Lonely new military wife

Melinda - posted on 02/05/2011 ( 15 moms have responded )

5

13

2

Hi, I am a new Air Force wife, and wondered if I can expect this loneliness to continue. My guy and I are originally from AL but are stationed at Ft. Gordon right now in GA/SC. Our 9-month-old definitely keeps me entertained but I'm still so homesick and lonely. Will this go away?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Tegan - posted on 02/15/2011

3

5

0

Hi Melinda,
Honestly I want to say it will go away but will take time. I was once you about six years ago. It's hard when people tell you to get out when you don't know the first place to go. I have met some of my best friends by getting part time jobs. Put yourself out there and you will be fine, just be ware of those that may try to take advantage, not cool.

Shelly - posted on 02/10/2011

67

24

1

Hi Melinda, I don't want you to be afraid but honestly it never goes away it does become less and less as long as you get a hobby or job and live really live your life. Being a military spouse is one of the hardest jobs in the world. We spend long hours waiting and wondering if they are ok or if they will come home. Try to get involved with a support group if working is not an option right now. Having a small child is very hard when your lonely and trying to work. Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel the worst thing you can do is keep him in the dark. I know it seems bad right now It takes time to adjust to the life you have married in to and it's not easy but I am here if you need to talk. My husband is in the Army and has been for 27 years and there are still times like now that I am really lonely and miss my family. He will be gone until he retires which will be another almost 3 years. I am struggling every day with being alone but I just keep reminding my self there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Sara - posted on 02/09/2011

28

7

4

It will get easier...you will still probably feel homesick from time to time but that new baby will help you get thru alot more than you think. Try to stay busy it helps the time pass as well. Call your family from time to time it might help too since they are so far away right now.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

15 Comments

View replies by

Stacey - posted on 02/16/2011

6

10

0

It is definitely rough to deal with and will probably never "go away." All you can do is try your best to get involved with others so that you don't feel lonely as much. I would recommend finding a local church to be a part of and/or looking into Mom & Spouse clubs at your base. Finding other women in your situation can be very helpful for support and encouragement.

Jacque - posted on 02/10/2011

8

4

1

I agree with Shelly Price that missing family/being lonely never completely goes away. We are at our 3rd duty station (Air Force Academy in Colorado) and are, thankfully, within a day's drive of my family here. We were in California before living here, and that was extremely difficult for me as it was the first time I'd ever moved away from any/all family. After about 2 years I finally started adjusting. It helped a lot to find a good church and connect with other AF wives on the base. I can tell you that we made the mistake of having another baby right when we moved, and it only made me more homesick because none of the grandmas & grandpas were there to enjoy my son with me. I eventually called Military One Source and saw a counselor short-term. That was a huge blessing...she helped me with coping techniques and to understand that its normal/ok to feel the way I was feeling. Good luck and blessings on your journey!

Laura - posted on 02/10/2011

0

70

0

Welcome to the military life! I am an Air Force wife myself, have been for the last 15 years. My first duty assignment with my husband took me 3000 miles away from home and in a whole new country, I was scared and felt like you are feeling. Things may seem tough right now~feeling overwhelmed and lonely almost always tend to happen in the beginning, but these feelings will pass. The best thing about military life is that you will get the opportunity to meet some incredible people. Look into the rec center on base and check for some mommy and me playdates that could be offered. It is a great way to get introduced to mom's that may be finding themselves in the same boat. Whatever you are feeling, chances are there is someone else out there feeling the same way! Keep your faith and your head up high! Call home as often as you can. Hang in there, It will get better!

Angela - posted on 02/10/2011

7

12

1

Yes, it will go away! You will stay to meet other wives/moms in the same boat, and some of them will become great friends! Take others' advice on finding meet ups or other social gatherings. It's not always the easiest first step, but you'll be glad you did! I hope you have a good Family Rediness Group (or AF equivalent)...they may provide some great social opportunities for you!! Good luck!

Aubrey - posted on 02/10/2011

17

16

2

We've all experienced what you are feeling at some time or another. My very first duty station with my husband was Overseas less than a year after getting married!! Talk about moving away from friends and family! And we didn't have kids, so it was just me, as he deployed for training back to the States only 2 months after getting to our new station. This is the time to develop who YOU are. Form Connections, find a Mommy Group, or a neighbor you have something in common with. Explore Hobbies.....do you like photography? Art? Scrapbooking? Paper Crafts? Sewing? It was hard for me to step out of my comfort zone, and go do things without my husband, and to try to figure stuff out on my own---and I'm a VERY independent person. But I felt like any trip I took, or joy I had I only wanted to share in with him, because he is my best friend. Once I got past that, and realized I was doing both of us a disservice by being lonely and miserable all the time, because I then took it out on him, our marriage got better, my relationship with my children (once we had them) got better, etc. My husband and I have been together for 17 years, and he's been in the Army for 20. Our first 5 years together, we were only actually together for 2--when you counted up the weeks, and months he was actually home. (we had our first daughter 2 1/2 years after being married)

I hope this helps. Even after all these years I get lonely for my solider, but I try to not focus on that. Rather I try to submerge myself in hobbies I enjoy, making wonderful memories with my girls, and treasuring the time I do have with my husband when it comes around.

Oh...and a good place to look for a mommy and me group (or to start your own) is MeetUp.Com. I had never heard of it until recently, and they have tons of different kinds of groups on there, and you can find them based off your zip code!!! Good Luck!!



(ha ha, I just saw that the lady before me was typing while I was, and mentioned Meet Up too!! ;-) )

Jenette - posted on 02/10/2011

1

6

0

I know how you feel hun!! We moved from my home state (DE) to here SC back in 2006. The whole first year I was so homesick. Sat wondering did I do the right thing? I dropped everything, left everything and everyone I knew for this guy because we were not even married but we had a 3 yr. old daughter together so I felt like it was the right thing to do when he asked me to come with him. I cried almost every day/night and thought about moving back. I knew noone and we had one vehicle at the time so I could not even leave the house when he had to work. As the years went by, I joined a military mom's group and made friends. We joined a church and that helped me meet some more people. I promise it will get easier. My husband is now and FCC so he is gone so much and he is actually leaving next week for stage which is a 2-3 month deployment that he has to do once a year. So, I am thankful for the friends that I have made. You can go to meetup.com and see what groups you have around you that you can join to meet some people. That's how I found my military mom's group. Hope this eases your mind a little bit. You are not alone on this one.

Rebecca - posted on 02/06/2011

18

0

1

Mine hasn't and we have been married for 6 years. We have 4 kids and they keep me busy. My husband is Air Force too. We are in NY, and my family is all in Arkansas. Its tough. I miss him terribly when he is gone. I have to find things to keep me distracted.

Kaitlin - posted on 02/06/2011

96

28

18

I'm also an Air Force wife. And yes it does get a little loney, but having 2 kids and a dog helps. I don't really have any friends here either. I just hang with the kids all day. They're fun. And very entertaining. The wives are mean on this base anyway, so I'd rather hang with my kids. You will get used to it though. Just do some activities to distract yourself. Good luck and welcome to the Air Force fam! haha. :D

Alycia - posted on 02/06/2011

111

6

9

You will get used to it. I'm about to be going through it again. We were originally stationed pretty far from family, but have been assigned to a unit only a couple hours from home for the last 2 years. We are moving across the country very soon and I will be going through it all over again. Try and make other mommy friends (meetup.com) or other local mom activities and it gets easier :)

Amanda - posted on 02/06/2011

44

13

4

I can say that you will start to get used to it after awhile. I'm an Army wife that came from TN to Ft Drum NY so it is a long way from home. I can say it has been difficult being so far away from home because I always had some part of my family close so if I needed help someone was close. Having to come up here and getting used to knowing the fact that the only person I have is my daughter and my husband was a little interesting. But it is a sure way to know of whether or not your husband will be there for you now that its just you guys. Kids do seem to make the time go by faster. But just make sure to keep in contact with your family back home. The feeling of missing home does get a little eaiser but it will never really go away I dont think. I have been away for about 8 months now and I still miss home

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms