is it normal for husbands to come home and ask for divorce?

Charity - posted on 06/25/2010

PS
If he decides to fight for custody be ready for the cost ot be over $5000.00 on your part

Use your resourses as long as there is no divorce decree you are still legally his wife and keep all base priviledges (medical Dental commisary the whole base) till everything is final. If there is a divore your son will have an ID card with Commisary and exchange priviledges USE THEM!!

I know this is probably the hardest time of your life and you keep thinking "How am I going to survive on my own" millions of us do it everyday some days harder than others but we make it.

Use WIC and Food stamps they are there to help and trust me it is much better to use the help and keep your lights on. Just do not include these when figuring out how much "marital debt" you can handle they do end.

Good luck and keep your head up your son needs you

Charity - posted on 06/24/2010

Since the GF has made contact with you that means she is going to be a problem if you do stay together. You want to go ahead and separate and have childsupport set. If both of you want to work it out there is nothing that says you have to stay in the same house. In most states it is at least 6 months before you can divorce & others require a year if there are children involved. The base Legal can give the separation package and the all have a clause stating that if there is a reconciliation the separation is voided. The main thing is you need to make sure your son and you are taken care of.

Do not fall prey to him setting the childsupport go to the Child Support Emfercement office and have the state set it that way no one can complain it is wrong. Also before you sign and notorize the separation papers make sure who ever is moving out has done so and that you take no more debt than you can handle with your income (not including the childsupport that is for the welfare of the child) If he has to take all the marital debt then he has to. And save yourself some $$$ by doing your separation yourself all that has to be done to make a separation legal is to have it notorized. If there are any disagreements on who should get what check with your local court system most have mediators that do not cost a lot and the payment is split between the 2 of you but if you get a lawyer to do the papers then his bill is your responsiblility.

Also if he starts causing problems for you you need to report them to his chail of command.

To summarize:
Have state set child support
Use base legal or a court mediator instead of a lawyer for the separation papers
Do not be the "nice guy" make sure all debt you agree to take on you can afford do not make it so your son is eating hot dogs every day for a month take care of yourself and son

Eve - posted on 06/24/2010

I found out that it was an afair with another woman . She called me on the day I had an appointment with a lawyer. I was just about to call and cancel the appointment cuz we were goin to work it out.Even though he was the one accusing me of cheating. I couldnt believe it. He wants to work it out but had I been the one who cheated he would have divorced me. Im so confused and have no idea what to do

JESSINA - posted on 06/24/2010

Girly I feel for you. I'm so sorry you have to be in this situation. My ex hubby had an affair on me then he decided to go into the Military. He tries to do everything to win me back and it started to work for a bit but I'm not having it. I almost left to Korea for him but I'm not leaving my life again for him. I need to put God first not him. I think your hubby needs a wake up call he needs to see what he is losing. I hope u guys can work it out.

Cassie - posted on 06/24/2010

My husband hasn't asked for divorce but I have had him tell me he was completely unhappy with me when I thought everything was ok. I would try counseling if he will go or have him at least sit down and talk to you so you know what's bothering him. You can't fix anything if you don't know what it is that's wrong. Just keep trying to communicate with him and let him know you love him. Good luck.

Charity - posted on 06/22/2010

this has happened to many families sorry to say. It could be the fact he never got over the loss of your son and does not know how to act with a new boy in the same house and thinks it might be best if you move on and find someone who will be there all the time for your new son.

Talk to him and try to be open even if it is an affair. Either way love has to flow both ways or neither of you will ever be happy. Good luck and just take it day by day

Jeri - posted on 06/22/2010

It happened to me... randomly out of the blue on our drive back to NC from NY, mine said to move out cause he wanted a divorce. So I calmly left without a fuss, and let him see what life would be like without me there, and he couldnt handle it and called me beggin for me to come back after 3 months of being alone. (Of course I took 4 months to come back haha) but things got alot better, or so I thought. We got orders to come to Germany, and I moved in with my mother to save the last couple months rent for when we got here, and I thought everything was ok, after we settled in in Germany, I found an email from a girl he'd had an affair with while I was at my mothers and she had sent him a picture of her new baby saying she wasnt 100% sure it was his cause she had slept with her ex just b4 him (EW) but the baby girl looks JUST like our son.... so yeah. I cant really just pack up and go to my ma's anymore, and we fight alot more now, but we did counseling, and as crazy as it sounds, our marriage is the best it's ever been! Sometimes guys need something crazy to happen to realize what they have right infront of them. But the counseling was sooooo helpful! (awkward, but helpful lol) I would see if he'll try it, and if not, then go by yourself and it will help with whatever happens =)

Melissa - posted on 06/21/2010

I have heard of that, but each situation had different reasons for wanting a divorce. I would seriously consider marriage counseling, and individual counseling for both of you. Good luck...I hope things work out for the best!

Adrienne - posted on 06/20/2010

Maybe he feels guilty that your 2nd son is there and your first is not, and loving the 2nd means loving the first less. Just a thought. I hope everything works out. I would suggest counseling.

Krystal - posted on 06/20/2010

Unfortunately this happens frequently in the military. When you live for so long without someone you realize that you can indeed live without them, which is why I tell my husband all the time "I can live without, in fact I frequently do, but I don't want to and I choose not to." You have to make that choice in this life and sadly many people can not do that. I would suggest a counselor and a good talk about why he wants a divorce, he may be suffering from PTSD. Good luck.

Tiffany - posted on 06/11/2010

I have never been through this personally, but I know many wives who have been through this. I agree with what Tiffany Gonzalez said but sometimes with military men that have just gotten back from a deployment, it may be that he is just scared about coming home to a baby. He may even think that you dont wanna be with him anymore and he is just beating you to it. Maybe yall should sit down and talk and ask him what happened to make him want a divorce. Maybe after yall talk he will realize that he is just scared or something and that he doesnt really want a divorce. Its worth a shot. Alot of the wives I know that went through this are still married. They went to counseling and talked about it and are fine now. I am sorry you are having to go through this. I hope everything works out for you.

Tiffany - posted on 06/11/2010

It has never happened to me but I have heard of it before if that is any consolation. One person in the marriage can believe that everything is fine while the other one doesn't feel it or has issues. I would ask him if he would be willing to try counseling first. To try to keep the family together.( Not just for the sake of your son because people that stay together just for their children in my opinion make it harder on them in the long run. ) So sorry to hear that you are going through this. Do you have family close by?