 months long, this current one will only be 6 months because he was on Rear-D for the beginning. No deployment should be referred to as "puny." Stop trying to make people feel bad about their lives, this is a support group. If you don't like it you should join an "anti military family" group because all your post is doing is hating. Very offensive.

Jennifer - posted on 06/07/2011

I handled everything fine until he called me and said, "honey- sit down. I'm in the hospital." I lost it. I was so upset I hung up on him. WTF was I thinking? I fell apart, I drove to my best friends house & cried in her arms until he called me back 2 hours later. It's been 4 years to the day & my husband is medically retired, but looking back sometimes it's hard to believe that we made it through everything that we did. It was tough, we fought, I fought. For him, our son, myself. I had to, there was no other option. Some people do see quitting as an option because it's easier, less painful to just give up then to keep going on with what feels like the weight of the world on your shoulders.

Don't be so quick to judge other people, no one is perfect & everyone reacts differently to stress.

Tiffany - posted on 06/07/2011

Ya know I understand that my husband signed up for this. We knew what he was getting into and when we got married I knew what I had signed on too. that being said I did complain and bitch when my husband was deployed to Qatar for a number of reasons. One being that he was told for months that he didn't have to go then at the last minute they changed there minds. The biggest reason was because 2 days before he left my mother passed away suddenly and because she wasn't technically his family they couldn't give an extra day or two so he could be there for his family. Also I have 3 children and one of them has autism. So imagine being left alone, grieving, and have to care for a special needs child, a toddler, and a pre-teen. Maybe before you start bitching out people for complaining or just looking for someone to talk to you, you should stop and think about what their whole situation is.

Sarah - posted on 06/06/2011

I think that I take offense to this post to most because of the reference of "puny deployments." I think that cheapens our husbands sacrifice by saying that. I feel that I am a strong women and a good military wife. I care deeply for my children and have made sure that I have used the resources the Army provides to make sure their life is a close to pre-deployment life that I can make it. That being said you can't vent to your children and family often does not understand. I think the value of this community is that you can come here when everything has gone wrong and you need to know things are going to be ok. While we are military wives, we are not perfect, and every once and while we are not 100% bullet proof. I think that it is easy to judge others from your computer screen when they are not a person in front of you. Maybe it would help if we all remember that a real person is reading your response.

Tah - posted on 06/06/2011

well i just want to say that i am in no way saying that someone is a crappy wife because the marriage was in trouble. i was just saying that a lot of women know before hand, noy who is at fault for what. I am sorry you didn't have that support system, heck neither did I. We moved into housing 2 years ago but before we did that i didn't have military friends..let me take that back...i had 2 that got married around the same time i did but considering one was cheating 3 days after he left and one was a crappy wife for certain..we didn't talk much about anything else..lol. im glad you found this site and that it helped you out. I am not saying you can't have a good cry, i even said in another thread the other day i had one good cry on the phone with him letting him know my feelings but i just couldn't dwell on it. It was probably the fact that you didn't live near a support system, but heck i would have gone and hung out with the marine wives..lol,. im glad this site has helped and now you know whats normal and it is hard and it requires us to be strong when we dont want to be or think we can't. Noone saying you can't vent, or be emotional but we are also saying it requires alot and when you married your spouse(if he was already in) or when he decided to join and you decided to stay married to him, this is the life we choose because we chose him so we have to learn to cope.



Now if you crying is how you cope, fine, but just know that it adds stress to him when he is already not getting enough rest, working long hours, having to deal with politics etc. He has to be able to trust that with him gone you are alright and it can be frustrating to him if when he calls and all he hears is you crying and saying you can't take it. It can cause him to want to talk to someone that can understand and sympathize and offer him support that he feels he isn't getting from his spouse. now im not justifying any cheating, its wrong point, blank, period.

sometimes it takes a friend to say, hey you know what, i get it, i have been there but you have to be strong and find something to pass the time, getting a job, taking a class, going to the gym, a hobby etc. I would rather have someone shake me and tell me the truth..(in a nice way sara..hint hint..lol) then watch me going up in flames and not bother to toss me some water.

Marci - posted on 06/06/2011

Well, I'm one of the moms here that has done a crappy job as a military wife, I guess, because our marriage sucked before the deployment, then he cheated on me during the deployment, and boy did that hurt! I think some of these wives on here, like me, are in the National Guard or Reserves. I'm not around other military - I'm surrounded by civilians. And Civilian wives are just not the same. I had no idea how to handle the deployment. I didn't get any talks from Sergeants on what we were supposed to do or say to our husbands, etc. In some ways, I think it would be a lot easier if we were full time military in that culture and on a base or something around people that know how things are. My friend was a Marine and during her husband's deployment, she had all the Marine wives to hang out with and they all leaned on each other, and didn't say stupid things to each other. Now I have done stupid things like cry on the phone to my husband and tell him I couldnt' handle it. Then when he came home on R and R, he was extremely mean to me. I needed to come on this site to find out what was normal. I had to talk to a counselor after the fact. It would have been nice to know how to handle the cheating and the cruelty coming from my husband from a military perspective. I still don't exactly know what to do with him. I'm not offended by what Sara said, she just sounds like one of the military men, not a female. But kindness goes a long way in toughening up a person. Sympathize for a minute, then tell her to toughen up and how, not tell her that she is a loser or whiner or whatever.

Tah - posted on 06/06/2011

Now let me give a warning...we do not call names on here. i don't often have to give a warning but this it..i will delte any post that i deem are a personal attack. if people would like to reword their post and try again feel free.

Bridget - posted on 06/06/2011

Tah-i agree with you..i just think that Sara was being kinda mean about the whole thing. I knew that when i married my husband that i would have to deal with moves and deployments etc...and i understand that we have to be strong for our children but i also think its ok to cry at night when they are not there it's tough not having the person you love with you for months at a time..

Tah - posted on 06/06/2011

well now, lets not rally the troops and send Sara to the stocks so quickly. Though she came across brash, there is some truth here. This is the life we chose. We understand that some things go with it. For instance



moving, you can;t be a military wife and be in shock when he comes home and says we are headed to California, get some boxes



deployments-you couldn't be too shocked when he comes home with orders to be gone form 6 months to 1 year or longer because thats what happens.



Being alone and having children miss daddy...well that also comes with the territory.



Some women come on here as if they didn't expect any of it to happen. Now it does take a strong person to be the spouse of a military person, you have to be superwomen in a sense because you have to be strong for the kids and for your spouse. How can i expect him to concentrate on coming home safely and focusing on dangerous missions if he knows im under the covers crying all day and i can't handle dad to day things or the kids or that im screwing with jody or wanting to leave him because i "can't handle it". We do come here for help and i think its improtant we support each other but we can't be blind and helpless, We have to have some independence about us or its going to be hard. Now my neighbor and it was funny when he was telling it, but not so funny to the young wives...



They were getting ready to deploy to Guantanamo Bay and he is the platoon SGT so he came in to talk to the wives at his superiors request. he said look, im such and such blah blah blah..but im telling you now. if you wanna be upset because your husband can't come home at 4 or doesn't have time to call you and chit chat all day, be mad at me because we have a job to do. Don't call me complaining that im working him to long or hard because what you think means less than nothing to me. You are not my marine he is. He knew what he signed up for and i would hope he explained it to you. He needs you to be strong and supportive and to be able to figure things out without him. Don't call my wife crying because she is gonna tell you that this is what you signed up for, and if you have any questions then look it up. If he's cheating she is going to tell you to toughen up and take it or don't she wont be soothing over any scrapes for you etc. Now it wasn't what they wanted to hear and his delivery wasn't suited for 19 year old wives bouncing babies on their laps..but there was truth in it.



We definitley need to support each other which we do here, but we also have to take some responsibility for what we chose and we have to try and be strong more often then not. If you need to cry, cry..if you need to punch a pillow punch it, but don't be stagnant and feeling sorry for yourselves when the children and your soldier/sailor/marine/airmen needs you to be his helpmate and support system as well. my husband calls me and needs my words of reassurance often, he can't always tell them how he is feeling so he needs me to listen and encourage him to go on and to be strong and safe and to give him something he knows he wants to come home to.



Also, you know if your marriage is on the rocks, and no deployments and new babies don't make it better. Work on you and keep the lines of communication open and don't look to those things to patch something that is broken. There are other ways to try and help, counseling being one. Now yes we are welcome to vent here, everyone needs a good vent, but we can't forget what is required of us either.

Bridget - posted on 06/05/2011

I thought this site was supposed to be here so we could support each other not bring each other down. If you have a problem with the way that people handle things then don't read their posts.

Ty - posted on 06/05/2011

Sounds like u need a chill pill! Dont worry about other people....worry about u! Some people handle it different....maybe they need someone to vent to! If u cant take the venting then find new friends not army wives. We r suppose to b there for each other! Im glad u r not my neighbor! WooHoo! Hahaha!