Moving from my home in MA to FL with a 10 month old

Carolyn - posted on 02/06/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Im a single mom with a 10 month old and live in mass. My boyfriend ( whom ive been friends with since grade school and had a crush on each other since high school) is in the navy in FL. my son was born in Ga where i lived for 4 years after high school and his father got into drugs and became very abusive WHEN he came home! so i took my son and moved back up here in with my parents. I then ended up reconecting with my boyfriend now and we talked for months and when he came home for xmas we made it offical. He asked me to move there with him (but of course itll be off base) and i want to so bad. He's so good with my son and we both have our family here (his family loves my son too) and i love the south thats where my heart is and more importantly with him. Im just wooried how this may effect my son. He is almost 11 months and im not too sure on when the actually move will take place but im visitin him in march to look at places. It feels right but i dont want to do anything that will hurt my son and my dad use to be in the navy..actually stationed at the sister ship to the one my boyfriend is on (which is where i was born and lived till i was 3 when he moved us back up here) i dont remember really any of that time; So i dont really know what to expect but i know he works all the time and they seem to not have anything together with when and how long they will ship them out or things like that. Any adivce and what should i expect?? (oh there is one other thing...he was married and has been separated for a year and is just now going through the divorce (he has no kids). HELP

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[deleted account]

Well, it is good you know why the divorce happened.
It sounds like you are skeptical about him living with a baby. He should really try talking to a new dad or someone about how different it is. When I had my first most of my friends didn't understand. It isn't as easy to find a babysitter or work with an infant's schedule as some people think.

[deleted account]

I think you have a lot to consider. Military life is hard on families and especially marriages. Do you know why he and his soon to be ex are divorcing? Was it something that he or she did on deployment? I'm not saying he is a bad guy, but I always tell my friends, "if he is divorced or getting divorced, you really need to find out why!" If it happened once, it may happen again. Finding out what caused it may help you fix a potential issue in your marriage with him before it starts.
Second, the move will be a lot easier if you are already married. The military will pack you up, pay for your drive or fly there, and move all your stuff in for you. Not to mention re-assembling things like the crib or your bed. I always make them do that for me before they leave. They don't offer to do it for you, but it is part of their job so if you ask they will do it. Also if you are married first, you will know that he is fully committed to you and your son before you make the difficult move there.

[deleted account]

WOAH!  you do have a lot on your plate.  Ok, as a Navy brat you know that moving around won't really affect your son a whole lot at this age...he won't remember living in MA or GA.  As long as he has you and his favorite things he will be okay.  Has your bf proposed?  Has he said this is going to be premanent?  Or is he just expecting you to move in and that's it?  There are a lot of in and out of port things when they are doing work ups or military games, etc.  So he may be in and out a lot.  Do you have anyone but your BF in the town you are moving to?  I think your trip in March will answer a lot of your questions for you in your heart.

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Carolyn - posted on 02/08/2009

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Well they were together for 3 years got married and he found out she was cheating on him and they separeted a week after. i talk to her already and she has a bf but still loves him and its been a lot of drama but it ended with her agreein to do her part to get the divorce and he swears he only wants me. like i said we've alwyas lked eachother back in highschool but it was never the right time i guess ud say. Theres no purposal and im not really ready for marriage yet but i am ready for the move in...i believe you should live with someone for awhile so you know them inside and out before you marry them. i lived with someone b4 1 had my son and he purpose but i realized after livin with him he wasnt what i wanted he was great but we just werent compatible living with eachother. ya know? i keep wondering what will happen if it doesnt work out...but i was born there and i know someone who lives there and a couple other ppl who live in fl other places and its only 6 hrs from where i lived in ga. but i dunno if thats good enough. i just hope he's fully aware of what it is like having a baby in the house he says he is but oyu never know. he plans on it bein perment so i dunno....

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