Kimber - posted on 08/06/2011 ( 20 moms have responded )
My husband and I have been Married for 8 years and have two children, our daughter is 6 years old and our son is 3 years old. This is my husband 3rd deployment. Every time we have had a experiece where he thinks he is unhappy with our marriage. The 1st deployment he wanted freedom to go out and party... When he came home from that one he went back to his noramal self... The 2nd deployment was VERY BAD. All of the sudden out of the blue he wanted a divorce. He became very mean and would not talk to me, took me off his facebook pictures and took me off as his wife. When he came home for R & R he came back to his normal self and appoligized for everything and we were fine for the rest of the deployment. Once he came home from that deployment we became so much closer than we have ever been... During his last 2 years home his parents went threw a nasty divorce and my husband saw how much his mother was hurt and promised me he would never hurt me like that again. Like I said the last 2 years i have never felt closer to him... He got my name tattoed on him and we got matching tattos of "FOREVER" his idea. He got his on his ring finger. He has been happy and never showed signs of being unhappy... I mean you know how men are the only thing he ever complained about was not enough sex, but it was never fights... Before he left I can tell you how many flowers he brought home to me, he would by me my favorite chocolates... Was very loving and considerate... The day he left for Afghanistan he was so sad, and cried for the first time infront of everyone... I really thought we were gonna get threw this deployment ok. We talked everyday for almost 2 hours and he was doing good. Then about 3 weeks ago out of the blue he started sayin he liked being alone.... for about a week he was dead set on this being alone and then came around and apologized.... And was back to himeself telling me how much he loved me and telling me FOREVER.. Then he left for a mission and I know things got pretty rough and he was different when he called me this last week... I knew something was wrong when he called from his voice and he wouldnt say FOREVER when we hung up on the phone.... At first i thought well maybe he was stressed and tried to blow it off... But each day got worse... its only been a week since that call and he is hell bent he wants a divorce. He says he has been unhappy for years and only stayed because of the kids, which i know is a lie. I asked him what has made him change and he says he realized life was short... I just dont understand wouldnt you want your family closer than pushing them away. I asked him if he was so unhappy why did he say things he said like these are two messages he wrote on my facebook ----I love you so much... I thought about you all day today.. I am so lucky to have met you and married you... what were you thinking? Thru all the bull shit we have been thru and what ever comes next in our lives together it doesnt mean anything because we will have each other.. you gave me 2 bad ass kids that i would do anything for.. You, Boogie, and the shit machine are my everything.. not to metion you brought shelby into my life.. all and all I love you Kimber Williams FoReVeR
and another example is this one-----Im gonna miss you more than life itself, because life is nothing without you in it.. FoReVeR
There are others, but why would he write this stuff if he was so unhappy with me like he is trying to say... I ask him why he is so unhappy and he says I dont let him be himself... Which is CRAZY..... We revolve our lives around him and what he wants to do.. He rides dirtbikes and we go with him all the time cause that is what he wants and he hangs with his friend across the street drinking and having fun... And I dont mind cause I am friends with his wife. Everyone that knows my husband is in total shock and says something has to be wrong with him cause he is like a totally different person. He has gotten so bad now that he will not tell me he loves me or really even talk to me. He said he wanted alot of space so I have been leaving him alone and not messaging him, letting him come to me.. But he is being really mean for someone who doesnt want to be with me and be alone he messaged me 3 times yesterday.. He will ask me how are the kids, how is his mother, or tell the kids I love them. And it breaks my heart when he does it cause he is worried about everyone but me.. When I tell him how I feel he says, what do you want me to say? And his number one answer for most questions is " I dont know". If this is how you feel and what you want how do you not know... I just dont know what to do and all of this is killing me... He is my heart I love him so much and I know he is my soulmate and he is my bestfriend. I just dont understand why he changes so drastically over there. I know he is hanging out with a guy who is 19 and my husband is 26. So maybe he sees him and wants to be single... Is this normal? Like I said we have been threw this twice and he came back around so I am hoping he comes back around when he comes home in October for R&R. I just dont know what I should do? Do I give him space till October, some friends tell me let him see what being alone is gonna be like ( my husband has never been alone, when he is home he calls me 100 times if he is at house alone), im just so lost on what to do.... Like I said not talking to him is killing me but it seems like everytime I talk to him he just comes up with something else hurtful to say... Any advice would be so appreciated!!!!